Chapter 7: The Cuckold's Concert - May, 1996

When I sing, I feel like when you're first in love. It's more than sex. It's that point two people can get to they call love, when you really touch someone for the first time, but it's gigantic, multiplied by the whole audience. I feel chills.
Janis Joplin

PART 1. THE CRISES

Robyn had agreed to meet Courtney for lunch. She was glad to have this time with her old childhood friend, although she suspected correctly the topic of conversation —Darryl. Courtney was obviously in distress. "Robyn, thanks for coming today. We have so much to talk about. "

"Yes, like how to solve this impasse between you and Darryl, before my two favorite people in the world do something stupid like split up over some dumb disagreement about concert tours."

"It won't come to that, Robyn; we both love each other very much. Look at what we've been through to get back together. I think it's just going to take Darryl time to really understand my music and what it means to me. I'm sure when he does, he'll support me and not try to get me to give it up."

"So right now, you feel like Darryl is trying to get you to give up part of your musical life for him and not really supporting you?"

"Well yes, I mean I don't think he thinks of it that way, but when he asks me to change for the sake of our relationship, he's really asking me to give up the concert tour, and I can't do that. I think when he gets used to things, he will realize that is not realistic, and he won't expect it. I just think he had a hard time fitting in this first year."

"Courtney, be careful. Darryl is not your typical guy. I don't think he would be this upset over just being the new kid on the block. I think you're taking this far too lightly. I know Darryl loves you very much, but if he doesn't believe in the relationship, he will leave."

"Why would he? I've already told him that if he doesn't want to go on tour, he doesn't have to. We'd still be together about half the year. That's gotta be a lot better than nothing."

"To most guys, probably, but for Darryl, probably not. I'd just don't think he wants a partial relationship. I think this time, for him, it's all or nothing."

"I'm just not sure if I can offer that much, Robyn."

"Can offer or should that be 'willing to offer'? I see the things Darryl sacrificed, his home, his career, his friend; in fact, he pretty much just dropped his life to come here and be with you. I don't see what you have sacrificed. You're living in the same place, with the same friends, doing exactly the same things on exactly the same schedule. The only difference in your life with Darryl or without Darryl is whether or not you're sleeping alone."

"That's not true; that's just not a fair thing to say at all."

"Isn't it?"

"Oh my God, Robyn, I hadn't looked at it that way, but you're right; you're absolutely right. What can I do?"

"I'm not sure, but I think I would talk to Darryl and make sure I knew what it is he wants."

"We've talked a lot, Robyn, but I'm not sure we really understand each other. I know that I learned some things in the last few minutes that I did not know. Please, Robyn, will you talk to him? I think it might really help."

"Okay, Courtney, you know I'll give it my best."

Robyn went immediately to look for Darryl and found him where she thought she might, down by the lake where he used to go even as a child when he wanted to think. She sat down beside him and waited for him to acknowledge her. "Oh, hello, Robyn, looking for me I suppose, business or social call?"

Robyn smiled, "With you two there really isn't much difference anymore, is there? But you are right; I do want talk to you about Courtney; she even asked me to. But I will only do it if you both are comfortable, and I'm not butting into your business."

"Right now, we could probably stand some butting in; I don't think we're doing a very good job understanding each other."

"All right, Darryl, let's start with what would you really like in the way of a relationship."

"What I'd like is very simple; it's not a very original idea. I'd like to marry the woman I love and have a family. That's it. The irony is most guys I know have women who are dying to do just that, live in a beautiful mansion like this. But I have one who's just too damn busy."

"And Darryl, what about her career, would you expect her to give it up completely or just hire a nanny, or what?"

"Well, of course, I wouldn't expect her to give it up. She's a huge star, and music is her life. But I'm also not interested in a wife or mother who's gone over half the year. So she would have to be willing to significantly cut back on the length of her concert tour, and so far, she's shown no sign of being prepared to make any sacrifice."

"Are these eventual plans or immediate goals?"

"Well, I understand she'd have to complete the next tour, since the contracts are already signed, but after that, I would want a dramatic change. As you know, Robyn, we're all approaching 30; if we want to have a family, now's the time to do it.

"Now, Darryl, I'm going to ask you the big question, and you don't have to answer. If you can't get what you want, and the best you can get is Courtney half the year and on tour the other half, can you or will you live with that?"

"Well, Robyn, welcome to my insomnia; that's THE question. I don't really want to live with half of Courtney's life; it was barely acceptable in high school, and it would be much worse now. I could never marry her that way, and we can never have children that way. So I actually hope I would have the courage to say that this is not what I want for either of us and walk away. Whether I can actually do that, turn my back on the one love of my life, lose her again; I don't know. I just hope Courtney can find a way to meet me part way, so I don't have to make that decision."

