Chapter 10: A Journey That Will Change You Forever

The Lake House, May 1996 — June 1, 1996

The past cannot be changed. The future is yet in your power.
Mary Pickford

Courtney made a valiant attempt to get on with her life in a vain hope that in time the muses would return to help her write, and the magic would return to her voice. No one expected an overnight recovery but the lack of even the slightest hint of improvement had driven her close to despair. She didn't enjoy the luxury of a lot of time. With an extensive concert tour fast approaching, this was a crisis. Courtney, Jaclyn, Doctor Browning and her voice coach were all in agreement that for her to tour without that special spark and energy that had made her famous, would be catastrophic to her career. Canceling at this late date would be costly also, but certainly the lesser of two evils. The irony that Darryl's leaving because he couldn't deal with her touring might now cost her the entire tour, was not entirely lost on Courtney, but did nothing to comfort her. Besides just hoping a little time would heal Courtney's pain, they'd tried meditation, they'd tried mild drugs, they'd tried bringing in other singers Courtney enjoyed performing with. They'd even tried hypnosis. By the last week of May, the Pollyanna strategy was patently bankrupt, and Courtney had lost all patience. One night over dinner with Jaclyn, she called a halt.

"This isn't working Jaclyn; we've got to change something, otherwise, things are never going to get better; I'm absolutely sure of that. In fact, I'm almost sure it's getting worse."

"No argument here. Any ideas?"

"Not one Jaclyn, that's the problem. I'm open for suggestions; ANYTHING at all. Right now I'd settle for something to just get me out of here for a while; I'm going stir crazy."

"How about this? Karl is competing in the Iron Man Triathlon tomorrow, swimming, biking and running. Let's pack a picnic lunch and cheer him on. That'll get you out of here for the first time in weeks and give us a chance to talk about some other ideas in a fresh environment."

"I'd like that. I'd like getting out and supporting a friend. Let's do it."

The next morning, Jaclyn and Courtney, dressed inconspicuously and armed with a large thermos of hot coffee, braved the dawn chill to witness the start of the all-day event. Joining a large crowd, they cheered enthusiastically as the intrepid athletes plunged into their first of three events, a 2.5 mile swim. At the end of the aquatic race they rushed into a tent to change into biking garb so they could immediately start a 110 mile bike race. Having watched the race before, Jaclyn raced ahead to a nice picnic spot. She and Courtney had a pleasant morning laying out in the sun and chatting. Around midday, as they enjoyed a leisurely picnic lunch, the first of the racers streak by. Karl was among the top five firmly in the leader pack. Jaclyn seemed delighted with this result.

"Is he doing well, Jaclyn?"

"Extremely well! Karl is a very solid swimmer, a decent biker and one of the best runners. For him to be this close to the lead in the biking is very good. Last year he was a good ten minutes back at this point and still came in third. He might have a shot at winning this year."

They hurriedly packed up and drove around the course to be at the end of the bike portion. They were there cheering wildly as Karl finished, still only seconds behind the leaders. He rushed into the tent and changed again in preparation for the final event, a 26-mile marathon run. As he started off he heard and saw them cheering and waving and gave them both a quick wave, then he touched his two fore fingers to his lips and quickly tossed a kiss to Jaclyn. The gesture was so quick and understated that it probably was lost on the whole crowd, with two exceptions; Jaclyn, who blushed and looked as abashed as a school girl, and Courtney who looked on with a sly, somewhat wistful, smile.

Using Jaclyn's inside knowledge they were able to see the racers again at approximately one third and two thirds of the way through the event. Both times Karl was running with the leader pack and looking very comfortable. It was obvious that his conditioning was superb. It was also becoming obvious that Jaclyn was taking more than an athletic interest in watching Karl's sculpted musculature in action; although she was trying to hide it.

"It's OK to stare," Courtney laughed, "He's gorgeous. He's a sexy hunk of man, and if you're not getting a little wet, you're probably the only woman in this crowd who's not."

"Soaked, but I'm still not sure what I should do."

"Jaclyn, you're a big girl now. You're old enough to play with boys. Karl's a boy. You like Karl; Karl likes you. I think you can figure it out."

Last stop, they managed to get right up on the finish line. Now some 8 hours and 35 minutes after the opening gun the first runners turned the final corner towards the finish line. There were three runners almost neck and neck coming around the bend, but as soon as the finish line came in view, one separated from the pack. That one runner either had, or found reserves the other two just couldn't match so he pulled slowly but inexorably ahead. As he came towards them they recognized Karl and started yelling and jumping up and down like teenagers. Karl crossed the line a good minute ahead of second place, setting a new course record.

