Chapter 39

"Is he alright?" Hope asked, as Shawna emerged quietly closing the door behind her.

"I think so. He's calmed down a bit — that many unfamiliar people threw him a bit."

"That's what I figured." She slumped down into her chair. "Bang goes band practice tonight." She frowned.

"We'll get there." Shawna smiled, pointing to the kitchen and getting a nod for the implied offer of a drink. "The music'll probably help him get out of it."

"That's true." Hope admitted, with a smile, following her into the kitchen. "What's he doing?"

"Drawing, I think." Hope took a seat at the kitchen table, watching Shawna for a moment as she bustled around. "How are you?"

"What? Me, I'm fine... a little pissed at Elspeth and Brianna, but..."

"Not Tony or Lorraine?"

"Well, Lorraine's been in a ditz about her mum all day, and Tony's just too much of an idiot sometimes, it's not really a surprise. Bri and El should know better."

"You know they told Elspeth's parents about themselves today?"

"I didn't." Shawna settled at the table with the two cups. "I still expected a little more of them."

"Maybe... Anyway, I didn't really mean about today. I meant in general."

"Fine, really." She shrugged. "Why?"

"Well... you..." Hope wrapped her small hands around the cup and chewed gently at the inside of her cheek for a moment. "You never seem to talk to anyone about things — Connor things."

"I... I'm trying not to think about it." Shawna admitted, staring fixedly at the small ripples in her cup. "It doesn't help to go over it."

"Marcus said you had some sort of a panic attack... I wondered if it might be linked?"

"What did he tell you?"

"That he was tired because he'd slept on the floor, because you'd been upset and he was caught between being with you and you giving you some space."

"No details?"

"He's good at that, isn't he..." Hope nodded.

"We saw Connor." Shawna gabbled, quickly, knowing if she waited she'd never get it out.

"What did he do?"

"He was great, he just... he was just there, I guess he didn't have to do anything, it was enough to just know that he would if I asked."

"I meant Connor, what did he do?"

"Nothing. He didn't even see us, I don't think."

"So... what happened?"

"I don't know, it was just..."

"Were you afraid he was going to come after you?"

"No, well, not exactly... that was there, but Marcus would have killed him. It was... I don't know what it was, really. Everything just piled up behind my eyes. I was back there again..."

"I'm... I'm sorry, you know. I was in the next room... I had no idea."

"I know." She nodded. "I had no idea until it was too late..." she trailed off, and the two of them sat for a while with their own thoughts.

"Are you two alright?" Marcus asked, watching the pair staring into their respective cups.

"Yeah." Shawna sat up, shaking her hair out with a smile that was only slightly forced.

"You sure?" Marcus noticed.

"I'm fine, really. I just needed a few min..." he cut off as someone knocked at the door.

"You want a coffee?" Shawna asked as he headed for the door.

"No, thank you." He opened the door to find Corinne stood waiting.

"Good, you're in. Shawna here?"

"Yes." He nodded, and she nudged him aside and headed in, spotting Hope coming out of the kitchen.

"Excellent, full house." She threw her bag down on the nearest seat, stood with her arms crossed until Shawna emerged.

"Corrine?"

"Who wants to tell me where this fucking crazy idea that I like girls comes from?" she demanded, and Hope and Shawna traded looks.

"You do." Marcus answered, crisply. "You and... Shawna..." He trailed off as three identically withering stares came his way.

"Corinne, you..." Hope tried, but Corinne waved at her to be quiet.

"No. You came on to me because someone told you I went that way — him, right?" Hope nodded, reluctantly.

"Where did you get that from?" she turned back to Marcus who froze for a moment.

"I don't remember." He managed, after a second.

"Bullshit."

"He got it from me." Shawna told her, slipping into a chair with a confused half-smile. "Don't you remember?"

"Fuck off! 'Remember' my arse." Corrine dropped into the opposite chair, leaning forward to stare at her.

"You really don't remember, do you? Lorraine's birthday party?" Shawna almost giggled until she saw Corrine's expression, and reined her humour in a little.

"Why don't you tell us what you remember," Hope sat down, looking concerned, "and we'll take it from there."

