Chapter 32

German Resistance Movement in WWII.

Anti-Hitler groups inside Germany included German communists, Jehovah's Witnesses, the European Union [not EU], White Rose, Solf Circle, Freiburg Circle, Kreisau Circle and The Red Orchestra.

Almost a million Germans were sent to prison for resistance against the Nazi regime. Several attempts were made to assassinate Der Fuehrer.

The allies assisted resistance movements outside of Germany but wanting unconditional German surrender no assistance was provided.

Largest USAF 8th Air Force loss.

291 B17s and B24s raided the German ball-bearing factories at Schweinfurt, fifty miles northwest of Nuremberg on October 14, 1943. A total of 60 planes were shot down or crashed on returning to base. A total of 599 airmen were killed and 40 wounded.

Monday, August 2^nd 1943.

It was evening; Alex and Cornelia sat in the Comms room sending an encoded message to Richard.

'Anna is unwell. Need Gerry to talk to her.'

"It's such a short message I'm going to send it again," Alex said to Cornelia.

"Do you think Richard is listening?" Cornelia asked.

Richard copied Alex's message and acknowledged receipt.

Franz was sitting alongside him in his radio room. He watched as the message headed 'Richard' followed by gibberish came to life as it was decoded.

'Richard, Anna is unwell. Need Gerry to call her.'

"Who is Anna?" Franz asked.

Richard seemed distant, deep in thought.

"Huh? Oh, Anna is or was Gerry's lover back home," Richard said paying attention to Franz.

"It seems like a delicate complication," Franz said.

"I'm sure Gerry's in love with Hilda. Anna confided in me some time ago that she was past any schoolgirl infatuation with Gerry. But I've observed her over a long time and I think that she's deeply attached to Gerry. No matter what she says to the contrary. Now that I've made contact she must be wondering why Gerry is silent," Richard said.

Richard and Franz were fast becoming friends so he proceeded to tell him of Anna's history. Franz was deeply touched as Richard told of Anna's family being gunned down in front of her in an alleyway in Berlin.

Franz wiped at his eyes, "Would you like coffee?" Anna's history had touched him deeply and he wanted to be alone to compose himself.

When Franz returned with their hot drinks, he sat heavily in his chair.

"I've tried not to hate but sometimes it's difficult for me to remain balanced," Franz said.

"I know what you mean. I've found it's better to focus on the criminals in charge of the Germans," Richard said.

"What will you tell Gerry?"

Richard thought for a moment before replying, "I have to give him the message. My problem is how will I advise him."

"If I may give you my uninvited opinion, it's not your problem. The three people involved are adults and you need to step back," Franz said.

"You're right of course. I came in contact with Gerry when he was much younger and in some ways I acted like his father. I can't do that anymore unless he asks for advice," Richard said.

"One night a few months ago Gerry told us that he owes his life to you. I think his actions on the Bodensee, rescuing you, have more than returned the favor. You need to see him as your peer rather than as a son," Franz said.

"Yes. I see that now. When will Gerry return here?" Richard said.

"He's staying overnight with Hilda so we expect him tomorrow morning. Of course we could phone Hilda tonight and relay the message," Franz said.

"No. Let's leave it until tomorrow."

"Richard acknowledged! What a relief. Don't tell Anna that we sent this message," Alex said.

Alex and Cornelia returned to the dining room downstairs.

As they sat at the table a shot rang out. The sound reverberated around the walls of the large dining room. Young Richard was shocked awake and his screaming cry caused Cornelia to rush to him. As she lifted him out of his cot Erika came running downstairs almost colliding with Alex as she ran into the hallway towards Anna's bedroom.

Together they entered Anna's bedroom. Anna was on the bed, the left side of her head blown away by a bullet from Alex's pistol as it exited her head. The pistol still loosely clasped in her right hand. Blood was still pluming from the wound.

Erika turned away and vomited on the bedroom floor as Alex screamed.

Alex patted Erika's back while she was doubled over and then she steered her to the door, preventing Cornelia from entering the room.

"Is she? Is she?" Cornelia asked her voice broken; she was barely coherent.

Alex broke down, "She's dead!" she screamed.

Tuesday August 3^rd 1943.

Gerry stepped off the bus and walked briskly to Franz's house where Katrine answered the door.

"Good morning Katrine, you look happy."

"My usual self," Katrine said but her face turned a deep red as she remembered her adventures last night.

"Would you like coffee?" she asked.

Franz was dressed ready to depart for work at the hospital. He was sitting at the table with Richard finishing his coffee when Gerry entered the dining room.

"Good morning Gerry," Franz said rising from his chair, "I have to go."

When Franz had left Gerry sat alongside Richard.

"A message came in for you last night," Richard said.

"Who from?" Gerry asked.

