Chapter 37: Conspiracies and Justifications

Armand got the word about twenty minutes later. Putting Witherspoon on speaker, he allowed Jason to listen in to the after action review. "Ms. Adams is all right and properly protected?"

"Yes, Sir," Witherspoon replied. "Not a scratch on her."

"All right." Armand turned to Jason. "Obviously, since we didn't hand Mr. Pinkham his head on the first pass, the lesson didn't sink in. Any suggestions?"

"Perhaps we should visit him at home?" Jason suggested with his characteristic grin.

"Only if we can make it look easy," Armand replied. "I want to avoid further escalation. Mr. Pinkham needs to determine that further competition in this area is unhealthy, and should be avoided, not be tempted to take things to the next level. For that matter, his lack of sense says to me that he is unworthy to hold a monopoly on anything in this town, and I think we should put an end to that particular fantasy." Armand frowned. "I really never wanted to go into the entertainment business..."

"Perhaps we can farm it out," Jason replied. "Ms. Adams apparently is a pretty savvy character; properly supported, she might be able to carry the ball."

"Hmmmm," Armand mused. "Witherspoon, put a penetration team on Rodday. I want to be able to visit his home or his offices without incurring anything in the way of a surprise. Start immediately, as we'll need to follow up quickly."

"Will do, Sir. I already have some data from the time we dropped those people off."

"Good." Armand closed the call. Eyeing Jason, he said, "We'll need a business model. All I know about these things is what I see in the movies. It appears that Ms. Adams should come to visit." Jason nodded. "And touch our usual contacts -- ask them about their opinion of Rodday. I have the impression that there are some things that he does right; I may want to offer a carrot with my stick."

Jason nodded and departed.

"Is everybody here?" Randall asked rhetorically. They were at Jimmy Hightower's pool house, gathered here and there in clusters. Jimmy and Randall were working on the entertainment center, preparing to display downloaded probe data on several of Saturn's satellites and associated papers. Danny the Wop and Thelma were presiding over the snacks and drinks. Amy was acting as hostess, largely dealing with Mary and Stick Williams while Teddy tried to figure out where he was supposed to be -- with his mates, or with his colleagues.

"Darla Jean..." Jimmy began, but there was a rap on the door, and the lanky redhead diffidently stuck her head through the door. Amy immediately moved to greet her, and Mary moved to support; Stick found himself going with Mary's recommendation that he visit Danny the Wop.

Teddy saw him make the move and gratefully shifted his attention to Jimmy and Randall. "Hey, Guys."

"Hey, Teddy. The family settled?" Jimmy asked, grinning.

"I guess," Teddy replied. "We're kind of an odd bunch."

"I haven't figured out what holds you three together," Randall commented, "besides sex..."

Teddy shrugged, obviously nervous with the subject matter, but replied, "Each of us has some basic needs that get covered by the others. Sex is big, but it isn't everything." The answer sounded good, but it led to more questions; fortunately, the other two were busy.

"Well, Darla Jean should be HERE, so why don't you see if you can wrestle her away from the females?" Randall grunted.

"Sure..." Teddy moved out.

Meanwhile, the girls were settling in. "I'm not sure why I'm here, exactly," Darla Jean muttered, "but if you guys want me around..."

Amy took this: "Randall insists that there BE an Astronomy Club meeting -- he's not much on pretexts. But several -- MOST -- of us were in on last weekend in some way, and Randall feels that there should be some admissions of guilt. You didn't get where you are without help, despite the fact that nobody expected you to be caught up with Ted like that."

"You make it seem like a grand conspiracy," Darla Jean argued. "I don't see how that's possible."

"I do," Mary replied, "and I was a ringleader. All will become clear, Hon."

"Hey," Teddy announced, arriving, "Randall wants to know if you can pack last weekend's observations into a slideshow."

"Sure." Darla Jean let herself be dragged off. At least nobody here was treating her like a pariah, even though she gave little credence to the grand conspiracy theory. After all, SHE was the one who opened her legs, wasn't she?

The next thirty minutes was absorbing for some, and boring for others. Stick absorbed groceries and engaged in a desultory conversation with Danny -- who was used to coming to these things -- and Thelma and Mary, who weren't. Amy chipped in from time to time while keeping the others in snacks, running back and forth for Jimmy and Randall, and, ultimately, Darla Jean, while Mary serviced Teddy's limited needs. All of the 'hothouse minds' were busy downloading data, hooking up equipment, or preparing presentations.

