Chapter 50: Alexandria's Story

While Mandy browsed the net and started playing different popular tunes to get a feel for what she might like to dance to, Alexandria retrieved a warm washcloth from the bathroom.

I stayed put so I wouldn't spread our mess any further across the bed. My sheets would need cleaning again. Alexandria knelt in between my legs, pushing them apart gently so she could clean me completely. She was gentle and thorough. Regardless, having a voluptuous and beautiful woman sitting so close to my exposure was something worth the rise I had.

Alexandria smiled up at me. "I've cleaned you. Do you want to get messy again?"

I chuckled and shook my head. "Not here. If we're going to do anything more tonight, we might as well go to the bathroom where we can wash off and not mess up everything else."

She looked back down at my semi-hard expansion. "I don't mind if you want to." She was leaving it up to me. I couldn't fathom what Vikkor had done to her that she succumbed so completely to someone else's will. Chloe wasn't even that far under even though she enjoyed having me command her, she still made some decisions.

I held out my hands and Alexandria took them. I pulled her up and scooted back on the bed. I pulled her to me and she lay on me like a living blanket. Her face was so wonderful, but her expression was hesitant. She was constantly waiting for me to give her another command, another order. "How?"

"How what, my ... um..." She stopped herself. Even my request for her not to call me lord or master was being obeyed.

I waited. I wanted her to find that name for me but even that one idea or decision was beyond her. "Sweetheart?" I offered.

For an instant, there was something that flashed through her eyes. It was like fear or pain. It didn't remain long enough for me to feel it through her like I could so many other things. Whatever it was, she didn't like "Sweetheart" for some reason.

"What's wrong? Why does that name bother you?" I asked.

She shook her head, "It doesn't."

I knew better than that. "Yes it does. I can feel your ... anxiety for the term. Was it a name you used for someone else?"

She hesitated, her eyes rolling left and right, trying to avoid my gaze. I was right though, she had used it for someone else. Someone she felt for. She felt love and pain and loss for that person. All those emotions were so strong in her but there wasn't a story to go with the feelings.

"I normally wouldn't push, but you're holding something back, bottling it up in you. What was it? Why do you feel so many things for that person?"

A single tear fell from her eye. The pain of her memories was riding her and she began to shake in my arms. She was remembering something, something so awful she couldn't speak of it. I could see those memories if she let me. "Would you share it with me?"

She looked into my eyes again. "How?" That one word spoke volumes. She didn't want to talk about it, but needed to. She didn't know where to start, what to tell or how to trudge through it without losing what little control she had left. She was on a bleak edge, looking out over a chasm that was bottomless and if she fell in there would be no rescuing her. I didn't want her going over that edge, because if she did, I would be jumping in after her.

"I can share memories. It doesn't hurt and only takes the blink of an eye to do the exchange. It would allow me to know what you're thinking about with all the emotions that go with it. You look so hurt, so lost and I want to cast you a line to draw you in out of the deep dark water that's threatening to swallow you up."

She shook her head. "This ocean is too deep; it'll swallow both of us."

I knew that already, but I was willing to dive in. If I could help her in any way then it would be well worth the pain. "Please, let me see. Let me help."

"Vikkor couldn't help me. All she could do was give me something to occupy myself with. She gave me a purpose that allowed me to keep it at bay. No one should have to suffer that. You don't deserve to be encumbered with my problems."

I reached up and stroked her thick locks. That dark hair was velvety soft and flowed through my fingers easily. She took good care of her hair. I was letting myself get distracted. Her pain was so deep that it scared me, but I couldn't let her bear that burden all by herself. There had to be some kind of hope, something that could allow her to be free of it, or at least find purchase to make it easier to carry. If she shared it, I would help her carry it. I had to find a way to let her know that it was okay to share it. Maybe if I gave up something first. "If I share some of my life with you, would you let me see?"

She looked into my eyes. Hers were streaming two more tears. All that pain, all that suffering. I couldn't stand it. I didn't wait for her to accept my proposal. I opened my mind so she could see the desolation I had suffered. Her pain was far beyond my isolation, but on a parallel level, I had suffered too. "Your parents? They treated you like that?"

I nodded. "I know my life doesn't compare to the pain and loss you're feeling, but I'm hoping that by seeing how I've found ways to improve my life by sharing and helping others, you can find the same by sharing this. I'm not asking for your entire life, but just those memories. The ones causing all that pain I can see plain on your face. I'm not Vikkor. I'm not going to help you find ways to avoid it. Together, we will work through and past it if we can, but more importantly, you won't be alone. You won't have to bear this all by yourself. I'm willing to help. Please, let me."

She was staring into my eyes. The brief reprise of my memories had been a ghost of thoughts compared to the horrors that plagued her. I kept repeating, "Please, let me help. Please." And finally, she nodded. She laid her forehead against mine and I felt her memories flood me. I couldn't have imagined anything worse.

Alexandria and David had been friends for most of their time in school and started dating while in high school. They got married soon after graduation and David quickly found a job with promising potential. He made enough money that Alexandria could stay at home and be a classic wife. They were blessed with two girls, Ariel and Lori. David's job gradually took up more of his time and Alexandria missed her husband when he was away on business trips, but she kept herself busy with the two growing girls.

David made one promotion after another in the company. His long hours and devotion to the company had paid off, but it had cost him time away from his family. The latest promotion would make him the Regional Headquarters Manager in Munich, Germany. It was an offer of a lifetime and he accepted it without thinking. He returned home with good and bad news. Of course, the good news was the promotion, but the bad news was that he had to move to Munich. Ariel had just started first grade and Lori was in kindergarten. Alexandria was willing to make the move, to uproot their home and travel to the other side of the world to be with her husband. Unfortunately, David couldn't bring himself to let them move. He understood the kind of work ethic the company came to expect from him. He wouldn't be able to spend any more time with them while in Germany and decided to let his family go.