Chapter 23

"What was that about?" Marcus asked, an hour or so later, as they gathered up drinks and some biscuits in the kitchen. Tony and Lorraine had left, needing to get back to the friends they were staying with, leaving Briana, Elspeth and the unusually quiet Hope.

"What was what about?" Shawna asked. "Hope?"

"No, you telling everyone to stay around if they wanted... I thought..." he started to get flustered, wondering if he was speaking out of turn. "That is... tonight... we..." She smiled, kissing him gently as she picked up the plate of biscuits.

"Later..." she muttered. "Don't forget to bring the bottle-opener with you."

They returned to a palpable silence, Shawna exchanging looks with Briana and Elspeth that Marcus couldn't even begin to interpret.

"Who wants what?" he asked, holding forth the plate of biscuits, and an assortment of bottles, to a general lack of enthusiasm. "What's going on here?" he asked, finally. "Is this just post-Christmas blues or am I missing something?"

"Marcus!" Shawna tried to hush him, and Briana and Elspeth got up.

"Look, we're going to head back... Hope, are you... Hope?" Briana tried, and finally Hope looked up, eyes brimming with tears.

"Go on, you guys head home. I'm going to hang around for a bit."

"Oooo... K." Elspeth managed, only able to shrug in Shawna and Marcus' direction as they got their coats on and he saw them out.

The door closed, quietly, and he headed back, settling onto the seat beside her as Shawna folded her legs up on the couch.

"Hope... what's up?" he finally managed. "It's not like you to hang around when people have obviously got things to do."

"Marcus!" Shawna hissed. "You can't say that..." Hope just smiled, wanly.

"Sometimes it's just like talking to Tommy." She explained, to both of them. "He doesn't understand why everyone's upset..."

"Has anyone told him?" Marcus asked.

"He knows... he went to the funeral too."

"Whose?" Shawna asked.

"Mum's..." she managed, and turned into Marcus, crying as she pressed her face into his shirt. Wide-eyed and tense he stared across at Shawna, looking for help. She mimed wrapping her arms around someone, and he tentatively did. It felt surprisingly good, he realised guiltily, feeling the hardness of her rib-cage against his hip, so much smaller and more solid than Shawna was, which got him thinking about wrapping his arms around her.

He absently rubbed the back of her shoulders, encouraged by the way she was relaxing as much as by Shawna's continued nodding approval. Finally, just as Marcus was beginning to think she was never going to stop, she sat back, wiping her eyes gently, slumping into the seat again.

"I'm sorry, I didn't really think of you guys wanting to be alone, I'll head back..." she offered, but Shawna waved her back into the seat.

"Don't worry about that... what happened?"

"The day after we got back for the holiday Mum just... went. Heart attack, just like that."

"Why did you come back so quick?" Marcus asked, quietly. "I'm sure they'd have let you have a few weeks."

"To do what?" she asked, with a shrug. "Dad's throwing himself into the church work when he's not at work. Tommy's... he's dealing with it his way, which means he's aware of it, but it hasn't really engaged him, emotionally. He hasn't cried or anything... he gets confused when I do. It's hard for him..."

"Sounds like it's hard for you, too." Shawna offered, quietly, passing the bottles back to Marcus. "Why don't you go make some tea, Honey." She asked, and he nodded.

"Don't you prefer coffee?" he paused, while Hope nodded, distractedly, and then headed out.

"How old was she?" Shawna asked, looking for anything she could.

"Don't..." Hope started, then sagged a little further. "Thank you, but... I've had just about as many platitudes as I can take... she's gone to a better place, whom the Gods' love die young... all the rest..."

"What can we do?" Shawna asked.

"Nothing." Marcus explained, from the doorway, coming back while the kettle hissed away in the kitchen behind him. "When someone dies you just have to... get used to them not being there."

"That's the one." Hope observed, nodding quietly. "Get used to it..."

"At least you got home to see her before it happened." Shawna pointed out, trying to find some good points.

"That's true... selfish, but true."

"Wanting something for yourself isn't selfish," Marcus told her, quietly. "I mean, it is if it's at someone else's expense, but think of it this way — she got to see you again before it happened, too... I'll bet that made her a little happier."

"Also true." Hope nodded.

"Was it... I mean did something happen, or is there a family history or something?"

"I don't know... she went to bed, and then in the middle of the night she just struggled to sit up, flapped at my Dad's arm... then she was gone. There was a load of medical stuff they talked about, but... it was just her time." They fell silent for a while, and when the kettle boiled Shawna got up to make it, waving Marcus back to the chair.

"Would you rather talk, or not?" he asked, quite obviously willing to do either, and getting a light chuckle in response.

"This is so easy for you, is it?" she asked.

"Easier than it might be... I've been through it myself, so I've got experience of how I felt, even if it's not exactly the same."

"I didn't mean like that. You're like Tommy, you can just sort of... switch the emotions off." He shrugged, it wasn't something he could explain. "Who did you lose?"

"My stepmother, she died of cancer. It was slower, we all knew it was coming, so we had the chance to get used to the idea... it didn't stop us missing her, just that we got used to the loss quicker, I think."

"Do you still miss her?"

"Sort of... we... I didn't really know her. I was just a kid, I didn't really understand anyone back then... I missed her for a long time afterwards, but some of that was just me not liking changes."

"I miss my Mum already... I went a week at a time without phoning her last term, and now that she's not there I want to talk to her all the time..."

"I... I haven't got anything to make that go away."

"You don't have to." She told him, patting his hand as Shawna came back with the drinks. "Sometimes it's just enough that people will listen." She told him, smiling for Shawna's benefit to show her she was included in that. "I've ruined your evening..."

"Not really, we'd already finished the meal and the dancing and stuff." Marcus pointed out.

"I know, but you were supposed to get some time alone together at the end of the evening."

Marcus just shrugged, and Shawna nodded her agreement, pushing down the feeling of relief she couldn't explain.

"Some things are more important." She explained, and they plopped down onto the couch either side of her, and kept her company into the small hours of the morning.

"Morning." Shawna jerked upright on the couch as Hope bent over her, staring wide-eyed at the sad, wan smile. "Thanks for last night."

Shawna took a few moments to look around, placing herself finally in Marcus' sitting area.

"Is he up?" she finally managed.

"I think he went for his run." Hope explained, standing back up again. "I'm going to head off, let you guys have this morning... I'm really sorry about last night."

"That's OK..." Shawna assured her. "Are you going to be alright?"

"I'll be OK, really." Hope assured her, although the smile was obviously forced.

"Look, hang around for while, until Marcus gets back. I can tell him where I am, and I'll walk you back."

"You don't have to do that..."

"Hey, come on. Marcus and I have had all holiday together... you've had a rough time. If he was here, he'd say it too."

"I'm surprised, I have to say... did he fight that much?"