Part 2: Fighting It

I forgot to hang up the receiver, and slumped down on the bed, face down in the pillow and just started sobbing. My whole world just exploded in my face and I remained empty except for the anger and hurt.

An hour later Celia entered the room and found me sobbing into the pillow with the phone receiver still in my hand.

"What happened? Are you feeling that bad?" and then she saw the receiver in my hand.

"Darling, in spite of what you apparently heard, I love you. I've never loved anyone else since the first day we met. Please, don't take it so hard."

I noticed suddenly, that without any logical explanation I had a hard on.

I got up and said with a voice full of anger: "So you just want to be fucked roughly from time to time?"

I threw her face down on the bed, lifting her dress to her waist, moved her panties aside, pulled out my cock and slammed into her with all the force I could muster. I fucked her hard in a way I've never used on any woman. She started screaming and then she had a tremendous orgasm. I pulled out, aimed at her asshole and rammed in, without lubrication or any preparation. I kept ramming into her forcefully until she came again. "You wanted some in the ass too, so here you have it!" I shouted.

I pulled out and went straight to the bathroom to wash myself. I was totally disgusted with what I've just done. But the anger, the insult and the hurt were still there.

Returning to the bedroom with my hard on waving in front of me I am met with:

"Darling, that was great! I wish you had done that to me years ago. But you are still hard! You didn't cum!"

"You whoring bitch," I said venomously. "I don't like it this way and I don't enjoy it this way. I feel as if this was the first time I've raped a woman, and it happens to be the woman I loved. I can't even explain why I'm hard, for sure I'll never be able to enjoy it and cum this way."

"I'm going to sleep in the guest room until I can sort out all that I heard today. I can't be in the same bed with you. God, to find out in one day that both my daughters are sluts and my wife, whom I loved so much, is nothing better."

At that I collected whatever I needed to move and went to the guest room where I threw myself on the bed.

Celia followed me into the guest room and tried to hug me, I pushed her away. "Don't you dare touch me!"

She started crying. "Joe, I love you so much, I can't lose you! Listen to me. The phone calls you heard were a setup. I knew your habit of lifting the phone for every call. I talked Julie into having the conversation you heard and I knew you were listening in on my conversation with Diane. Diane was the only one who didn't know about the setup, but even if she knew — you would have heard approximately the same thing, although maybe a little more gently."

"You wanted me to hear that you and the girls are all whores? What's the logic behind that?"

"None of us is a whore. We just love sex, and it seems that Diane and Julie love it even more than I do. That doesn't make us whores. That just makes us women who want to enjoy what life has to offer. I wanted you to know about all of this because I want you to change a little. Not much, I still want the man I fell in love with over 20 years ago and whom I still love with all my heart. But I want you to loosen up a bit. To enjoy life more than you allow yourself to enjoy now. I love the way you make love to me. There is nothing better. But when I ask for a little more — and I don't do that often — I want you to enjoy it with me. If you look at what you did to me an hour ago as 'rape' — we do not think alike. I don't want this every day, but still, sometimes this is what I need. I enjoyed it today until I heard that you didn't. Then it was all wasted."

"Is that why you allowed the girls to become sluts? God, my 15 year old daughter is talking freely with her friends about fucking a bunch of people, some of them incestuous. She is fucking half the men on our street! How do you want me to take that?"

"Darling, face the world of today. We either allow it to happen and keep some control over it, or she will do it behind our backs and lie to us all the time. Julie came to me at age 13 and asked to be put on the pill, telling me she just enjoyed sex, and the more the better. So instead of forbidding it — and we know how much that would help — I put her on the pill and had a few long talks with her about sex. She is very open with me and that is something invaluable. Have you ever noticed, before listening in on her today, that she was trying to seduce you? She told me very openly that she heard us during our love making many times, and she wanted to sleep with you. She also told me that whenever she has sex with one of those men — she is fantasizing that it's you. This may shock you, but I think it will only be good for her, and for all of us, if you took this wonderful offer your daughter is giving you."

