Chapter 26

Not sure she could walk, and not really wanting to set her down, anyway, Gabriel carried her up the stairs and into the bathroom, where he tenderly cleaned her up, then himself, before scooping her up again and taking her to the bed. He slid in beside her and pulled her into his arms, and she sighed happily. She was still wincing occasionally, though, and he still wasn't sure how badly he'd hurt her.

"Love?" he asked, "How bad does it hurt?"

Pandora kissed his shoulder. "It's okay."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm positive," she said.

"How bad is it?" he asked again.

"Gabriel, I'm fine. It was what I wanted," she said.

"I know that," he said quietly. "There's no doubt in my mind. But ... are you okay?"

She bit her lip and avoided his eyes. "I ... I know I'm okay. I just ... it ... does hurt, some. It's sore, I mean, pretty bad, but ... it doesn't matter." She looked up at him, and started talking fast to get the words out before he could say anything. "It really doesn't, I don't want it to. I don't want you to decide not to do it again just because it hurt me. That would be ... it just wouldn't be right. If you want it, you should take it, whether or not it leaves me aching. I want you to hurt me, sometimes, and even when I don't, I want you to if you want to, y'know?"

"I don't object to hurting you, love," he said softly. "But I'm not willing to damage you."

"I'm not damaged," she said. "Even if it hurts pretty bad, it's just normal. I knew that would hurt the first time, even before I knew how big you were. Now ... well, it'll probably always hurt, but I... " She looked down, blushing. "I liked giving it to you. It was so ... so intense."

Gabriel smiled. "I liked taking it. You're sure I didn't ... injure you, or anything?"

"Umm ... I don't think so. I'm pretty sore," she admitted, "But you are big, and we ... went fast. It's normal. I don't seem to be bleeding or anything."

"Well ... okay." He hesitated. "Um. I ... I really liked that. A lot."

"I ... I did, too," she said shyly. "It was ... so ... primal."

"Yeah. It was ... wow. But even without the ... the..." He hesitated, searching for words. "The violence, I guess, it still would have been ... amazing." He hesitated. "I ... I want to try it again. When we're just being ... well, lovers, I guess."

She frowned. "You didn't feel like that was ... loving? I mean, it was ... special to me. I couldn't have let you do that if I didn't love you."

"No! I didn't mean it like that. I meant ... when we aren't being, um. In scene. I want to take it really slow and gentle, and see if maybe we can keep the pain down to the levels that feel good to you."

"I ... I still came," she said, blushing bright red.

Gabriel grinned. "Yeah. God. That was incredible. But ... if it hadn't hurt so bad, how many times would you have come?"

She shuddered in pleasant memory. "Once was enough," she murmured.

"Still ... I want to try it." He smiled. "Who knows, it might be better."

"I don't think it could get better," she said seriously. "I don't think you understand how ... how satisfying, how ... I... " Embarrassed, she hid her face against his chest and shivered again. "I didn't know I could respond that way. I didn't know I could ... could come just because ... someone told me to."

"That was ... was ... God. Wow." He hesitated. "Do you ... want to work on that?"

"What do you mean?" she asked, sounding confused. "Did I do something wrong? You said you liked it..."

"I did. Do you want to see if you can get to where you can come on command?"

Her cheek was hot against him. "Um. I never really believed that was possible, y'know?"

"Neither did I." He caressed her cheek. "But I think I do, now."

She was quiet for a little while, then asked hesitantly, "What do you think?"

"It could be fun, but it's not something I have to have. It's your choice."

"Something about it, well, kinda worries me," she admitted. "But if you'd like it, then we can."

"What is it?"

"I'm honestly not really sure," she said. "It just ... seems ... dangerous? Somehow?"

Gabriel looked thoughtful. "Okay. See if you can figure out what it is, and if you can we'll look at it again."

"Gabriel ... me being afraid of something isn't any reason you shouldn't do it."

"Maybe not, but you're a smart girl. If something worries you about it, I want to know why before I ignore it," he said.

"But what if I'm just being silly?" she asked. "I want you to have what you want."

"But what if you aren't just being silly?" Gabriel asked. "That's why I want to know what it is that bothers you. It's not something that's desperately important to me, so there's no harm in waiting."

"Okay," she said quietly. "But if it was something important, you'd do it, right?"

"Probably. Unless I felt it endangered you." He looked down at her. "I promised I would take care of you."

She sighed happily and cuddled up to him. "I know you will. If anyone had ever told me that ... um ... doing that, like that, would make me feel safe, I would have told them they were crazy. But it did."

Gabriel smiled. "Weird, isn't it?"

"Everything about this is weird!" she said. "But ... it's so ... I feel so... alive. So real, and ... and something. I don't know how to explain."

"It feels ... right. Complete."

She nodded. "Yes. Complete. Like ... like I've been blind and crippled, and suddenly I can see, and sing, and dance, and everything is so different and so wonderful it just makes me want to cry."

"Yeah." He pulled her a little closer. "Yeah."

Later, as they were dressing again to go out, her mood was subdued, shy, rather nervous. Watching her carefully applying eye-liner in a thick, dark line, he realized that they hadn't really talked about what she did want, what she was okay with in public. She obviously didn't mind dressing in an exhibitionistic manner -- she'd put the cat-suit back on quite happily -- but he didn't really have any better idea of where her limits were than he'd started with.

"Love?" he said, leaning against the wall of the bathroom. "What are you okay with?"

"Hmm? What do you mean?" she asked. "I told you you could do anything you wanted with me."

"In public. Where are your limits? I mean, we obviously went past them this afternoon, but what are you comfortable with normally?"

She set the pencil down and folded her hands in her lap, sitting quiet and thoughtful for a while before answering. "Well ... you ... no, we owe him an explanation. Angel I mean. He was ... really upset. And I can understand that, I mean, at least I knew there was a reason I was acting like a slut, he just thought he'd lost it, you know? That was ... mean, I think, even if he liked it."

Gabriel nodded. "Yeah. We do. He deserves to know."

"So I can't say 'don't let anyone know', because he already does," she said.

Gabriel nodded slowly.

"And ... I'm not sure I'd want that, anyway. But at the same time..." She looked away, her face haunted. "I don't want people thinking that you'd want someone who's just ... a total slut."

"I understand," he said. "So where do you want to draw the line?"

She nibbled thoughtfully on her lower lip. "I'm not sure," she admitted. "I mean, I sort of know what I want, but at the same time, it's really hard for me to tell you. It's like ... like I'd be telling you 'no' to something, and that's ... strangely difficult."

Gabriel hesitated. "Tell me what you want, and then I'll decide."

"Right now, I ... I want to go kind of slow," she said reluctantly. "I mean, if that's okay. We don't have to. But if it's okay, I ... I'd like to keep the kinky stuff and the ... the sex just between us. Or at least in private. Public is dangerous, anyway, right? Is that okay?" she asked anxiously.

Gabriel nodded. "That works. Honestly ... this afternoon was probably not a good idea. It was fun, but..."

She looked seriously relieved. "So it's okay? I mean, if you really wanted to be, like, um ... I don't know ... if you wanted me to be ... that way ... I would."