Finally, Randall started getting assessments from the others of where they were and the final prep began. Danny saw it and mumbled, "Awright, they're gonna start the slide show," and ambled toward the conversation nook in front of the entertainment and computing equipment. The others made to follow; Stick and Mary settled on a bed in the center area due largely to the lack of seats.

But slides weren't the first thing on the agenda. Randall stood up and began nervously, "Okay, before we get started, some things need to be said. I, uh..." He ground to a halt, trying to figure out how on Earth to continue. "This last week has been a little wild for some of us, and it all started with last Friday's meeting. Darla Jean, you're very welcome as a member of the Astronomy Club, and we're proud to have you, but that wasn't..." Randall tried, but going on was something he didn't have in him.

Mary waited a moment and took over, from her position in the back. "It all started with us: Teddy and Stick and I. We wanted to do an overnight at my house, but didn't want Teddy's mother to be suspicious. So Teddy, Randall, and Jimmy arranged a meeting." She met Darla Jean's eye. "I lied to you -- I never meant to be here."

"Only I wanted a favor," Randall supplied. "They offered to buy me off with some videos, but everyone was showing up with girlfriends..."

"He wanted his pound of flesh," Mary resumed, grinning wryly. "So a few of us got to thinking about it, and your name came up." Darla Jean started looking flustered, but Mary continued, "There were a bunch of issues; we couldn't just fob off any old chick on Randall, because ultimately, he'd have no tolerance for an airhead, even if she WAS getting his dick wet... We had a little inside information on both of you, and it seemed a good match. I knew you weren't the total drone you pretended to be, and Teddy knew that Randall was hung; both of you stood to gain, even though Randall's first reaction was something like, 'Well, she's no Pamela Anderson... '" Darla Jean's eyes swept to Randall, who turned bright red, but Mary chided, "Don't blame HIM -- you were hiding, deliberately, remember? Besides, he bought in, largely due to the fact that you have a brain in your head! Anyway, we negotiated breaking the sex ban at the Astronomy Club to get you a membership -- something ALL the boys resisted, instinctively, since it's where they used to jack off and talk about girls -- and then Nora and I set you up in Health class." At this point, Mary had pinged the guys several times and been deliberately graphic; none of them was in any condition to look Darla Jean in the eye.

"So it was all rigged?" Darla Jean was shading to a serious red.

"Well, it was, and it wasn't. It was more matchmaking," Mary replied. "We talked to Dina Nellis, who is pretty good at it, and she said that success has to do with providing a little inside information, doing some expectation-setting, and if it's going to work, it does. To be fair, we were angling for the two of you to be an item, not a one-nighter."

"Inside info? Expectation setting?" Darla Jean didn't know if she wanted to hear this...

"Yeah. We gave Randall a clue that you REALLY wanted sex, but weren't too good at showing it. I told him that you were shy, and not likely to react if he was too subtle; basically, I told him the wall was up, and he needed to go at it and not worry too much unless you had an absolute fit -- that a simple, 'Randall, you shouldn't do that!' in anything less than a loud, carrying voice accompanied by a slap was just you instinctively covering yourself."

"You encouraged him to rape me?"

"No, not really!" Mary argued. "Randall's a nice boy; if he did something and you did nothing -- or worse, made some minor complaint -- he'd stop, instinctively, run out of guts, and give up. But if you said anything, it'd just be fear protecting your virtue, and you'd be cursing yourself for blowing it, afterward, right? Not today, but last Friday, remember? Before sex?"

"Well, yeah..."

"Well, Randall isn't exactly the world's most experienced and polished dude, either; he needed to be encouraged to punch through. He needed some idea what was going on in your head or else he'd take some weak shot, you'd bounce him, and both of you would spend the rest of the night kicking yourselves, understand?"

"Well, okay..."

"Yeah, I know it's a bit of a betrayal, but would you rather have done without?" Mary asked. "On the other hand, it takes two to tango; we let you in on the fact that Randall had TWO oversize heads, not just one -- something you went more or less directly to Thelma to verify, which kinda tipped YOUR hand -- and TA DA!" Mary grinned conspiratorially. "Besides, Randall was always on your short list, wasn't he? And he shot right to the top, didn't he?" Darla Jean just sat there, her mouth working, so Mary turned to Randall, "Has she ever come on to you before?"

