Chapter 22

Time: Saturday evening, August 5, 2006

Our flight time passed slowly. We left Duluth at 11 AM, caught a connecting flight at Minneapolis, and landed at Logan just after 5 PM. It was almost 7 PM by the time we got home.

Melanie gave me several deer-in-the-headlights looks as we made our flights. The planes were crowded, even the commuter flight. There really wasn't any privacy to discuss what happened on the trip. Melanie's anger of Thursday night was all gone though. I know her too well not to read her emotions. She was jumpy, afraid I was angry with her, maybe afraid of a lot more... Holding hands helped a lot, and by the time we got to Boston she was giving me lots of shy smiles.

As we got home Melanie asked if she could shower first. I started preparing a light dinner while she did. She came out in her pajamas and finished setting up for the meal while I put myself through the rinse cycle. We ate and just chatted about school, did the dishes, and then by totally unspoken agreement walked off together to our bedroom and climbed under the covers. Melanie's hand came across and asked for mine. Oh, at last, it was time to repair the damage, and we were both so eager to.

"I don't know where to begin Eric. Apologies, explanations, promises, confessions... I'll start anywhere you like. Tell me what to do. I don't know where to start."

"I do. Let me start with an affirmation. I love you and I forgive you. Melanie, do you remember when Spirit landed, the night we got back together?"

"Of course! I'll never forget that night."

"Neither will I. Do you remember how you asked me to trust you so much, that all my fears would go away?"

Melanie stared at me for a moment, and then nodded.

"I'm asking the same thing in return. Melanie, trust me. What were you afraid of?"

My wife gulped. I had never seen her look so shy... no, not shy, embarrassed. "Melanie #2 came back," she whispered, "I didn't know she still existed. Oh Eric, I was so afraid..."

I reached over and hugged her. We rocked together for a while, not saying anything.

"Melanie #2 Eric... It wasn't just in high school. I was doing it all my childhood, as far back as I can remember... and I never told you... I never trusted you... Oh Eric! I'm so ashamed!"

I kissed her. "Melanie, true Melanie, there is no shame. Trust me now?"

She nodded. "Okay."

"But before, what were you ashamed of?"

"Ashamed of being weak, ashamed of my lack of courage... I used Melanie #2, I used her! Melanie #1 used Melanie #2 as an escape, used her as a shield. I've been trained, Melanie #2 has been trained, so many times, that I can't win if I compete with Patty. The key to happiness and security was to lose to Patty. Only then would Melanie #2 be given love."

I cradled Melanie in my arms. "My dearest wife... I think I can see this... dimly see the horror..."

"Melanie #2 never laughed. She didn't know how. Patty's nickname for me back then was Melancholy. But at night, with my door closed, I used to dance Eric! As early as Junior High! Remember how we would talk of marrying, even as children?"

"Sure."

"I used to dance at night! Dance around the room and sing silently to myself, Eric loves me, Eric loves me! Melanie #1 defeated Melanie #2 in Junior High with that dance! No, not defeated, dominated. And it was you Eric, that allowed child Melanie #1 to be the true Melanie. And then I graduated Junior High just as Patty graduated High School. She moved out of the house then, and I was pure Melanie #1 for years, until my senior year in High School... And then I needed Melanie #2 again..."

"Oh my gosh..."

"I was so scared Eric! In my senior year, it became difficult for Melanie #1 to come out. Without you there, weeks would go by without Melanie #1 able to come out. Eric, what I did to you... Thursday night... It was unforgivable."

"Like hell! I do forgive you! And it's so easy Melanie. You are my wife! It's so incredibly easy to forgive you. I couldn't bear not to..."

Melanie started to cry. "You see why Melanie #2 feared you, don't you?"

I nodded. "I think so. The true Melanie is weaker without me."

"Oh Eric! Not just weaker! Defeated! Without you, Melanie #2 would be victorious. Melanie #1 would never come out again! My training! For an instant, on the dune, I thought I was in competition with Patty for you. And I let her come out! I was so stupid!"

"Hey... hey... Melanie... it's okay..."

"Oh, Eric! It'll never be okay!"

"Sure it will! It's over! Accept my forgiveness? Please?"

