Chapter 3

I stayed at the Hampton Inn near the airport that night and left for Atlanta in the morning. The four days I spent in Atlanta were very painful for me. I managed to keep myself together during the day while I was working but when I got back to my hotel room at night I was a mess. I couldn't help but think of Susan and all of the wonderful times we had together over the years we had been together. What made her change? Why would she suddenly feel the need to take another lover and of all people, why Fred?

By the end of the four days I was mentally drained. I returned to Charlotte that Friday morning and went straight to the house. I knew Susan wouldn't be there because I had called the office and checked to make sure she was at work. I spent about two hours packing as many of my clothes as I could and then checked into a cheap motel near the office and began looking for an apartment.

"Jim, I haven't spoken to Susan since I left the house that night," I said. "It almost kills me when I see her at work. I know I still have feelings for her but I can't get past what she did to me."

"I wondered what was going on," Jim said. "I have seen Susan come in here several times over the last few weeks. She doesn't stay long. She has a drink and then leaves. I wondered why you weren't with her," Jim said.

"Susan has been trying to get me to talk to her but I don't return her calls and I avoid going anywhere that I might run into her. That's the reason I haven't been around here lately," I said. "This morning she cornered me in my office and begged me to meet her here this afternoon so we could talk. She said that if I would talk to her today she would not bother me again."

"Oh, shit man, I am really sorry things have gone so bad for your marriage. I would never have believed that Susan would cheat on you," Jim said.

"I wouldn't have either."

Just then Jim looked up over my shoulder. "Here she comes now," Jim said. "Why don't you go take a booth and I'll come over and get your drink orders. That will give you more privacy."

"Thanks, Jim."

I got off the bar stool and turned to meet Susan. As she approached me I pointed to a booth and said, "Why don't we sit over there?"

Susan didn't say anything, she just turned and walked to the booth and sat down. I slid into the booth on the opposite side. Although she was still a beautiful woman, Susan looked sad and tired. I didn't feel any sympathy for her. The pain she had caused me left me unable to feel anything.

"How are you, Mark?" she asked.

"How do you think I am? It's only been five weeks since you destroyed my world."

"I'm sorry," Susan said. "That was a stupid question."

"You will forgive me if I don't ask how you have been, because I really don't give a shit," I said.

The expression on Susan's face told me that my last remark hurt her. Good.

"This is your meeting," I said. "What is it you wanted to say to me?"

"I know this probably doesn't mean much to you," she said, "and you have made it clear that this is not what you want to hear from me but I have to say this. I am sorry that I hurt you and I am sorry for what I did. It was stupid but I didn't do it for the reasons you think. I want to explain what happened so please just listen to me." First, I want you to know that I never stopped loving you."

"I think perhaps you did at least for a few hours that Saturday afternoon."

"No. It wasn't like that. Let me try to explain," she said.

"I don't think there is any explanation for what you did to me," I said, "at least none that I would ever understand. Are you in love with him?"

"In love with him? No, of course not. I love you."

"You see? That's what I will never understand," I said. "If you were in love with me, why would you fuck him? At Mr. Dyson's party you looked me in the eye and lied to me. You said that he came to the party with a date. The truth was that you were his date that afternoon, weren't you? Did you think you could just fuck him and no one would ever find out?"

"About whom are you talking?" Susan asked.

"You know very well who I am talking about. Your boyfriend Fred."

"Fred? It wasn't Fred. I didn't lie about him. It was John Fisher I was with Saturday afternoon," she said.

I was stunned. I had never considered that it might be John that she was with. "John Fisher? I guess it should have occurred to me that it was John. After all, you did say that John had asked to borrow the van that day. You just failed to mention that he borrowed you as well." I said. "So how long has this affair been going on?"

"It was just a one time thing, not an affair," she said.

"When did you decide that it was a one time thing? Was that something that you both agreed upon before you fucked him? Or was it something you decided after I found his cum-filled condom in the back of your van?" I said.

'Mark, please stop talking to me that way. I am trying to explain this as best I can. Please at least hear me out," Susan said.