"It was... well, we all went out to that club that closed in Buchanon Street..."

"Fitzroy's." Marcus supplied.

"Yeah, there. Then we all piled back to the dorm, and had a few more to drink and crashed. And someone... got friendly..."

"And you think it was me?" Corrine asked, bluntly.

"Well... I know it wasn't Hope — finger's weren't... well, it was different. Elspeth and Brianna were all wrapped up in each other — that only left you there."

"She wasn't there." Hope broke the silence, quietly.

"What?"

"She didn't come back to the room, she went off with Aiden on the way home."

"True." Corrine pointed out, looking stern. "Did you guys tell anyone else about this?"

"No." Shawna, shook her head, after thinking a moment. "Just Marcus, I think. Oh, and Elspeth and Brianna."

"I don't remember telling anyone." Hope offered, after a moment, and they all turned to Marcus.

"Hope, and Ally and Nick at Christmas." He explained.

"I guess I can live with that." Corrine sighed, flopping back. "I'm not... I don't get icky around you guys, you know that, but... I just don't want someone's hands going in the wrong places, you know." Shawna blanched and Hope squeezed her shoulder gently.

"I'm sorry, Corrine, I really... I thought..." Hope tried.

"I know." Corrine nodded, with a tight smile. "And you stopped when I asked... it's... I just don't want anyone getting the wrong idea. Sorry, I didn't mean to go off the wall at you guys."

"It's OK." Hope muttered.

"So..." Marcus began, and Hope tried to shake her head, but he didn't notice, "if it wasn't Corrine, who was it?"

"It wasn't Hope." Shawna said, vehemently, "I'd have recognised that since then. And I'm pretty sure it wasn't Brianna or Elspeth."

"So who does that leave?" Corinne asked, relaxing now that the hard part was out of the way.

"Lorraine." Hope shrugged. "She was the only other one there."

"Lorraine? Come on..." Shawna managed, after a moment, and the three girls just laughed, leaving Marcus to leave quietly and return to his drawing.

"Marcus?" he looked up from the kitchen table to see the three women staring at him, and self-consciously eased the sketch-pad closed, looking back and forth amongst them.

"What?" he finally asked, when it became apparent even to him that they were waiting for something.

"Are you OK?" Hope asked, quietly, stood in the middle. She and Shawna both noticed the way his eyes darted around the room looking for another way out.

"Why don't you come out here and talk to us?" Shawna asked, easing the other two away from the door.

"Uh... ok." He managed, rising slowly, tying the book closed before he joined them. "What's up?" he asked, as he leant against the kitchen door-frame, looking at the three in the soft chairs.

"Come sit down." Shawna patted the seat next to her, and he slowly joined her, eyes flitting back and forth between the three stares.

"What did you want to talk about?"

"Are you alright?" Corinne leant forward. "I'm sorry I blew up like that, it's been a long weekend."

"I'm fine." He assured her. "Is that it?"

"Marcus..." Shawna began, but he stood up anyway, headed away.

"I didn't call you a freak, Marcus." Hope blurted out, and he stopped, turning slowly.

"You said they were having a freak-show." He pointed out.

"No, I said you weren't a freak-show..."

"Which means they thought that it was."

"And they were wrong."

"What makes a freak a freak?" he shrugged. "It was just oppressive until then, I didn't really notice it was anything more than just lots of people in one place."

"Ignorance is bliss." Corinne chimed in, and Marcus couldn't tell if her grin was meant to be sympathetic or telling him it was a joke.

"I'm not like them." He shrugged. "What better definition of freak is there?"

"Marcus, I'm not like them, either." Shawna grabbed his hand, dragging him back to the seats. "Hope isn't like them — sure your unique traits are a little more obvious than theirs, but so what? You're no more of a freak than I am, or they are."

"Lorraine's mother, now that's a freak." Hope put in. "That woman's from a different planet."

"She seemed a snooty cow." Shawna snorted, settling Marcus into the seat beside her.

"That's about right." Hope nodded. "She absolutely has to be the brightest, shiniest, most interesting thing in the room, and she is never, ever wrong. She used to be a nightmare at school, she'd come into an event and just try to take it over completely."

"So what's with that?" Corinne asked, with a frown. "Why doesn't someone just tell her to fuck off?"

"People don't like to rock the boat, I guess." Hope shrugged. "She just barrels on through, and everyone seems to knuckle under and do what she wants... I've never understood why. My... my mum used to stand up to her..." Shawna reached a hand out to Hope's shoulder as she slouched a little, thinking of her mother.

"She taught you well enough then." Shawna offered. "You stood up to her."

"I did, didn't I?" Hope managed a slight smile.

"How did you find her?" Shawna nudged Marcus with her hip, and he looked up.

"She was here when I came in."

"Not 'find' find... I mean, how was she? What did you think of her?"

"I don't know she was... bossy, I suppose. They treated her as though her opinion was important — like they liked her and wanted to make her happy — but they obviously didn't really like her from the way they were talking. Except for Elspeth's mother — she seemed to treat it like it was some sort of game..."

"If it's any consolation," Hope patted his knee, "I don't get it, either. It's difficult to stand up to her on your own, though."

"Let's get on with some music." Shawna got to her feet as the conversation started to bog down a little. "That's what we're here for, after all."

"That's what you're here for." Corrine pointed out. "Do you mind if I stay?"

"Fine with me." Shawna smiled, broadly, as Marcus headed back to his room for his guitar. Hope came back from the back room with the collapsible stand for her keyboard, and began setting up.

"Just the three of you?" Corrine looked. "What do you play, Shawna?"

"The crowd, darling." Shawna struck a pose. "The crowd."

"You sure you're OK with this?" Marcus leant against the doorframe, eyebrows furrowed together as Shawna stood in the middle of the seats slowly looking around. The tight skirt barely covered her underwear, and the spaghetti-strapped top clung tight enough to show all the curves he loved so much.

"Bag, keys, coat, phone..." she counted the list off. "I'll be fine, Marcus, promise." She reassured him. "What am I forgetting?"

"Purse?" He pointed through to the kitchen, and watched as she scurried off to get it and scurried back. "What..." he paused, taking a breath, hoping he wasn't going to put his foot in it. "What if he's there?" He didn't need to clarify who 'he' was.

"Trust me, Marcus, where we're going there's not going to be anyone eligible to be called 'he'." He frowned, and she waited a few seconds for understanding to dawn. It didn't. "It's a all-girl club, Marcus. No guys, that's why I didn't invite you."

"Oh." He nodded, then frowned again.

"Don't you trust me?" she asked, with a pout, recognising the look.

"Trust you, yes. Trust them, with you looking like that?" She squealed and jumped at him, wrapping her arms round his neck and pressing herself up against him.

"You, Marcus Bowers, have an uncanny ability to say just the right things, sometimes." He smiled, gently as she kissed the tip of his nose, and grew solemn again.

"Be careful."

"I'm going with a group of friends I can trust, and we're not going to get hammered, OK." She laid a hand on his chest. "Promise."

"OK."

"What are you up to tonight?"

"England play Latvia, it's live on BBC 1." He pointed back at the TV, needlessly.

"Real game or a friendly?"

"European qualifier."

"OK." She waited a moment. "Real game or friendly?"

"Real game." He explained with a smile. Darting away from him, she gathered her things up from the floor again, and shrugged into the coat he held out for her as the doorbell rang.

"I'll see you later, don't wait up."

"OK." He turned away before she'd finished shutting the door, and she smiled gently to herself, glad she had friends she could go dancing with. He'd go if she asked, she knew, but he'd hate every minute of any club they went to.

"You're going to freeze in that." Hope pointed out, wrapped up tight in a fur-lined jacket with her head pulled down to the ears in it. "I couldn't face wearing a skirt in this wind."

"I wanted to wear jeans too." Shawna admitted, quietly, spying Brianna and Elspeth sat in the front of Brianna's car. "Unfortunately... I couldn't get into any of them..." Hope just shook her head with a commiserating grimace.

"This diet isn't working for you." She observed, as they headed to the car. "You need to try something else — another diet, maybe."

"Marcus keeps trying to get me try different exercises." She pointed out, as they scrambled into the back seat.