Chapter 7

After Erin left I walked slowly back into the cabin deep in thought. God it was hard to understand what had transpired over the last 5 days. I guess maybe it was kind of a guilty conscience; how could I have let myself fall in love with a 19 year old. While she was a young lady she was still just a kid to me; barely one third my age. Christ I must be crazy to get involved in something like this. I looked down at the diaries and laughed. No way I was going to read them. I laid them on the end table and went to the kitchen to clean up. When I finished it was only 4:30pm and I decided to take a walk. Most of the snow from Thursday night had melted and it was a beautiful clear day. The fresh air and smell of the forest always helped to put perspective on things. I was headed back toward the cabin after walking for about an hour and thinking about the general situation.

"Hey Rob, you got a minute?" It was Craig's voice and I was right in front of his cabin.

"Sure what's up Craig?" I asked.

"Listen Rob, I want to apologize for the way we treated you Saturday. We rode you pretty hard about 'I love you'. We all talked about it after you and Erin left and felt bad about some of things we said. Hell any idiot with half a brain could see how you two felt about each other," Craig said.

"Forget it Craig. It was no big deal. It was just rough kidding, I knew that. Hell I know how guys talk about women among themselves. I've done it myself. I don't blame you guys for thinking it was just about getting laid. I'd have probably thought the same thing if the situation had been reversed," I said.

"Rob that girl loves you; you could see it in her eyes. I almost shit when she shoved her tit into your hand and then pranced off," Craig said. "You're one lucky Bastard. You know we'd all give our left nut to be in the position you're in. She's one gorgeous chick."

"I'm not sure I'd give my left nut or my right one either. Never know when I might need them," I laughed.

"Wait'll you see her mother. I'd give just about anything for a shot at her," Craig said smiling. "Anyway I just wanted to apologize for all the guys. They all feel the same way."

"Forget it. Apology accepted," I said laughing. We chatted for a few more minutes and then I continued back to the cabin.

It was after 6pm by the time I got back to the cabin. I wasn't really hungry so I made myself a cocktail and went out on the deck to watch evening fall over the mountains. It's a spectacular time of the day up there watching the suns rays creep up the ridgelines until just the tops are lit by the suns rays. Eventually only the highest mountain peaks are lit by the suns rays. The sky starts to turn into a dark blue; a midnight blue as my late wife used to say. As the sky darkens the stars start to wink on until the night sky is full of little blue lights that come right down to the ground. God it is beautiful. Fuck the phone was ringing. I got up to go answer it.

"Hi Honey, I made it home okay," Erin said. Shit it was after 9pm.

"Hi Baby, everything okay?" I asked.

"No it's not, I miss you. Have you looked at them?" Erin said.

"Looked at what?" I asked.

"The diaries you goof," Erin said. "I didn't get to do more than glance at them but I flagged a few pages. I was going to read them this last weekend but I had other things on my mind." Erin was giggling. I smiled knowing what she meant.

"Honey I can't, they're your mothers. They're personal and private," I said.

"Please for me, they'll give you some insight into Mommy. Please just read the pages I flagged Honey," Erin said.

"I can't Sweetie, it wouldn't be right," I said. We chatted for a few more minutes about Erin's new job she was starting in the morning as a filing clerk at a law firm.

"I love you sweetheart. It's going to be a long night not having you to snuggle up against," Erin said.

"I know Honey, me too. I love you Baby," I said.

"I love you too Honey. I'll call you in the morning before I go to work. Sweet dreams. Goodnight," Erin said.

"Night Baby, sweet dreams to you too," I said and hung up.

I started a fire in the fireplace and made another drink before sitting down in the recliner. I stared into the fireplace while I thought about what Erin said. Fuck those damn diaries were lying right there on the end table. I was going to have to put them out of sight so I wouldn't be tempted to read them. I'd return them to Erin's mother if I ever saw her. I looked back into the fire. Damn I've had too much to drink; my minds playing tricks on me again. My late wife's head was visible in the fireplace again; her mouth was moving and she was saying, "Read the diaries Honey, you need to read the diaries. They need you." Damn this was ridiculous. I got up and closed the glass doors to the fireplace turned out the lights and went to bed.

