Chapter 4

I hadn't had time to open my front door when my mobile rang.

"Just what is going on?" I heard Jill's sweet voice ask. Jill may not have been told anything directly, but she was too clever not to work things out.

As I entered my house I explained in précis form, the events of the last two days. I told her I'd explain more fully when we next met. Proving herself to be the friend I knew her to be, she offered to cancel a trip to the theatre that night to come around and keep me company. I explained that I was feeling a lot better than expected and there was no need to cancel her night out. She was dubious about my answer but agreed that she and Sam would be round tomorrow evening.

The next hour was spent soaking in a very hot bath, with my landline unplugged and my mobile switched off. As usual, I took a book, Terry Pratchett's 'Going Postal', with me, but even his usual brilliance couldn't hold my attention, the recent events would not let my mind wander as it should. When I managed to drag my prune-textured body out of the water, I was still as bewildered as before.

I needed to talk to someone, or more likely, at someone. I briefly considered my children, but discounted them for totally different reasons; my youngest, Mark, was away at university, and if on the remote chance of catching him in a position to talk, he wouldn't see anything to concern me, let alone him. Part of me agreed with that, which would make it harder to convince him; after all, I still had my job, a superior whom I disliked had been removed, so I was better off.

Too many moments though still upset me; my overreaction at the accident, Teresa's comments, in her anger was she just trying to hurt, or did she and maybe others, regard me so. The worst bit, without doubt, was my conversation with the police at the park bench, I wasn't sure that I would ever be able to sit there again without wondering who was watching me and doubting my reasons for being there. It was a special place for me and now, I felt as if I'd been robbed of another link with Jane.

Emma, I knew would understand immediately and completely; she would also come over to offer her support. I knew, however, that with her marriage due in less than two weeks, she had more important things to worry about than her dad. Besides, I reckoned that children should bring their worries to their dad, not the other way around.

It didn't take long to think of Paula. Even if Jill had been available, given the circumstances, I would have called Paula anyway. In my eyes, she was the most beautiful woman on the planet with the best personality to go with it. I was not the only one that thought that; my best male friend, Simon Edmonds, did too. I admit we were both biased; Simon had been married to Paula for over twenty years and I knew he was as devoted as ever; I thought her so beautiful because she was Jane's identical twin.

Over the past two years, her looks have brought occasional tears as I was visibly reminded of what I'd lost, but had also brought back many happy memories. We'd always been close, but now we were bonded for life by our mutual loss of Jane. I called their house and spoke to Simon; he said that they had nothing planned and I was welcome to pop around for a chat, and as they hadn't eaten yet, some food. Knowing that I wouldn't be putting them out by sharing their meal, I accepted, and took the short walk to their house; the girls had always wanted to stay close.