Chapter 22: You Promised to Marry Me

"And something else, Darryl Sanders, I'm going to marry you someday."

Courtney Archer age 8

Grindelwald, in the Bernese Oberland, Switzerland, Sunday, July 1

"Yes I've made a decision. It's the hardest damn thing I've ever done in my life... even harder because this is when someone gets hurt. But I don't think I can put this off any longer."

His eyes showed his guilt and pain, as well as a few tears. He was still reluctant to speak. Everyone else was keyed up to hear what was coming. His next few words were going to mean the realization of dreams for one and the end of hope for another.

Suddenly Azalea reached across and pressed her fingers across his lips. "Stop, Darryl! Don't say a word. I need to speak first. This is not going to be easy for me, so I ask that no one speaks until I'm done. Please!"

So intense was her plea that everyone just nodded mutely. She turned first to Darryl.

"Darling Darryl, I love you, and I love being loved by you. You have shown me what love between a man and a woman means, or at least what it should be. You even let me have a little taste of making love, and I finally understand what the all the fuss is about. It was all so wonderful that I know giving you up will be painful, even after these few weeks. But this morning, I finally realized something that I should have known all along. You have been agonizing over nothing. There isn't now, nor was there ever any choice to be made by either of us. That choice was made long ago."

Gasps and muttered protests interrupted, and Darryl started to rise from his seat. Azalea stopped the disturbance with her intense stare.

"What you are debating is something that is no longer yours to give nor mine to accept. You gave your heart to Courtney so long ago that you probably don't remember when. But you did, and now you are not quite complete without her, and she needs you just as much. Without you, part of her soul is gone. She lost her ability to write her songs. You and Courtney started a journey together many years ago, and although at times you both have temporarily lost the way, it's a journey that continues. You must see it through to its conclusion."

"When we first met, I took everything at face value; I assumed you had been callously discarded by some rich bitch of a celebrity. I saw a sensitive, hurting man, and my natural nurturing instincts and an irresistible attraction made me fall in love. It might have been better to have gone a bit slower, or at least waited until you showed some signs of interest. But you were my first love, and it's not like they give classes. You didn't lead me on, and I tried to keep control, but soon I was madly in love with you. When my brother came to persuade you to abandon the expedition, and you went on, I knew the likely outcome, but I had no choice but to come with you. I called it 'duty', but it was really not being able to bear the thought of being away from you. I would have gone with you through the gates of hell, so in love was I."

"I had no idea," whispered Darryl, despite her injunction of silence.

"Of course you had no idea. You were a typically clueless male, and I was such a reserved woman, you might have never known. But as we worked together, I realized that you were developing some feelings towards me. It was almost unbearable in the cave to be so close and yet not to be able to touch you or express my feelings. Why did you have to be such a perfect gentleman? Why did I have to be so shy? I lay awake every night listening to your breathing, hoping you would come to me."

"Only on the night that Cheryl came to 'keep you from exploding' did I get to finally touch you and be touched by you. And even though Cheryl got even more intimate with you than I, I fondled your male organ and felt your lips on my breasts. The contact burned into my flesh like fire and made me hunger for more. And that night also let me know you were as hungry for me as I was for you."

"It finally took a firing squad to get us to actually admit our love out loud. But I would have almost volunteered for execution just to hear you swear your undying love for me. I should hate you Darryl Sanders for making a promise to me that you could never keep."

Darryl visibly recoiled from the bitter venom in her voice, but just as quickly, it softened again.

"And I would hate you if I weren't sure that at the moment you said it, you meant it as a promise you could and would keep. And that's how I took it then. When we were saved from certain death, I was ecstatic with love. I knew I had my soul mate for life. My joy lasted until the moment the AK47 round hit Nura. Then all my priorities changed. Saving her became the most important thing in my life. It didn't take me long to realize that Nura's only real source of help was through Courtney. Her wealth and influence could get Nura the best medical care in the world."

"It was then that I dishonored myself. Assuming Courtney to be a spoiled bitch used to buying and bribing to get her way through life, I offered to give her what she most wanted, you, Darryl, in return for what I most wanted, Nura's recovery."

