Chapter 12

Ann's eyes were wide and filled with tears and her mouth was opened agape "My God Thia..." moving quickly she took her friend in her arms and softly hushed her as Thia sobbed hard on her shoulders "I- it's okay now honey, it's okay."

Thia cried out loud, completely letting go of all her feelings. She cried because of Matt's betrayal, because of the death of her only family she had her grandma, and mostly she cried because of Shane, how she left him twice without giving him any reasons. But what were her options, at least this time she left him a note. The note that she knew would break his heart just like it broke hers. But she had to, she couldn't leave him again without even saying something, it wasn't much what she'd wrote in the note but that was all she could say. Telling him the truth was an impossible thing, she had to go, or else she would have had to answer all his questions when he asked her about the past, and that was exactly why she'd left. How could she answer his questions? What would she say? Did she have the courage to go up to him and tell him something that might make him hate her or leave her? And then she'd be the reason why he'd go away? She loved him so much that she'd better leave him than face his hatred or even face the fact of him leaving her just like her parents had left her. She was afraid that she would again be the reason for the loss of another person in her life.

"Thia honey you are stronger than that. I know you are! Come on honey please, please Thia stop crying." Ann kept whispering things, trying to stop her from having a total break down but Thia was crying so hard that she was soon struggling for air.

Ann didn't know what to do, she started to panic but knew that that was the last thing Thia needed right now. Her friend needed her, she needed someone to stand by her and she was going to be that person and was going to do everything she was capable of to make her feel better.

"Thia!" she shouted as she stood up and looked down at her friend "listen, this is no good okay? You are not going to sit her and cry over something that happened along time ago, I won't let you. Forget it!! Okay now you have two choices, whether you stand up and go wash your face and try to put the past behind you, or I'm going to have to lift you up, I swear, and carry you to the bathroom and put you with your clothes under the cold water!" finally Ann had to stop talking in order to breathe.

Thia looked up at her friend "Put the past behind me?" that sentence was stuck in her mind the moment Ann said it "how do you expect me to do that? To just forget about the only man I'd ever love." She painfully said the words as her head dropped down.

"Oh," Ann sat down beside her and put her hand on hers "listen Thia," she spoke slowly "you chose to leave him again, just like you chose to leave him two years ago without an explanation," she sighed as she saw the look Thia threw her "I'm not judging you Thia, I'm stating the facts. That's what happened, and we can't do anything about what happened two years ago right? But you can still change your mind and go back to Shane you know."

"No, I can't Ann. I can't go back to him, he'll demand an explanation and I can't give him one," Thia stopped. She didn't want to tell Ann why she didn't really want to tell Shane the truth. She thought she'd only tell her half of it "I couldn't tell him that Matt was the one who tried to rape me. How can I do that to him Ann? He's dead Ann, Shane thinks he was a loyal and a good friend, do you expect me to destroy this image?" Thia said sadly trying to sound real so Ann would believe her.

"Oh, you are one stupid girl you know that?!! Are you going to let a dead person stand in the way of your happiness? Are you that stupid Thia?" Ann just couldn't see her destroy her life with her own hands, she could see how much Thia loved Shane, but what could she do?

"Please Ann," Thia thought for a moment 'she'll never feel the way I feel, she'll never know how it feels to lose someone.'

"Please what Thia?"

"Let me do what I want to do," Ann looked at her with an angry look and didn't know what to do. She wasn't going to force her into doing something she didn't want to do. But the problem was that she was sure Thia wanted to be with Shane so bad. There was something holding her back, and Ann didn't know what it was.

"Ann I'm begging you, let me do what I think is right, even if it sounds stupid and unfair, please." Thia said the last words while closing her eyes.

"Why don't I like the sound of your words? What do you have in mind Thia?" Ann asked doubtfully.

"Well," taking a deep breath she felt pain in her chest as if her breath was something she had no rights to have "Shane's not going to give up. I know him well Ann, he's going to try everything to get me back. I'm pretty sure he's on his way now, coming her to try to find out why I left him back then and why I left him yesterday, and I'm going to give him a reason Ann," she felt tears burn her eyes again as she tried hard to swallow a sharp pain from deep down inside her chest creeping up her throat "I'll give him a reason!"

"God, don't tell me you're planning on..."

"Ann," she got up feeling a little dizzy but managed to stand up straight "I'm asking you again; let me do what I see is right. And one more thing, don't try to make it right,"

"But-"

"No buts Annie!" addressing her by her name Thia knew Ann wouldn't like it, but she wanted her to understand this was serious and she really meant every word she said.

Ann stood up trying hard to contain her anger "Fine Thia it's your life. You want to ruin it, then fine rui-" she heard the door bell and walked out of the room but before totally exiting she turned around "Here's your chance Thia, you either make it right or ruin it."

Thia collapsed on the couch behind her and felt every part of her body shake. She knew just like Ann that the one on the door was Shane, she knew he'd come after her. But she didn't think it was going to be that soon.

Shane waited a while before someone opened the door. He was afraid Sam wouldn't want to talk to him or even see him, but when Ann opened the door with an angry face he thought she was going to kick him or something.

"Ann please don-"

She cut him off immediately "I got absolutely NOTHING to do with you guys," she stepped out of the apartment and stood behind him "she's inside, but if you want my opinion don't!"

Shane watched as Ann furiously walked to the elevator and got inside it "That doesn't sound good." He thought as he entered through the door and closed it behind him.