Randall turned his attention to Darla Jean. "Yeah," he replied. "I never realized it until after we talked last week, but she has. It was so subtle, that I totally overlooked it at the time, but when I started hunting for incidents in my memory, there were a couple of things..."

"Oh my God," Darla Jean buried her face in her hands, "You, like, totally outed me!"

"I greased the skids," Mary admitted, "but you both could still have avoided the whole thing. But neither of you was inclined to do so, anyway, so..." She shrugged. "Anyway, we engineered the invitation to join the club. Frankly, it was perfect, because you're the girl most likely to be interested, for purely intellectual reasons. It was another case of letting nature take it's course."

"So the meeting was a sham?" Darla Jean asked.

"Nooo..." Randall fielded this one. "While it is true that we've examined some of those objects before, the techniques were ones we use all the time, and from that standpoint it was a test to see if you could deal with the equipment and the physical discomforts. We've slept in that cave I don't know how many times -- but this is the first time it was co-ed."

Amy nodded. "It was MY first time up there, too, and frankly, Jimmy and I deliberately made things hard on you, pushing things in sexual directions as often as possible. We had the ingredients together -- Jimmy and I kept the heat on and kept stirring, prodding you and prodding Randall when he needed it. Thelma and Danny helped, too -- they didn't know it when we came to go down to the bathroom, but they were there to add to things, if possible." Amy fluffed her hair. "And at bedtime, it looked like we'd failed. What happened?"

Randall and Darla Jean shared a glance, and Randall said nothing. Darla Jean eyed him a moment and tilted her head. Randall apparently hadn't dragged her through the mud at any point in the last week, and here, in front of a group who knew all about it and was inclined to press her for honesty, he still held his peace about the actual mechanics... "It was all about warmth," she replied. "You two set us up with the naked in the bag thing, but my bag was too thin for the cold. Randall even gave me a blanket, but it wasn't enough. I went up there unprepared -- not enough clothing, and not enough bedding. I went to him to get warm, and we weren't wearing much and..." She shrugged, embarrassed. "Both of us were frustrated, and had been prodded to get brave..." She rubbed her face with both hands. "So, there was a big conspiracy. Why come clean now?"

Randall stirred. "I felt bad. We started something, and things went downhill for you from there..." He sighed. "Friday night was about sex, and we used you."

Darla Jean produced a wry smile. "Randall, if you'd been listening to Mary closely, you'd have realized that I was a co-conspirator. I wanted to do what we did in the worst way -- I just didn't have the guts. You guys -- all of you -- made it easy, which was something I needed. As for the Dwayne and Ted show, that wasn't your fault, either; I was playing wild thing, shopping around. If it WAS your fault, it was because you made it so good -- something I'm NOT going to complain about!"

Mary broke in, "What I can't figure out is why you both went shopping, after. We kinda planned for you two to be a couple..."

"It was the approach," Darla Jean replied. "The focus was on sex, for both of us. There wasn't any real attempt to get emotionally committed, although probably both of us would have entertained the idea on the front side. But once we'd had sex -- and NOT made any emotional commitment -- I know I wanted to make comparisons and get experience, so I rushed out to chase down something else..." She mused a moment. "The Ted thing was just bad luck, but I never planned to do anything with Dwayne but have sex, either, and for most people, that says bad things about me..."

"You were just acquiring a statistical sample..." Randall offered. "I did, too, for that matter, although it was more a case of somehow accidentally generating a reputation..."

"Really?" Darla Jean wondered aloud. "Nobody ever confronted me with you, so I assumed that you didn't say anything..."

"He didn't," Mary interjected. "Peggy figured it out from something you said and threw herself at him. But then SHE gave out an after-action review in gym class that said Randall was a love machine and hung like a horse, and a bunch of girls suddenly got thoughtful. If you're thinking clearly, Randall has it all over just about ANY jock; when it turned out that Randall's sex score was a proven, high-end thing, where as most jocks are mere legends and rumors, well..." She shrugged, grinning. "When Erin turned out an even more glowing report -- and Erin's had Robbie, remember..." She locked eyes with Darla Jean. "The REAL surprise was when I talked to both Randall and Erin about the whole incident -- you see, Erin is a real challenge to get off, despite her willingness, and she had a lot to learn to even be worthwhile -- but Randall taught her a few things, got her confident, got her going, and, most of all, got her off..." She shrugged, rolling her eyes. "Turns out he DESERVES the reputation..."

