Chapter 9

"I'm surprised you're here..." Marcus observed, when Tony disappeared, ostensibly to do some homework.

"Yeah, me too... I sort of arranged this yesterday with Elspeth, and then... well, last night didn't really come into thinking until I'd already started round."

"OK... now I'm lost."

"Elspeth asked if she could have the room to herself for the night."

"Is she ill?"

"No, she wants to spend it with Briana..."

"Oh, so she doesn't want it to herself..."

"You know what I mean."

"I do now... right..."

"Well, I said I'd find somewhere else, thinking I could crash with Tony... but..."

"So where are you going to go?"

"Well, I was kind of hoping I could steal your couch." She almost begged. "Don't worry, I don't expect you to clear it with Tony, I'll do that."

"That will be awkward."

"I know... he's a good guy, though, and it's more for his sister than me."

"Are you OK?"

"What? Yeah... it's... it's a break-up, you know."

"No." she winced, laying her head on his shoulder.

"I can't believe you still haven't found someone, you know."

"I have." She recognised that tone.

"Someone else, Marcus..."

"It's not likely, is it."

"You've got to try, you know... they don't drop into your lap. You've got to go out and find them, reel them in."

"I... that's not me. I can't force myself into someone else's life like that. I have enough trouble forcing me into mine..." She chuckled.

"What are we going to do?"

"Grow old and lonely."

"Never... you can't be lonely with friends, Marcus."

"Maybe..."

"This isn't like you, you know... is this because of Hope?"

"Hope for what?"

"No, stupid... last night, Hope."

"Oh, I... she was nice." Shawna felt the twinge of guilt even more deeply than before.

"What are you going to do about it?"

"Nothing."

"What! Why not?"

"Because..."

"Me?"

"Yes." He put the controller down, which surprised her. Dragging Marcus away from a computer game normally required a crowbar. "You're worth waiting for, Sho... I've waited this long. If... if friends is all it's ever going to be I'll have to settle for that, but I'll settle for it rather than miss a chance."

"Marcus... there isn't a chance." She took his hands, smiling as gently as she could. "I wish it could work, but it won't. There's... I don't know, there's just not that there." They fell silent, staring at each other until she finally gave in, nodding towards the screen.

"That Buel's going to make short work of you if you don't get back to it." He nodded, taking the controller back up.

"You should try Hope, you know. You might hit it off."

"I like Hope."

"But?"

"Well, she's not you, for a start."

"Alright, but... assume for a minute that I'm not here."

"OK."

"What about you and Hope?"

"She's... we... we debate a lot, she's smart."

"Which I'm not."

"You are, you're just not... academic, like she is. She's funny, but it's a sarcastic funny rather than your humour..."

"You know, she's sounding a lot like you at the moment."

"Maybe that's the problem."

"Funny, I think she's a lot like me — she's confident, she's brash at times, she says what she feels when she feels it."

"True..."

"Try it, please."

"We'll see." Shawna knew well enough that was all she was going to get, and left it that.

"Can I come in?" Shawna asked, quietly, feeling odd. She hadn't had to knock the last time.

"Um... why?" Tony leant in the doorway, feeling as awkward as she looked.

"This is going to be weird for a while, isn't it?"

"Probably."

"But... we're still... we can be friends, can't we?"

"Yeah, sure... it'll just take a while until it feels normal again."

"See, that could be a problem, the time thing."

"Why?"

"Well, I kind of told Elspeth she could have Briana over tonight... I was expecting to be able to crash here."

"I don't think that's a good idea..."

"No! I wasn't going to suggest that... just... would it be alright if I borrowed your couch?"

"Sho'..."

"Don't do it for me, do it for Briana. You know she's been looking forward to this for weeks." Tony sighed, but nodded reluctantly.

"Alright... this is one of the things we broke up over, you know."

"What?"

"The way you can just 'switch' from one mode to another. Party girl to girlfriend back to party girl, into 'friend'... it's, disconcerting."

"It's not easy, you know... I feel weird about this too, I do. I just... once it's over, I have to get on with my life... so do you."

"Yeah... you know, strange as it is, I think it might actually make it easier."

"Really?"

"Yeah... I always hated the guilty feeling after a break-up... if we both pretend we don't mind, at least we won't get that."

"That's the spirit!" she smiled, gently. "So... the couch?"

"Sure... I'll cope... is Marcus going to be alright with it?"

"I asked, of course, but I didn't have any doubt about him saying yes."

"No... I don't suppose you did."

"Hi." Marcus opened the door to Hope's diminutive form perched on the doorstep, her bag swinging ingenuously in front of her legs. "Can I get some more help with this Relational Database stuff?"

"Um... sure?" he stepped aside, ushering her in, where she paused only momentarily at seeing Shawna stretched out on the couch. "Can I get you a drink?"

"Tea would nice." She confirmed with a nod, deliberately sitting herself where Shawna would have to move her feet while he went out to the kitchen.

"I can't get shit past you at the moment, can I?" she said, with the hint of a smile.

"Just bad timing — Elspeth wanted the room to herself tonight."

"I didn't get what she meant at first," Marcus pointed out as he poked his head back in. "Sorry, we're out of real milk, is goat's milk OK?"

"Do you find that whole gluten/casein free diet thing works for you?" after she nodded

"Can't hurt, can it? Shawna, do you want another?"

"No, thanks... I'll be up all night if I have another. I don't know how you manage to drink all that coffee all day."

"So... how's Shawna?" Hope managed, feeling a little awkward.

"Fine, thanks. Do you really think this 'homework' ploy is going to break the ice with Marcus?"

"Why wouldn't it? I have the charm, I just need the opportunity to apply it." She smirked.

"I'm just... Marcus has this one track mind. If he's homeworking, he's homeworking, and going out won't come into it."

"I know... it's just an excuse to be here. Then I can turn his mind to other things." She took off her coat, demonstrating admirably just what other things might include, with a mini-skirt and stocking combination that almost had Shawna drooling.