Chapter 20

Stan looked at Denise, totally bereft of ideas for what to say.

Denise was right. He had said that, emphasised it even. He could see that from her point of view he'd been completely dishonest and hurtful. What had happened with Anne had been incredible, but it had all happened while Denise was away, and no-one had let her know — she'd found out the hard way.

Stan hated that he'd hurt her. So he tried to tell her that.

Before he could finish, Anne interrupted.

"Denise, it's not Stan's fault. It's mine. Blame me, not him. I practically raped him." Stan himself was trying to interrupt back, but Anne wouldn't let him, continuing, "You laid the groundwork, for which I will always be grateful. I took advantage of that, unknowingly, but I did. It was you that brought Stan out of his depression, as he's just said, it was you that got him able to think about another woman at all, and I believe it was probably you that put dance classes in his mind, though I don't remember him telling me that. Am I right?"

Stan nodded, while Denise, still angry, jerkily nodded once. Anne went on,

"Well, you brought him out of his shell with a vengeance. It's the timing that you got wrong. I've heard of what happened; Stan telling you he wasn't ready to be more than 'just friends', you suggesting the dance classes and then jetting off on holiday soon after. I owe you an enormous debt, Denise, one that I don't know if I can ever repay. By doing that you've helped me get over something horrible that happened when I was much younger, by an indirect route. So please, if you must be angry, please take it out on me, not Stan. He doesn't deserve it."

If Anne wanted Denise to be angry with her, Denise was sure she could oblige. On the other hand, she not only had to work with Stan professionally, but also she didn't want to hurt him — and it was obvious that if Denise fought with Anne, even verbally, it would inevitably do just that. It only took Denise one look at Stan's face to confirm that. He looked horribly conflicted, not knowing which way to go, but then Denise saw him make his decision, and her heart lurched when she saw what it was — when he moved to Anne, put his arms around her, and hugged her. At that moment Denise knew she'd lost and the best she could do was retire from the field with as much grace as she could muster.

She gathered herself, using a napkin to dab her eyes dry. She'd have to visit the Ladies room and redo her makeup, she knew. It took a heroic effort, but Denise managed to stand, go up to Anne and give her a hug, telling the taller woman, "Thank you for saying that, Anne. I hope you'll be happy." Denise looked at Stan and for a moment she almost lost it again, but she didn't, she held on. "Both of you, be happy!" — and then she walked away, out of the canteen, with dignity mostly intact.

Denise went straight to the Ladies, ran some water from a tap and washed her face. She looked at herself in the mirror, and suddenly started bawling. Denise simply couldn't help herself, she cried, she sobbed, she whimpered and then she started over again.

It was Elizabeth that found her. After the telephone warning from Elaine that she'd tried to pass on to Stan, she'd felt a little helpless and she was worried and a little embarrassed to find the younger woman in the toilets sobbing her heart out. Elizabeth felt so sorry for the redhead, she put her arms around her and cuddled her, unconsciously mimicking Stan's effort from earlier, murmuring "There, there," and other soothing sounds, stroking her hair, generally just providing a comforting touch. Denise turned and hugged the older woman fiercely, crying onto her shoulder, then, eventually, drawing back.

She looked the question into Denise's eyes once the girl could make eye contact. Denise croaked out "Anne!" and the tears flowed once more. It wasn't until several minutes later that Denise was able to draw a sobbing, stuttering breath and pulled away once more. Elizabeth wet a paper towel from a tap and began gently wiping Denise's face. Denise leant backwards against the sink and let Elizabeth look after her.

Before long, Elizabeth's practised hands had soothed and repaired as much as possible without cosmetics. Denise was feeling a little better now as well, and felt more capable of coherent speech.

"Stan and Anne. You must know about them, Elizabeth?"

Elizabeth regarded her compassionately, thoughtfully. "Yes, Denise. Stan and Anne are together, I'm afraid. You fell for him after all, didn't you? Poor love, you tried not to, but you did anyway." She once more took Denise into her arms and hugged her. "It wasn't Stan's fault, you know. I know he was attracted to Anne, but he was attracted to you, too. It was just that the time was wrong."

Denise still looked sad and shaky, but she bravely held up her head. "I wished them both happiness, Elizabeth, and I meant it," she said, more firmly, then in a softer voice she went on, "I just wish I could find happiness too. Did you hear about my own sad love-life?"

"No, dear. Have you time for coffee before we get our noses back to the grindstone?" Elizabeth answered the younger woman. Denise was clearly still very unhappy, and Elizabeth's heart went out to her.

Denise gathered herself. The thought of putting off another meeting with Stan was actually quite attractive, but ultimately she'd have to get on with it.

