Chapter 10

I was trying to relax and get myself some sleep. The mattress on the bed that Tiny and Terri had provided for me, wasn't very comfortable. I'd always had trouble adjusting to sleeping on strange beds, all through my prior lifetime. I was thinking about Donna, and then thinking about Carolyn too. I would have to admit that Donna had the prettier face, but Carolyn's body had been far superior. Donna's breasts seemed on the small side, even with the outfit that she'd been wearing at the drive in. Her figure wasn't as full in the hips, or anywhere else either. I'd have to say that she was on the slight side, whereas Carolyn had been on the lush side. Thinking about Carolyn made me sad, and I cried a little bit, remembering little things about some of the times that we had spent together.

I finally fell asleep, and I woke up at about seven. Tiny and Terri were out in the kitchen, and it had been their voices that had awakened me. I didn't know if they were arguing or not, but their voices didn't seem relaxed or happy. They had a tight quality, like they were both trying to bite back harsh words. I heard the front door close rather strongly, not exactly slammed, but not just closed either. I got up and used the hall bathroom, taking a quick shower, and doing what I needed to in order to be ready to leave. Terri was in the kitchen, dressed in a house robe, and drinking a cup of coffee.

"Morning Terri, was that Tiny I heard leaving earlier?"

"Hi, Jimmy. Yes, that was him heading off to the salt mines. I'm sorry if we woke you with our arguing. It's just that Tiny is so easy going. He lets people at work take advantage of him, and he won't ever speak up and say what he should be saying. Every week, it seems like he gets fewer and fewer hours, and he won't ever go in to the office and tell them that we can't get by on the hours that they're giving him. He'd be better off quitting, or looking for another job. The way we're going, we're apt to lose the house. Tiny told me about you insisting on helping us out by paying rent. Thank you. We can really use the money. Tiny would never have asked you, that isn't his way."

"That's all right Terri, I was glad to do it. It really made it easy for me that I got a place to stay so quickly and didn't have to spend any of my time looking for a place. Now, I need you to do me another favor too. I came into some money recently from a friend of mine. I had done him a favor awhile back, and he inherited a bunch of money, from an uncle or something. I wanted to share my windfall, with someone who could use a little help. Can I give the money to you? Someday, when you and Tiny are doing better, maybe you can find somebody else who could use a little help, and do the same for them."

"Thanks, Jimmy, but Tiny would never let you do that. He's very proud and stubborn. He isn't even willing to ask his own brother for help. He certainly wouldn't take it from you. I wish that he would, because it would really be welcome right now."

"We don't have to tell Tiny. You can tell him that someone in your family sent it to you."

"I couldn't lie to Tiny." I went back into my room and counted out five hundred dollars, in twenty dollar bills. I went back in the kitchen and placed the stack of bills on the table, right in front of her.

"I won't take no for an answer from you Terri. You were complaining about Tiny being proud and stubborn, so don't you be like that." She picked up the money and counted it. She tried to protest, but I wouldn't hear any of it from her. "You guys took me in, and I was practically a stranger. I wouldn't feel right not sharing some of my good fortune with you."

"I don't know how or when we could repay you, Jimmy. This is an awful lot of money. Too much really, especially for me to just take it from you. I don't know what to say." There were tears on her cheeks, but she was smiling too.

"Will that help you guys to get caught up?"

"Yes, oh yes! I can get the house caught up, and pay all the money that we owed on the electric. They were threatening to turn it off. Jimmy, I know that I shouldn't take this, but if you're really sure that you don't need it?"

"Terri, I've got a lot more money right now than I need. You'd be doing me a big favor by taking it. It makes me feel good to help you guys like you helped me."

"I'm going to go get this deposited, and mail out those checks this morning. I'm not sure what I'm going to tell Tiny, Jimmy. I know that I'm not telling him anything though, not until I know that our checks have been cashed by the mortgage company and the electric company. I'm not going to take a chance on Tiny doing something, or being stubborn, and us losing our house."

"I can drive you down to the bank if you want, Terri, but I need to be somewhere at nine, so I can't give you a ride back here."

"I'd appreciate a ride if it won't be too much trouble, Jimmy. I'll probably stop at the supermarket on the way back and pick up a few things for supper. I'll be making some of my lasagna tonight, will you be home for supper?"

"I think I'm going to be eating out tonight, but maybe you could save me some? I like it when it's leftovers too."

"I'll make a lot, just to make sure that we don't eat it all. I can be ready to go in about fifteen or twenty minutes, will that be all right?" I told her that it would be fine, and got myself some milk from the fridge. I felt good about helping Tiny and Terri. I wondered if it was going to be enough.

I knew that money worries cropped up in most families from time to time. My parents probably had more arguments about money than they did about anything else. I was expecting Terri to take more time than she said, and was surprised that she was actually ready to go in about ten minutes. She had short hair, so that probably hurried things up a lot. We went out, and I held the passenger door opened for her to get in.

