Chapter 54: Late Night at the Pinkersley's

The Claudette who awakened after that cataclysmic orgasm wasn't the one who participated in it; she came up slowly and reality leaked in before she opened her eyes.

Ted knew the difference; the first thing Claudette did when her eyes opened fully (she'd cracked them to see who was cradling her head and Ted had detected it) was to snatch her remaining blouse from the pile of clothing nearby and cover her breasts -- something Ted found amusing. "Are you okay?" he asked.

"I guess so," Claudette replied carefully. She had several recent reminders of the effects of crossing Ted. There were questions, though, many of which started with 'Why on Earth... ?' "Did you drug me?"

Ted looked thoughtful. "I guess so. Maybe. Inadvertently."

Claudette eyed him suspiciously. "You did or you didn't..."

"Well, I didn't set out to. Ever hear of pheromones?"

Claudette frowned in thought. "Umm, smells animals give off that trigger behaviors in other animals. Usually sex..." Her eyebrows went up.

Ted nodded. "Yeah. You like the way I smell. A lot!"

"That's ridiculous! Did you get something in a chem lab or something?"

"Nope. All natural. You smell me and you forget to be hung up. Everything else works, mostly -- but your defenses go down and it's open season!"

"No way!"

"Way!" Ted adjusted his position to his left and lifted her head to his crotch. "Smell."

"Your crotch? You're kidding, right?"

Ted waited; she'd drawn a breath, anyway...

'Ted has to be nuts!' Claudette thought. 'Pheromones! Well, I guess it won't hurt anything... ' She inhaled deeply. 'It's kind of unique... ' She lifted her head; Ted shifted his hand to support her neck, but didn't press. She reached across with her left arm, grasping Ted's hip and rolling over to engage him further. 'Wow! REALLY rich... '

When Claudette started snorting and burrowing her nose under his balls, Ted figured his point was made; he gently extricated himself, muffling her whines by means of a deep kiss and fondling her left nipple, working her while she came back to herself. When she let go of him and grabbed his arm, he released her lips and smiled into her eyes. "How do you feel?"

"Hot. And foolish. How long does it last?"

"Plenty long enough to get into your pants," Ted replied. "And once I'm there, you're busy thinking about other things." She'd grabbed his arm, but she hadn't pulled his hand away from her breast. And she was receptive when he leaned in and kissed her again.

"So I smell you and I get all hot and bothered? How embarrassing..."

Ted nodded. "Once you're jump-started and the juices are flowing, it's sustainable. By then you're horny and the walls stay down."

Claudette frowned. "So I'm defenseless?"

"You already were."

"That's overconfidence."

Ted shook his head. "Think about it. I had you naked, tied up, and thoroughly cowed BEFORE we discovered that your nose loves me. What it DOES do is make both of our lives easier!"

"It does?"

"Sure. I wanted something genuine from you -- but frankly, I didn't think I was going to get it, and I was going for the short-term victory. I was all set to fuck you over and leave you flat -- and then TOTALLY destroy you by leaking the news! But this -- this changes things. I have something from you that could generate a long-term relationship -- something genuine and tested that you can't be faking. That being the case, it's in MY best interest to make commitments of my own, rather than just fucking you over. See?"

Claudette grimaced. "You think we have a future after what you did to me?"

Ted shrugged. "I prefer to look at what I DIDN'T do. Except for a short period when it looked like you had nothing to offer and I had nothing to lose, things have gone pretty well." He locked eyes with her, "Besides, you still have your cherry -- and you've been slapped around before."

Claudette put her hand to her mouth, shocked. "You don't know that!"

"If I didn't, I do now!" Ted replied. "Besides, I could tell before -- slapping you around didn't cause anything in the way of hysteria. It was old news -- and you knew what to do afterward, too!"

"And what was that?"

"Obey!" Ted's eyes bored into hers for a moment, then he settled back. "I think we've covered a lot of ground, actually."

"Oh?"

Ted nodded. "How many boys have seen you naked?"

"Besides you?" Claudette set about trying to cover her whole midsection with the skimpy blouse.

"Yes."

"None. But that was under duress."

"Taking photos wasn't. That was your idea." Ted smiled. "How many boys have kissed you like I just did? How many have played with your tits? How many have made you cum?"

"Ted!"

"Well?"

"Okay, but you used dirty tricks!"