It was a badly-shaken Robyn who met with Jaclyn and Karl to report on what she found.

"They're talking, but unfortunately, I don't think Courtney's listening. What Darryl wants is marriage and family, and wife and mommy on the road for six or more months out of the year isn't part of that package. What Courtney's offered is essentially nothing. In other words, she's not offering to change anything, but if Darryl hates the concert tour, he can sit it out. She was surprised when I pointed out that the only effect Darryl's had on her life was to give her a sleeping buddy. While he had essentially dumped his entire life and career on a moment's notice to come be with her. She was surprised, but she still didn't offer to change anything. If nothing changes, Courtney's convinced Darryl will stick it out anyway. And I think what she's going to do is stick Band-Aids on and figure on him sticking around anyway"

"Darryl is hoping Courtney will come up with a significant compromise in the length of the concert tour. If she offers it, he will probably propose marriage immediately. If she continues to be completely inflexible, he hopes, I repeat he hopes, he will have the courage to leave. To just tell her that half a relationship is just not what he's looking for. Now here's the really bad news. I've known Darryl all my life. He's my cousin. I've spent a lot more time with him than Courtney has. When he makes up his mind, there is no turning back. I kept getting the feeling from Courtney that if this went badly, she thought she could always give in at it the last minute. I tried to tell her she wasn't taking this seriously enough. If Darryl decides to leave, he'll leave; his heart will be breaking, but he'll leave, and he will not look back and not come back. So I think Courtney is playing with fire and doesn't know it. If she doesn't learn to compromise in the next few weeks, I'm willing to bet that Darryl will leave, and this time it will be for good.

PART 2. COURTNEY'S SACRIFICE

The stalemate ended quite unexpectedly about three weeks later. One morning Courtney showed up in Jaclyn's office. She sat down on the sofa next to the desk. "OK, Jaclyn, take me through this once again; how much does it hurt my career to cut back my tour to six or eight weeks?"

"At this point in your career, with a good choice of venues, probably not at all."

"How about revenues?"

"Some tour revenue lost obviously, but if the time is spent writing and recording, probably you'll make more."

"What about the people we employ on the tour; what about their jobs?"

"First, given the quality of the people we use, I'm sure they would all have no trouble filling in that time, but I've been thinking of signing some more talent on to our record label, and we could use our crew to put them on the road. I've been planning to get together with you soon about a plan to do that anyway."

"Jaclyn, let's cut to it; what is the downside on cutting back on my touring?"

"Courtney, speaking as a business manager, absolutely none. Speaking as your friend, none, except to your head. Can you give it up? Upside, it'll save your relationship with Darryl. It's your call, but Courtney, if there is anyway you can give it up, I think you'd better consider it.

The office was completely silent for several minutes. Then, when Courtney looked up at Jaclyn; there were tears in her eyes. "OK, Jaclyn, go ahead; shut it down. After this season, I'm only touring six weeks a year. You can go ahead and get the word out."

"You're sure?"

There were tears running down her cheeks now. "Do it. I don't really have a choice. It's just about the hardest thing I've ever done. The only thing harder would be to imagine losing Darryl again. There is one other thing I'd like you to set up for me though. Can you get Norm Stapleton in here this morning?"

Courtney came up behind Darryl later that day and threw her arms around his neck and kissed him lightly on the cheek. "Darryl, please go see Jaclyn; she has a surprise for you from me and a request from me to you. She's expecting you."

Somewhat mystified, Darryl did as requested and went to Jaclyn's office. "Jaclyn, Courtney said you wanted to see me."

"Yes, Darryl, thank you for coming by so promptly. I believe you already know Norm Stapleton, our road manager?" she said, indicating a husky gentleman seated beside her desk.

"Oh yes, how are you, Norm? I believe you've been in charge of all of Courtney's road concerts since she began."

"Norm is here finalizing plans for the Rwanda Relief Aid Concert in Indianapolis, next Friday, which I want to discuss with you in a moment," said Jacqueline, "but first I wanted to tell you that Courtney just told us she has decided that after this upcoming tour, which is already under contract, she wants to reduce her annual touring to between six and eight weeks a year. I believe this is what you were hoping for. Many of us have been silently rooting for you, believing it would be best for her future happiness. Congratulations, and I trust you will justify the faith we are showing in you. I want you to know that this was an extremely difficult decision for Courtney, which, I believe, is why she left it up to me to tell you.

"Thank you. This is indeed unexpected good news! I'm not surprised she left it to you to inform me. I know this was very tough for her. I believe I understand something about her giving up that very exciting experience of live concert."

"No, Darryl, I'm not sure you do; I'm not sure I even do. But at least in your case, you may get some enlightenment. Courtney was asking Norm and me if it would be possible to get you on the stage for one concert, so you can get a little taste of what it's like. She thinks it's very important that you share this experience with her, so that you can better understand this part of her life. If nothing else, it's possible that it will make next year's tour more bearable for you. Anyway, Norm thinks he can accommodate Courtney's wishes, provided that you are willing to go along. Norm, can you fill him in?"

