Chapter 20: Eenie, Meenie, Minie, Moe

Nothing is more difficult, and therefore more precious, than to be able to decide.
Napoleon Bonaparte

Grindelwald, in the Bernese Oberland, Switzerland, Thursday, June 28

Darryl and Courtney

If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. And if they don't, they never were.

Kahlil Gibran

"I will welcome you back as my friend or as my spouse," said Courtney. "But I don't want you back until you decide which it is going to be. We have hurt each other too much already by not being quite ready to commit completely. When I see you next, I want you to either be ready to propose, or to tell me that we can never be anything but friends."

"That pretty well draws a line in the sand," replied Darryl.

"Yes, I'm afraid it does, but that is how it must be, for everyone's sake."

Darryl's face dropped to the ground. "You're right, of course. I don't like it but I know you're right. I just don't know how I'll do it."

Courtney put a sympathetic hand on his shoulder. "What's wrong?" she cajoled, "Were you hoping to keep us both?"

"Is that possible?" he asked hopefully.

"No... No, that's not possible I'm afraid. Oh, it did cross my mind, as an alternative to losing you completely. You know, like plea bargaining for a life sentence to escape the death penalty. You don't like what you're accepting, but you're avoiding something far worse. But I realized it wouldn't work for me, even if Azalea were willing, which I doubt."

"Why wouldn't it work for you? Just out of curiosity; I never really thought you would go for sharing."

"It's me. I'm just too jealous and insecure. You know they say most entertainers perform because they NEED the applause to constantly reassure them that they are loved. I'm just not secure enough to even consider having to compete with Azalea for your affection every day for the rest of my life. That and simple jealousy. I just can't bear the thought of you being with another woman. I certainly wouldn't want to sit there watching it."

"But then, what about Azalea and me?... Here... you know... I mean, you're the one who suggested it."

"You mean, how am I going to deal with the thought of you and Azalea after I leave? To be honest, probably not well. I'll just try not to think about it very much, but I'll still be pretty miserable."

"But it was your idea that I spend time with her. I don't like to think I'm doing something to hurt you."

"You're doing it to help end this miserable situation," she said heatedly. "God damn it, Darryl, do I look like I'm enjoying this? She paused to get her emotions back under control. Then she continued in a much softer, somewhat sad voice. "You see why it can't go on this way with the constant jealousy and anger?

Yes, I know it can't go on this way, not really. It's just been a way of avoiding making a choice."

"What's so awful about your choice? I think you're pretty damn lucky. You can't lose. Either way, in my opinion, you wind up with a pretty damn special woman. It's one of us women who ends up alone."

"That's what makes it so hard. Don't you think I realize how lucky I am? Both you and Azalea are the kind of women most men only dream of. I know that either of you could make me very happy. You're both more than I deserve. It's knowing that no matter what I do, I am going to hurt someone. And neither of you have done anything to deserve it. How did I ever get into such a mess? How do you hurt someone you love?"

Courtney took her hand and lifted his face back up to where she could look into his eyes. "Darryl, listen to me. I know it won't be easy. But I also know you will do the right thing. If I am the one who gets left behind, it will hurt; it will hurt a lot, but I will still know that you've made the right decision for you, for Azalea and for me. I trust you."

A tear formed in the corner of his eye and ran down his cheek unnoticed. "Courtney, listen to us. We're together again after almost losing each other forever. Why are we talking about hurting you, when what I really want is to take you in my arms and kiss you?"

"What's stopping you?" She whispered, as she offered her lips.

Darryl leaned in and kissed her gently and cautiously, as though unsure of his welcome. Courtney took both hands and pulled him to her, until their lips were almost painfully mashed together. The contact was electric, as months of fear and longing came pouring out. Soft lips and eager tongues brought out strong familiar feelings, and their breathing became rapid. Fingers that started entangled in hair were soon touching, grasping, reaching for warmth. She took his hand and pulled it to her breast, the soft mound aching to be touched. His touch spread warmth throughout her, until soon she felt a familiar tingling and wetness between her legs. She moaned into his mouth as her body cried out for the release and comfort so long denied her. His body echoed the hunger with an erection that was almost painful in its intensity. His labored breathing, and frantic kisses on her neck and shoulders announced his need. The sheer intensity threatened to overwhelm her, so Courtney broke the kiss and pushed him back enough to speak.