I woke up startled. Damn it was still dark and I had been dreaming. Christ what was this; I couldn't get that damn dream to go away. They, they, they, it was always plural not singular. What the hell was going on here, there had only been Erin. I tossed and turned trying to go back to sleep. My mind just wouldn't shut up. Fuck it, this was useless. I got up and pulled on a sweat suit and went out to the great room. Shit it wasn't even 4am yet. Hell I might as well make some coffee. I turned on the light next to the recliner and sat down to wait for the coffee to perk. The diaries were still on the end table, beckoning. Hmmmmmm maybe I would glance at them. A glance couldn't hurt anything. I picked them up and turned them over in my hands like a kid about to do something he knew he shouldn't do. I opened the top one and the inside of the cover said, "Rebecca Elizabeth Wilson." The other had said Burns. I wonder if "Wilson" was her maiden name. I opened it and glanced through the pages. It was mostly the drivel of a teenage girl until I got to January 26, 1978. Erin had put a little post it note on it and Becky had written:

Dear Diary, I have a secret to share with you. John keeps calling me Elizabeth and I love it. Just the way he says it makes me shiver. I keep telling him I hate that name but I really don't. I love it. He's asked me to the Valentines Ball and I told him I'd have to think about it but I'm definitely going to say yes. He's so tall and handsome. All the girls want him.

There were a couple of more entries and then on February 16, 1978 Becky had written:

Dear diary, I finally lost my virginity to John. He's such a jerk. I'm sorry I went to the dance with him. The Bastard mauled me all night and when he finally fucked me. He didn't last 4 minutes. No man is going to touch me again until I'm married if ever.

I got up and went to get a cup of coffee thinking back to the first time I'd ever fucked a girl. Hell I was 17 and a senior in high school. Margaret Lambert was a senior too and definitely no virgin. We had been dating for several months and she had told me she had screwed a couple of seniors her junior year. We had done some heavy petting and I'd finger fucked her a number of times while she sucked my cock. Maggie was very attractive and had big tits. She called them all day suckers and loved to have her nipples rolled and sucked. One night we had went to a drive in with another couple and during a love scene she'd whispered in my ear, "I want to fuck that big cock of yours tonight." After we had dropped the other couple off we drove out into the country and fucked in the front seat of the car. I'll bet I didn't last more than 4 minutes either the first time but Maggie sucked me hard again. We wound up fucking 3 times that night. After that it was 3 or 4 times every week except during her period, but she still sucked me off. I had returned to the recliner with my coffee.

There were no more entries until March 6, 1979 when Becky wrote:

Dear Diary, There must be something wrong with me. A terrible thing happened last night and I loved it. I had just stepped out of the shower when Debra, my roommate, walked in. The next thing I knew she was standing in front of me sucking my nipples and fingering my vagina. I had my first orgasm. It was wonderful. We never did go out. We spent the whole night playing with each other and I loved it. I wonder if I'm a lesbian.

There were a good many more entries like that. One was even about several girls who had rented a place at Lake Tahoe and spent the weekend teasing guys and playing with each other. Then on November 6, 1980 Becky wrote:

Dear Diary, tonight I had my second date with William James Burns. I think this is the man I'm going to marry. He is such a gentleman. He's tall and handsome with curly brown hair. He's 24, 5 years older than I am.

Hmmmmmm let's see she would have been 19. That would make Becky 40 or 41 depending on when her birthday is. Interesting, that would mean she had Erin when she was 21 or 22. There were several more entries about William Burns and nothing about girls. Interesting, very interesting. Then on April 24, 1981 Becky wrote: