She lay there on the ground, sweat dotting her brow. Her dress was sprawled out beside her now naked form. The man between her legs was thrusting into her hard and fast, grunting as he did. She was urging him on, her face telling me more than anything.
Looking at her through the binoculars, I knew that what I was seeing was not a rape. They had walked up to the little knot of trees holding hands like the lovers they were. Deep inside me, my heart was breaking. Proof, in my face, of what our problem was.
Looking at her with him on top of her, I saw a woman in need. That it was my wife, and I was not the man on top of her was the thing that was wrong with the picture. How this had come to be I still didn't know, but I would find out. As of yet, she was unaware that I knew of her straying. I planned to keep it that way for a while yet.
Sex between us had been good over the years, but in the last year or so she had fell off on wanting to do it. I thought at first that it was just her going through some kind of hormonal change after having healed up from having our third child. I could see now that I was mistaken about the reason.
She was still the loving and caring wife to me. A wonderful mother involved in her family's lives. This was a side of her I had just suspected her having recently, and a phone call from an anonymous caller had tipped me off. I think the caller may have been a jilted girlfriend of the man between her legs.
What was I going to do now? I had them on film... well, digital camera that is, and I had some e-mails between them too. I had gotten her password and done some snooping one night, as she slept in our bed. The e-mails hadn't been all that damning, but the tone and affection being freely given to a man not her husband was all that I needed.
I knew the man. He was a local insurance salesman, and married. Tom Harper, man about town, and all around good guy. Yeah, some good guy alright, good at messing up other people's marriages maybe, certainly not a good person deep down.
I crawled back behind the little grove of trees I had been hiding in as I filmed the lovers, and getting up I started to walk to my car. She was standing in front of my car when I got there. I knew her. Mrs. Tom Harper. I wondered if she knew why I was here.
"So... you just saw them up there? Did you get some good shots of them doing the dirty?"
"Uh, you know then Anne?"
"Yeah. I'd suspected Tom for a while. This was to be our day out and about, but he suddenly had an emergency. He should have known that I didn't buy that. He's an insurance man for Christ's sakes... insurance men don't have 'emergencies'."
"What are you going to do Anne?"
"Well, I was hoping you would let me have a copy of that tape first of all. Maybe if you have some other proof of them cheating on us too? I have some evidence myself... I'll trade you even-steven for it."
"I'm not sure what I'm going to do yet."
"Not sure? NOT SURE? Are you crazy? They are cheating on us, lying, sneaking around, and fucking each other... having an affair. You're not sure what you're going to do?"
"Well... in spite of everything, my wife is loving to me at home, and she is a good mother. I don't know if I want to divorce her or not."
"You're not one of those kinky guys that likes to watch their wives fuck other men are you?"
"No. Look, I'll give you what I have; you give me what you have... but leave me out of your party okay? I need to figure out what it is I want to do here."
"You are a strange man Dave, a very strange man. Your wife is cheating on you and you are not sure what you want to do about it?"
"Yeah. What can I say? I gave her my heart fifteen years ago, and I just can't take it back in a few seconds now can I? Besides, we have three kids and I'm not sure what to do about them either. I love my family Anne and I don't know what I'm going to do. It's all a bad nightmare for me."
"You just found out didn't you? You just now got the proof you couldn't bring yourself to believe didn't you?"
"Yeah... there were some e-mail the other day... but this is the first actual visual proof I've gotten of her stepping out on me like this."
"Then you aren't aware of the others?"
"Other men. She's been out with several other men. Several at a time too I'm afraid. I found out because one of those men had a wife that found them in her bed fucking... four of them... three other men and your wife. She filed for divorce and then told me. My Tom was one of the other men there that day."
Had she punched me in the stomach I could have been no more surprised. There was more than just Tom fucking her? She was doing several men at a time? My wife? My Nicky? A common slut? It couldn't be. I couldn't believe it. Anne must be making it all up because of Tom being with her.
