Chapter 54

Elspeth woke slowly, already slightly warm, with two soft hands stroking the underside of her breasts, teasingly.

"Hmm..." She opened her eyes, made out the blurry figure of Briana kneeling beside her, and reached up to grasp her hands.

"Morning, lover," Briana whispered, leaning down to kiss her, surrounding her head in a halo of brown hair. Unsure of her sight without her glasses, Elspeth ran her hands up Briana's arms to her shoulders, then into the centre of her chest where she began to fumble for the top button until hands clamped over her own.

"Please don't," Briana whispered. Elspeth pulled her hands back, suddenly cold, and fumbled on the windowsill above her head for her glasses.

"Bri?"

"Just..."

"What is it?"

"Nothing, I'm just..."

"It's not nothing," Elspeth said, cutting her off and sitting up naked in bed. Briana's eyes tracked down, momentarily, and she turned away.

"Just... I was going to go get breakfast in, what did you want?"

"You," Elspeth shot back. Briana passed her her nightshirt, which she took and tossed into the far corner.

"Are you going to tell me what's going on?"

"Nothing's going on. I'm just going to get breakfast."

"You woke me to tell me you're going to get breakfast. And yet you're still in your pyjamas."

"It was a spur of the moment thing."

"Most excuses are," Elspeth noted, archly. Then her expression softened a little. "Will you please talk to me?"

"About what?"

"Well, I'm guessing about surgery." Briana stopped in the middle of the room, staring intently at her fingers for a minute.

"You said you didn't think it was a good idea, That's..."

"That's not what I said," Elspeth pointed at the bed, beside her. "I said it wasn't a good idea to rush into a decision like that, especially after you've just been through an experience like you have. We both read the booklet they gave you. It said you can go for the surgery any time."

"I want this, El. I know you don't like the idea of me going under the knife. I know it looks painful and all sorts of hideous things can go wrong, I've watched the same shows you have. But they aren't me. They're doing it because they want bigger boobs, or... I don't know, and I don't care. I'm all lop-sided. I want to go to the beach and wear a swimsuit, even if I can't wear a bikini. I want to be able to buy tops without having to cover up to the neck."

"How long have you been planning that presentation?"

"I just want you to be proud of me, to be proud to be out with me..."

"You think I'm not?"

"How can you be?"

"Look at me, Bri. I've got no waist, no figure to speak of. I'm eighty percent hips and thighs, and twenty percent glasses. You're a national athlete, for fuck's sake. You've got legs that go on and on and on for miles, and they're all tanned, toned, tight muscle.

"You've got the sort of hair I'd kill for, and you don't have to do anything with it. It just lands like that when you get out of the shower. You've got wonderful, warm eyes, and a smile that make me worry I'll have to beat people off with a stick, and none of it matters.

"You could get struck down with polio or something tomorrow and turn into a withered little stick in a wheelchair, and I'd still want to be seen out with you."

"I wouldn't," she whispered.

Elspeth pulled her gently down onto the bed.

"Are you not happy? This isn't just one operation, Bri. You're looking at having to have three or four of these over the next five years, assuming they all go well, until it's the same size as the one you've got. And then you're going to need one every fifteen to twenty years after that to replace the implant."

"I know," she said. "I'm not afraid of going under the knife."

"It's not the knife. It's the anaesthetic," Elspeth pointed out... "I'll worry. What if you survived all you've been through, and then die on the table trying to get a silicon blob pushed in to make it look like three and a half pounds of fat were never taken away?"

"Survived what I've been through... You make it sound like this is some sort of great achievement."

"You beat it."

"I didn't!" Briana yanked at her top savagely, popping buttons free and throwing the shirt across the room after Elspeth's nightshirt. "Look. Look at what I won. It won, El. It took this. Look at me. I'm a fucking freak."

"You're you, Bri. This..." she reached out tenderly, tracing the scar with her fingers slowly. "This is part of who you are. You wouldn't be here if it hadn't been for this. Might not have met me if it hadn't been for this. I wish you'd never had to go through it, I really do, but... it's all I've ever known of you."

"I hate it, El. It's not a trophy, I can't see it as a scar. It's a reminder, all the time, that something stole my teens, and my figure."

"Are you really unhappy?"