"Alex sent it but it's about Anna," Richard said as he pulled the message from a pocket in his robe. Passing the message to Gerry, he was careful not to appear judgemental.

Katrine interrupted and placed a cup of coffee in front of Gerry.

Gerry read the short message and when he looked up his face was white.

"I have a problem don't I?"

During the day Gerry wrestled with his thoughts and recriminations. Then he wrote a short, non-committal message to Anna.

That night Franz, Richard and Gerry sat in the radio room. There was still fifteen minutes to go before the scheduled listening vigil. Gerry had encoded his message earlier and it was in his shirt pocket.

The receiver had already been set to the frequency for receiving messages and they talked, half listening to the receiver. Ten minutes later Richard caught the start of a transmission, 'Manfred.' He snatched up a pencil and copied the encoded part of the message.

He heard the acknowledgment from Manfred followed with their code for 'Please wait.'

Quickly Richard decoded the message. 'Anna dead, return urgently. Cornelia.' Richard squeezed his pencil so hard that it snapped in his fingers.

His eyes brimming, he passed the message to Gerry as a message started with 'Cornelia.'

Decoding it quickly he passed it to Gerry and Franz.

'Leaving now. Home before daylight.'

Otto was sitting in the main tent with his men David and Alvin, Manfred and Bernard sat opposite them.

Otto looked at Manfred whose face had whitened as he finished decoding the message, "What's wrong?" he asked.

"Anna is dead!" Manfred said, tears brimming in his eyes.

"No. That can't be," Otto gasped out.

"Anna is dead?" questioned Bernard as shock tingled his scalp.

"I have to leave. We have to cancel our plan and you should return with me Bernard," Manfred said.

All of them walked solemnly to the edge of the forest where they refuelled Manfred's car. Before farewelling them, Otto had tried to tell Manfred how sorry he was; but words failed him, so he squeezed Manfred close to his huge chest.

Gerry stood, tears rolled down his cheeks. He tasted their saltiness as he muttered, "Excuse me." He rose from his chair and left the radio room.

In his bedroom he sat down heavily on his bed, his hands covered his face, he wept loudly.

Minutes later he stripped off and slipped under the covers. In the darkness ugly thoughts besieged his brain. Guilt surged through him and sleep evaded him.

Wednesday, August 4^th 1943.

The clouds in the dawn sky were just changing from grey to deep purple-blue as Manfred turned into the farmhouse. Before he had set the handbrake Cornelia, Alex and Erika raced to the garage.

He held Cornelia close, "What happened?"

"Anna shot herself," Cornelia gasped through a sob. Her eyes were red-rimmed; she looked tired as if she had not slept.

Manfred shepherded them into the dining room. Erika went to the kitchen to make coffee. Cornelia disengaged herself from Manfred's protective arm and moved to the kitchen.

"You didn't call the authorities..." Manfred's voice trailed off as Alex interrupted him.

"We're not fools!" Alex exclaimed angrily and started weeping.

Manfred rose from his chair and went to Anna's bedroom. He didn't know why but he walked softly, opening the door quietly. Stepping inside, carefully avoiding the vomit on the floor he moved to Anna's bed. The stench in the room overcame him; he fought down the urge to retch.

"Rest in peace Anna," he murmured as he reached over and closed her eyes.

Disengaging the pistol from Anna's hand he placed it on the dressing table. Then he wrapped the bed covers around her like a loose shroud.

He left her room and in the hallway he struggled with his emotions. He knew that it was important to maintain his self-control to allow him to lead his family out of the disaster that had struck them. He breathed deeply of the fresh air as he entered the dining room.

Alex, Erika, Cornelia and Bernard were drinking coffee. He beckoned to Bernard to follow him to the kitchen.

"Would you help me build a coffin?" Manfred asked.

In the garage it took them two hours to build a crude box. When they were finished they returned to the house. In the kitchen the women were preparing a meal. When they were seated in the dining room, all of them struggled to eat.

"Alex, did Anna leave a note?" Manfred asked.

"I don't know and we haven't looked. We thought that it was better to wait for your return before we did anything," Alex said.

"Ok. Bernard and I have built a coffin and we'll take Anna down to the glade and bury her at the edge of the forest. She told me once that she loved the serenity of the glade with the river and the bridge. It's the right resting place for her."

Cornelia started sobbing again causing Manfred to pause and pull her close.

"While Bernard and I are in the glade I want you to clean the room thoroughly. It's not a nice duty but you can take your time and rest when it becomes too much to continue. Have a look through Anna's cupboards, anywhere that she might have left a note," Manfred said as he rose from his chair.

Bernard followed him down to the garage where they hoisted the crude coffin onto their shoulders and proceeded to Anna's room.

They grasped the ends of the covers and lowered Anna's body into the coffin. They folded the edges neatly across her body. Together they jammed the lid into place and screwed it closed.