Courtney and Jaclyn fought their way through the crowd of press and well wishers. Finally Jaclyn stood in front of him.

"I'd like to hug you," said Karl, "but Jaclyn, I'm sweating like a mule."

"Maybe I like mules." Jaclyn said as she threw her arms around him.

Courtney noticed her nostrils flare indicating that Jaclyn was reacting to the pheromones that go with perspiration. Then Courtney stepped up and offered her congratulations and then leaned forward and whispered something in his ear.

Later, riding home, Courtney turned to Jaclyn.

"OK Jaclyn, you guys are obviously nuts about each other, so what's holding up the parade? When are you two going to get it on?"

"Well Courtney, first, there is you."

"Stop right there, I feel bad enough about being so needy but I won't come between the two of you. Look, it was fun and felt good but we both know we're not in love. You were so hot for him, you were just about ready to lick his sweat off, admit it!"

"Oh God yes, I could have raped him right there; I always thought sweat was supposed to smell bad, but he was delicious."

"It's called pheromones, dear, very powerful. Jaclyn, I needed you then; I needed to feel loved, but it was just physical. The truth is I've always enjoyed being with women. I like the way they feel; I like the way they taste; I like the way they know all the secrets of a woman's body. But it's like wonderful foreplay without the main event. I like the strong hands. I like feeling shielded and protected. I like the smell of a man, and the feel of that hairy hard body. And I really miss the pleasure of being filled up and stretched inside. You OK with this?"

"Yes Courtney, very OK, even relieved a little."

"In case I had taken it more seriously than you?"

"Well yes, I'm sorry; I didn't really know what I was feeling."

"You were seeing someone you loved in a great deal of pain and wanted to help."

"Yes."

"And I thank you, my dear friend. Now back to you. When are you going to get it on with Karl?"

"Oh Courtney, you're going to laugh at me."

"Why?"

"I really want to; sometimes I think I'll explode if I don't. I've known him for years. I'm hardly a school girl any more and yet I'm very shy about him."

"You saw me whisper to him. Well dear, you only have a few hours to get over the shyness."

"COURTNEY! What exactly did you say to him?"

"I told him to leave his door unlocked; that you'd come to him tonight."

"You did NOT!"

Courtney didn't say anything, but her smile spoke for her.

"You DID! Oh my God! What do I do now?"

Courtney laughed. "Didn't your mom ever have 'The Talk' with you'?"

"Oh stop it, that's not what I meant."

"Well then Jaclyn, exactly what is your problem?"

Jaclyn looked embarrassed and hesitated, so Courtney put her arms around her.

"You're just a little bit afraid aren't you? Afraid you won't please him? Is that it?"

"Yes, I really want this to work; I've probably been in love with him for years. But I'm not very experienced with men. I'm not a virgin, but pretty damn close, and none of the affairs were long enough, or with someone skilled enough for me to learn anything. I'm terrified I'll disappoint him."

"Jaclyn, do you care for Karl?"

"Yes, I do, very much."

"Are you turned on by him physically?"

"God yes! You saw me out there today."

"You have any sexual hang-ups or are you willing to try most things?"

"I don't think I'd like whips and chains but I'm open to pretty much everything else."

"Jaclyn, listen to me; you can't miss. Just go to him and tell him the truth. That you really like him, maybe love him, but you haven't had much experience. That you're open to learn if he'll teach you. Guys love that kind of innocence. He'll think he's died and gone to heaven. You won't be able to do anything wrong in his eyes. Just go and enjoy. I don't want to see either of you outside that room for the next two days"

"There is no way in hell, unless I've got you taken care of, that I am taking two days off, even to get laid."

"Don't worry, I'll be OK."

"No Courtney I do worry, and you're not OK; you're not even close to OK. But I do have an idea I want to discuss with you."

They had arrived back at the lake house, so they went to the master suite living room where they fixed some hot tea before continuing the conversation.

"I don't know if you remember me telling you, but I am one quarter Lakota Sioux. I am very proud of that heritage and I got to spend some time among them as I grew up. My Lakota name is Olathe, which means beautiful one. I especially learned to love and revere a woman of extraordinary wisdom and spiritual power who became like a mother to me. Her name is simply Gaho, which means mother, and everyone calls her that out of respect. She serves as a tribal medicine woman, although traditionally that role is mostly reserved for men."