"I'm... You make me happy, El. You know that. But I shouldn't need someone to make me happy. I feel... limited. You say I've beaten it, but there are still things that I can't do because of it. I want to put it behind me and never have to think of it again. I want to forget about high-necked tops and t-shirts at the beach.

I want to wear necklaces that sit properly. I... I want to lie here with you and not keep feeling like I have to cover up."

"You don't have to cover up."

"But it feels like it. And not for you... for me."

"Look, Bri. If you really want this, if it really worries you, you know I'll back you, don't you?"

"You will?"

"Of course! I just want you to be really sure, OK? Please, just promise me that you'll not make your decision before we go to Egypt."

"Egypt?"

"Yeah, you said you wanted to go to Egypt."

"Well, yeah, but... we can go any time now."

"No we can't. The tickets are for the last week of July."

"You booked already!"

"I'm struggling to get travel insurance for you. Can you believe they'll turn you down because of your medical history? The bastards..."

"You've booked already!"

"Yes, darling. I've booked. Four days in Cairo, two days in Alexandria, and a cruise along the Nile in between."

"How did you afford that?"

"Doesn't matter."

"Of course it matters! I'll have to pay that back at some point."

"No you won't. What's mine is yours."

"Seriously, El. Where did you get the money?"

"My parents had some money put aside for me to get a car... I pointed out that you already had a car, so I didn't need one, but that I did have something else I wanted the money for." Elspeth tentatively reached out and ran her finger down Briana's neck, gently. Pushing her hair aside, she leant forward to kiss gently along her neck, licking the back of her ear.

"They went for that?" Briana angled her neck up to get closer to the sensations.

"Once I'd explained the situation, yeah." Elspeth's hands moved lower, flitting over Briana's uneven chest and stroking her nipples gently.

"Don't..." She started to push Elspeth away, but Elspeth rolled her over and kissed her deeply.

"I don't have time to argue with you today, Bri, " she said, as she finally came up for air, her fingers still gently caressing.

"Are you busy today?" Bri murmured, surrendering to the feelings Elspeth's fingers were generating.

"Not until this afternoon," she admitted. "This morning I'm watching you run around like a headless chicken getting ready for my parents turning up at lunch."

"They're — whaoooahhh." Elspeth dropped her head, running the length of her tongue over Briana's stiff nipple, and Briana forgot about tidying the room for a while.

"Marcus!"

Slowing his pace as he approached the house, Marcus was caught off-guard by the call. He turned to find his father waiting in a nearby car. "I wondered if we could talk again?"

"I suppose," Marcus conceded, after a few moments' thought. "Come on in."

"I meant just the two of us." He got out the car, pushing the door closed. "I'm not going to try and hustle you off somewhere in the car, I just thought we could take a walk. Maybe get a coffee or something." He stood still, a folded newspaper in hand, waiting for Marcus to reply. He was just about to speak again when Marcus nodded.

"OK. I'll just let Shawna know where I'm going to be."

"Is she your keeper? Can't you go out for a walk without getting her approval?"

"I'm not asking permission, I'm letting her know why I'm not there when she expects me to be."

"OK, sure. Sorry."

Marcus turned away, trotting up the steps to the flat, and letting himself in.

"Hey, honey."

Shawna smiled up at him from the sofa, closing the textbook she was reading. "Was Hope around when you got up?"

"No." He stayed in the doorway.

"I wonder if she's ill. She's still not up, and I've not seen or heard from her this morning."

"Did you check the machine?"

"Yeah, nothing there."

"There is now." He pointed out the red flashing light, lifting the unit to turn it towards her.

"Must have come in while I was in the shower — go on then."

Guys, I know it's late notice, but I'm sleeping over at a friend's place tonight. Don't worry. I'll catch up with you in the morning. It's nothing to worry about. It's just a bit late to be walking home alone.

"Well, that explains that one," Shawna shrugged. "What's up? You look tense."

"My Dad's outside."

"What does he want?"

She got up from the sofa, moving to the window to look out at the figure waiting on the pavement below.

"To talk. Go get a coffee."

"Are you going?"

"I think so."

She chewed at her lip gently.

"Did you want me to come?"

"He wanted it to be just the two of us, I think."