Chapter 30: Switchback Ahead - Approach With Caution

It took a little time to calm Sandy down and convince her to trust herself, but in the long run, we were all sitting on the bench seat with her between Carissa and me. Each of us had one arm around her, and each of us was holding one of her hands. Once she had calmed down, she began to talk.

“I’ve been thinking about what I said before, and I think Mom was probably conditioned herself, not only by her mother and her family, but by one of the people in her neighbourhood too. You see toward the end of World War II, one of the neighbours had a relative come to live with them who had escaped from Germany. The neighbours had a little bit of money by then and they hired Mom to help look after the old woman because she needed someone with her all the time. The old woman was quite ill since she’d been forced to work in one of Hitler’s youth camps even though she was Jewish, but since she was Jewish she was treated poorly.”

“She was Jewish and she worked with the Nazis?” I stared at her.

“Yeah, but I think it was either work with them or get put in a camp and be treated the same way as the other Jews,” Sandy sniffled. “I think she was a psychiatrist or something like that, but I don’t know for sure. I never met her, in fact she died before I was born. Her job in the camps was to calm down the young women who were brought there and try to make them happy to have babies fathered by the men that the Nazis chose to impregnate them. I think the old lady probably exerted a lot of influence on Mom’s thinking, but I also think Mom picked up some tricks from her about influencing people.”

“What makes you think that?” Carissa whispered.

“Well for one thing, Mom wasn’t going out at all before she started working with the old lady, but after she was there for a few weeks she started dating guys,” Sandy frowned. “It wasn’t long after the old woman died before Mom met Daddy. I know Daddy had a reputation for being wild at the time and I think Mom going out with him was something of a scandal. The scandal got worse when Mom got pregnant with me, but somehow she talked Daddy into marrying her. I know that nobody in her family expected the marriage to work out, but it did. I think Mom helped to reshape Daddy’s character and got him to calm down a lot.

“After that Daddy got a decent job, then his parents helped furnish and set up a home, even if Mom wasn’t all that happy that the house was rented. When I was born I like to think that I calmed Daddy down a bunch, but I guess that’s just happenstance. I do know he treats me special, but he’s just as happy with the twins even if they do make him a little crazy sometimes. Anyway he went from being a wild single bachelor, who couldn’t hold down a job, to being a good reliable worker and a decent father. Maybe I’m wrong, but it seems to me that Mom was always talking to him at night when he came home, calming him down and soothing his ego. I think Mom worked as hard or harder to get him to stick out the job as he did. I don’t know for certain, but I think Chris’s dad helped Daddy get the job he has now and maybe even helped my parents get the mortgage to buy our house when we moved here. I do know that Mom thinks Mr. Crawford is a great guy. I mean she treats Beth and Chris like they can walk on water.”

“Oh come on now,” I snorted.

“She does though. I can even give you an example of what I mean,” Sandy protested. “I’ve thought back and as long as I can remember, Mom has always sat and talked to us when she tucked us in at night. While we were getting ready for bed and even after we were in bed Mom used to be there, talking to us and helping us relax. When we moved into town I was in grade two and the twins were in kindergarten so they were going to bed before I was and she used to tell us stories until we fell asleep.”

“Most mom’s do that when their kids are young,” Carissa frowned, interrupting Sandy. “Mom used to read to us every night, fairy tales and stuff like that.”

“Oh Mom read us stories, but all of them were Cinderella sort of stories. They were always about the poor girl who married the rich prince and about how they lived happily ever after. After we moved here her stories changed and she always managed to mention Chris or Tom.”

“But we’re not rich!” I protested.

“You are compared to us,” Sandy snapped, then she looked shocked. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to argue with you, but you are well off and you’re a real nice guy too.”

“I can’t argue with that at all,” Carissa laughed softly. “But even with all that, why do you think you’ve been conditioned?”

“Well you worked at the hospital with me, did you ever remember me ‘coming on’ to any of the young guys we treated?” Sandy asked.

“No, you were always shy.”