He could see lights coming from the living room and slowly walked to stand in front of the door, it was opened and he could see Sam at the corner of the room looking out of the window. He stood there watching her felling totally exhausted. After one of the longest days of his life, he was hoping Sam would just forget about everything and go back with him. That she would forget about the past and only think of the future. But from the look her saw on her face when she turned around he knew this was never going to happen.

The person standing somehow near him, as the room wasn't that big, wasn't Sam. She was someone else, not even Thia. The look in her eyes was strange; it was something he didn't quite find a word that could describe it, but definitely not a look of someone he once loved and God help him still love.

"Shane," she said his name coldly, just like he'd called her name the first time he'd seen her two weeks ago at the club.

'Oh that feels like a long time ago, ' He thought.

"Please sit down," she motioned for Shane to sit on the couch, while she simply sat on the armchair across the old coffee table in the middle of the room.

They sat there both of them in silence; Shane staring at her trying to find out what was wrong with her and where did the woman he loved and married, or the woman who just told him she'd spend the rest of her life with him only two days ago go. But he just couldn't find her.

"So, you wanted to talk to me?" she asked.

"Well, yes I..." Shane stopped for a moment, realizing that this situation didn't seem right. Who should be angry here? Who should ask the questions?

"God damn it Sam," he got up and moved to where she was sitting. Pulling her up Shane put his hands on both her shoulders and looked at her face, trying to find any resemblance with the old Sam except for her features but ended up letting her go and stepping away.

"What happened to you?"

Sam lifted her head and looked up at his face, not meeting his eyes she spoke "There's nothing wrong with me Shane, I don't know why you get this impression. I'm the same person you deceived two years ago," she stopped and looked him in the eyes when he grabbed her arms.

"What on earth are you talking about?" He asked angrily.

She laughed harshly before answering him "Oh come on Shane, don't act innocently. You know what I'm talking about, I saw you that day." A flash of sadness covered her face for a second but disappeared as soon as it appeared "I saw you in her arms, stroking her hair."

He roughly shook her in order to stop the words she was saying "Are you out of your mind Sam? What is this nonsense you are talking about?"

"Let go of my arms Shane "she said in a low voice that he had never heard before "you know well that it's not nonsense. I saw you on our wedding day, I saw you hugging Jenny and saw how you reacted when she told you that she... th-" she took a deep breath regaining her strength "after she told you how much she loved you!"

Shane looked at her in confusion trying to remember what she was talking about. He could remember the conversation he had with Jenny but... "You said you saw us?" he asked with a hint of a smile.

"Yes Shane I saw you!" she said strongly daring him to deny it.

"Is that so? And who exactly, may I ask did you see in the room?"

"You and Jenny, Shane and don't try to make it sound like it didn't happen and that I'm crazy!"

"Well honey you are not crazy, but maybe you were a little bit blinded by jealousy that you didn't realize that Jenny's fiancé was standing somewhere in the room." He said somehow feeling a sudden relief. He knew it might have looked strange to Sam but Jenny was actually hugging him as a thank you after he had lent them, her and her fiancé money. Bob, her fiancé was in a very bad situation and Jenny came to him asking him for money only two days before the wedding. She was devastated that day and he had to leave his friends and go with her to Bob's place so they could talk about it. They spent all night talking and finally Shane decided to give Bob the money as kind of investment, as Bob owned a small company that Shane thought might be useful later. Bob even insisted that Shane would spend the night at their place because it was late and raining outside. On his wedding day Shane called Jenny and Bob inside the house, using the time Sam spent upstairs and gave them the money, Bob was a little shy and thanked him quickly but still with gratitude, Jenny on the other hand cried and hugged him, telling him how much she appreciated it and how much it meant to her. He really loved her and she loved him too, but just like her brother and he felt as if she was one of his sisters, that was one of the reasons why he had helped them. Now both are happily married and even named their son after him, while he the one who helped was still having major problems.

"Sam, was that the reason why you left?" he asked kindly, thinking that it must have been hard for her to see Jenny in his arms on their wedding day "You don't know what happened, I'll tell you..."

Thia knew that if she had tried to look in the room that day she really would have found Jenny's fiancé there, she had no doubt he was telling the truth. And if she'd heard these words in any other occasion she would have been the happiest woman alive. But she didn't want him thinking that the problem was solved, because the moment she would say something like "Really Shane?" Or "Is that true?" his next question would be about the accident. And since he knew she wasn't hit by a car she couldn't lie to him.

So she spoke again, destroying every hope left for their relationship.

"Of course not Shane!" she quickly put on the mask of coldness she had been using ever since he'd entered the room "But it sort of woke me up," she turned to face the window knowing that she wasn't going to be able to say the words to his face.

"What do you mean woke you up?" He asked suspiciously.

"Ah- do I have to explain Shane? Hmm let's see, I woke up to realize I made a big mistake when I married you! That you were... well, how can I put this... ah yes I don't think you were good enough, you know what I mean?" she knew that these words were the end and every time a word came out of her mouth it was like someone stabbing her in every part of her body.

She heard silence and waited. When she thought he was out of the room she turned around, but immediately gasped to see him right behind her with his eyes red and his mouth a thin line under his nose. He was angry, very angry. He again grabbed her arms but this time strongly that it hurt her like hell. But she wasn't in pain because of his grip, but because of the pain she could see in his eyes behind his anger. The pain she knew was because of her.