"Whoa, whoa!" Randall threw out his hands. "She's had Rob, for God's sake!"

"And he failed to get her off," Mary replied, nodding. "This from the horse's mouth, by the way. Erin was one of Rob's first, but it wasn't any too successful, despite the fact that it made his rep and ruined hers. She learned a LOT from your little run-in, and one of the BIG things was how it was SUPPOSED to be. Toby's gonna have his hands full..."

"Toby?" Darla Jean blinked.

"Uh, yeah," Mary replied. "More shameless manipulation on my part. Despite the odd membership of this group, it's a closed meeting..." She eyed Stick, making her point. "Everybody here was in on last Friday. Toby tried to invite himself to the meeting, and I sicced Erin on him to keep him from coming. Erin was all too happy to oblige; she has that itch you get after having the good stuff..." There were several chuckles.

Randall blushed. "I just can't be that great..."

"Oh?" Mary raised her eyebrows. "Lessee, thoughtful, considerate, inventive, well-hung. You treat a slut like a lady, and you don't blab it to the world..."

"Well, I wasn't any too secretive about having lost my cherry," Randall argued.

"Did you name names?" Mary pressed.

"No," Randall replied, flatly. "Wouldn't be right."

Mary grinned triumphantly, "See?"

"That's just..." Randall began.

"Chivalry," Mary replied. "And only you guys in the Brain Trust don't realize that chivalry is dead -- which makes you really sweet boys, but makes it even harder for you to get laid."

There were chuckles, Amy and Thelma among them. "It's true," Amy piped up. "Jimmy... I'd have never noticed Jimmy on my own -- if it hadn't been for Dina, I'd probably be just another member of Bang Nation right now. Instead, I have Jimmy..." She regarded her boyfriend with starry eyes.

"And I have Danny!" Thelma piped up. Danny blushed crimson, an odd thing for the dark, heavily muscled, somewhat ugly boy. Jimmy Hightower shook his head. Objectively, Thelma was no catch -- scrawny, virtually breast-less -- a stick figure with a droopy nose and, until VERY recently, a perpetual scowl and the nasty temper to go with it. But she and Danny, thrown together, had proven to be one Hell of a combination; Danny had proven to be a catalyst, producing a glowing, happy Thelma Version 2.0 who continually surprised those who were used to the original. Danny had come off better, too, but it was perception, rather than an actual change; he'd always been steady, loyal, and generally kind-hearted and thoughtful -- he merely LOOKED forbidding, typecast by his Mafia thug-like appearance. But Thelma's open adoration made these things visible to others besides Jimmy, who had been the only one for a long time to see the true worth of his childhood friend.

As a result of Thelma's declaration, there were several chuckles. But Darla Jean had a question. "Mary, you've said that you basically started all of this trying to get an alibi for Teddy. But why did you need one? You've been chasing Teddy off and on FOREVER. And -- forgive me, Stick -- it's nothing personal, but how do you figure in this?"

Everyone stopped. There wasn't a person in the room that didn't want the answer to these questions, aside from the principals. Mary, Teddy, and Stick shared a glance, weighing things. Stick sighed and nodded. All of HIS friends knew -- Teddy's deserved the truth, too. Mary sighed. "It's complicated," she began. "Prom night, we kind of stressed our credibility with Teddy's mother, and there had been another evening in between; she's pretty over-protective, and Teddy's social life had taken a sudden serious jump. We needed something 'safe' to tell her..." Mary grinned. "As to Stick..."

"That's a little bit more complicated," Teddy took this up, following a deep breath. "You're right about Mary, but it was always kind of half-hearted on her part; I was pretty much a fall-back position for Mary -- something that she knew she could accomplish, if she had to, because, in the end she could always blackmail me."

"Well, I kinda had reforming you in mind as a project," Mary interjected.

There was a little silence -- everyone was confused. They were supposed to be clarifying things, and at this point, they appeared to be even less clear. Teddy broke the silence, "You see, things are a little more complicated than they appear; until Prom night, I was pretty sure I was gay. I AM bisexual..."

"Bisexual?" Randall blinked.