Melanie shuddered and finally nodded. "Yes... Okay... Forgiveness accepted..." She took a deep breath and sighed. "As a child, I couldn't bear the pain, all the yelling and mocking. It was like turning a switch, and I magically escaped my fear! I let Melanie #2 take over. And she abused you, degraded you! Or Eric, I'm so sorry!"

"I love you."

"Melanie #2 doesn't understand love, just how to accept being dominated. And without your love to call me back, Melanie #2 could become the True Melanie. That's why she... I... tried to destroy our marriage."

"Melanie... Dearest, sweetest wife... How much of a struggle has this been for you?"

"No struggle at all, after my senior year at Sterling. And when you proposed to me, that morning in my Harvard dorm, I thought my problem was over. I hoped I'd never have to show you how weak I am..."

"Hey! It's not weakness! You managed to save the True Melanie through childhood. It was a brilliant strategy."

Melanie nodded her head. "I've been trained, whenever I'm in competition with Patty, to lose; trained throughout my childhood. I saw you with Patty, talking with her, smiling with her, enjoying her company, even admiring her body."

I sighed. "Oh... Oh my gosh... It's true... In some ways, I did get to like her, and yeah, I do think she's cute. But"

"Oh, I know Eric! I know you are faithful to me! I hold you completely harmless. The fault is all mine."

"Oh, I don't know. I could have been more sensitive..."

Melanie reached up, crying and hugging and kissing me. She whispered in my ear, "Eric, sweet Eric, don't be ridiculous... The fault was all mine... Dearest Eric, I love you. And I will remain your true Melanie, now and forever."

I nodded. We cried together. Eventually we started licking up each other's tears, and our moods turned playful. Melanie was lying flat on her back, her pajama tops unbuttoned, and I was petting her bare, flat stomach, and tracing the outline of her hip bones through her pajama bottoms. A long period of this kind of petting is one of Melanie's favorite foreplays and a way to prepare herself for sex.

I looked down at her beauty and smiled. "Dearest?"

Melanie kept her eyes closed but smiled back up at me. "Uh huh?"

"Perhaps... Later perhaps... You might want... We might want some help with this. A councilor..."

Melanie nodded. "Yes... It'll be a post-mortem analysis, but yes, it will be useful. Melanie #2 though is gone forever."

"Ah..."

Slow, lazy fingers tracing her bare ribs, Melanie sighing in deep contentment...

"You sure?"

"Yes. Melanie #2 admitted final defeat on Friday. She was astonished by your love. She saw it in your eyes, saw your forgiveness and your love for me in your eyes. She and I had our final discussion during my Friday afternoon nap. Melanie #2 was gracious in the end. She wished me all joy and happiness in my life and vowed to vanish, never to return... It's over Eric. Never fear her return... But I probably should get some counciling... It'll help me understand things... Come with me?"

"Oh, of course! Sweet wife, I'm so happy I have you! I still can't believe the wonder, to have you, own you, possess you! I'm so happy!"

"Yes! And I own you! We possess each other's bodies... but not our minds!"

"Hmmm?"

"Eric, it was so wrong of me... even Melanie #2 recognized it. Your mind is your own. I don't want to control your thoughts. That would make me like my parents. I don't want to own your fantasies."

Melanie kissed my hand and held it to her naked breast. "You see a cute female, want to be friends, my gosh, that's your choice, not mine. And even if you want to fantasize, about the other cute females I mean, I don't mind. Exploring our fantasies lets us test and explore our desires..."

I nodded, lightly playing with her freckles on her breast. "Yes..."

"And the beauty of fantasy is we can explore without suffering the consequences of actions."

"Yes, I agree... It's a beautiful gift, to be able to explore and fantasize."

"Yes, exactly! Eric, hear the sincerity of my words. When you want to fantasize about getting sexy with cute females, just do it! I won't mind. But the things you learn in your dreams, they come back to my bed when you want to practice for real, okay?"

"Okay! It's the same for you, of course."

Melanie giggled. "Ah, we females are not as visually oriented as you males. Visualizing getting sexy with other guys doesn't appeal to me. But remember! Your body belongs to me! I own you!"