"I have proof. That lady gave me pictures and some movies the guys had made. Her husband wasn't that good at hiding them it seems, and during their divorce those movies cost him dearly. Very dearly."
"You have movies? More than one? Oh God."
I threw up. I was standing outside thank God... else I would have made a huge mess in my car. My Nicky a porn star on top of everything else? What had happened to her? Why?
Anne stood back a bit with a concerned look and was quiet as I finished up my very embarrassing episode. After I straightened myself out a bit I stood up straight and wished that I'd not come here today. I was thinking I really didn't want to know all about it after all.
"Okay... uh... do you have a computer at home? An email address would be nice."
"Why don't you just come over to my place and copy it off there? I can give you copies of those movies and what else I have too. It will be easier."
I followed her to her place, the whole time thinking about what I had just learned that morning. Not only was my wife cheating on me, she was cheating on me with many other men. Group sex and other things that I just couldn't bring myself to think about at that moment.
At home later that day I watched one of the movies. I couldn't believe what I saw. Nicky taking men every way possible. Even anally. She had never allowed me to do her back there, yet here she was in a movie with six men, and by the end of that movie she had done all of those men. All of those men had visited each hole in her body too. It didn't matter what order either... that was the part that really got to me.
I sat there in my den, my whole world coming apart all over the place. I had made arrangements to have the kids stay at Nicky's parents house that night, and her mom had been curious as to why. I told her that Nicky and I were having some problems and we had to work them out tonight. I could see that her mom knew something than I didn't, but she didn't leak it to me.
I was sitting in the living room when Nicky got home. She wasn't expecting me as I was supposed to have been on a three-day business trip and I had 'left' that morning. As she walked in, the men behind her were grabbing at her dress, flipping it up.
"You guys... someone may see. Knock it off. We only have a couple of hours till the kids get home, so we'll have to be quick. Maybe tomorrow we can all meet up and have a real party. I'll make arrangements for the kids to stay at my moms and... OH GOD. NO."
She had finally seen me sitting in my easy chair. The men behind her had seen me already and were making for the door as fast as they could. I suppose the forty-five Ruger sitting on the coffee table in front of me may have had something to do with that. I had grabbed it up when I saw her arrive and the other three cars pulling in behind her. It had only taken a second to get it out of the lock box in my den.
"Dave... what are you doing home? I wasn't expecting you. What happened to your business trip?"
"Didn't have a business trip Nicky. I faked it. I followed you instead. I saw you with that asshole Tom Harper, then his wife met up with me. She had some interesting things to say, and then she gave me some porn tapes. You seem to be a movie star dear."
Nicky collapsed on the floor in front of me, crying hard. Her shoulders were shaking and I could see tears pouring off her face dripping onto her dress. I got up and closed the door that had been left standing wide open. Looking at her I could feel nothing. No anger, no sadness, nothing. It surprised me.
I went out to the kitchen and after getting a soda pop out of the fridge, I sat out there thinking. Dulled senses and a horrible empty feeling kept me from having any kind of emotional response to it all. I just sat there sipping on the soda, staring off into space.
"Dave? Honey... I'm sorry. I am so sorry."
I just sat there not moving, not talking, hell, I was hardly breathing.
"I don't know how it all happened. I-I-just don't know how it got so far out of hand."
"Out of hand? Like you planned on just one guy one time? Maybe just having an affair with one guy? Maybe just one party with a bunch of guys? Out of hand? That kind of out of hand?"
Nicky burst into tears and fled. I sat there, like a stone for several hours. Literally. Three hours later I got up and went to the bathroom. As I walked past our bedroom door I heard Nicky in on our bed still crying. She was on the phone to someone.
I got out of the bathroom and just decided I needed to get away. I entered our bedroom and went to my dresser. As I began to gather up clothes to take with me, Nicky began to beg me to wait. Hanging up the phone she began to beg me to let her explain it all to me. I ignored her, not talking or even showing that I recognized her as being in the room with me.
By the time I had packed two suitcases, she was near panic.
"Dave... please... please wait. Can't we talk about it? Please? I'm sorry, I don't want to lose you... please?"