"To get you naked, maybe. Kissing we were doing already. You didn't fight me feeling you up. And you CERTAINLY didn't fight me getting you off!"

"I was drugged!"

"So you say." Ted grinned. "In any case I made no deliberate effort to alter your consciousness -- it was merely an extremely fortunate coincidence. Oh, and while I had it in mind to force you to suck my cock, I didn't have to do THAT, either!" He looked smug.

"Ted!"

"Okay, I'll quit needling you. But you need to quit pretending you haven't been enjoying yourself!"

"But..."

"But nothing! It's too late to close the door, Honey -- I'm inside!" He squeezed her breast gently. "See? Who else can do that?"

"You shouldn't be!"

"You've had I don't know how long to push me away..."

"You'll go nuts and beat me!" Claudette cast about desperately for an excuse.

Ted shook his head. "I don't think I have to." Ted removed his hand from her breast and caressed her ribs. "You're making excuses for the fact that you've surrendered. You're NOT fighting me -- and I'm no longer forcing myself on you!" He leaned over and kissed her.

... And her mouth opened and she felt like a fool! "Mmph! Okay! You made your point!" she whined, pushing him away. "Can I get dressed now?"

"Yeah. Time you went home and got your beauty sleep." Ted stood up and offered a hand to help her get up.

Claudette thought about refusing, but it was clearly a waste of time. Once vertical, she said, "You said a lot of nasty things, earlier. I'm just supposed to forget them?"

Ted shrugged. "You make me mad or you cheat on me and you might be better off remembering."

"Cheat on you?"

"You're mine, now."

"I am not!"

"Think about it -- wasn't this what you wanted? Me telling everyone we're a couple?"

"Uuh..."

"But at least one of us was supposed to be lying, right?"

"We've covered that."

"But is it fixed?" Ted pressed.

"Yeah, I guess." Claudette flounced over to her discarded skirt. Damn him! Apparently, he could make her bark like a dog, if he wanted to -- and like it! But remembering his hand on her breast, the taste of his lips, the WILD feelings he awoke between her legs... "Okay. How often are you gonna make me whiff your underwear?"

"If you're a good girl, I won't HAVE to!" Ted looked smug. "Or were you looking for a number to look forward to?"

"Ted!" Claudette spun on him, exasperated. "Do you HAVE to needle me?"

"Well, no, but it's a lot of fun..." Ted's smile would have done credit to a crocodile. Zipping his pants, he added, "C'mon, let's get you home..."

"Mom's going to FREAK! What time is it?"

"A little after one."

"Oh, shit!"

"How unladylike!" Ted scoffed.

"Mom's going to beat me to DEATH! I won't be able to wear a bathing suit for a month!" Claudette wailed.

"I guess I'll have to ride to the rescue..."

"A BOY? Ride to the rescue? Why don't you just SHOOT me?"

Claudette was inconsolable all the way home. Her green blouse was okay, but the pink one was slimed; her nylons hadn't survived removal, and her hair was a tousled mess! There was NO WAY she was going to escape the inquisition, unless...

There were no visible lights at the Pinkersley home on their arrival. "This looks good," Ted opined. Claudette nodded; even if Mom strung her up for being late in the morning, it would be better than having her SEE her this way!

They tiptoed up to the door, and Claudette worked the lock. "Good night," she whispered.

"What? No kiss?"

"Ted!"

"Arguing will just make noise..."

"Oh, all right!" She tried to give him a peck, but of course, he wouldn't settle for that -- and she didn't fight THAT hard... Ted stood there grinning while she slowly opened the door -- which insisted on creaking something awful... She stepped inside and turned to make shooing motions when a voice out of the darkness rasped, "Claudette..."

Claudette whirled. "Mom!"

The lights came on, blinding her, while her mother's voice directed, "Invite him in..."

Claudette looked like death when she turned to wave Ted inside. Ted went poker-faced. Well, he was going to meet the Medusa at some point, anyway... He stepped through the door and meticulously closed it behind him.

Claudette had turned back to her mother, an anxious look on her face. "Mom, this is Ted -- he brought me home..."

"I see that," Charlotte Pinkersley replied flatly. "I can read a clock, too!" She stood there, taking in Claudette's state of disarray and her handful of clothing items with a jaundiced eye.

Claudette decided to take another run at things. "He..."

