Chapter 2

At five o'clock the next day, Sarah didn't come. It was crushing to Jeff, although a part of him expected it. He sat quietly, hoping she'd show up and pretend he hadn't screwed everything up. He knew it probably wouldn't work. He had put her in an impossible position and nothing she did would satisfy both of them. If she tried to apologize, he'd feel like a cripple. If she said she wanted to go out with him, he knew it would be out of sympathy. If she still said no, he'd be too embarrassed to act the same around her. He felt lonelier than he ever had in his life.

He drifted off to sleep while thinking about his situation. He was awakened some time later by the feeling of a wet sponge moving on his chest. As he woke, he grumbled about wanting to do this later.

"Sorry, it's time for your bath," came the hushed reply.

Jeff was startled at what he thought he heard, then decided it was just his imagination. He relaxed, hoping this would be over quickly. He wasn't in the mood for the normal small talk the nurses made, trying to make sponge baths less uncomfortable for the recipient.

He sat still, wondering why this felt different tonight. The way the wet cloth dragged across his chest, slowing at his nipples, made him a little uncomfortable. Whether it was intentional or not, he was getting turned on. He had been lying there for more than three weeks without any chance for a normal sexual release. As he felt the soft cloth slide down his stomach, his erection became uncomfortably hard. It wasn't the first time he'd had this problem.

He tried to joke, "Sorry, I ... uh think I've been here alone a little too long."

The nurse just shushed him and kept at her work.

She seemed to be dwelling on more sensitive spots of his body than normal and the whole thing was definitely moving slower. He was really getting agitated about his condition, but tried to relax and focus on something else. That changed when he felt her slip his covers lower and run the fabric slowly down his erection. He knew this was completely inappropriate.

"Listen, I'm sorry but..."

"Just be quiet and let me enjoy myself," he heard Sarah scold.

Jeff tried to push himself up, "Sarah?"

She pushed firmly against his shoulder so he would lay back down. "Listen buddy, I had to bribe the nurse to let me give you your bath, so I want my money's worth, all right?"

He felt a flood of emotions. After believing he had ruined everything, there wasn't any way for him to process what was happening. He wanted her so badly, but this sudden turnaround was stunning. He couldn't imagine what could have happened to trigger this.

Sarah was trapped in her own emotional confusion. She never intended it to go this far, she wanted to tease him a little and then apologize for the way she acted yesterday. It was supposed to be a little joke. As she ran the rag across the scar on his chest, she couldn't help thinking about how he got it, and the irony of her being the one to lose control over a guy. That was normally something her little sister would do.

There was something about Jeff that she couldn't get out of her system. It was something she never could have anticipated and something she thought she'd never feel again. The more she tried to keep her feelings about him in check, the more completely out of control she felt.

The touching started something tingling inside her that quickly became a rush of emotions she just wasn't equipped to deal with. She watched his body with a detached fascination, the damp cloth leaving a glistening trail across his muscles as she moved it down his chest to his stomach. When she reached his waist, she noticed him becoming erect; it was impossible to ignore under the flimsy hospital garment. Then she did something so foreign to her character, that before tonight she would have sworn it was impossible. On an impulse, she found herself moving the cloth lower, using her free hand to pull his gown and blanket out of the way so she could touch him.

The fabric grazed his sensitive skin along with the tips of her fingers. Her skin brushing against his warm flesh caused a surge to run through her body, making her to lose what was left of her will. Jeff spoke, almost breaking the spell she seemed to be under, but she told him to be still, unable to bring herself to stop touching him. The wall that normally protected her was nowhere in sight. The only thing she could think about was trying to bring him pleasure.

Jeff had given up trying to understand what was going on. Sarah's touches felt so amazing that he pushed everything else out of his mind. There was an unexpected consequence to his condition. Without being able to see what was going on, he found that her every touch seemed far more intense than normal.

He could feel her leisurely dragging the rag up and down the underside of his shaft. The fingers of her other hand slowly stroked a spot on his chest. She moved the wet cloth down and let it travel lower, then back again. His hips came off the bed as the pleasure was almost more than he could take.

"You better not move too much or you'll pull out your stitches. I'd like to see you explain that to the doctor."

He heard her softly chuckle at the idea of that meeting. Although the thought was amusing, he couldn't concentrate on anything except her delicate touches. He felt her fingernail softly trail around the head of his penis. It was an unusual sensation. He couldn't remember a woman touching him quite like that. There was an awkward, almost innocent quality to her caresses.

"Are you sure this is what you want?" Jeff asked, suddenly afraid that if she went too far, it could push her away again. "I don't want you to ... oh shit," he groaned, as he felt her warm breath.

It caused him to break out in goose bumps and he grabbed the edges of the bed. She continued teasing him, making the experience even more erotic. He kept flexing his fingers, balling his hands into fists anticipating her mouth touching him. For what seemed like an eternity, he felt like he was undergoing sort of wonderful torture, his body desperate to find release.

When the touch finally came, it was so soft and quick, he thought he imagined it. He held his breath, afraid he might miss it a second time, trying to almost will it to happen again. When it did, he couldn't remember ever feeling that aroused. It was soft, leaving a wet feeling on his shaft. She started dragging her tongue up the length like he was a Popsicle.

"Oh Sarah," he moaned, "that feels so good."

His hips lifted slightly off the bed, and she took his reaction as encouragement, beginning to make small biting motions up and down the underside. When she reached the tip, she tentatively took it in her mouth, sliding down an inch or two, then grabbing the base with one hand. Jeff put his hands on her shoulders, resisting the urge to pull down, instead stroking softly.

He began to move a hand up her neck when she reached out and stopped him. "Uh, uh," she mumbled, returning his hand to the bed.

He took the hint and let her continue what she was doing. It seemed like her confidence was growing because she was becoming more aggressive. Her hand began stroking him and she moved her mouth down a little further. She let him fall from her lips and returned to the earlier technique of licking and biting his shaft. Her mouth moved up and down the entire length, letting her tongue dart out, touching every inch of the underside of his erection.

The sensation was too much for him and Jeff cried out, "Sarah, I'm cumming."

She continued the same motions, pushing her mouth harder against him. Jeff closed his mouth tightly to avoid yelling as he came, feeling his cum shoot onto his chest. His body jerked hard, followed by trembling that seemed to go on forever. As his breathing settled into a regular rhythm, he felt the cloth she was using move across his chest. He assumed Sarah was cleaning him up. With a last, deliberate lick that drew another shudder from him, she moved up his body, kissing him lightly on the lips.

She laid down against him, with her head on his shoulder. They sat together silently for a short time. Finally Jeff couldn't take the uncomfortable silence.

"Sarah," he spoke softly, "That was wonderful. I just don't understand what happened. You said ... well, you know," he trailed off, unable to find words to express his feelings.

He heard her take a deep breath, knowing she wasn't sure what to say. Whether she was looking for the right words, or the right lie, he couldn't tell.

"Jeff, I don't know how to explain it. I wanted you to know how I really feel about you. I guess I got a little carried away. I hope you don't mind," she finished with a chuckle. She kissed him on the cheek, then pulled away.

Jeff couldn't see her smile, but he could tell it was there. "I guess that wasn't the worst surprise I've ever had."

He tried to sound jovial and confident, but couldn't shake his confusion. He had no idea where this left them and was afraid to ask. The last thing he wanted was to make things awkward again. They held each other quietly until she excused herself to go to the bathroom.

Slowly, he sat up while she was gone. His chest still hurt, but it was better. He leaned back and relaxed, trying to figure out his next move. He didn't want to say the words, even in his own head, but he knew exactly how he felt about her. She seemed to feel the same, but there was something wrong. Was she afraid this was some sort of Florence Nightingale crush? If that's what she thought it was, how did her actions make sense?

"I need to stop being a pussy and just be myself," he quietly scolded himself.

"What's that Jeff?" he heard her voice back in the room.

"I was just annoyed with myself because of putting you in that position yesterday. I'm sorry. I like you, but it wasn't fair for me to put you on the spot. I'm glad you came back tonight." He paused, then added with a smile, "Part of me is extremely glad." He hoped she'd take his jest as a sign that he wouldn't push the issue of them dating, at least for now.

"Well, I'm glad I came back too," she said, kissing him on the cheek. "Things are still complicated for me, but I wanted you to know I do care deeply for you. I just got a little carried away. I never imagined myself doing something like that," she continued, her tone betraying her sincere surprise.

There was an uncomfortable silence as they each tried to think of what to say next.

Jeff decided it would be best to take the pressure off of her. "How about if we just listen to the new album you got me?"

"That would be nice," she said gratefully.

His considerate gesture reminded her of just how special Jeff was. She thought he'd want to talk about things between them which frightened her, because she had no answers. Like always, he seemed to know exactly what she was thinking. There simply wasn't a frame of reference for her to deal with his insight and compassion.

She sat next to him and resisted the urge to hold his hand. They talked quietly about nothing for the rest of the night. When she left, she still wasn't sure if she did the right thing, but was happy about it anyway. She wondered if he'd ever understand just how nervous she had been.

"Hi Jeff, I was wondering if you'd like some company," an unfamiliar voice said, rousing him from his thoughts about what to say to Sarah today.

"Well, I guess," Jeff said cautiously. "Who are you?"

"My name is Don Williams. I'm a police officer. I was there the night you were in the fight."

"Are you the officer Paige told me about; the one who saved me?" he said hopefully.

"I don't know if saved is the right word," Don said humbly. "I was just in the right place at the right time."

"Paige told me that you held me together with your bare hands until the paramedics got there. I'd say saved is exactly the right word," Jeff said gratefully.