"Diane is into all kinds of sex since she was 12 years old. She too confided in me and I also put her on the pill and talked with her a few times. She still has sex with at least 4 guys every week, but strangely — it was always just fucking. No one has ever made love to her the way you love me."

"And this made you fuck my brothers and my dad?"

"Before you start blaming them for anything, it must be clear that I seduced them. You know sexy little me — when I set out to seduce someone — no one can really fight it off. None of them came on to me until I seduced them. The relationship with your brothers was a long standing one, about ten years. But you know how few times we got together. Your father was a different story. I seduced him once, and afterwards he felt so guilty he could not face you. You may remember that about 12 years ago we didn't see your parents for more than a year. You wondered about the reason at the time. He just couldn't face you. A week after he was with me he broke down and confessed everything to your mother. That is why she was so cold towards me until she passed away."

"Then how come he can face me now?"

"I convinced him that you knew nothing about it and will never know."

"I can't say that I regret what I've done. I needed something you refused, or couldn't give me, and I went out and found it somewhere else. I didn't pick up strangers and I didn't go to family friends. I kept it within the family after making the men swear that it will never come into the open."

"And what about the school boys, and you sharing with Diane?"

"This was the only mistake I made, and I stopped it the moment I heard that word was getting around about it. Take note — I enjoyed it tremendously. This is why I want you to loosen up. I want you to understand that sex is for fun, and not only within the matrimonial vows. This is something I won't do again for the same reason I stopped then. I love you too much to lose you. I won't be able to stand it if I lost you."

"Celia, this is too much for me in one day. I have a lot of thinking to do, and I don't know what the outcome will be. I'm not even sure I can go on living with you as husband and wife. I need time, and probably lots of it."

"God, I hope you'll see my point and accept me back. Losing you will kill me. I arranged the whole thing with the phones today hoping that you'll look at it all with an open mind. If I made a mistake with this hope — both our lives are ruined for good."

"Yours won't. You can keep on fucking whoever you want." I said bitterly.

"Maybe so, darling, but the love we share together is something I'll never find anywhere else."

"Before I leave you with your thoughts I'd like you to consider — with an open mind again — that Julie wants to sleep with you very much, and that Diane has never, in her 6 years of having sex, been really made love to. I really and truly want you to make love to both your daughters. If your mind will be open enough — I may even join in. You see, my love, I have this kinky streak in me that wants to come out. But if it means losing you or even hurting you the way we are hurting you today — I'll just send this kinky streak back to sleep. Bottom line is — I'm not asking for forgiveness, neither for me nor for the girls. I AM asking for understanding, loosening up and using an open mind."

"Please, Joe, I want us to die together of old age. Nothing else really matters. I'll bring you something to eat. I don't want Julie to see you like this."

A week went by. I was still staying in the guest room, unable to decide which way to go. Celia brought me my meals... We hardly spoke a word, but the more time passed — the more obvious it became that she had been crying.

I had to weigh our 20 years of deep love against her indiscretions.

I always believed in an old saying, that "sex is sex, and love is love, but when combined they are a thousand fold better than each on its own". And now I was required to actually make a separation between sex and love. I was asked to have — and let Celia have — extramarital sex. I abhorred the idea.

A week after the 'explosion', there was a gentle knock on the door and the sound of someone crying. Then Julie's voice came, through her sobs. "Daddy, can I please come in?"

"Come in Julie."

She came in and sat next to me on the bed, put her head on my chest and burst into crying again, her sobs racking her whole body.

"Daddy... I'm so... so sorry I brought you such pain. I understand your pain. I understand that no parent wants a daughter like me... But this is what I am. I love sex so much and enjoy it all the time. Mom understands me and helps me, but I can't expect you to feel the same. I brought shame to you but I can't change. If you don't want me around I'll leave home and find another place to live. But please come out of this room and be my Daddy again. Please don't hate me. Please become alive again."

I started crying with her. We were crying and sobbing — she on my chest and I into her shoulder. Then she started caressing my hair whispering repeatedly: "I miss my Daddy."