"Uh huh. The relationship the three of us have is a little more complicated than it appears; you see, it's not just Stick and I vying for Mary's attention -- we have our own relationship..."

"Yeh," Stick grunted. "I guess that kinda makes me bisexual, too..."

Silence. Randall and Jimmy started running this through their heads, and actually, the idea that Teddy might be gay wasn't a surprise; it was almost a surprise that he liked girls! Stick, however, was a surprise...

But the person who actually broke the silence was Danny. "Nothin' wrong with that..." he murmured defensively.

Jimmy and Thelma both turned surprised glances on Danny, who mumbled, "I gotta cousin... We..." Thelma's shocked glance said she felt threatened, but Danny squelched it, "I like girls better. But until Prom night, I didn't know..."

Thelma collapsed against Danny, relieved; Jimmy, on the other hand, had to work his way through the shock. Was he homophobic? No, that was a ridiculous prejudice, and besides, the subconscious realization that Teddy might be gay hadn't affected their relationship -- but Danny? How had he never noticed?

Danny answered for him. "It never came up. I was kinda afraid you wouldn't like it, and I didn't want to mess up our friendship. Besides, it ain't as if I don't like girls -- it was more a case of until Prom Night, I couldn't get one. With my cousin, it was free and easy and no one was making love noises -- we just got each other off." He looked down at Thelma. "Not that I don't LIKE love noises. I don't think I could make 'em with a guy."

Thelma experienced a vivid memory of Danny watching Jimmy pound Amy metronomically on Prom night -- one that took on new implications. "Are you just telling me what I want to hear?" she asked distantly.

"No, Baby. I'm telling you what I feel. Does this make a difference? We kinda touched on it before..."

Thelma nodded. They HAD, actually, on Prom night. Each of them had more or less admitted that they'd have had sex with their best friend if the situation had arisen. Thelma put it aside. "No. As long as you're not settling for me..."

"Huh! No fuckin' way!" Danny cuddled his diminutive girlfriend.

Stick was bemused. Why Danny had come to the rescue of himself and Teddy was less than clear, but it had been damn nice of him and kind of de- fused things...

Randall came back to the main revelation, addressing Teddy: "So, you guys are... Uh, how long has this been -- how long have you been..."

Teddy shrugged. "Girls were pretty scary; I realized a while back that I was a whole lot more comfortable around guys, and that I didn't mind looking at a..." He stopped, blushing profusely.

"Dick, Honey?" Mary, always willing to be a bit gauche to keep things moving, supplied the word.

Teddy nodded. "Anyway, like I said, I'd started thoroughly believing that I was gay. Mary knew it, and it gave her a lever on me, but I think she was struggling with whether it was right to blackmail me into a relationship or not..."

"I went back and forth," Mary admitted. "The other half of me wanted to reform you. Your Mama and your personality were a couple of big strikes against your ever getting a rep as a stud; I didn't think you were getting a fair shake. Little did I know..." She grinned.

"Anyway, I was being careful and taking it easy," Teddy continued, "I'd only given a couple of b-blowjobs before Prom night." Suddenly, he couldn't raise his head.

"Well, you coulda fooled ME!" Stick exclaimed. "I was drunk an' doin' without an' never had a queer thought before I stuck my dick through that hole -- but the mouth that went to work on it belonged to an absolute pro! I come outta there wantin' a re-match BAD -- an' the fact that the other end of the deal wuz probly a dude jus' didn't fuckin' matter!"

Randall and Jimmy had looks on their faces that said, 'Too much information!' but Danny was nodding thoughtfully. Thelma had basically the same look. Amy and Darla Jean were... surprised... but getting questions answered.

Mary decided to interject again. "This shouldn't be a surprise. Guys are horny about a hundred and fifteen percent of the time, and a lot of them discover at some point that another guy can offer them relief. Other guys are easier to get, once the barriers are down; girls are worried about long-term commitments and pregnancy -- another guy will take care of the immediate problem and that will be the end of it. Girls do it, too -- except for the ones who have the inclination to get emotionally involved, a friendly lick or a frig at a pajama party is just that -- safe relief. That it feels better to have somebody else's fingers or tongue working on you isn't strange -- sex isn't something you're supposed to have to do to yourself." The guys weren't looking around, they were listening for the piece of Mary's dissertation pointed at them -- but every girl in the place was one shade of red or another. Most of them had been going without until recently, and all of them had spent endless hours talking about the lack -- and a couple of them had engaged in at least limited 'stress relief', even if it was just masturbating while watching another girl do it, too.