"I am sorry if my earthy description of what you did offends your delicate sensibilities but if you get to explain your actions I should at least get to vent my anger," I said.

Susan looked down at her hands and was quiet for a moment. I took that opportunity to signal Jim to come over and get our drink orders. Susan ordered her drink without looking at Jim and didn't say another word until he went back to the bar.

"Mark, I want to try and explain why this happened. It will be difficult and it probably won't make any difference in how you feel about me right now but you have to hear me out," she said. "It is just as important for you to know this as it is for me to tell you."

Before Susan could say anymore Jim returned with our drinks. Susan waited until Jim left and then cleared her throat.

"Mark, I know how this is going to sound but it's the truth," Susan said. "What I did with John I did for us. At least that is what I thought I was doing at the time."

"You did it for us?" I said. I felt my face getting hot along with my temper. "What the fuck does that mean? How does your fucking someone else help us?"

That was about all I could handle. I started to get out of the booth to leave but Susan grabbed my arm. "Please stay and let me explain."

I reluctantly sat back down. I decided that no matter how difficult it was for me that I would sit and listen to Susan's explanation without comment. I would wait till she finished before saying anything more. I said, "Okay, go ahead."

The following is what Susan told me.

"Some of what I told you before was true. That morning Ed came over and thanked me for offering to let him use the van but then told me that after looking at it he didn't think they would be able to fit the desk into the van. He said that his father-in-law had a big pickup truck and he was going to help them get the desk.

"After he left I got a phone call from John Fisher. John said that he had something important he needed to talk to me about and asked me to meet him at the MacDonald's restaurant on South Tryon. I tried to get him to tell me what he wanted but he just kept telling me that it was important to you and me and he didn't want to discuss it over the phone. I certainly wasn't planning to have sex with him. The thought had never crossed my mind.

"When I got to McDonald's John climbed into the van with me. He asked if I had eaten lunch yet and I told him that I hadn't. He then suggested that I drive around to the drive through window and we could order lunch. After we placed the order John told me that he didn't have any cash with him and asked me to pay for the food. When I looked at him he said that what he was ready to do for us was certainly worth the price of a lunch at McDonald's. So I paid for the meal.

"We parked in the parking lot and as we ate our food John started telling me why he had asked me to meet him."

"'Susan, you can't tell anyone about this conversation or what I am about to tell you, do you understand?' John said."

"'I don't know if I want to hear this if it is that confidential, ' I told him."

"'This is important to you, ' he said. 'Last week I met with the head of Human Resources from Clay International. They wanted to talk about the plans they had for the takeover of Dyson.'"

"I told John that I didn't think he should be sharing any information from that meeting with me."

"'This is important to you and Mark so just listen, ' he said. 'The guy from Clay said that when they take over next month they plan to trim the work force at Dyson by thirty percent. They asked me to make a list by department of the employees that I felt should be kept on board after the take over. I have to tell you I was stunned. I was being asked to play God with people's lives. How do I make decisions about who should stay and who should go. I didn't like it but I knew if I tried to refuse the assignment I would be one of the first to be let go.'"

"I asked John how many people he had told and he said that I was the only person he had spoken to about this. I asked him why he was telling me."

"'Susan, I have always liked you and Mark and I want to help you. I don't know what condition your personal finances are in but if you are like most people in your income bracket you are probably only four or five paychecks away from losing your home. I would hate to see that happen to the two of you. I want to put both of your names on my list of people that should be kept on board.'"

"'I appreciate that, John, but why are you telling me this? It makes me very uncomfortable, ' I said."

"'You need to understand that there are a lot of people in the company that would be desperate to get their names on that list, ' he said."

"When John said that, I started to worry about where this conversation was going. 'What are you trying to say, John?' I asked."

"'It's just that I am willing to stick my neck out here for you and Mark but I need something from you in return, ' John said."

"'Something in return? Like what?' I asked."

"'You know, Susan, I have always thought that you are a very attractive woman, ' he said."

"'John, please don't do this, ' I said."