“Unh huh, I sure was, but when Chris came into the hospital I lost my shyness,” Sandy looked about ready to cry again. “Ask him. He’ll tell you I even wanted to help him use the bedpan. Then I peeked in on him every time I had a chance. If he was awake, I went in and talked to him. I even kissed him two or three times when he was asleep and once when he was awake. Then when I went home and told Mom about the screw up with the medicine that made him so sick, I was so upset that she had to hold me in her arms and rock me to sleep.”

“Actually I was quite upset about that myself and I wasn’t even there,” Carissa smiled. “Beth and Corinna were darn upset then too.”

“Yeah, but you guys all had a reason. After all Chris is Beth’s brother and you were certain that Chris had saved you from being ridiculed by everyone. To all of you guys he was your hero. I was just someone who was supposed to be caring for him. I wasn’t supposed to get so involved. Heck, if he would have let me help him with that stupid bedpan, I’d have given him a blowjob,” suddenly she was blushing.

“Right there?” Carissa giggled. “Even if there was a chance for you to get caught?”

“Unh huh,” Sandy giggled, then she sobered. “The strange thing is that I told Mom how I felt and what I wanted to do, she wasn’t even shocked about it. She asked me if Chris got hard when I told her about the bed pan, then said that I might have had to give him a hand job or a blow job before he could use the bedpan.”

“She did?” Carissa just stared at her and so did I, but I was feeling shocked and embarrassed.

“She did more than that too,” Sandy giggled again. “She told me how to do it, even showed me.”

“She didn’t!” Carissa sounded shocked.

“Oh yes she did,” Sandy hid her head in her hands so her voice was muffled, but she went on speaking. “She took one of my fingers and told me what to do, then she showed me, actually using my finger so I could feel what she was doing with her lips and tongue. When I asked her where she learned all that, she told me that the old Jewish woman had shown her and that she was passing on knowledge that I could use to get a man.”

“Oh migawd!” Carissa squawked, then giggled. “She didn’t, did she?”

“Oh yeah. She did,” Sandy lifted her head and licked her lips, then both of them were giggling and looking at me strangely.

“What?” I wondered, completely embarrassed by the whole thing.

The two of them ignored my question. Instead, they turned to face each other. I think there was a silent question in Carissa’s eyes, but although I could see that Sandy was grinning, her face turned toward Carissa so I couldn’t tell much about her expression. Neither of them spoke, but suddenly they both got to their feet then turned toward me.

“We’re going for a walk,” Carissa said, obviously wanting their converstion to be private.

“Go ahead, but I’m not,” I answered firmly. “I’m still feeling too tired after last night. In fact I might just go lay down, then you two can sit here and talk without me overhearing anything.”

“Oh, I know you’re tired,” Carissa leaned over and kissed me lightly. “You really didn’t get much sleep last night, did you?”

“No, not really. Actually, I think I might have slept about two hours, then I had that nap today, but even with that, I’m bushed. I was trying to be polite because we have a visitor, but...”

“So! Go to bed. You certainly don’t have to be polite and stay up because I’m here,” Sandy interrupted. “Carissa can keep me company. I certainly don’t want you to stay up just be polite, not since you’re exhausted.”

I looked at her, then at Carissa and made up my mind to take their advice. I hugged them both, kissing Carissa on the lips and Sandy on the cheek, wished them both goodnight, then went inside. Ten minutes later I was sacked out.

When I awoke in the morning, I was on the very edge of the bed. I could feel Carissa spooned tightly against my back as her arm draped over my body, gently caressing my morning erection. At least, I thought it was Carissa, until I turned my head and saw Sandy’s tousled red hair and sleeping face lying next to me. That’s when I flung off the covers and leapt out of bed. A second glance proved to me that Carissa was in the bed as well, but she was snuggled on the other side of Sandy and not against me as I’d first assumed.

I suppose by diving out of the bed and rather violently throwing the covers off, I shocked them enough to awaken them. At least they were both sleepily looking up at me in a second or two.

“Hi,” Sandy said very tentatively as she blushed.

