Chapter 2

"I'm sure you would. This is a lot of fun for you but not so much for me. So far, the only climax I've had I could have given myself. Somehow I expected more."

"Shit Roz, what did you expect? Look at you! You're gorgeous. Any guy would cum in his pants just looking at you. I'm sorry and I'll try harder next time to make sure you get some pleasure first. OK?"

"Sure. Whatever. But I can't get away tomorrow so you'll have to call me the next time you come through. Give me some warning next time and maybe we can have more time."

With that, Roz gathered up her purse and took one more look around before heading out the door. Ted held the door for her and watched as she walked to the elevator. She heard the door close as she waited. Just before the elevator arrived, a young woman walked down the hall heading for the elevators. Roz noticed her and thought that she looked familiar somehow but couldn't place her. She nodded hello just as the elevator doors opened. She stopped in but the woman remained in the hall. As Roz looked in puzzlement at her, she pointed up indicating that she was waiting for an up elevator. Roz understood and pushed the lobby button. As the doors closed, she saw the woman writing something in a small notebook. The doors closed and Roz headed home.

As she prepared dinner that same evening, she thought again about that afternoon as she reached for that same feeling that she had in Chicago, but it refused to come. All she had was a feeling of frustration from Ted's inadequate lovemaking and a growing feeling of guilt. Neither gave her that glow of guilty pleasure she had before from her secret life. That added to her frustration and for the first time, she wondered if what she had felt in Chicago was simple guilt. She remembered that fleeting voice asking her how she could cheat on Reese. Could it be possible that guilt was that elusive thing she was missing in her perfect life? How absurd that thought was. It was Ted's fault from his failure to satisfy her that afternoon. She still had her secret from Reese and everyone else.

After dinner, she felt the frustration of that afternoon working on her and she determined that she would have Reese make love to her. He knew how to please her and she always felt relaxed and at peace after they made love. She needed him tonight. As the girls said their goodnights and headed up to bed, she moved quickly to the family room where Reese was watching TV.

She sat down beside him on his big leather couch and rested her head on his shoulder. She rubbed the arm that was between them for a while as she settled against him and then casually moved her hand down to his thigh. She felt him tense but continued to move her hand over his leg and then between them to his crotch. As she started to squeeze his soft cock, he reached for her hand and moved it away.

In shock, Roz watched Reese rise from the couch and, without another word, move away from her and into his den. She heard the door close and the lock click closed. She couldn't move for the longest time until finally, she dropped her head to her hands and began to cry. The tears flooded out and she cried for what seemed like hours. She felt lost, alone and suddenly afraid. What was wrong with Reese? He couldn't know anything about her and Ted since nobody else had a clue. She had been very secret, not even telling Sabrina. Reese couldn't know. She convinced herself that he was going through something at work and she finally calmed enough to get to bed. She slept alone again that night, Reese staying in the den.

The following evening, before dinner, Roz cornered Reese in the kitchen and asked him outright what was wrong. He didn't answer at first as he looked away from her but finally said that he was dealing with a serious problem at work and it was getting to him,

"You don't need to continue working there Reese. You can quit anytime. The remaining share options aren't that important to us and even if the company tanked, it wouldn't make a difference. You have to walk away from there. It's not fair to me and the girls."

Reese just stared at her for a minute, seeming like he was going to respond in anger to what she had just said, but he finally seemed to sag.

"You're right. Maybe I'll finish this last assignment and resign. Phil can take over anytime."

"That's wonderful honey. I can't wait till you're finished with that place. We can do more things together, maybe travel a little and help the girls decide on colleges. It can be like it used to be."

Reese didn't respond, simply smiling before he again walked away into his den. But, with their communicating again, Roz felt more relaxed and less concerned. Business, that's all it was. She was safe and her secret was safe. Wasn't she? He couldn't know, right? Why did she still feel a little twinge of doubt. Their life continued unchanged for the next three weeks. Again, Reese was traveling and when Roz asked him why, he told her it had to do with the client he was working with whose offices were in Chicago. That's where he had been going. She hadn't known. She thought briefly of his call to her that night in Chicago. It was from his cell phone so she actually didn't know where he was calling from. She dismissed that immediately as a stupid thought. He wasn't there! He was home!

Tuesday morning of the fourth week after meeting Ted, he called. He was in town for that day only and he wanted her to meet him at the same place by 3:00. He had a 5:30 flight and they would have at least an hour. He wasn't scheduled in Springfield again for the next four months and he didn't think he could wait. Roz hesitated but agreed to drive in to meet him. This was even more of a thrill than planning it in advance. She hung up feeling more alive than she had for a last few weeks.