"GO TO YOUR ROOM!" Charlotte's voice boomed. "I'll deal with YOU later!" Claudette opened her mouth, but Charlotte's arm came up and her finger pointed off down the hallway. Claudette hung her head and stepped off. Ted watched her go, noting that she didn't try to say anything additional to him. Obviously, Claudette was thoroughly cowed...

Charlotte turned her attention on the dark-haired boy in the entry hall. "I assume that there was some misadventure? Flat tire? Out of gas?"

Clear brown eyes in a wary but untroubled face met hers. "No."

"Why was my daughter carrying clothing?"

"It was no longer wearable." Ted knew better than to lie or grovel -- the Medusa would eat him alive if he did. Better to engender some respect. He eyed the woman, an older version of Claudette, but with sharper features -- the face of a woman who measured others regularly and found them wanting.

Interest sparkled Charlotte's eyes; apparently this one was a tough little bastard... "So what happened?"

"We were conducting a negotiation, creating a partnership designed to deal with Claudette's current social problems," Ted replied. He smiled grimly. "I turned out to be the superior negotiator."

Charlotte's eyebrows quirked. 'Impressive... ' "Join me in the parlor, won't you?" She turned and stalked away in a cloud of flowing nightclothes.

'I'm still alive... ' Ted followed.

Charlotte waved Ted into a seat, then reclined regally on the couch. "So, what is the nature of this 'partnership'?"

"Claudette has lost her boyfriend -- basically the most popular guy in school. He replaced her pretty easily, which made her a laughingstock. She decided -- and I agree with her -- that I was the only suitable replacement."

"Hmmmm, yes. Robbie wised up, didn't he?"

"Yeah." Ted nodded. "Some time before he actually made the move. It took him a while to figure out what he DID want." He sighed. "He did pretty well -- I don't know if even I can help Claudette get back on top..."

Charlotte looked mildly amused. "What did my daughter offer you?"

"Squat." Ted said flatly. "The 'boon of her company' in public, mostly. And she lied about whether she intended for the relationship to be long-term and whether there would even BE a private facet to the relationship." Remembering brought an echo of his predatory anger.

"I see," Charlotte replied. "Since you've already indicated that you knew that she wasn't making an offer in good faith, were you?" She smiled grimly. "You may speak freely."

"Huh! No!" Ted grunted. "I decided to teach her to pick her opponents carefully if she planned to use them out of the gate! I led her on for a while, then made demands -- and when she got stupid, I got rough with her!"

Charlotte rolled her eyes. "I did my best, but there wasn't much to work with. She's SUCH a little fool! Too much of her father in her..." She waved to take in their surroundings. "Her father... Old money. Old boy network. Old school. Unfortunately, he also had old ideas, old plans -- but little intelligence and not a spark of imagination! He had one thing going for him when I met him -- well, maybe two, when you count the money. He still has both, thanks to me, and I get to do everything else..." In an apparent non-sequitur, she observed, "And yet the little twit wasn't wailing and gnashing her teeth over the indecencies you inflicted upon her -- and didn't you two kiss on the porch?"

Ted shrugged, smiling. "We were in the middle of making it a night she'd long remember when she surprised me, out of nowhere. After that, I decided that maybe she DID have something to offer, after all -- something I could actually take control of -- so I decided to hold out for the long haul."

Charlotte's face became unreadable. "And what offering did she end up tendering that changed your mind?"

Ted smiled tightly. "She gives a helluva blowjob..."

'He isn't that smart after all, ' Charlotte mused to herself. 'I should be able to get rid of him then, and maybe salvage things.'

But Ted read the flicker in her expression and realized that he was flunking a test. Time to recover... "So, does Claudette react to any guy's pheromones by turning into a slut, or is there a limited audience?"

Charlotte froze. The little sneak DID know! HE'D been testing HER! She relaxed again, deliberately, and locked eyes with the eighteen year old. "If things run true to form, probably about one male in twelve can roll right over her defenses -- IF he can get close enough to deliver the product." She eyed him for a moment, pensively. "I don't suppose you come from good stock?"

"If you're asking whether my family is wealthy or not, the answer is no," Ted replied. "I'm going to have to fix that."