"'Susan, come on. We have a little fun and you and Mark have your jobs protected. Quid pro quo. We could go back to your house and have a quick tumble and it's over. Just a one time thing and Mark will never know what we did. It will be our little secret how you saved your jobs.'"

"I was feeling sick and angry but I was also worried about losing our jobs. I knew that John was right. If we lost our jobs it would only take us few months to burn through all of our savings. We would lose the cars, the boat and then the house. I didn't know how to handle this. I didn't want us to lose our jobs but I didn't want to have sex with John either."

"The first idea that popped into my head was to stall for time. Then I might be able to set him up so that we could force him to put our names on the list. 'I need time to think about this, ' I said. 'You caught me off guard and I can't make a decision about something like this on such short notice. Let me think about it over the weekend and I call you on Monday and let you know what I decided.'"

"John smiled at me and I thought for a moment that he would agree to give me time to think it over. 'Susan, I can't give you time to try and find a way to set me up. Right now you and I are the only people who know about this conversation so I can deny any claims you make. My offer is only good for this afternoon. If you want to save your jobs you know what you have to do, ' he said."

"I was in a panic. I didn't know what to do. I know now that if I had time to think about it I would have told John to go to hell but instead I found myself negotiating with him."

"'What would I have to do?' I asked him."

"'Have sex with me, ' he said."

"'Where?'"

"'At your house.' he said."

"'No. Absolutely not, ' I said."

"'Then we will drive out to my house at the lake, ' he suggested."

"'That's too far. I have to get to Mr. Dyson party in time to meet Mark, ' I said."

"'Okay then, we'll do it right here in the van, ' John said."

"'Right here?'"

"'No. I know a nice private place not too far from here where we can park and no one will bother us, ' he said."

"'If we are do it I want to keep my clothes on, ' I said."

"'No. I have always wanted to see your sexy body. You have to take your clothes off, ' he said."

"'All right, I'll take my clothes off but there won't be any kissing or oral sex.'"

"'No kissing? No oral sex? I don't think I can agree to that, ' he said."

"'Then I guess this discussion is over, ' I said."

"'Wait. Okay, no kissing or oral sex but you have to let me suck on your tits, ' he said."

"I hated the thought of him doing that but as long as I didn't have to kiss or suck anything of his I agreed. 'The last thing and this is not negotiable, you must wear a condom, ' I said."

"John smiled at me and said, 'That's fine except I don't happen to have any with me. You will have to go buy some, ' he said."

"'I think you should buy them, ' I said."

""If I have to use a condom you have to buy it, ' he said."

"The whole conversation was surreal. I had just negotiated terms for having sex with another man and at no time had I thought what I was doing wrong. I mean in terms of our marriage. I wasn't doing this for any kind of a thrill. It was something that I didn't want to do but I felt I had no choice. It didn't seem to me that I was cheating on you because I was trying to protect our jobs. By making him agree that there would be no kissing or oral sex and insisting that he wear a condom I had managed to set things up to be as sanitary and unobtrusive as possible. The big test would be to see if I could go through with it and if he would stick to the agreed upon rules."

"We left the van at McDonald's and walked over to Thompson's Pharmacy. John went with me to make sure I didn't call anyone. I bought a three pack of condoms because that was the smallest package they came in and then I bought the vaginal moisturizer because I knew that I would have a problem getting enough natural lubrication to keep him from hurting me."

"We left the drug store and went back to the van and John had me drive out of town about three miles and then turn down a dirt road into a wooded area. When we stopped John and I climbed into the back of the van. 'Go ahead and take your clothes off, ' John said. 'I want to watch.'"

"I hadn't thought of that part. Getting undressed in front of John was humiliating. I removed my shoes and pants and then my top. As I was unhooking my bra I noticed that John had opened his pants and was playing with his dick as he watched me. I was thoroughly disgusted with John and with myself. I put all thoughts out of my mind other than what I needed to do to get through the current situation. I removed my panties and then rolled my pants up and used them as a pillow as I spread myself out on the floor of the van."