A stunned and embarrassed silence greeted this announcement.

"I'm sorry, Darryl, You had just professed your love, and I was ready to trade it away. It is probably the most shameful act of my life, even though it was a good cause. As if a person's love could be bought and sold or traded like a cheap trinket. And when Courtney replied, my shame was compounded with humiliation when she displayed the sense of honor I had so lacked. Her words were kind and gracious, but her message clear and firm; that her generosity and hospitality to Nura and me was in no way connected to our relationship with you. This was not the spoiled rich bitch diva of my imagination. I had just handed this woman her fondest wish on a silver platter, and she had turned me down flat as a point of honor."

"Oh no, this was a different creature entirely. In fact the more I got to know her, the more she won my respect and even my friendship. If Courtney had treated me as her enemy or even as a rival, I would have fought for you. In my culture, if someone makes you their enemy, you fight and try to take all that they have, because an enemy has no rights. But Courtney offered me friendship; she has treated Nura and me with great kindness. She has even found me a wonderful job and a home where I can raise Nura. To me, it would be dishonorable to repay her kindness by doing any act to hurt her. I could never feel joy in a love if it must be built on the ashes of her happiness."

Given her beauty and her obvious love, I despaired of any chance of winning you, when to my amazement; Courtney practically demanded that we have a love affair. I dared to dream again. While honor might prevent me from acting to hurt my benefactor, doing only what she had asked was certainly allowable. If in the course of this affair, you, on your own free will, chose me over her, that would just be her bad luck. My conscience would be clear."

"Darling Darryl, I want you to know how much I enjoyed our time together... all our time together. No one could have wished for a more gallant or considerate escort, charming companion, and exciting lover. You were everything a woman could want from a man. You were so good, in fact, that I found I could not spend more than a single night with you and trust myself not to force my virginity on you. So our affair was a short one, and ended in two women demanding that you make a choice."

"I watched you from my window wrestling with the decision, but it wasn't until last night that I remembered a conversation we had that contained all the answers. Do you remember the night I sat you down and made you tell me the entire story of your relationship with Courtney?"

Darryl nodded mutely.

"At the time, I wasn't quite sure why I wanted to hear it, because at the end, I was certain that this story wasn't over yet. But I got the answer to the last two big questions that night. One I recognized at the time. You are and always have been totally, madly in love with Courtney Archer, even when she drove you away, angry and confused by her bizarre behavior. You tried to bury yourself half a world away to forget her, only it didn't work. You met me and fell in love with me also, but you never fell out of love with Courtney. And you never will, because you two are meant to be. You have loved each other since you were children; accept it, you are soul mates, and that means soul mates for life."

"That leaves just one question. The Big Mistake, the Breakup, the Disaster, whatever went wrong between you two. You told me the answer to that also, but I didn't put it all together until last night. Go back to May 1985, a week after the prom. Courtney's on top of the world. Her music was the hit of the prom. She knows you're on your way to join her. The two of you are going to pick out the college you're going to attend. Best of all, you're both are going to make love for the very first time. All her dreams are coming true. Until the moment she reaches home and finds that her father has destroyed every hope and dream, like a capricious wind snuffing out candles. She's forced to flee in fear and shame into the night, looking for a roof over her head. She won't see you again for ten long years. In those ten years she rebuilds her life with her own hands, wits and talents, but she never forgets the black despair she suffered at the hands of someone she should have been able to trust."

"When you meet Courtney again, a lot has changed. She is now an international Superstar. A lot hasn't changed; she's still the girl you knew in most ways. One change that people don't seem to pay enough attention to is that she is always in control. Every since her father gutted her future like a fish, Courtney has never let anyone be in a position to hurt her like that again. Everyone is on her payroll; she answers to no one. She feels safe that way, albeit probably at an unconscious level."