Upstairs, Claudette was cleaning up and dressing for bed; knowing Mom, she'd let her stew until the morning before delivering whatever godawful punishment she decided to mete out. A lot was going to depend upon what information Mom got from Ted -- and she was probably peeling him like an onion... She shuddered; well, he'd get what he deserved...

But what DID he deserve? Okay, he'd slapped her around some -- but he was right, she'd been slapped before -- although how HE knew that was an open question! He'd embarrassed her and gotten her naked and tied her up -- and generally rode herd on her. But on the other hand, he had been right about a number of things -- mistakes she had made in manipulating Rob, for instance. Probably one of her first mistakes there was not bothering to realize that she WAS manipulating Rob, and really had no long-term plans for him... She remembered everything she had done while under his sway, too, and realized that he must have understood very early what was happening. She remembered sticking her nose in his crotch and suddenly having NOTHING matter as much as getting more of that enticing aura and scratching the itch between her legs -- an itch that Ted had used magic fingers to scratch, by the way -- something he really didn't HAVE to do...

Little Beast was gone -- or maybe just merged back into her personality; in any case, now there was nothing separating and pointing up 'inappropriate' urges as opposed to more normal, everyday thoughts. As a result, Claudette didn't really give the negative aspects of slipping her hand into her frilly nightie bottoms much thought -- it happened more or less naturally as a result of thinking about Ted's magic touch and the explosive sensations it gave her. It took no time at all to discover that HER fingers could light up her cookie, too!

They felt good, but Claudette realized almost immediately that concentrating on the mechanics of the operation made the whole thing a little disgusting and masked the pleasure. Fortunately, Ted had given her a smorgasbord of experiences... The taste and texture of his cock, the amazing, exciting feel of it becoming rock-hard, swelling, and blasting his tasty juice in her mouth... The feel of his hand on her breast, kneading, toying with her nipple, (her hand moved to recreate the remembered sensations without thought). How had she managed NOT to realize that the occasional itchy tingles she got in her breasts and her cookie and a couple of other places were the tip of an iceberg of sensation? And kissing -- deep, tongue-filled French kissing -- what an amazing thing, especially when it was accompanied by touches here and there in other places? Claudette remembered Ted's lips, his tongue invading her mouth to do battle with hers while his hands worked on her other soft spots, tweaking and rubbing and... Oh! Oh!! OHH!!! Lightning flashed and thunder rolled; Claudette whited out to the tune of her first self-induced orgasm.

Guilt arrived with the aftermath; if Mom really COULD tell that she'd been touching herself, she was done for; maybe the whole Ted thing would mask it for a few days, though. Claudette had NO IDEA what Mom would do when she discovered the fact -- but Mom had always promised dire consequences... All this didn't keep her from teasing her little nubbin to extend the lovely feelings it had given her, either, even as she attempted to envision her mother's awful response to the infraction -- it was just too good...

Conversation had come to a halt downstairs with Ted's most recent remark; Charlotte was busy jumping to conclusions...

Ted detected it. "Sorry -- that was a general comment. I'm not looking to, ummm, trade on this..."

"What DO you intend to do with our dirty little family secret?" Charlotte asked sharply.

"I really hadn't gotten much beyond domesticating Claudette," Ted replied.

"Domesticating?"

Ted shrugged. "Once you get past the Ice Princess thing, she kind of grows on you. I was having fun even before the pheromone thing surfaced -- I just didn't see any future in it, the way things were going. We made a lot of ground tonight..."

"And if I disapprove..."

"That will make things difficult..." Ted's body language said the he wasn't going to back down without a fight.

'Impressive little bastard', Charlotte thought. It might be a whole lot better to dump responsibility on him for the family's continued well- being than to expect Claudette to do a better job -- either in managing things herself or in selecting a mate... Actually she HAD picked him, hadn't she? "Let's get to the particulars. What indignities DID you impose on my daughter?"

Ted frowned. "I'm not sure what kind of idiot telling you would make me, but I probably ought to avoid that."

Charlotte smiled. "I don't know if you're aware of this, but you've been in this room a good ten minutes longer than I expected you to. Believe me, I've had my hands full with that silly little cow, and she'd certainly benefit from having someone keeping an eye on her who had both a brain AND a spinal column! I put up with Robbie because he was a fine choice from a social standpoint -- but Claudette's unconscious assumption that he wasn't going to be around for the long run probably came from me. YOU, on the other hand, have been consistently impressive, thus far -- but I DO need to know just how far you'll go, one way or another. Consider that you have a general amnesty..."