Suddenly I felt my hand caressing her hair. I did it without thought, just an automatic reaction to her tears. I caressed her hair and then extended my arms for her and hugged her close. How can one stop loving his own child?

I think we both fell asleep like this. Hugging each other and with dried tears on our cheeks.

Sometime later, the door opened quietly and there stood Celia and Diane. I woke up because of the light that came in, and saw them both watching us with quiet tears running down their cheeks. I fell back asleep, and slept like a baby.

I woke up in the morning all alone. The thought was still in my mind — how can one stop loving his child?

At 9am there was a quiet knock on the door. It was Julie again.

"Daddy, please wash up and come down to breakfast with us."

"Why aren't you in school, Julie?"

"You lost track of time, Daddy. It's Saturday. Come on, Mom, Diane and I are waiting for you to join us. Please Daddy. Come back to us from wherever you were. I know that you love me, so you must love Diane and Mom too. Be with us and let's fight the demons together. You taught us that togetherness is power. Let's use this power."

I found myself smiling at her. "Smartass!"

I went into the bathroom and had my first shower after a week. Wearing fresh cloths I went down to the kitchen. At least the Flu was gone. Now there were other fights ahead.

The three women were waiting, breakfast on the table, everything hot and fresh.

Julie ran to me and hugged me. "Thank you for coming down Daddy. We missed you."

Diane came and kissed me on my cheek. "Good to see you back, Dad."

I moved back from her and ignored her completely. When I sat down Celia came over. "May I hug you or do you still..." I took her into my arms for a long and very emotional hug. "I don't yet know how we'll manage it, but living without you would be hell, although I don't know if my present feelings do not deserve the same name."

Still in my arms, I could feel a huge breath of relief. She broke the spell and went to pour us coffee while she was wiping tears from her eyes.

Diane looked at me with hurt in her eyes. I ignored her and turned to the other side. Celia watched it all and came to me, whispering: "What about Diane? She's your daughter too!"

"Look, I have not yet finished sorting out my feelings, but there are things for which I may use what you easily call an "open mind" and there are things that are unforgivable. I haven't yet forgiven anything. I'm just considering your last speech. As far as I'm concerned Diane is the worst of you three. I'm still very angry with her and I don't know how to deal with it."

The rest of the time in the kitchen was in total quiet. Diane was fighting back tears with little success. Celia and Julie were chalk white. Maybe they thought that one smile or a hug would erase everything from my mind.

I went out on the patio with a beer and a pack of cigarettes. I have been trying for a long time to quit smoking, but all I did was reduce the quantity. I used to smoke two packs a day, and now I smoke a little under one pack.

I heard arguments behind me in the kitchen but did not hear the details. Then I heard Celia talking a bit louder:

"Try to imagine what it is for a man to hear what you said on the phone last week."

"But I didn't know he was listening in!"

"That's right, and that is why you said exactly what you thought at the moment. What you said could hurt a dead man's heart, and we all know you meant every word BECAUSE you didn't know he was listening. Now go and talk to him. He is soft hearted and he will break, but it may take longer than with Julie. God, I still don't know whether I have a husband or not, but at least I sat with him and told him what I was thinking. There will probably be a lot more talking until I can gain his trust back!" Celia broke down crying again.

A short while later Diane came out, grabbed a chair and sat down next to me.

"Look, Dad..."

"You are a selfish whore at heart and all through." I said quietly. "From your conversation that I heard and a few details that your mother filled me in on, you started whoring at age 12, and never stopped. You drew your mother into having orgies with school boys when you were just 15, and last week you tried to get her into cheating on me again. You went into my office, and without giving a thought to the fact that I have to work with the man on a daily basis you seduced him, and then offered him to your mother on the basis that I'm a lousy lover. I don't know how many more of my co-workers you seduced, and I'll have to keep working with them and wondering about each and every one of them. You are BAD and therefore, at least right now, I don't want to think of you as my daughter. The house is yours; I won't kick you out, but don't talk to me at any time and try to stay out of whichever room I may be in."