"Oh God, Darryl, I've missed you so. I love you, I need you, and I want you. Please do whatever you must, but come back to me as soon as you can my love, and I will never let you go again."

Darryl looked at her as though he had never seen her before. "I can't believe I ever left you. Nothing we fought about was worth losing this. Just being close to you drives me out of my mind. I don't think I've ever wanted someone as badly as I want you right now. Please, Courtney, may I come to you tonight."

She let go of him and sat back on the bench, looking up as though for strength, but now with tears in her eyes and on her cheeks. She couldn't look him in the eyes.

"Darryl, since that awful day when you left, I have dreamed every night of hearing those words. And believe me when I say that I want you so much I ache. My body cries out for your love." She managed to give him a weak smile. "Damn, if I were any wetter, I'd slide right off this bench." She reached out and grabbed his hand before continuing. "So believe me when I tell you that saying no to you is the hardest thing I've ever done. I think spending the night with you would just make things more difficult. I know it would make it harder on me if you don't come back. I suspect it would make it harder on you as well. I also think it would be unfair to Azalea."

"Whatever happened to 'all's fair in love and war'?" he asked ruefully.

"I really want to be her friend, and it's not the type of thing friends do to each other."

"But how is it different from me sleeping with her, as you have hinted we should do?"

"Still trying to understand the working of the female mind, aren't you?" Courtney laughed mirthlessly. "It's different because you and Azalea have never had the chance to experience each other physically, while we have... many wonderful times. What's more important, I don't plan be here to see it. How would she feel knowing we were together a few rooms away? And she would know; women always know these things."

They held hands as they walked back to the chalet, and he saw her to her room. She grabbed him for one quick, burning kiss and immediately turned and closed the door. As she leaned back against the door and tried to catch her breath, her mind told her she had done the right thing, but her heart and her body were screaming NO, DON'T LET HIM GO!

She undressed and examined herself in the mirror, happy with what she saw. 'I'm no teenager, ' she thought, 'but all that exercise and healthy eating have been worth it.' Her stomach was flat, her breasts firm with almost no sag, and her perky nipples still pointed jauntily up. Her hips were slightly wider, but so far her ass was still nice and round; not the squared off look of many women her age. Her hand wandered down to her still inflamed labia, and she was still surprised by just how soaked she was. She knew sleep would elude her unless she found some release. Even then, the thought of what she'd just turned down was going to make rest hard to come by.

She wondered if the bathroom would be equipped with one of those delightful European hand showers. A quick inspection determined that it was. She drew a hot tub scented with a delightful alpine flower bath tea. As she bathed she felt the urge to feed the hunger of her loins. Her body cried out to be touched, if not by him, then by her own hand. She cupped her breasts and felt as though her nipples were on fire. She started to gently rub them but quickly graduated to an almost violent twisting and pulling. She realized that Darryl would never treat them so roughly for fear of hurting her, but in her own hands pain and unbearable pleasure were indistinguishable. Unmistakably, the sensitivity of her nipples was hard wired to her groin, which also cried out for attention. She rubbed tentatively between her legs but knew immediately that it wouldn't be enough. Finishing her bath she drained the water and as the level dropped she knelt in the tub and took the hand shower. Setting it for the hardest pulsating massage spray, she aimed it directly at her pussy. It was like a hundred tiny fingers rubbing her all at once, crossing her clitoris at random intervals; each pulse caused her to gasp as it drove her excitement higher and higher. She soon was lost in a wonderful whirl of sensation with her entire world focused on nothing but the throbs of pleasure driving her inexorably towards a climax like the jerking chain pulling a roller coaster car closer and closer to the top. You know what's coming but not exactly when, and you face it with a mixture of fear and anticipation. She felt herself pulled closer and closer to the precipice, until suddenly in that moment of no motion as she teetered on the brink, she realized just how high she was and how far she was about to fall. 'Oh God, ' she thought, 'this is going to be a big one, a very big one.' And then she was over the top and falling out of control, gasping in pleasure, as spasms wracked her whole body. She felt the world going black and dropped the shower to grab the edges of the tub. But the moment passed, and she trembled as warm waves of aftershock rolled through her.

When she was finally able to stand, she dried herself tenderly with the extravagantly thick towels and snuggled into the equally thick and soft spa robe. She lay on the bed, expecting to bask in a satiated glow. But she found herself still hungry for the touch of his strong masculine hands. She longed for the feeling of his hardness inside her, filling her and making her complete again as his woman. 'Fuck fairness, ' she thought, 'I need him, and Azalea can just wait her turn.' She pulled out a gown she had brought just in case. It was white and flowing with the clinging grace of a Hollywood glamour shot from the 1930s. She covered it with an elegant kimono and herself with a fabulously expensive Parisian perfume spiked with just a touch of pheromones. She slipped out the door into the corridor... and then realized that she had no idea which room was Darryl's. Nor was she quite prepared to approach the concierge to ask. It was that, or beat a hasty retreat back to her room. Or, she thought, 'I could look in on Nura.'

In the clinical wing, she found the duty nurse who escorted her to Nura's room. The girl was still hooked up to monitors and IV lines but seemed to be sleeping comfortably. Azalea was at her bedside and looked surprised, but happy to see her. She invited Courtney to join her, and for a while they both just sat quietly watching the young girl sleep.

"How is she?" asked Courtney quietly.

"She has done amazingly well. She is young and very strong, and she has an unbeatable will to recover. Stay awhile, and she will probably wake up. I know she'd like to meet you."

"I'd like that. I plan to leave in the morning, and I would hate to leave without meeting her first."

"So soon? I thought you would be here longer. You and Darryl must have much to talk about. You've been apart so long." Azalea hesitated. "I thought perhaps the two of you might... ah, want some time together tonight."

"Oh I was tempted, believe me. But I just thought it might make things tougher for all of us. You understand?"

Azalea nodded. "I think so, but I hope you aren't staying away from him on my account. I wouldn't want you to do that."

"No, I mostly did it for my own benefit. It would just be that much harder if he doesn't come back to me."

Azalea looked down. "I have no desire to take Darryl away from you, or to cause you pain," she said quietly.

Courtney reached out and took her hand. "I know that. None of us wanted things to get this complicated. But our hearts are not always ours to command. It just happened, and we must deal with it. I'm sure it will work out for the best."

They sat quietly together for awhile, like old friends. Then Azalea spoke. "I have to say, your kimono and gown are lovely; you are truly beautiful. And I love your perfume though I don't recognize it. I think Darryl would find you quite irresistible tonight." Unspoken but clear was the question of why she would dress this way just to visit Nura.

"The perfume is custom made for me by a small perfumery in Paris. I'm quite fond of it." Courtney hesitated but decided to make a clean confession. "And you're right; I'm dressed this way because I weakened. I was out in the corridor before I realized that I had no idea which room was his, and I could hardly go up and down the hallway tapping on doors. So I came visiting instead."

"Courtney, I can tell you where Darryl's room is." She blushed. 'That doesn't sound very good does it but... I mean..."

Courtney laughed. "I know what you mean, Azalea. Let's be honest. We both wish we were there, but we're not. And for tonight, my moment of weakness has passed, and I've regained my resolve. I won't be needing directions. Besides, I'm quite content to spend this time getting to know you and Nura."

"I know that Darryl would be quite disappointed, especially if he could see you now."

In point of fact, Darryl was disappointed. At that very moment, he was tapping gently on Courtney's door, hoping she would reconsider her earlier refusal. When she didn't answer, he decided she was either asleep, or was ignoring him and sticking to her guns. He sighed and returned to his room where sleep also refused to come to his bed.

Courtney and Azalea were chatting like long-lost friends. Courtney turned serious and asked, "May I get a professional opinion from you?"

"Of course, anything."

"Jaclyn and I had to choose this clinic very hastily, based solely on reputation. It is hard for me to judge. How would you rate the quality of care?"

"Absolutely first rate and state of the art. You chose very well."

"I'm glad."

"I also know what this caliber of private care costs. I am overwhelmed with your generosity and deeply in your debt. I think it is very wrong to repay you by causing you pain, I think I should..."

Courtney put her hand across Azaleas lips. "No, Azalea, don't even think that. If Darryl and you are truly in love and that love is better for him than what he has with me, then that is how it must be. If you back off now, I might get Darryl, but only with unanswered questions about what might have been. That is the last thing I want. Is it what you would want?"

"No, I understand. My grandmother told me that the only sure way to keep other women out of a man's arms was to keep them out of his mind. That's hard to do if he never got them out of his mind to begin with."