"The flip side," Stick interjected, "is that guys cain't admit it, mostly, 'cause it takes 'em out of the competition. I dunno how to explain it, but suckin' a dick moves ya 'way down the totem pole."

"It's kind of a dominance thing," Darla Jean interjected. "Giving head is submissive behavior."

"Uh, yeah," Stick nodded. "Gettin' your dick sucked isn't as bad; I guess 'cause it's a dominance thing -- puts you in charge -- but I guess it makes ya sort of an asshole if you're on top all the time."

"That's why a lot of gay activity -- especially among the more dominant types -- is anonymous. You get a little relief from a stranger, and you don't have to give up your position among your friends," Mary added. "Girls have less of a problem with this, because they're not competing, well, for girls, among other things. Unless you're 'way up on top, getting a guy is more about how low you'll go, not how high. It's a seller's market -- you adjust the price to get what you want. Girls can sometimes afford to let their hair down with their friends, since it's usually a shared issue. Girls don't have anything to gain by outing each other, while boys theoretically move up while taking another boy down." Mary smiled. "MY boys walked straight out of their first little run-in directly into my arms -- literally. I took 'em home, lubed 'em with a little beer, and told 'em if they wanted to play, they were safe at my house -- but they had to try out girls, too. Teddy was a little tentative at first, but Prom night turned out to be a big night for cherry picking; I got two, Stick got at least one, and Teddy got at least one, too..."

"Anyway," Stick took things up, "turns out both 'a us like girls, but neither of us is prejudiced too much against guys, either. Takes a special woman ta deal wit' that..." He flicked a glance at Mary. "There's some guy shit I'll do, an' there's some I won't -- an' there's some I'll ONLY do wit' Ted, 'cause he deserves it. We got an exclusive thing goin' an' each of us gets stuff outta it that ain't just sex. Ain't like anybody else gotta worry about bein' hit on." There were a couple of unconscious sighs of relief at this.

"HEY!" Mary put two fingers in her mouth and whistled. "Both of my men are ALL MAN! When Stick lays pipe, it's about a foot long, and when Teddy does, it's about a foot thick! Neither of them has ANYTHING to worry about in the woman-pleasing department -- I'm one happy camper! The fact that they have a relationship between themselves keeps me from having to choose between them, and that makes life JUST GRAND!"

"I ain't no foot long," Stick grunted, embarrassed.

"He's every bit as big as Randall, anyway -- maybe Jimmy!" Mary argued.

Teddy nodded agreement, which got him some looks, and added, "Obviously, I'm not that thick..."

"Okay, okay, I exaggerated!" Mary complained, "But he's seriously filling -- would you try to masturbate with a soda can? Or a fat cucumber? Not one of those English jobs..." Mary made a circle out of the thumb and forefingers of both hands, demonstrating Teddy's surprising girth. "Teddy's hard to handle -- he takes preparation. Fortunately, I have help..." She glanced at Stick.

"It's a little easier once Stick paves the way," Teddy amplified in the face of several blank looks.

"This thing looks like trouble..." Darla Jean frowned.

"It's... messy," Mary admitted. "My Mom is up in arms, but Dad is okay with it. Teddy's mother is gonna flip -- but she would, anyway. Stick's family will probably take it even worse -- right now, we're telling then that Stick is pimping me to Teddy for things like car travel and movie money. Sooner or later, they'll figure it out, but I imagine they'll keep mum about it when they do." She eyed Darla Jean. "THAT'S why it was important to give Teddy a good alibi -- his mother hasn't twigged yet that Teddy isn't alone any more, and we're trying to put it off for a while. Otherwise, the long list of people who won't like what we're doing could ruin a good thing. We want 'em to get used to it -- my Dad to browbeat my Mom into dealing with it, and Stick's folks to figure it out and let it lie -- before Teddy's mother gets wind of things and stirs them all up."

"So you want things to stay as they are?" Darla Jean pressed.

"The law won't let me do what I WANT to do," Mary sighed. "I WANT to marry 'em BOTH! As it is, though, I'll probably marry one and the other one will move in with us on some pretext, and I'll have a half-dozen kids of various shades..."