Ted gave her a hard stare in return. "I DO have, um, certain items of insurance..."

Charlotte produced a predatory smile, "See? Come on -- you KNOW you want to!"

"Good reason NOT to!" Ted grunted. "Okay, one final question, first. You called Claudette's odd behavior 'our dirty little family secret'. Is this, um, oddity genetic? Does it extend to you?"

Ted knew the answer before Charlotte uttered it; she was unable to school her expression. 'DAMN, he's sharp!' "Let's just say that I won't be allowing you to stand over me any too closely. And that my husband, who benefits from the situation also, wouldn't take too kindly to such an action. It's one of the very few areas where he knows EXACTLY which side his bread is buttered on..."

Ted shrugged. A weapon was a weapon was a weapon... "Okay. Let's see. I hauled her out to the bushes so we could have some peace and quiet, read her chapter and verse on how she fucked up with Robbie, and started beating on her defenses, warning her that she couldn't do to me what she did to him in public OR in private. Mostly, it was just to soften her up and make things easier later, since there was NO WAY I was going to get sucked in to a no-win situation! When she got balky -- which took longer than I thought it would, even though I was playing with her pretty gently -- I dumped her on her face and tied her hands behind her back. She ranted and raved a while about how awful I was, and threatened to scream -- so I made sure she did, and that she realized that it wasn't going to help her. Somewhere in the process I discovered that she'd been slapped around before and knew how to deal with it -- which made things easier..." He delivered a significant look to his victim's mother before continuing, "I made her shuck out of her skirt, panties, and pantyhose, then hauled off the rest of her stuff, basically holding out the carrot that if she was a good girl maybe shit wouldn't roll too far downhill -- not that I expected much. I gave her this lecture about how she needed to be cool about blowjobs, because they were something she could offer me for my help with her little social problem, but, frankly, I expected to throat-fuck her while she screamed bloody murder or some such. Imagine my surprise..."

Charlotte smiled grimly. "I don't have to -- I've seen it first- hand a couple of times... I wasn't lucky that way; I didn't know in advance that it was going to happen and I had no one looking out for me. I got kicked out of my house, and I changed colleges three times before I got some control over things..." She shook her head. "So, suddenly she was all about delivering a great blow job?"

"Yeah," Ted nodded, "with all the trimmings. Right away, I noticed that the numbers didn't add -- but it gave me a handle on her, so I backed off. Besides, she was giving me a REALLY good blow job!" He shook his head, remembering. "She starts begging me to free her hands so she could do a better job -- and I'm thinking 'Yeah, right -- this is where she does a Bobbitt on me and runs!' -- but she offered to take the rope around her neck, and it has a quick-release. So I demonstrate to her that fucking up is serious shit and let her have what she wants -- and she doesn't seem to care about anything but putting her nose in my pubes! By the time we were done, she'd graduated to deep throat!" He mused a moment. "The Ice Princess sucking me dry and smacking her lips -- THAT was a picture..." He gathered himself. "Anyway, I backed her off and we started cleaning up -- and it became obvious that whatever she was high on was wearing off, so I tried an experiment -- pulling her into my lap to calm her down. Worked like a charm, so I decided, 'Hey, what the fuck', and diddled her and got her off..."

Charlotte, who had been fine until then, grimaced. "Damn!"

"What?"

"I've been deliberately shielding her from Sex 101; when I discovered that I could rub myself off at a little younger than she is, I had one hand in my panties thirty-six hours a day! Only one thing kept me from doing myself; you can probably guess what THAT was!"

"Um, something better?"

"Oh, yeah." Charlotte rolled her eyes. "And since I was already pistol-hot, it didn't have to smell right, either! THAT'S what got me kicked out of the house!"

"Oops!" Ted grimaced an apology.

"You weren't to know," Charlotte sighed. "It's going to take both of us to keep the silly cow from ruining her reputation!"

"Both of us?"

Charlotte nodded, smiling grimly. "I have to give her credit -- the silly goose went about it wrong, but I think she picked the right boy! You appear to have a number of... valuable qualities... that I probably would not have been able to select for by merely looking for popularity and income." She eyed him. "Unless you've had your jollies and you're not interested in herding the silly cow..."

Ted shrugged. "Like I said, she grows on you."