“G’morning,” Carissa slurred. “Don’t blame Sandy. It was my idea for her to sleep next to you.”

“Holy humping hell, what is going on?” I barked, trying to cover my morning wood from Sandy’s gaze with both hands.

“Sandy was feeling lonely and wanted to sleep with us,” Carissa sat up and stretched. “And there’s no sense in trying to hide that thing, I made certain that Sandy saw what it looked like last night. The only problem was, you were uncooperative. You just rolled over and went to sleep, so we were left frustrated and had to sleep with a big snoring lump.”

“Why did you do something like that?” I stared at her in astonishment.

“Because Sandy had never seen a guy’s cock before and she’d never slept in the same bed with a guy either,” Carissa shrugged. “It’s not like she was going to do anything, not with me right here. What are you so worried about? Nothing happened and you weren’t hurt in any way?”

I just stared at her, unable to express the feeling that somehow I’d been taken advantage of as I slept. I knew that if I stayed there and discussed it with the two of them right then we’d end up arguing. I didn’t want to start my day like that. Instead I just shook my head and grabbed my clothes, then I walked out of the bedroom and closed the door behind me.

I threw on my clothes out in the kitchen, then put the kettle on to make coffee. Leaving it to perk, I walked outside for my habitual short walk, then returned to the front porch, but didn’t go back inside right away. I was still trying to get a handle on what had happened to us in the last twenty-four hours and especially what had happened the night before.

I really didn’t understand Carissa’s actions. Right at the moment it seemed to me that Carissa was playing around with Sandy’s dreams of romance. On top of that it seemed to me that they were both using me as a pawn, which was really upsetting.

Mostly though I was remembering that Carissa had done something similar before, only that time it had been with her twin sister. That whole episode had turned out very badly. Carissa had told me then that she wasn’t the jealous sort, but after something had happened she’d shown feelings that were at odds to her words. At the same time, I felt that our actions might have been the final straw that triggered Corinna’s suicide attempt. Since I felt that a similar thing could happen in this case, I certainly didn’t want to be involved in a another attempted suicide. The other situation had been too damn painful for everyone involved.

I was still thinking about the situation when Carissa came outside with two mugs of coffee.

“Sorry about last night,” she apologised as she handed me one of the mugs. “I guess you’re pretty annoyed aren’t you?”

I just shrugged my shoulders, then sighed deeply. I really didn’t know what else to do.

“I did come into the bedroom alone and ask you if Sandy could sleep with us, you know. You said uh huh, so I took that to mean it was okay. I sure didn’t want you to wake up and be pissed off like this,” she insisted. “I guess I should have made sure that you were awake, huh?”

“Yeah, you should have,” I growled, not feeling at all mollified.

“I’m sorry,” she grabbed my hand. “I don’t want to lose what we have, but I guess last night might have been a mistake.”

“Yeah,” I muttered softly. “We’ve been through this same sort of thing before. I didn’t like it then and I don’t like it now.”

“You mean with Corinna?”

“Yeah,” I snapped. “That’s exactly what I mean.”

“But this was totally different,” she frowned as she looked at me.

“I don’t see that much difference.”

“Well, Corinna expected sex and I was willing to help her get it. I was very explicit with Sandy and told her that sex was your choice, not mine,” Carissa sighed. “Last night she just needed to feel what it was like to have someone sleeping at her side all night long.”

“Carissa, I woke up this morning with her hand feeling me up.”

“Well I can’t say I blame her,” she giggled slightly. “I mean a guy has this fascinating piece of flesh down there that seems to do the strangest things. It has a mind of its own too. Last night it wouldn’t cooperate when I tried to make it grow just to show her what it looked like.”

“But that’s just it, in some ways you treat me like a toy or a possession, something that you can share around with others. I’m not! I’m a person. I need to share in the decisions that we make about each other, especially decisions that involve our bodies and feelings.”

“But I did ask,” she protested.

“I was asleep,” I growled. “To make a decision like that I need to be wide awake so my brain is functioning. After that mess with Corinna, I’m surprised that you even asked.”