"Nicky, you lost me when I saw that first movie of you. Before that I may have been able to handle it all and maybe even have forgiven you. Now... now I realize I don't know you. You're a stranger to me Nicky. I don't know you at all. What I do know about the new Nicky I don't like... at all."
"I can change. I changed once I can change again. I will be true to you. I know I messed up but I can change back into being your faithful wife. I love you; I can't live without you Dave. Please... give me a chance to prove that to you?"
"I'm going away for a while. The kids are at your mom and dad's. You will have to pick them up. If you have time between all your... uh... fucking around that is. I'll be in touch. Good bye Nicky."
I left her there in the bedroom. I went straight out to my car and throwing in my clothes, I went back and got my forty-five. I had nothing else in the house I wanted or needed now. I couldn't drum up even the littlest bit of anger or hurt. I was just numb.
I went to a motel for the night, and since it was still early enough, I called around and got an attorney making an appointment for the following day. Sitting in the motel that night I went online with my laptop, and made some money moves in our accounts. I still had a broker account with an online firm in my name only, and I moved a large chunk of money into that. I left Nicky half... though I was tempted to take it all. I left it in the end not because of her, but because of the kids.
Our savings I took all of except fifteen dollars and eight cents. I hoped Nicky would catch the significance of that amount... fifteen years and eight months of marriage, all that she had left now. Knowing her though, she probably wouldn't catch that, at least not right away.
I called her mom and told her that I had moved out. I didn't tell her why, but I could tell that she had more than an inkling about why.
"Nicky was very foolish Dave. You know she loves you though. Are you sure you can't fix it up between you?"
"I don't think this can be fixed mom. Nicky kind of went too much overboard and I can't see this being fixed. I love her... I do... but she went and did something I can't forgive her for. I hope that you and George won't hate me. I still love you guys too."
"We'll be here for you Dave. I know that Nicky messed up real bad. We will always love you too. If you ever need to talk..."
"Thanks mom. I appreciate that. Maybe, when this all simmers down we can have dinner or something some night?"
"That would be good. Until then Dave."
Having heard about divorces before, I knew that right now was the shocking times. Everyone would still be trying to figure out what happened, and why. Pretty soon the blame times would come, then that would be followed closely with the anger times. After that it all broke out into differing things.
I wasn't sure when the anger and pain would hit me, but I knew that I needed to be in a place I could call home before it did. A motel wasn't the best of places to be while going through pain and anger. I decided that I would search for an apartment the next day too.
The next weeks were hell. I found a place to rent, the lawyer advised me about many things I hadn't thought about, or even realized I needed to either. Nicky was all the time on my cell phone or work phone trying to talk to me. I wasn't taking her calls though.
My lack of trying to talk to her was driving her crazy too. Pretty soon she began stalking me. When I'd show up for work she'd be at the door. I would walk past her, not letting her stop me or even acknowledging she was there.
This went on for several weeks then one day she wasn't there. I didn't realize that she wasn't there until I was sitting at my desk. I had a strange feeling right at that moment. A kind of loss and sad feeling. She had given up. We had given up. It was over.
My attorney called that afternoon and told me that Nicky and her attorney had made an appointment for us to talk about the divorce. I told him fine, and after setting up the date and time, I hung up. I still had work to do, and while I wasn't behind, it was the busy time of the year for us. Yet, I just sat there at my desk for a long time staring off into space.
That night the anger hit. It came out of the blue and when it hit me I wanted to go hit someone or something. Later I decided that I wouldn't nurse that anger if I could help it. I began to work on ways to prevent this whole thing from swallowing me up and making me a bitter lonely person. I refused to allow what Nicky had done to our marriage to interfere with my life now. If it could only have been so easy.
I went to work the next morning in a pretty upbeat mood. Even though my personal life was falling apart, my career was flourishing. I had never been one to bring work home, nor had I ever spent long hours on work. Usually my workday ended at five-o'clock and I wouldn't think about it until the next morning on my drive to work.
