Chapter 25

Connie called me again on Tuesday night, complaining that I was avoiding her. It was true, but only in the sense that I hadn't called her on the telephone. She and I had nothing set up or planned.

"I miss seeing you, Jimmy. I don't like it that you seem to have forgotten about me. I've been taking your advice. I think that everything is all right again, but I won't really know until I get a chance to try being with a boy again."

"That's good, Connie. I'm glad to hear it."

"Aren't you going to ask me out now?"

"I will, but I still want to wait, just to make sure that you've adjusted to things okay."

"What do I do in the meantime, Jimmy? I can't just be staying in every weekend. My parents would start to wonder why. Are you telling me to date other people?"

"I'm not telling you what to do, Connie. I'm telling you what I'm planning on doing. Going out and getting a Coke or something is all right, but I'm not going out with you until I'm sure that you can handle it."

"I understand. Well, I've got to go, Jimmy, bye."

<I hope I didn't push her away. I still think she should take more time to herself to work things out. I remember the trouble I had at first.>

Don't worry. There's almost nothing that you could have said to her that would have made you more attractive to her than what you did say. As for her taking more time, as much as I hate to say this, her mind is made up, she wants to experience the full gamut. Now, as in right now. If you put her off for too much longer, she's going to be experiencing it with someone else.

<How much longer would too much longer be?>

It could be a week, or, it could be a lot less than a week. She is thinking of going out with that boy who tried to get her to fellate him. She doesn't want to call him, but the next time he tries to apologize to her, she'll probably let him. She is thinking along those lines right now.

<How would you feel about him being first with her?>

Better than you would, I'm sure.

I thought that his reply came back too fast and too flippant. Something about it didn't ring true to me. I asked myself whether it was important to me, that I be the first one for her. There might be a small twinge of jealousy, but not anything that I couldn't handle. I made a decision to stay back and let her decide who it would be. I wouldn't call her for at least another week.

If you do that, you can be sure that she will be with someone else. Almost a certainty, I'd say.

<That's all right. When she and I do get around to it, it will just seem that much better to her. I thrive on that sort of competition.>

Let's see, Cousin Ralph, Tom Foley, yes, I can see why you would believe that, Jimmy.

<Don't forget Danny though, I aced him out, and he was cute, and looked like James Dean.>

Yes, you certainly did beat him out, after I had him arrested, twice.

<You just can't bring yourself to admit that I caught you in a bluff, can you.>

I don't want her passed around to a lot of people, Jimmy. If that happens, we'll be no better off than if the rapes had occurred in the first place.

<I thought that you wanted her to be able to enjoy sex this time through? If she does things because she wants to, and because she likes it, she'll enjoy sex, just like you said that you wanted.>

I said I wanted her to enjoy sex with her husband, not with twenty boys and men. Besides, her future husband will not be attracted to her, if she's too worldly.

<Will she be attracted to him? I thought you said that she wouldn't be?>

"I was speculating out loud. I don't know that. It is more important that he be attracted to her."

<You're already planning to do something to her, aren't you?>

I am not. You don't know how these things work, and I do. When the time is right, they'll both be attracted as long as she remains the same way she is now, or close to it.

I quit arguing with him. For all I knew, he was right and I was wrong. I did know one thing though, if I was right about him caring more than I did, I hadn't heard the last from him on the topic of who would deflower Connie. It didn't take very long for me to get the answer either. That same night, when I was preparing to give Mr. Wonderful his nightly gallop, the voice starting running one of those four dimensional movies in my head. It was Connie giving herself a feverish workout with her hair brush handle and later, the thick end of a tapered candle. And, in case that wasn't enough, I got to see Connie playing with that boy's dick, and to watch him trying to force her face down on it.

<I didn't say that I wanted to watch any of that.>

Yes you did. Last Saturday night you asked me. Don't you remember? You even offered to provide the popcorn.

<Well, I never asked to see her playing with that guy's dick, and you can't say that I did.>

I knew that you were curious, I just thought I'd throw that one in, so that you could see what a little jealousy would feel like.

<If she does do him, that's just going to make her appreciate me all the more.>

I could take back my enhancement of your penis, that would put you both pretty evenly matched.

<Are you going to cut out my tongue too? If not, I'd still like my chances with her. Besides, I remember quite distinctly, hearing you telling me that Mr. Wonderful was going to be a permanent addition.>

We appear to have reached an impasse, Jimmy. You have something that I want. I propose that we trade. I'll give you something of value, as compensation for you letting me have my way on this. Name your price.

<Anything?>

Don't be ridiculous. Something that you want that is roughly equivalent in value to you as this is to me.

<Make me some offers, just so I can see what you think would be equivalent value.>

Your mother died at sixty seven years of age last time through. Now that she's quit smoking, I could give her five more good years of life, without letting things get too far out of kilter. How would that be?

<What else have you got?>

You surprise me, Jimmy, I was certain that you'd jump all over that one. All right, here's another one. I will let you go back in time to relive July of 1957 again. The same way as the last time though, no changes. It would give you another month with Carolyn. Do you remember last July?