"Jimmy, it's going to feel so much better to be caught up on our house payments. You don't know what it's been like, waiting everyday for the mail to come, and hoping that we weren't being foreclosed on." She started crying again, but I knew that these were tears of relief.

"Now, we both have to work on Tiny to go looking for a better job. What does he do, I never asked him?"

"He is a quality control inspector for Airco Cryogenics. They bottle and sell gases. Tiny used to make good money when he first started there three years ago. Now, they only use him two or three days a week. They are going automated, and now they have a machine that can make a lot of the inspections that Tiny used to make."

"Can't he train into doing something else for them?"

"I've told him to ask them, but he doesn't listen to me. He is shy like that, doesn't want to seem like he's pushy or anything. In the meantime, we're about to lose our home."

"We'll both talk to him, Terri. I bet he could get a better job easy. He just needs to start looking for one." I let her off at the curb by their bank. She tried to thank me again, but I just waved her away. The bank didn't open until nine, it was one of those new savings and loans that weren't actually banks, but they did have checking accounts. They offered free checking, and gave you a new toaster or a wall clock as a gift, if you opened a new account with them. I drove off, to go meet Donna.

"I was worried that you weren't going to come." I had just pulled into the drive in and Donna had come over and got into my car.

"I was worried that you'd change your mind about coming with me. I had a hard time sleeping last night because I was excited about today."

"Most people are, their first time going to Disneyland."

"I wasn't talking about Disneyland."

"Oh." She looked over at me and smiled as I put the car in reverse and backed out from the parking space. "I went to Disneyland about two months after it opened, but I haven't been back. It costs a lot in there. I don't know how people with big families can afford to go there for a whole day. The cost of food and drinks just eats you up."

"You don't worry about costs today, okay? I've brought plenty of money, and I just want both of us to enjoy the day."

"Are you rich or something? I mean this car is kind of old, if you're rich. I didn't mean it to sound bad like that. I don't even have a car. I just meant that rich people usually drive new and expensive cars."

"I'm not rich. I'm still in school. My parent's aren't rich either. I saved some money from summer jobs and I got lucky with a couple of other things recently. I have enough for today, and I really don't want to worry about the cost."

"My boyfriend, Danny, he never takes me out to do fun things. He spends all of his money on beer and car magazines. He says that he's saving for a car, but whenever I ask him how much he's got saved, he tells me that it isn't any of my business. I don't think he's saved anything. His idea of a date is to come over to my house and get me to make him something to eat, and then sit on the couch and watch television. I really like him and all, he's cute, and he kind of looks like James Dean. It's just that he never does anything that is entertaining and fun for me. Well, there is one thing, but I meant like a date." She giggled, in a way that made it certain to me that she was talking about either making out or having sex. She seemed like she was somewhat flighty. The voice had said that she had low self esteem, and had indicated that she didn't have a strong sense of herself.

We made it over to Disneyland and got ourselves a parking space. Already people were filling up the parking lot, even though the park wasn't opening until ten. I hoped that it wouldn't be so crowded that we wouldn't be able to go on all of the rides. I hoped in vain, because, by eleven or so, the lines to all of the better rides were at least half an hour long. We walked around, using up some of our ride tickets, and managed to go all over the park. I bought Donna several souvenirs, all of them way overpriced, but with things like that, you weren't ever going to get a good deal.

"So, you don't mind that I already have a boyfriend, and that we can't do anything like a boyfriend and girlfriend would do together?" We were sitting down having lunch and talking. It was a wonderful day, as far as the weather was concerned, pleasant, and not too hot. We were eating some kind of sausages that Donna had said that she really liked. Both of us were drinking Cokes.

"I don't mind, but that doesn't mean that I wouldn't like it a lot better if you were unattached." She smiled, as if she liked my answer.

"I guess I'm fairly unattached right now. For today at least. It doesn't feel right to let you spend all this money on me and not let you even hold my hand or put an arm around me. Especially since this is costing you more than Danny has spent on me for awhile. Maybe more than the total he's ever spent on me."

"I don't want to have to think about it like that. I'm just out with a pretty girl, having a great time. I knew that you had a boyfriend when you agreed to show me Disneyland. I don't want you thinking that I expect anything other than your company."

"I sometimes wish that I wasn't in love with Danny. I mean, if he doesn't treat me good when we're going out together, how is he going to treat me when we're married? If we even do get married. My mother and all of my friends warned me not to do anything with him until after he married me, but I wouldn't listen, and now it's too late."

"It's never too late, Donna. You're still a young girl. You aren't locked into any one future right now. You still have all the time in the world to decide what you want."

"Once you have sex with a guy, it's too late. You can't turn back and pretend that you didn't do it. They expect it after you let them once. I just never learn. I tell myself that I won't let it happen the next time, but I always do, because how can you tell the new one no, after you told the old one yes?"

