Chapter 8

OK, so that didn't go so well. Shirley left, and it was pretty clear she wasn't coming back anytime soon. And I knew she wouldn't call me, either. Well, she had never called me. Probably didn't even know my telephone number, which is unlisted.

But if she did know the number, I was pretty certain she wouldn't be calling it, anyway.

The question was, the next time I called her number, would she talk to me? I mean, had I really done anything so reprehensible? Or was Shirley simply reacting to the fact that I knew too much about her previous life?

Maybe it wasn't so much that I knew about it, as it was the fact that I had sought out information about her.

Ironically, the greater part of what I knew about Shirley's past -- by far -- had come from her own words. If she had been less forthcoming at the reunion dinner, I would very likely still be in my Penthouse-only mode.

And if she were less beautiful, less desirable, and a few hundred more miles out of my life, none of this would matter very much at all.

So I just continued the pattern of violating Shirley's privacy, and went over to see Herm and Betsy, to talk about Shirley some more, behind her back. I gave them a moderately abridged version of our conversation at my place -- deemphasizing Shirley's anger and her sometimes crudely expressed resentment, but characterizing her negative reaction to our "investigations" as accurately as I was able.

Betsy spoke first, after I'd explained that Shirley was unlikely to want to hear from me again. "She feels a certain amount of self-loathing, I think, about her California days," Betsy said. "She thinks if that's the way she sees herself, it's bound to be what you think, as well."

"I guess there's some of that," Herm faintly agreed, "but I think it's the usual problem: Men and women can't communicate."

"Very profound, Hermie," Betsy said, smiling.

"I'm serious," Herm said. "When Shirley realized you'd been looking into her past, and discussing her with us and with Reggie, she just assumed you had decided she would be an easy lay. Naturally, she resented it."

"No, I don't think so," I said. "Betsy's version is closer to what's going on, I think. I'm pretty sure Shirley realizes that I am -- interested in her; that I really wanted to know her better."

"Know her in the Biblical sense," Herm said.

"This is probably not the moment for your brand of humor, dear," Betsy warned him.

"It's a tough situation," I said, trying to get my friends to understand some of the thin lines involved. "I mean, I'm interested in Shirley as a woman, and, yes, as a potential lover. And maybe that interest really is influenced by the racy photos and all. It probably is; God knows the pictures are -- provocative. But it's not like I'm just looking to get into her pants. I'd like to explore a serious relationship with her."

"She probably realizes that, on some level," Betsy said. "If she stops and thinks about it, you've not made any false moves with her at all -- have you? No passes?"

"No. I've treated her with complete respect, as I would any other woman I wanted to date. But, of course, there was what she calls my 'investigation.'"

"Yeah," Herm said. "And the information-sharing with us... And even Reggie looking into her stage name, and all."

"So how do I -- y'know -- regain her trust?"

"You don't, probably," Betsy said. "She's going to stay defensive, around you, no matter what you say or do. Why don't you let me talk to her? Maybe I can help."

"What would you say? Or do?"

"I'd ask her to tell me what she's thinking. I'd ask her how she feels about you, and about your giving her the rush, and all."

I was skeptical. "She'll know you plan to come back and tell me whatever she says."

"Not really," Betsy said. "You guys don't tell me everything you say to each other when I'm not around. We girls don't share all our secrets with you, either. Sure, Shirley will know that I'm working on your behalf. I wouldn't pretend otherwise. But she'll know I'm aware of The Code, too. She'll know that she can talk to me, woman to woman, and I won't betray her confidences. At least, not to a fucking man!"

"It's worth a try," I said. "Nothing Shirley said to me about her past has discouraged me about pursuing a relationship with her. I'm very discouraged, though, about her present attitude. I don't mean the fact that she's pissed at me. I mean her -- her worldview. She seems to think that I'm interested in her for all the wrong reasons."

That surprised Betsy a little. "Chad, think! Don't you believe, as I do, that Shirley realizes at least some of your intentions are honorable?"

"I think she's down on herself more than she'll admit," I said, "and I think she believes it's just natural that I would feel the same way."