"Hi, Darryl," boomed the stocky road manager. "A road manager gets a lot of odd requests, goes with the territory, but this one was a bit unique. Courtney wants me to hide you on the stage as close as possible to where she'll be singing, so you can sample the concert experience first hand. Well, we got a couple of things going for us on this one. First the Market Square Arena in Indianapolis is a good venue for this; it's a big ol' cave of an arena that sort of swallows up that backstage in the dark. Another break is it's a charity concert, and we have Mariah Carey and the Dave Matthews Band appearing on the same stage before us. The Dave Matthews band has five pieces and requires a larger monitor mixer, that is, more of those guys you always see sitting up there at those sound boards moving little levers around. Well, what they're doing is adjusting the sound levels between the various instruments, and the reason they're right up there on the stage is because you'll sometimes see the performers actually turn around and speak to them during the show if they want change the levels. So, Darryl, we're gonna make you a sound man for the night; you'll be A-4, that is audio #4, and you'll be sitting at the mixer closest to Courtney. It'll be all lit up, and you'll be busily adjusting those little levers, only of course, your mixer won't be hooked up to anything. "

Darryl turned to Jaclyn "You want me to get pictures from there, too?"

"Oh no, you absolutely will not be the photographer at this concert, Darryl. Johnny will take this one. Also, as much as possible, I don't want anybody to know that you are Courtney's boyfriend.

"Damn straight, Darryl," said the road manager, "I guess sneaking someone in like this isn't exactly against the law, but it sure as hell violates the customs and practice of theater and creates a bad precedent. I only agreed to go along with this stunt because of my personal affection and regard for Courtney, and with the understanding that you will be undercover as part of the technical road crew. I mean obviously, the other electricians will know, and the union shop steward has to know, and few people like that, but otherwise, I want you to eat, sleep and drink with the roadies. Since it's a single night event, that won't carve too big a hunk out of your life.

"That's OK, Norm, sounds interesting; you mind if I use it for gathering background for a possible feature story next year on roadies?"

"Hell no, one thing roadies like is publicity and their picture in a magazine; they always figure they're the real stars of the show anyway. OK Darryl, here's what I'll need you to do. Take this card with the cell number for Jake Corson; he's my A1, that's head audio man. Set up a time with him to get checked out on a mixer, at least enough to look good and not electrocute yourself. Now there's another card to get up with Mabel, she's Stitch Bitch, excuse me, wardrobe director, so we can make you look like a proper mixer, and preferably not like Darryl Sanders, singer's boyfriend. Don't worry; we're not talking about a disguise like one of those eyeglasses with a fake mustache or anything. Mabel will fix you up with some clear lens eye glasses and some standard dark, on-stage clothing, cut full to add extra weight. And get a haircut at the last minute, some style you haven't worn, and the odds are no one will recognize you, mainly because they won't be looking for you."

"And if someone should recognize me?"

"Not really a problem," interjected Jaclyn, "I've got a friend on one of the trade rags who will vouch that he was commissioning Darryl to do a feature article on roadies.

"OK, Darryl, here's the information you need, including when the buses will depart. It's a bit of a haul to Indianapolis, but the guys are usually good company. I think you'll find the experience, how shall I say it, eye-opening. For many performers, touring can be very addictive experience. It gives them a rush, like a drug that they can't do without. I have worked for some very old bands with members in their sixties, all millionaires, whose wives have long ago divorced them, estranged from family and friends because they just keep touring and touring, until finally, they can't find any venues that will sign them. That's why I am pleased and surprised that Courtney has given up such a powerful tour schedule for a personal life instead. More power to her. If nothing else, this experience will let you know exactly what she did give up for the sake of your future together. See you on the bus. I'm afraid the rooms will not be quite as nice as the ones you shared with Courtney, but the union sees that they're not too bad. Speaking of which, one last card for your local union shop steward; we're gonna sign you up. Having you as a union member will prevent a great many headaches.

The next morning, Darryl and Courtney lay in bed watching dawn over the lake. They always rose early to enjoy this special private time together. It was their time to talk about personal things, to express their love, their hope, their fears. It was often a time to make love. But it was always their time.

Darryl took her hands and looked at her. "Courtney, are you sure about your decision? Can you give up so much of your tour, and not miss it or resent me for causing you to sacrifice too much?"

Courtney hesitated a long time before answering. "Yes, I'm sure I want you, and I'm sure I will do whatever I have to, to make our relationship work." She paused and looked away from him, and then in a quieter voice continued, "I'm sure I will adjust to the shorter tour schedule."