Chapter 12

The war ended that night.

Vicdaen killed Ziyakhede. But not without help. It seemed that Hajieelkhe listened to what I said to him that day. And now it is finally over.

Well, not really. Placident got away. She fled as soon as she heard that the Wilijies were loosing. But there is a pretty huge reward for anyone who catches her. If she shows herself anywhere she will be quite dead.

Vicdaen was crowned the next day, and the Wilijies rejoiced. I never saw it, but I heard he looked triumphant. Hajieelkhe stayed the general of Veriton. And also became the right of Vicdaen.

I, on the other hand, did not fare so well. I knew I had burnt most of my lower body, but the flames had gotten past my wet shields. My arms were scorched, and a flame had licked the left part of my face. The hair would grow out, but there was not much left of it. They tried to, really tried to heal me, and they did, but the scars remained. I am barely recognisable by now. Nobody can understand what happened. Superficial wounds tended by a healer always heal without leaving any scars. Perhaps I was the exception to the rule, I said to them, but they called in the best healers of them all, all of them trying to heal me, but they all failed.

When Vicdaen saw me he left without saying a word. Lex visited me every day — he had no problem with my scars. I did not ask him how he could stand the sight of me when I could barely look at myself in the mirror, and especially since Vicdaen did not visit me. I think he could look at me because he knew that I was still the same. And I was still the same, just a bit sadder than before.

"Has he come to see you yet?" he asked carefully one day.

I shook my head. I tried to smile at him, but the left part of my face could not do that motion any longer, making all of my smiles crooked. "No."

"I talked to him yesterday... He still intends to marry you."

I cracked. "Only because he promised me. He doesn't want to."

"How can you be so sure of that?"

I sighed. "Look at me, Lex. You wouldn't marry a girl that looked like this." 'You wouldn't touch her either', I thought regretfully.

He couldn't answer that. He just looked away, and the silence fell between us. It went on for minutes, until he spoke: "I cannot refrain myself from thinking about what would have happened if I'd made sure that you'd chosen me... Perhaps the war hadn't been over, but this wouldn't have happened."

"Please, Lex... You've always been faithful like a dog. Once you knew you had to get engaged to some princess you did it. All for the sake of Aarenion."

"I only did it because of my stepmother. She threatened that if I didn't marry she'd make sure that some of her daughters — my half sisters — would inherit the throne. And her threats are not to be taken lightly. So now I'm engaged to a half-witted girl, that hasn't got half of your beauty, even now that you're burnt."

"When is the wedding?"

"In a month. We're leaving in two days."

"Will you take me with you? Please, bring me home."

He looked as surprised as if he had seen pigs fly. "Of course."

Yes, I ran away. We barely said goodbye, but from what I could see of him, I knew he was relieved. He hugged Lex, a great bear hug, but me he avoided looking at. We couldn't marry. Not with me looking like something the cat dragged in. If I had had hopes about him feeling something for me they were quenched in that moment. And it hurt.

The journey home went by in a daze. After the half of it I realised I was pregnant, but that I kept to myself. When Lex asked me why I was sick I answered that I was feeling anxious about returning home. I could not have Vicdaen finding out that I was pregnant. If he did a marriage would be inevitable. And I would never allow myself to be captured in a loveless marriage.

I returned home with a royal entourage. That was something to behold, and the whole village stopped working just to see why the king had arrived. I thought my mother was going to die when I saw her. She looked hollow and pale and seeing me probably had another of her nightmares come true. She wanted me to come back whole and safe. I came back, but I was nowhere whole. And she could see that even if I hid all of my scars behind a shawl.

My younger sisters danced around me, happy as sunshine. "We heard the king had gotten engaged!" sang my youngest sister Irina. "We knew it had to be you!" chorused the twins Hera and Reima.

"It's not me", I said to deaf ears.

"Back to work!" mother said with a sharp tone. They obeyed her instantly. "Now, let me look at you."

She led me into our little cottage, seating me by the kitchen table. She removed my shawl and gasped for air. "Oh... My Amram, what happened to you?"

"There was a fire, and I was impatient." I laughed.

"That's not funny. Tell me what happened."

I told her about the capture — avoiding everything about Vicdaen — and then about the fire and how they tried to heal me but how they couldn't heal the scars.

"Hmm... But you're not saying everything. I can see that you're pregnant." I gasped for air. How could she know when not a physical sign showed? "Could you explain that? I gave you all of my herbs." The last she could hardly say, her jaw twitching violently.

"Mother, it wasn't like that. I was fine."

"Then why are you pregnant?"

"Because I fell in love."

"And where is this man you fell in love with?"

"He doesn't love me."

"Did he ask you to marry him?"

"Yes... But I can't marry someone who doesn't love me!"

"It doesn't matter as long as the child has a father!" she yelled.

"I didn't know about me being pregnant until halfway here! And I won't marry him!" I yelled right back at her.

She calmed down. "Alright. How far have you gone?"

I counted the days. "Four weeks."

"If you marry someone within a month we can say it was a premature birth."

"What?!" I rose violently from the chair. "No! Mother, I will not marry anyone. I'd rather get rid of the baby."

"You don't mean that."

"No one will marry me. Not with my scars."

She looked up at me and nodded in defeat. "I guess not. Well, well... This family is already the laughing stock of this village. Good thing I've gotten two proposals for the twins. I have to agree immediately, before they find out you're pregnant."