"Then suddenly there you were, asking her to give up part of her touring schedule and marry you. Translation: give up a big part of her professional identity and personal gratification, and put her future happiness in your hands. This is an incredibly big step for her. She set up the concert thinking you would feel the very positive experience that she has on the stage. She didn't realize that your own fears and jealousies would make it a nightmare experience for you. As you both failed to communicate, you got angry and frustrated but you couldn't talk about your feelings and emotions. You were feeling resentful, hurt and confused by her reluctance to commit to your relationship. She was afraid of letting go and angry at feeling pressured. There in a nutshell is the so called 'big problem.'"

"That's it?" asked Darryl, "You really think that's what broke us up and sent me half way around the world? Hell, every couple has to deal with authority and trust issues; why did we end up with such dramatic overreactions?"

"Not every couple has a history of a father leaving his family destitute, and not all women are multinational corporations, but otherwise yes, you and Courtney are not immune from the same problems as your peers. And while I claim no special expertise, I very much suspect the solution is as basic as the problem; reassurance, patience and love. Cheryl, maybe you can help here."

"Not really," replied Cheryl, "Hearing your explanation, I think you hit the nail on the head. And I agree with the solution. Just be sure she understands you're there to be her partner, not to take over and run her life. Win her trust gradually. You have to understand that her father's misdeeds caused some deep scars. But I think Courtney has spent plenty of time thinking about this, too and she's more than ready to give her trust and find a middle ground. Believe me; she'll return all the love you can give."

"Darryl nodded. Azalea took his hand. "So now there is no barrier in the way. It is time for you to rejoin your partner and continue the journey you began on that dock so many years ago. I must find my own partner to share my journey through life; with you and Courtney as my very closest friends. I want you to be part of my life forever."

"But I beg one last favor, Darryl. We woman are vain creatures. It will make me happy to always believe that you would have chosen me, just as I am certain Courtney will always need to believe she was the one. No woman wants to be second choice. The only way to preserve both of our illusions is to never tell. I beg of you, Darryl, promise you will never tell anyone what you were about to say."

She stopped and sat down. Everyone sat there in stunned silence. Finally Darryl got up and embraced her. He kissed her tenderly and then held her at arm's length. "Are you happy with this choice?"

"Yes... yes, I am. Being with you was a lot of fun, and I'll miss that. I'll never be able to look at chocolate in quite the same way. But I have Nura to raise and a career to start in a new land. I will be very busy, but I plan to spend a lot of time at Lake House. I know what I'm giving up, but I feel better now than I have since we got here. My conscience is no longer troubling me."

"Thank you, Azalea. You truly are an amazing woman. But you had better mean it about staying close. I can't imagine my life now without you. We made a pledge to each other in front of those guns, and it may not work out the obvious way, but I meant everything I said. I'll love you until the day I die, but it will be as one of my closest friends, someone who understands me better than I do myself. "

"I'll always be near, Darryl; I feel the same way, I value my friends as much as I could ever value a lover, so I won't really be giving you up at all."

For long minutes they just held each other tightly and quietly wept, part in happiness and part for what might have been. Neither wanted to be the first to let go of what they had, but finally Azalea gently pushed him away. "Darryl, there is someone waiting for you. Go to her now. Don't call; you have to tell her this in person. Go to her as quickly as possible, because I know her need."

"I'll leave immediately I can be back by dawn tomorrow. If I know her at all, she'll be waiting on the dock."

"Wonderful," Azalea said, "I wish I could be there to see her reaction. But it's a private moment between the two of you. Nura and I will be along in a few days."

Darryl excused himself and started to go to his room to pack, when Cheryl grabbed his arm. "I'm going to send James to keep you company while you pack. I'd like a few minutes with Azalea"

"As for you, James McNichol, you are going as Darryl's dad, not a reporter digging for information. And Darryl, you're strictly in NO COMMENT mode." Cheryl threatened angrily. "This young lady just did one of the noblest acts I've ever seen. AND she managed to give everyone a solution they can live with. So Darryl, if you really want both of these beautiful women in your life, you'll bury this secret so deep even you can't find it. Otherwise you could end up with neither of them. And as for you, James McNichol, if I ever find out you even asked, you can join a monastery because it'll be a cold day in hell before you get back in my bed."