"Ok then, you're welcome," the policeman conceded. "I just wanted to make sure you were all right and see if there was anything you needed."

"Um," Jeff stammered, "I was wondering ... about the fight in the alley, no one has talked to me about that yet. I was kind of nervous, is everything all right?"

"Jeez," Don said laughing, "you think anyone is looking to charge you for what happened? I've had friends asking me if the story was really true. You're a..."

"Hero, I know," Jeff interrupted, with frustration evident in his voice. "Seriously, if she had gotten hurt or worse, nobody would be calling me a hero, they'd be saying I was a stupid-assed vigilante. I'm lucky as hell things turned out as well as they did."

"I guess," came the reply. "I thought you showed a hell of a lot of guts going in there. Everybody knows you called 911 first and tried to talk your way out of it. Nobody thinks you were being a hot dog, if that's what you're worried about."

Jeff visibly relaxed and the two men slipped into an easy conversation. An hour later when Don announced he had to leave, Jeff felt disappointed. For the first time since the alley, he actually felt on even footing with someone. He was in awe of the stories Don had shared. There was little about being a policeman that Jeff had really understood.

When he stood up to go, Jeff asked, "So you're sure I'm not going to be in any trouble?"

"Those guys were human trash with a long record. If you hadn't stepped in, everyone knows that girl was going to have something horrible happen to her. Trust me, you don't have anything to worry about."

When Don left, Jeff realized he felt much more at ease about things. At the same time, he knew there was something that had been bothering him for a while. His talk with Don had brought into focus exactly why it had been upsetting him. The problem now was figuring out if there was anything he could do to change it.

Jeff was deep in thought. Sarah had been there a little more than an hour, but he wasn't in a good mood despite her presence. "Are you okay?" she asked.

"I don't know," he said honestly. "It's just one of those days. I'm not sure why, but I've been trying to sort things out."

"What sort of things?" Sarah asked nervously.

"Don't worry," he said, trying to reassure her. "It's about me." He thought carefully before continuing. "Sarah, why don't you ever talk about what happened in the alley?"

Sarah was caught off guard. She stammered a reply, "I ... I just thought you'd talk about it if you wanted to."

"Okay, let's say I want to. Do you buy into all this 'hero' nonsense?"

"What you did for Paige was the most unselfish thing I've ever seen," she said firmly. "You were lucky to come out of it alive. If that's not being a hero, I don't know what is."

"I want to say something, but I don't want you to get the wrong idea." He paused, trying to collect his thoughts, "I don't think I'm a hero and in some ways I'm ashamed of myself." When he was greeted with shocked silence, Jeff continued.

"Firemen run into burning buildings, the police protect people daily, soldiers risk their lives. That doesn't even count the people who take care of the sick, feed the hungry," he paused, looking frustrated. "You know what I mean."

Sarah had no idea where he was going with this. "So what are you saying, you have to save people a lot to be special?"

Jeff shook his head. "No, I'm saying people are defined by their actions." He paused, trying to collect his thoughts. "Sarah, do you believe in redemption?"

"Sure, don't you?"

"I don't know. I'm thirty and barely have anything to show for it. I haven't done any of the things I wanted to when I was growing up. Now I'm so up to my ears in bills that I'm just trying to make it to the next paycheck. I get a chance to help somebody one time and everybody's kissing my ass like I cured cancer. Anybody would have done the same thing. I was just in the right place at the right time."

Sarah was indignant, "No they wouldn't have done the same thing!" Jeff was surprised to hear her voice breaking and could tell she was beginning to cry. The intensity of her reaction caught him off guard.

"If you haven't done enough in your life up to now, then change it when you get out of here. Don't you ever let me hear you put down what you did for Paige. Did you ever think maybe you were in that alley for a reason?"

Jeff was sorry she was upset and didn't want to antagonize her, but he also couldn't let it go. "What, you mean some 'master plan'? Come on, do you really buy that? Why would I get to wipe away a whole life of mediocrity with one good deed?"

She touched his face gently, trying to soften her tone. "What about that deed? Have you considered that she could have died if you hadn't helped her? You want redemption, try thinking about her life after that if she had survived." She paused and Jeff could hear a quiet sob.

"Nobody's saying you get a free pass for life because of what happened, but you damn well better believe we are all grateful for what you did. You know, I've been here getting to know you for a month and you are a very good person. I'm not sure why you doubt yourself, but I don't."

Jeff sat quietly, trying to absorb what she said. Sarah was the only person who told him what she thought without trying to soften it. He respected her opinion highly. "Maybe you're right, but it's just so overwhelming. I'm really happy she's all right and I don't regret anything I did. I just feel like the media, your family, the hospital staff ... it's just so much to deal with. How many times can you listen to someone say thank you or tell you how wonderful you are before you just don't know what to say back?"