“Why do you keep comparing the two happenings? They aren’t alike at all. Corinna is my sister and I knew she wanted sex, but we’ve always shared. Sandy is a friend and she didn’t want sex, she only wanted a cuddle.”

“Maybe they aren’t alike to you, but they are to me,” I shook my head. “Heck, even last night sex was involved. You did say that you showed Sandy my dick and tried to get me aroused, didn’t you?”

“Umm, yeah, I sorta did do that,” she admitted. “But, it’s still not the same thing.”

“No, it isn’t exactly the same thing, but it’s close,” I sighed. “I think what it boils down to is that I was raised to be a one woman guy and you seem to be more like those hippies and the wierd cults in the States who believe in free love.”

“Well not really, but just what do you see wrong about the idea of free love?” she asked.

“To start with, people like Corinna and Sandy would get hurt.”

“I think you’re misjudging both of them. Corinna was ill and I think Sandy is a lot more resilient than you’re giving her credit for.”

“Look Carissa, right now all this is doing is confusing me. I really don’t understand why you’re so much in favour of bringing extra people into our bed.”

“I’m doing it because it’s natural, dammit. Just look at your fucking horses. How many mares can one stallion service? Look at your cattle, or your chickens, or your pig, or even the damn dogs; the males dominate the females and one male dominates the rest. Most of all look at wild animals. In almost all cases, there’s one dominant male who dominates and breeds the whole female herd, or pack, or whatever a group is called. The animals that don’t act that way are exceptions!” she snapped. “Of all the animals I can think of, you’re most like a lead wolf of the pack. You’re a natural leader and you’re going to collect followers. So I’m doing it because I want to be the next in line to the leader of the pack. If you’re the dominant male, then I want to be the dominant female.”

“Huh,” I grunted, not liking the way her argument was going.

“Face the facts, Chris. Whether you like it or not, you’re a dominant male. I know it and so does every woman who meets you,” she stood up and faced me then. “I’m a strong woman and it’s natural for me to want what’s best for my man. I’ve picked you as my man and damn it, I plan to make sure you get what’s best for you.”

“Whoa there, back up. What do you mean when you say I’m dominant?”

“Oh for cripes sake, Chris. Look at what happens in your family. The only one you aren’t dominant toward is Grampa Bender and sometimes I’m not sure about him. For any of the others all you have to do is suggest something and the whole damn family scrambles to make it happen.”

“Wait a minute, what about Mom and Dad?”

“You’re still dominant, even for them. Oh you respect them as your parents and relinquish part of your dominance, because of your age and experience, but you still remain the center of the active family decisions,” she paused and took a deep breath. “However like I said, I’m a strong person, even dominant. That means that I want to be partially in control in our relationship, but I don’t mind being subservient to you.”

“So what else are you going to tell me?” I snapped, still uncertain about the dominance thing.

“Well, while I’m explaining, there is one other thing that involves me personally and will affect our relationship, but it might shock you,” she sighed heavily and frowned deeply.

“Yeah what’s that? I might as well hear all of your opinions.”

“Well until I met you, I thought I was a lesbian. In general terms I like women much more than I do men. Since you’re so dominant, you turned out to be the exception,” she flushed bright red as she spoke. “Even so I want at least one woman involved in any permanent relationship we have.”

With that she grabbed the two empty coffee mugs, turned, and went inside the cabin. I was left staring after her, my whole world turned upside down and set spinning by her words. Talk about a double whammy! First she tells me that I dominate everyone around me. Then she goes on to mention that she likes women as much or more than she does men.

I was stunned. No, to say I was stunned doesn’t express how completely flustered and utterly astonished I felt. I was virtually disconcerted. I literally couldn’t believe what I’d just heard. I must have sat in complete disbelief for several minutes before Carissa came back out of the house with the two coffee mugs in her hands.

“I brought you a refill because I thought you’d need it,” she said quietly. “I think perhaps we should talk some more. Sandy went out the back door for a walk and will leave us alone for a while.”