"She also helps keep alive the traditional Lakota practice of the Hanblecheyapi, the vision quest. Briefly, the vision quest requires the participant to go into the wilderness, watched over only by their spiritual guide and divest themselves of everything except water, then enter a 10 foot circle. There they meditate and dream until they achieve a vision that answers whatever is troubling them and gives them guidance for their future. It can take up to two, even four days but the results are usually quite remarkable."

"I don't know Jaclyn; that sounds pretty scary."

"I won't lie to you; it is. But Gaho prepares you for the experience, and you will be watched over for safety. It is the drastic change from normal life that makes it so effective. Courtney, I wouldn't recommend something if I didn't really believe in it, and certainly wouldn't if I thought it might harm you. I did it as a teenager and it gave me a direction and level of confidence I never would have had before. I wish you would at least talk to her."

"Fair enough, if you have the guts to climb in bed with Karl, I can go see mother Gaho."

"I'll call her now and put her on the speaker phone."

"Click. Hello, Olathe, I'm glad you still remember Gaho. These old ears hunger for your voice."

"Hello, Gaho, you've lost none of your skill if you knew it was me calling."

"Olathe, even in the Dakotas we have caller ID, but wait and keep silent. We will see if my medicine is still strong. I had a vision of you last night and at first I thought you were troubled but I realize that you are only in love and yet deny it to yourself. Go to him Olathe, I see him as a strong brave; in my vision he ran a great distance to be with you. Trust your instincts; he is as good as he is strong."

"I will go to his bed tonight, Gaho."

"Good, I envy you his young warrior loins. Now, your friend, with the voice from the gods. She is in great pain and will not sing again with the voice she seeks, until the pain is removed. She is there with you?"

"Yes, I am here. Should I call you Gaho?"

"Please, I would be happy to be so called by one blessed with such a gift. And Courtney, I would like to honor you with a Native American name if I may."

"Please do, it would be a great honor."

"Popular music is not something I know, so I confess that I had never heard you sing, but this morning after my vision I asked my daughter to help me to hear your voice. She had many recordings of you, and I listened to them. A voice of such beauty is a treasure that belongs to everyone. I will call you Ominotago; it means beautiful voice, it's actually a Chippewa name, not Sioux, but it fits you so well I have borrowed it. "

"Thank you, Gaho, it is a beautiful name. Do you really think you can help me?"

"I had a very clear vision of you. That means that there is a good spiritual bond between us. I cannot give you the vision you seek; you must find it for yourself. I can help you find it, and I can perhaps help you understand the vision. I think you should come to me very soon and not just for your own sake."

"I don't understand."

"You must understand, a vision is not like a television show. It is made up of symbols and hints and there are no captions to explain. Often you just have to feel what the vision is telling you. I had a strong sense that someone that you care for very deeply is going to be in great danger and only you can save them. But I also felt that only through a vision would you know about this danger and how to stop it."

"That's it? You can't tell me who, or what to do?"

"No, I am sorry; I tried very hard but it was not for me to see. I just felt the darkness of danger near you, but not on you. That meant the danger was to someone close to you, but it hid from you, meaning you had the ability to defeat it. And yet you did not know the danger was near, so that meant the danger was invisible to your daylight eyes. Nothing more can I tell."

"Can I come tomorrow?"

"Call with a time, and my daughter will meet you at the airport. Olathe knows all the details. I will make ready for you. Good night, Ominotago."

"Good night, Gaho, and thank you."

"OK, Olathe, front and center for orders."

"Aye, aye, revered Ominotago, your wishes are my command."

"Order up the plane; have the crew file a flight plan to wherever it is I need to go."

"Pierre, South Dakota, not that it's all that close, but South Dakota isn't exactly overrun with airports. Gaho is sending her daughter, who she is training, to pick you up."

"As soon as we know it, call Gaho, and give her the time to expect me."

Jaclyn made a few phone calls. "OK Boss, The plane will be ready first thing in the morning"

"Any problems?"

"You kidding, those guys live to fly. They'd be happy to be in the air everyday, and to them a nice long flight to South Dakota is like Christmas in May... or June in a few minutes."

"Well give me a hand packing; apparently I'm not going to need a lot, just some jeans, shirts and boots and my guitar. I hope I've got enough; you know I've always been a city girl at heart."

"If not, you can borrow some from me; I've always been the tomboy and we're about the same size."

"Deal. And that reminds me. I want you to borrow some of my Chanel, and then go through my lingerie, and pick out something really hot. I know you don't own anything that's not 'practical' and as your boss, and romance advisor, I have final say on whether it's hot enough. Then put on a coat, nothing more, march yourself straight up to Karl's apartment and spend the night helping him pound the lumps out of his mattress. And consider that a direct order."