"I've got to get on with some work, Elizabeth." She choked a little on an attempted chuckle, and went on, "I'm working on a project. With Stan! How's that for irony?"

Elizabeth was surprised, but attempted to soothe Denise.

"Come along then Denise. You know Stan won't be trying to hurt you. You can do this. Let's get together at lunchtime and you can tell me all about your disastrous love life, and I can commiserate and tut-tut and act all scandalised. How's that?"

With a shaky grin, Denise answered, "O-okay then, Elizabeth, you're on. You can tell me what I'm doing wrong!"

Stan returned to his desk since Denise was missing, and began taking care of routine work.

After reapplying some makeup, Denise left the Ladies room and walked around to the Quality area, followed by Elizabeth. She walked up to Stan's desk and sat in his visitor's chair. She smiled, a little wanly, at Stan, and told him, "I think we'd better make a start on this project, Stan, don't you?" Stan also slapped on his professional mien and they began work.

At first it was a little awkward, despite their best intentions. Denise couldn't get the image of Stan and Anne in each other's arms out of her head and Stan had to repeat himself a few times. On the other hand, Stan kept thinking that he'd hurt Denise, and was trying to think of a way around it, or a way to solve it, instead of concentrating. They made slow and superficial progress.

Not soon enough, lunchtime came. Denise excused herself and she and Elizabeth went straight to lunch. Stan would follow later, with Anne.

Over a light lunch for both ladies, Denise explained to Elizabeth what had happened during her holiday on Ibiza. She told Elizabeth almost everything — almost. Denise left out the part about being attracted to the other girls, although Elizabeth knew Denise well enough to guess that.

Denise also left out the first night's absent condom. It wasn't something she felt anyone need know, and she'd felt no ill effects and was on birth control, so no harm, no foul. Besides, there was plenty else to talk about.

"I was so angry with Jim. Somehow though, coming here and seeing Stan and Anne has leached the force out of it."

"It sounds to me like you simply didn't communicate. Basically, I'm sorry to say this Denise, but you got Jim wrong. I think he was just wanting some holiday fun, not something long-term."

"Do you think so too, Elizabeth? That's what I decided, but I think he led me on to believe it was going to be more in order to get his sex education lessons. I had to teach the little bugger almost everything!"

Elizabeth smiled, thinking back a long, long time ago. She shook her head, saw Denise's quizzical expression and merely answered "Old boyfriend. Not important." Before sobering and telling Denise, "Well, we'll need to get you a new boyfriend then won't we?"

"Oh, I think I've got that particular itch scratched for the time being, Elizabeth. I can wait," Denise told her.

Elizabeth replied, "Are you sure about that?" and for the first time that day, Denise shared a genuine smile and a giggle.

Stan and Anne ate their lunch in a subdued mood. Stan couldn't help feeling he'd managed to hurt both Denise and Anne, though he'd tried to hurt neither. He'd had a lot of practice at brooding, and was doing it very well now.

Anne, for her part, had seen that Stan had feelings for Denise that he was suppressing. She was still coming to terms with this revelation, working out in her tidy, logical mind the implications and possible repercussions. Unfortunately, she wasn't used to dealing with her own emotions in this way. She felt muddled and hated it.

The two lovers split apart after their lunch without saying more than superficial pleasantries.

During the afternoon, Stan and Denise gradually began to really work with each other. By the end of the afternoon, they had a reasonably clear idea of what they would be doing and roughly what it would look like. Stan was pleased, although he'd had to concede some of his "wish-list" as being too ambitious to implement at the moment. Denise was pleased because she now had a good idea of Stan's requirements and had developed a way of achieving them.

Denise was still mad with Stan, and especially with Anne, but she conceded that it was largely no-one's fault. Denise, being a red-head with all that implied, wasn't giving up her anger that easily, though. So she was professional, but distant. She didn't have to work with Anne and that was good because she really didn't want any more to do with the woman who, as far as Denise was concerned, had stolen Stan from her.

Stan could sense Denise's hostility lying just beneath the surface, but admired her professionalism nonetheless. As the afternoon wore on they seemed to be finding it easier just being with each other. Perhaps this wouldn't be so bad after all.

The end of the day came. Stan began tidying up the notes he'd been making while Denise packed away her own notes. She looked up at Stan and said, "Good night, Stan. Have a nice one, and I'll see you tomorrow morning."

Stan answered semi-automatically, "Yes, you too Denise. In the morning."

Stan was relieved that Anne hadn't walked over from the lab to collect him. Another chance to rub Denise's nose in the fact of his relationship with Anne wouldn't have helped matters in the least.