Chapter 11

Erin sounded as though she was about to be take a leap off a cliff, and Jack didn't want her across the room from him. He wanted her to be wrapped securely in his arms. "Sweetie, come over here and sit with me."

She looked up at him. Her eyes were troubled. "You don't need someone like me. I'm no good for you; I'm fucked up."

Pushing himself off the couch, Jack went to her, got down on his knees, and rested his hands on her shoulders. "Erin, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. And I want all of you; even the fucked-up stuff."

Tears streamed down her cheeks. "But you don't know what I did."

"Honey, all that matters to me is the here and now. I want you to be happy."

"Then, you'll let me suck your cock?"

What he wanted was to get back to Rod and what the hell the jerk had done to Erin. He had not doubt that Rod was at fault. But, she was obviously retreating from that for now.

"Sweetie, you can do whatever you like with me, but I don't think this is the time for you to give me that pleasure. You seem really unsure of yourself and I want you to enjoy what you're doing as much as I will."

"But, I'm not supposed to enjoy it. If I do, it won't be good for you. Rod told me that every time he had me suck him."

"Baby, who is Rod?"

"Can I have some more Dr. Pepper?"

"Of course." He kissed her forehead.

When he returned with her drink, she was sitting on the end of the couch. Her legs were pulled up under her and she was hugging one of the suede throw pillow. She took the glass from him and took a good swallow before sitting it on the coaster he had placed on the end table. Returning to his previous seat, he turned and faced her.

"Rod was the oldest son of mama's friend Edna. She was the president of Mama's sewing circle. They used to meet at Edna's house on Tuesday and Thursday mornings at ten. On Tuesdays they would share patterns and have a show and tell time. Each one of them would bring something she had made the week before. On Thursdays they would quilt. Mama took me with her in the summer because she didn't want to leave me alone at the house. She didn't do that until I was ten. And since she had already taught me how to sew I was able to show my stuff, too, and make Mama proud. When I had shown my work, Mama would let me go out in the backyard and play with Edna's children. They were all older than me by a few years, but they tolerated me and I had fun." She swallowed. "One day after I turned six, Rod began paying special attention to me; and I soaked it up like a sponge. For the first time in my life, I felt special."

"That's understandable, Sweetie."

"Is letting him touch me in places I knew was wrong understandable? Is it understandable that I kept the secrets because it was fun having a sixteen year-old boy for my friend?"

"Erin, you were a child. He took advantage of you."

"But I enjoyed the things he did to me. They felt good."

"Honey, that's because we're structured that way. Some things feel when someone we trust does them to us."

She chewed her lower lip. "Mama said what happened was my fault. That if I hadn't been acting like a whore that I wouldn't have led Rod astray. I let him touch me, kiss me, lick me, and suck me. I would do the same things to him; even though, I didn't like sucking him. He talked mean and used dirty words while I was doing it. I didn't want to lose him." Her voice broke as tears came to her eyes. "That's why I did it for him that day."