"You just say no, if that's what you want to say."

"And then there's that too. Once you get started saying yes, you don't want to say no after that. It is different for you guys. Nobody really cares if you're doing it or not. Guys will even lie, and say that they are. You never hear girls lying about doing more than they are."

"We're having a good time right now, Donna, let's just concentrate on that."

"You never said about whether you have a girlfriend back home in Washington, Jimmy. I bet you do though. Guys like you always have girlfriends."

"I had a girl, but she moved away, and then she was in an accident and got killed."

"That's terrible! How old was she, and what kind of an accident?" So I told her about Carolyn, and as I told her, speaking quietly, I started crying again. I felt the full weight of her loss, and of her betrayal of me with Ralph. I poured out the whole, sad, story to Donna. I was sure, by the time that I was half way through, that the voice had taken away whatever it was that he had done to me to make the pain of Carolyn's death seem less terrible. So there I was, in Disneyland, with, perhaps fifty thousand people, all total strangers milling around me, sitting at an outdoor table, and crying like a baby. It wasn't my most shining moment.

The pain of losing Carolyn was shooting through me in waves, clutching at my stomach and almost making me sick. It was a physical pain, very real, and uncomfortable. I got up and went in search of a bathroom, telling Donna to wait there and that I'd soon return.

<Great first date, I'm sure that she'll be impressed with me now.>

Don't kid yourself. Women love men who can show deep feelings. Many are convinced that men don't hide them, they think that men just don't have any. Donna is very enthralled with you now. Her maternal instinct wants to just smother you in affection, and give you comfort to ease your pain. Right now, she's thinking that you need to make love to another woman to get over some of that pain and anguish. She can see herself in that role too.

<I told you that I'm not ready for that yet.>

Jimmy, need I remind you that you can't hide anything from me? I know, at the same time that you do, what you're thinking. Carolyn is gone. Nothing that happens with you from now on will have any effect on her. Donna needs someone to help her to free herself from that jerk. Who gets hurt if the two of you decide to comfort each other?

I washed my face and looked into the mirror above the wash basin. My eyes didn't look too puffy. Still, I felt like I needed some sun glasses. I went out and bought a pair at one of the souvenir kiosks that were all over the place in the park. I put them on and went back to find Donna waiting at the table. She stood up when I got close and grabbed my arm and held my hand. We started walking around some more, and went to stand in the line for the Jungle Cruise. We left the park at about four thirty, and drove over to Buena Park to have dinner at Mrs. Knott's Chicken Dinner Restaurant. After dinner we walked around, we got our picture taken so that it looked like we were on one of those old Conestoga wagons, that had a team of oxen pulling it. Then we walked around some more, watching, as various artisans made things, like rings from a horseshoeing nail. We looked at various exhibits that showed how things were done or were made in the Old West. At seven o'clock, I pulled in to drop her off at the drive in again. Except for my little breakdown, and her confession of her problems with relationships, we had gotten along well, and I had a great time. I was still embarrassed about crying in front of her.

"What are you going to see next?"

"I thought Marineland, and then, maybe a trip to walk around Hollywood."

"I've never been to Marineland."

"I'd love to have you come with me."

"When?"

"When can you get away to do it?"

"Tomorrow?"

"Same place and time?"

"Do you mean it. You really want to take me?"

"Sure, you're great company. Why wouldn't I want to have you with me?"

"What about Danny?"

"Don't you think it might be stressful on all three of us if he joined us?" She laughed, trying to imagine that scene, I think.

"I meant that I can't keep going places with you, and still be Danny's girlfriend."

"You don't need to stay his girlfriend on my account. I'd like you even if you weren't going with Danny."

"But, would you want me for a girlfriend, if he and I weren't together any more?"

"I don't know, Donna, as you saw today, I still haven't gotten over Carolyn."

"That's all right. I can understand it, if you still have feelings for her. It's just like you told me though, you're young and you still have your whole future to think of."

"My offer to take you to Marineland is still open. What you and Danny decide, that's up to you. I think it's too soon for me to be thinking about having another relationship."

"I think I'd like to go with you tomorrow. I'm going to break up with Danny. He doesn't really love me. I knew that, but I sometimes just try to pretend that he does. Be here tomorrow at nine. Don't tell me that you'll be here, and then not come."

"I'll see you then." She had started to get out of my car, but then hesitated and came over and kissed me, softly, on my lips.

"Thank you for today, Jimmy. I had a good time. Thank you for the souvenirs too." When she was done, she kissed me again, this time firmer, but still closed mouth. "Bye."

I drove home. At least part of what I'd told her had been true. I didn't think I was ready to have a relationship. I was still a young man though, with a young man's hormones. She was attractive to me, and I'd been thinking about having sex with her ever since I spoke with the voice on the way to the bathroom several hours before. I didn't want to take advantage of her and use her though. This was my second time through, and I'd done more than enough using on my first time through.