"One other thing -- you're, uh, 'adequate'?" Charlotte asked delicately, one eyebrow arched.

Ted grinned like a shark. "So I'm told. I'd show you, but you might misinterpret it as a threat..."

"Wise," Charlotte agreed. "Could you ballpark the length?"

Ted measured out an approximation of his more than adequate length between his hands, "Like so?"

"Good." Charlotte nodded, pleased. "One thing we can do is introduce her to the real thing before she becomes too reliant upon her fingers. Better that she daydreams about phallic objects than having her sit around all day with her hands in her panties!" She sighed. "The 'saving myself for marriage' thing was merely a preventative measure; now that Pandora's Box is open, we may as well fill it. I assume you're up to fucking her?"

Ted goggled. "Yes!"

"You realize that this makes you responsible for her sorry ass..." Charlotte admonished. Ted nodded. "She's on the Pill -- it helps... attenuate things... Upstairs, second door on the right." She rose. "Now I have to brief her father..." Ted nodded again; it wasn't his problem. No doubt the whole thing had been war-gamed extensively. He turned and bolted for the stairs. Charlotte watched him out of sight, sighed and swept out, headed for her bedroom. She'd have to awaken Hubert, and he'd be grumpy even before he knew why -- but he would mellow, and she'd have had to awaken him, anyway; she was horny...

Claudette was idly running her fingers through her pubic thatch, wondering if she dared play with her nubbin again. It was SOOOO relaxing... Well, afterward, anyway -- during, she got pretty tense.

Those musings came to an abrupt end when a voice rasped, "Get your hands out of there!" from the doorway. Claudette jumped a foot, then jumped again upon seeing the owner of the voice! "Ted! Have you killed my mother?" It was literally the only way she could fathom having him darken her bedroom door...

"Nooo..." Ted drawled. "Actually, we kind of hit it off. She went to bed, I think."

"Ted, you're NOT supposed to BE here!"

"Oh, but I am!" Ted looked smug.

"No way!"

"Way!"

Eyeing Ted fearfully, Claudette reached for her cell phone -- but he just stood there. "Who are you calling?"

"Mom."

"Cool. Nine one one would be embarrassing."

The phone rang five times before her mother picked up. "Mom, are you all right?"

"I'm fine, Princess. Why?"

"Well, Ted's in my room..."

"Yeah. I'm proud of you, Princess -- I think maybe you brought home the bacon with this one!"

"I-- What?"

"Well, you picked him out, didn't you?"

"Well, yeah..."

"I can see why you did -- he's pretty good in social situations."

"Well, okay -- but he's HERE in my BEDROOM!"

"Oh, that. Well, you've advanced a good distance tonight in some directions. Ted and I are agreed that you're going to require assistance and support in order to avoid the kinds of problems that I had at your age -- and he's uniquely qualified to deliver it..."

Claudette sat there, getting more and more flustered. "I don't understand!"

"Princess, a lot of the things I've done in the past were for your protection, as mean as they seemed to be -- but tonight you moved beyond my ability to continue to protect you properly."

"But..."

"You were forced? You were, and you weren't, Princess -- I'm sure you realize that. Right now, you're extremely vulnerable." There was a pause. "You've touched yourself already, haven't you?"

'Damn.' "Yes, Mom."

"That continues to be a no-no -- for your own good, I assure you! But it'll be tough, without proper support -- and Ted is there to provide it."

"How? Is he supposed to beat me when I do it?"

There was a laugh on the other end of the line. "Well, that might be necessary -- and at this point, I trust him to make the correct decisions -- and execute them, for that matter! But that's not what we're up to, here. Surely you realize that fingers are a substitute?"

"Well, yeah..." Claudette rolled her eyes.

"Well, then. Ted will be providing your initiation to the real thing."

"He WHAT? What about saving... ?"

"Princess, surely you realize by now that that isn't going to happen! That was a technique that I was using to keep you headed in the right direction and forestall the inevitable -- but you're beyond that now, and we must take other measures."

Claudette was nonplussed. "What do you want me to do?"

"I want you to have sex with Ted," came the amazing reply. "I want you to enjoy yourself -- as many times as you like! I think you'll find that Ted will be amenable to your direction in social situations -- and he'll probably mellow, somewhat, anyway -- AND he will help you keep your private cravings under control and private!"