That afternoon with Ted was the last straw. He had been so anxious to get in her pants that he didn't even take the time to try to convince her to give him another blowjob, he just wanted her to take her clothes off and lay back on the bed so he could mount her. While she was willing to let him have his way with her, she felt she could at least get some enjoyment out of it, but Ted saw it differently. He just climbed on, put his cock in her and pumped away until he came. It took him less than four minutes and Roz never even got close to an orgasm. When he was finished, he jumped up, grabbed his pants and started to get dressed. When Roz complained, he told her he had booked an earlier flight and he had to leave for the airport in fifteen minutes. He had no more time to spend with her and he was so, so sorry. Bull shit! She was furious with him but he was ready to leave. She saw he was already packed and it dawned on her that he just wanted to get laid and leave. She was just a quick fuck to him today.

As she lay there, naked and fuming, Ted walked back into the room, grabbed his suitcase and turned to the door.

"You can let yourself out whenever you're ready. I'll leave the keycard on the desk so you can take a shower or whatever. I'll call you when I can get back. Maybe I can make a trip through even if I don't have business. You're certainly worth a trip back to Springfield. Take care, and I'll see you."

With that, Ted left the room and that was that. Roz lay there, trying to determine what had gone wrong with her life. She now realized that the secret she was so gleefully hiding was just a cheap fuck with a man who treated her like the whore she had become. He couldn't even take the time to kiss her hello! He just wanted her to hurry up and get naked so he could masturbate using her body.

Nothing he did was worth the humiliation she now felt. He wasn't even a good lover and he certainly didn't care about her or her feelings. But what did she expect? There was no love, no affection, no consideration from two people that loved each other. She began to cry, but the tears were simply self pity. She finally got up, dressed and cleaned herself up before leaving the room.

As she walked to the elevator, she looked around, fully expecting to see the young lady that she had seen the last time and she believed now, in Chicago. But, there was no woman. Just a man waiting for the elevator, staring at the floor indicator and probably thinking about his next destination. He never looked at her, even as she stood beside him, waiting.

She left the hotel and drove home, feeling more depressed than ever. This affair with Ted had to end. She would tell him the next time he called. She would meet him and end it in person. That she owed him. This was a foolish thing she had done and it certainly accomplished nothing. She had begun to realize that what she was missing in her marriage was something inside her, not something she could find in other places or with other men. She needed help to find out what was bothering her and she had to seek out that help before she ruined her life and the life of her children and her husband. She made the decision to begin that process tomorrow.

Without anyone knowing what she was doing, Roz made an appointment with a woman psychologist she knew. She went to her first visit the following Friday and decided to lay it all out for her. She wanted to find out what was wrong and she decided that she had to be brutally honest, so she described her feelings, the first meeting in Chicago and the next two meetings here in Springfield. She was honest about how she felt and her lack of satisfaction. She also mentioned Reese's indifference lately. She talked for almost forty minutes and felt exhausted and empty when she finished.

Since it was late the psychologist, Mrs. Fenton, asked her to come back the following Monday. She said she wanted to do some tests and ask more questions but she thought she had some ideas already. Roz left feeling hopeful but reserved. Her life was in a mess now and she was going to need more than ideas to make things right. She had to start with her home life. And getting rid of Ted.

As if on cue, her cell phone rang. It was Ted! He was going to be in town Monday morning and wanted to see her. He had no meetings planned so they could take their time and he would make things up to her after the last time. She accepted, but only to end it. She didn't tell Ted this, but only agreed to meet him. She hung up with a satisfied sigh. This was the perfect way to begin.

The weekend with Reese and the girls was quiet and Reese was still withdrawn and out of sorts. She tried several times to engage him in conversation but he avoided her. At night, she waited but he never came upstairs to their bedroom so she was left alone and wondering. She tried to keep things light and open and herself available but nothing changed. She rode it out, hoping that next week would see some changes in her and hopefully in Reese.

That Monday, Roz met Ted at the hotel just as planned. She was sure he was not going to like what she had to say but it was over. She couldn't do this anymore and he had to accept it. He had to know how she felt since the last time was a disaster. Not only did she not have a climax, he had not even been able to make her wet. He had to get the K-Y to even get it in, and the fucking itself was pathetic. It was his fault, she knew, but the guilt and the resulting pain was so intense that she was unable to become aroused. Ted would just have to accept it and move on.

Roz knocked on the door and waited. Ted opened it with a smile and beckoned her inside. He closed the door behind her and she felt his hands on her shoulders.

"Ted, please stop. I just came here today to tell you that it is over. We are through and I won't meet you again. I hope you understand and accept it. Alright?"

"What do you mean it's over? You're here so let's get it on. I'm ready to play and you are my plaything. Let's rock and roll!"

"No. Ted, I'm serious. We're through and that's it. I wanted to tell you face to face so there's no misunderstanding. No more."

"But why? Nothing has changed for me. I thought you liked it and wanted more. What's happened?"

"Nothing happened. I just don't want to do this anymore. It's wrong and I'm sick to death of it. I have to live with it now and that's going to be hard. I just want it done with."

"Why don't you come over here and let me make you feel good. You know you like what I do for you. Right?"

"Please, Ted. This has been fun all right: fun for you. It's been a real downer for me. I haven't cum once with you except when you used your hand. The last time, you couldn't even make me wet. Remember?"

"That's bull! Come here. Let me show you."

"Stop it Ted. That's it. I'm leaving now and I don't want to see or hear from you again. Talk to Sabrina the next time you need to stop in. Goodbye."

Roz turned and walked out the door without another word. Ted yelled something as she left but she didn't hear him and didn't care anyway. This disgusting part of her life was over and not a minute too soon.

She walked down the single flight of stairs to her car. As she exited the back door of the hotel, she almost ran into a woman just entering. Roz glanced at her without recognition but her thoughts were elsewhere and she quickly dismissed her. She sat in her car for some time, trying to decide where she was going with her life. Her initial excitement with Ted was long gone and that elusive something missing was apparently still missing. Hopefully, Mrs. Fenton would tell her how to begin to make things right. With a sigh, she drove home, not noticing the car that followed her all the way.

Her meeting that afternoon with Mrs. Fenton, or June as she was instructed to call her was not very productive. June wanted to ask a lot of questions and she hardly referred to the things that Roz had told her last week. Each time Roz mentioned something, June listened but told her not to be too anxious. They would deal with things in their time. Roz finally settled back in defeat and answered the questions that June asked. She saw little sense to most of them but June appeared to be quiet happy.

As their session came to an end, June wrote her a prescription for an antidepressant and told her to begin taking them that evening with dinner. She explained quickly that Roz was clinically depressed and had been for some time. These pills should help make things a little easier and give them time to work on correcting the underlying causes. Roz promised to begin right away and they made an appointment to meet twice a week, beginning that Wednesday. Roz left feeling somewhat more hopeful and stopped to fill the prescription. The pills were called Zoloft and June told her that they had few side effects and not to worry.

Over the next few weeks, she took her pills, went to her sessions and she stayed home in the evenings and spent as much time with Jacey and Jada as she could. Sabrina had the business under control and she told Roz to spend the time with her family. As she did, she noticed something gradually growing in her. It was the love for her daughters and their joy in everything they said and did. She had forgotten all of that for a time and found herself beginning to see that again. She began to notice what they were doing and who they were seeing and where they were going and she watched as they took it all in stride and enjoyed it all. She found herself enjoying it with them. It was all so simple. Just live and enjoy what you had. She found that she was less and less unhappy and woke one morning surprised to find that empty place she had been trying to fill, mostly full. Only her relationship with Reese was a problem and that was the last missing piece.

She waited one evening after the girls had gone to their rooms for the night before walking into his den. He had been spending almost all of his time in the evenings in there. As she walked in, she saw him dozing in his chair, the TV on low and tuned to a sports channel. She walked over to the chair across from him that she often used, sat and just watched him. She took in his hair, noticing more gray than she had in the past. She looked at the face she had lived with for over seventeen years and was surprised to find some fine lines: new and somehow attractive. She saw that he had lost some of his belly recently and wondered how. She saw the man that she loved and wondered again why she had forgotten that. He was enough for her: more than enough. He made love to her, he did for her, he was always there for her and he was all that she could ask for. He was enough. Why had it taken her so long to realize that.

Without waking him, she left the room and went to their bedroom. She realized that they hadn't made love since the Sunday night before she went to the seminar. That had been over five weeks now. She tried to remember the last time either had suggested it and found to her surprise that Reese hadn't since that night. She had tried on several occasions but Reese had found some excuse. Why had she not noticed that before this? Why had Reese not come to her? Why had he not wanted to make love to her? She had no answers and that scared her. Scared her to death. She undressed slowly and crawled under the covers. She began to cry to herself as she remembered again what she had done. As she slowly calmed down, she began to drift off to sleep. The last thought she remembered was: "What if he knew?"

As things continued without change, she tried to find the passion and love that she used to feel and tried to rebuild their love life. The problem was that every time she prepared to make the suggestion to Reese, she felt the guilt and deceit sour her intention leaving her unable to make the overture. As a result, she remained unavailable to Reese, in part because he never initiated it himself. She wondered what was going to happen to them if things continued this way. So many nights she cried herself to sleep knowing that Reese was still downstairs in his den, avoiding her.

Time passed and things remained the same. She was making little progress with her sessions and she had stopped taking the pills since they made her so very tired. One good thing was that she and the girls had completely returned to their previous relationship and she found herself more and more comfortable with them. They were again mother and daughters and they shared most things. If only she could find the key to her life with Reese.

Roz had been working at the kitchen table on a new menu for an upcoming catering job when Reese came in to get a beer. He had been working in the den for the past hour. Roz thought he seemed tired and distracted recently, but that was nothing new. As VP of Hadley Controls, his job often carried an extra burden when the customer needed the compliance work done quickly in order to gain a permit.

"You look tired honey. Why don't you give it a rest tonight and work on it with a fresh eye tomorrow? I can fix you a snack and we can take it out on the deck. I think the girls are out of the pool so it would just be you and I and a bunch of munchies. How about it?"

"I know Roz, but I have to get this damn thing done so that Harrison and crew can take the plan up to Chicago next week. If I don't do it now, it won't get done. Phil is on vacation for the rest of the week to attend his daughter's wedding so its me or nobody."

Roz just shook her head in frustration but tried to give it another shot. "Still, an hour off won't make or break the deal. Come on out on the deck and bring your beer with you."

Reese looked for a minute as though he might take her up on her offer, but instead just grimaced and shook his head no. He took his beer and walked back to the den, leaving her to return to her menu. Not surprised, she watched him go. He had been avoiding her more and more lately. She was unsure of herself so she hadn't made it a point to talk to him. She decided to let it go and wait till he seemed ready to talk.

For his part, Reese wanted to take the time with her and have the confrontation he knew had to be, but this job was too important to let slide. He knew that he was avoiding the inevitable but he just didn't have the will to do it now. How long he could let it go was the question. It had been over three months now. It had to be dealt with soon or it was going to eat him alive. For the hundredth time, he decided to postpone it until this job was finished. He had done everything that needed to be done and everything was in place so all he had to do was sign the papers. Then he would do it, for sure.

Roz on the other hand, couldn't figure out the recent coldness in Reese. He had been this way now since she had returned from the seminar in Chicago, and she had no idea of what could be bothering him. She ignored the timing, convincing herself that she was doing all the right things. She was spending more time at home and she hadn't worked any evenings at all. She had tried everything she could think of to get him to talk to her, but this was usually the result. She wouldn't face the possibility that he knew about her. How could he live with her if he knew? She knew that he wouldn't accept what she had done. He couldn't.

They had that conversation so many times in the past and both had agreed that infidelity wasn't something that either could accept. Again she asked herself, how then had she done it? She couldn't even begin to understand what she had been going through at the time, only that it seemed important that she find something to fill her up. June, her therapist, seemed to be avoiding that question, saying it was too soon to find those answers.

Nothing changed for the next three weeks until one night Reese came home from work with a new attitude. She could tell immediately that something had changed and she was convinced that it was something that would break this impasse between them. She wondered at it all through dinner and later until finally after the girls had gone to bed, she could stand it no more. She followed him into the family room and sat down across from him.

"All right Reese. What's going on? I know something's different but I don't know what."

Reese looked at her, face calm and a slight smile on his face. She noticed that the smile didn't reach his eyes. She felt a shiver of fear but brushed it aside. He was happy so it meant good news.

"Well, several things, Roz. First, I finished the job and all compliance requirements were met on time and to the satisfaction of the client. That was the last major project in my schedule so I turned every thing over to Phil last week and I resigned, effective today."

"Reese! You resigned? Finally? I am so happy that you finally did it. You must feel wonderful. Congratulations honey."

"Thanks. I do feel great. And it has been some time coming. I was the last of the big four to resign. Don't know why it took so long. But now it's done."

"What else? You said there were several things." Roz was beginning to relax a little, since apparently this was going to be good news. She began to smile.

"Well, this one is something that I have been putting off for a while, but now it's time. Tomorrow, you'll be served with divorce papers. I signed them today and copies have been filed with the court. You will find yourself well taken care of, but the terms will not necessarily make you happy."

The shock was so great that she was unable to even blink for several seconds. She felt the blood rush to her head and the roaring in her ears was so loud she missed all of what he said after "divorce papers." She felt sick to her stomach and her heart was pounding so loud Reese had to hear it. She tried to focus on his face but her eyes were unable to see. She was having trouble breathing and her breath was coming in short gasps. She finally heard a sound, like a high pitched keening coming from somewhere before realizing it came from her.