Ninety percent of the time I kept work at work. Ten percent of the time... well, at times things would get sticky or troublesome on some particular job and I'd find myself thinking about it while off work. Usually I'd give in and let it be in my mind for a bit, knowing that if I didn't it would bother me all night, or all weekend as the case may have been.
One thing that Nicky couldn't say about me was that I put work before her and the kids. That was what had been bothering me so much about all of this. I still couldn't see why she had ended up doing what she had done. It just didn't make sense. I had thought our sex life and home life was great. I know over the last year it had gotten a bit weird, but looking back on it I realized it had been Nicky, not me.
She must have been doing it for the last year. I began trying to think back in our lives and seeing if I could pinpoint the time frame she would have started to be this way. For the life of me I couldn't pick out anything. It just seemed to suddenly happen.
I was at work two days before the appointment with the lawyers and a co-worker came up to me looking quite uncomfortable. He was nervous and not looking me in the eye.
"What's up Dan?"
"Uh... Dave I have something to tell you and I'm not sure how you'll react to it. It is very personal... for me and you. Can we talk somewhere... off the job?"
"Okay, how about at Mcguilly's at six tonight? We'll have a few and talk."
"Uh... actually, I want you to come to my place. My wife... uh... damn... she thinks that I need to show you something, it's about Nicky. I know you two are having problems right now... but I don't think you know about this. Can you just follow me home tonight? My wife told me I need to tell you. She also wants to talk to you too."
"Okay... I guess I can do that."
After Dan left I sat there wondering about what he had found. I didn't know him real well, nor did I know his wife. Matter of fact I hadn't even known he was married. I was curious and a bit afraid of what they had to show me.
That night at Dan and Julie's place I found out that I was a movie star too. It was so shocking that I first thought that they were messing with me. I couldn't believe it when they showed me what they had either. It was quite a scene for a bit. Dan's wife turned out to be very good at calming dark waters, and Dan was very helpful too.
"Dave, I wish I could say it was good to meet you under far better circumstances."
"Yeah, me too Julie. Dan told me you guys have something to show me?"
"Yeah. You know we need to keep that we told you this or showed you this kind of quiet. Dan's job isn't too intrusive, but you of all people know that the company has all those morals clauses and all."
"Morals clauses? You guys aren't... swingers are you?"
"No... oh God no. We... uh... Dan, you better tell Dave about our hobby."
"Yeah. Uh... Dave... Julie was trying to tell you that we cruise the internet... a lot. We are both writers of sorts and we go to some sites that accept... um... erotic... stories."
"Oh wow. I've never know a writer before, let alone two of them. What's the big deal there?"
"Well, we write sex stories for some of the sites. We get paid for some of them, but most are just posted on the net. We actually have a following now, and it's getting to be that we are known here and there too."
"Well, that's not so bad, but I know what you mean about the company finding out about something like that. I can also see why you didn't want to talk about this at work either. I'm cool with it though. I won't tell anyone about you guys... matter of fact... I may want to go read some of your stories some time."
Julie was watching us as Dan struggled to tell me the big thing. I could see that she was nervous about it all too, so I decided to try and diffuse the situation a bit and ease the tensions.
"Look, I know that you want to show me something that probably involves my wife Nicky. You know that we are having problems right now... matter of fact, we are getting a divorce. She has been messing around with other men and I found out. She's sorry about it all of course, but in a few days we meet with the divorce lawyers and hash it all out. Don't worry about me. I can handle anything you throw at me now."
Julie gave me a look that sent a chill down my spine and broke in.
"You don't understand Dave. YOU are what we found on the net. At one of the sites of... shall I say lesser standards... we found you in a movie."
I sat there waiting for the punch line... yet feeling that scared sick feeling of knowing that there was none to wait for. I was confused now too.
"What do you mean? I've never been on film or tape doing anything other than acting stupid at a wedding a few years back. That wasn't anything worth watching anyway."
Julie turned to Dan and took his hand in hers. Looking into Dan's eyes she spoke to me.