Chapter 4

The Colonel and the Brigadier, fortified by a good lunch, were deep in conversation in the lounge of the Conservative Club, discussing the ways in which the village's available female pulchritude might best be unveiled and exhibited both for the greater good of the community and also, and very importantly, their own perverse gratification.

They agreed that the amiable and willing Dorothy should be allowed to be displayed as the "Spotted Lady" once again, and further that she should be asked if she would mind foregoing the shelter of a tent this time (Last year she had had the comfort of an oil heater under the platform to keep the unseasonable cold at bay).

The Brigadier was even more delighted at this suggestion, to which he gave his immediate agreement. Now there would be at least three delightfully shivering young females for him to fantasise about! Never mind if the third was not a great facial beauty, she had a very impressive body - strong, well made and capable of reducing the strongest village stud to a state of pleasurable exhaustion, as his friend, the Colonel, had good reason to know!

The discussion resumed.

"Can't just have them standing there as some kind of tableau vivant. Don't want the dear girls catching their death of cold and it would soon become boring." said the Colonel. "A kind of dance routine would be a good idea - at least for Beatrice - lovely sinuous body - that girl! Maybe we could have a guy playing a flute or reed pipe or something - sort of snake charmer act with Beatrice as the deadly charmed serpent! That would be her taken care of. How would Julia fancy a bit of bondage - what would you say to that - chains and ropes - maybe staked out on the ground, spread-eagled?"

The angry scarlet flush that came over the Brigadier's face caused the Colonel to sigh inwardly and backtrack hastily. The two continued to cogitate for some time. Finally the Colonel spoke.

"It really is frightfully good of you to agree to this you know - I only wish my daughter Rosie could participate, but Bessie wouldn't hear of it, I'm afraid, and I'm in enough hot water with her as it is - damn it."

The Brigadier tried to hide his amusement at this reference to the Colonel's disgrace - a disgrace which would, so he hoped, allow him to replace the said Colonel at the next elections, due in May a week or two after the fete. As for the lovely Rosie appearing in a state of undress - well, that would be too much to hope for; he could see that. Bessie, the Colonel's lady, was famously strait-laced and nobody could understand why she had ever married such a serial and tireless philanderer in the first place - or why she had not divorced him long before.

"I saw a film many years ago, starring the late Elvis Presley, who, you may remember, was a noted warbler and darling of the great unwashed of his day." said the Colonel. "It was called 'Roustabout' as I remember. In one scene, at a carnival, a young lady was placed on a platform above a tank of water and underneath the platform was some kind of lever mechanism whereby the platform was kept in place. A well aimed shot at this mechanism would cause the platform to collapse and send the young lady dropping into the tank of icy cold water."