“Unh, yeah. Thanks for the coffee,” I looked at her quizzically.

“I’m still the same person, you know,” she said flatly, perhaps she wondered if I was seeing her as changed in some way. “I haven’t changed, just your knowledge about me has changed.”

“No, actually I wasn’t thinking about that,” I shook my head in negation. “I almost expected you to come out with something else to shock me.”

“Oh I don’t think I could do that. I think you’re going to have a hard enough time accepting one revelation like that a day.”

“Hah, then why did you throw two major slam dunks at me so early in the day?”

“Two?”

“Yeah, first you said I had a dominant personality, then you hit me with the second item about you and other women.”

“Well I thought you knew about being dominant,” she leaned back against the porch rail and sipped her coffee.

“But I don’t feel that I am dominant, not really,” I frowned at her. “I’ve always felt that I try to think problems through, then present solutions. I don’t try to be overly forceful or anything.”

“Oh you aren’t. You just have the ability to convince people to see things your way. The only time I see you giving way on anything is if you aren’t personally committed to an idea,” she frowned then. “I didn’t mean to give you the impression that I thought you were physically forceful in a domineering way, because you aren’t. Instead you out-think anyone around you and convince them that your approach to a problem is better than theirs.”

“Oh, you gave me a completely different impression when you talked about domination. In fact I think the word domination carries a different meaning to me than it does to you. To me domination is forcing people to do things against their will, while I convince people to do things my way.”

“Well whatever way you manage to do it, you still get your way. For instance right now you’re almost managing to convince me that you’re right and I’m wrong,” she smiled wryly and shook her head. “It’s not that I’m saying that you’re a bad person in any way either. I don’t think that at all. I suppose that dominant isn’t a good description, I guess very intelligent and extremely charismatic would describe you in a better way.”

“Well thank you. To me those descriptive words have a positive connotation, not a negative one.”

“Is that so damn important to you?”

“Yeah in a way it is. I’m not just sure why, but I suppose it’s because I like to think of myself as a nice guy, not a mean pushy bastard.”

“But you don’t have to be a mean pushy S.O.B. to be dominant. The terms dominant and domineering aren’t synonyms, you know,” she protested. “Someone who is domineering is usually mean, severe and heavy handed. Someone who is dominant is often intelligent as well as smooth and masterful. A dominant person doesn’t have to be pushy or anything like that. You dominate by being thoughful and persuasive.”

“Okay whatever you say,” I sighed, letting her think what she wanted since I didn’t want to argue any more. “Now I’m done my coffee and I need to look after the animals. Can we talk as I’m doing that?”

“I guess so,” she sounded unenthusiastic, but she got to her feet and walked with me.

“Okay, now about that other subject...”

“You mean about me and my sexual desires, don’t you?”

“Yeah, I think that’s the only other shocker you threw at me, or was I so stunned by that topic that I missed something else you told me?” I snorted as we stopped at the chicken coop to open it for the day. “I must admit that after thinking about your reputation as one of the ‘Ice Cubes, ‘ you completely floored with that one. Hell, I thought you and your sister blew through every guy your age within fifty miles, so you liking women was a total shock to me.”

“Didn’t you ever wonder if there wasn’t a reason or two for why we ‘blew through’ so many guys, as you so inelegantly described our dating practices?”

“You mean that both you and Corinna like gals?”

“Well not really. I think Corinna does, but she won’t admit it to herself, let alone to me. Although we are identical twins and our tastes are very much alike, that’s one way we seem to differ. Then you came along and admittedly you were the first guy who was really a turn on for both of us, which made life really rough between us for a few days,” she sighed. “Then you came out to the farm with Sandy in tow and threw the two of us for a loop. However you brought Wil along at the same time and he was quite a bit like you, but even more than that Corinna had always had a crush on him. So we were trying our best to compensate for the loss of the attention we were hoping to get from you by getting drunk and playing with him. That’s when you came back from your one and only date with Sandy, looking like someone had kicked you in the balls. After which life got really complicated.”