"We'll take her down to the glade, then we'll get the tools we need from the garage," Manfred said.

Manfred saw that Bernard looked sad and beaten, "Are you okay?"

Bernard squared his shoulders, "I'll see it through. This is the worst day I've had for a long while."

"Me too," Manfred said as they hoisted the coffin and proceeded through the house. As they carried Anna through the dining room the women's sobs turned to wailing. Young Richard started screaming, he was attuned to their mood.

Gerry sat on the edge of his bed. He had slept fitfully and he welcomed the dawn. It gave him an excuse to leave his bed. He felt leaden, his emotions alternating between sadness and guilt.

'It's your fault, ' the devil of guilt accused him. He tried to suppress those thoughts, 'Maybe she was shot like the rest of her family, ' he argued with himself. 'What if she suicided?' The devil of guilt replied.

He rose up and yelled loudly, "No!"

The yell echoed through the house.

In his bed, Franz snapped to a sitting position not certain what had awakened him. He could hear loud sobbing. Pushing on his slippers he pulled a robe around his shoulders as Lorraine awakened.

"What is it Franz?" she asked.

"I'm not sure. But someone is upset, I can hear them crying."

In Richard's room Katrine slipped from Richard's bed, in the hallway she stood listening verifying that it was Gerry she had heard yelling. She walked quickly to Gerry's door and rapped lightly on his door.

"Gerry, it's Katrine," she said as Franz joined her.

"Let me take over," Franz said. He grasped the door handle and let himself into Gerry's room.

Gerry was sitting on his bed, his hands covered his face and he was sobbing loudly. Franz sat beside him and threw his arm around his shoulder.

"Had a bad dream?" Franz asked but Gerry appeared not notice his presence.

Katrine returned to Richard's bedroom where Richard was sitting on the edge of the bed. He looked questioningly at her.

"It's Gerry. I was awake and I heard him yell 'No' rather loudly then he was sobbing loudly. I went to enter his room but Franz took over. He's with him now."

"Help me down to his room," Richard said as he stood on his left leg and stretched his arm to her.

When Richard entered Gerry's bedroom Franz patted Gerry's shoulder. He stood and walked past Richard.

"He needs comforting," Franz whispered to Richard as he left the room with Katrine.

Richard hopped and pulled the spare chair into position to sit facing Gerry.

"Tell me what's troubling you Gerry."

Gerry did not respond but continued sobbing, his head propped up by his arm resting on his knee, his hand covering his eyes.

Richard reached across and placed his hand on his shoulder but Gerry brushed it away.

"You've helped me when I was down and Anna's death affects me greatly too. I gave her a safe place to live. I had Bernard give her a new identity. She had an appalling experience seeing her husband and children gunned down. And news of her death affects me greatly..." Richard broke down. Now he hid his face as he wept.

Gerry, roused from his grieving by Richard's crying looked across at him, feeling compassion for him.

"I don't know for sure but I think that Anna committed suicide. I'm responsible. I caused her death," Gerry hid his face again, tears and saliva dripping from his mouth onto the floor.

"You're not responsible!" Richard shouted but he was unable to continue.

They sat facing each other as the minutes ticked by. Both had their hands covering their eyes. Both were becoming uncomfortable as the cold air robbed their feet of warmth. It was worse for Richard as the pain in his knee increased in intensity. Richard unable to bear the pain any longer reached across and gently shook Gerry.

"Would you help me get back to my bed, the cold is making the pain in my knee unbearable," Richard said.

Gerry stood slowly and placed Richard's arm across his shoulder then helped him back to his bedroom.

When Gerry made to leave Richard asked, "Would you see Franz and ask him for something to ease my pain?"

Gerry went first to his room and using the porcelain basin and jug of water he washed his face and hands. He went looking for Franz and found him in the dining room sitting with Lorraine and Katrine.

"I apologize to all of you for disturbing your sleep. Richard is in great pain would you see to him please Franz?" Gerry said.

"Come with me Gerry," Franz said as he rose from the table. He led him to a small cupboard in the kitchen where he took a vial of tablets and shook two of them into Gerry's hand.

"I can give you something to ease your pain too, if you want?" Franz said.

"I, uh," Gerry didn't know how to answer, so he held his hand out as two small round tablets were dispensed from a vial.

"Take them now I don't want you giving the wrong medication to Richard," Franz said.

Gerry poured a glass of water, swallowed the medication then returned to Richard's room.

"Would you stay with me for awhile?" Richard asked as Gerry poured water for him.

As Richard swallowed the painkillers Gerry slumped into the spare chair. He was sullen and wanted to be alone. The devil of guilt persisted with his taunts, 'You killed her.' His face twisting with torment he turned his chair to look beyond Richard and out of the window.

"Please don't blame yourself. I... uh. This is hard for me to say but I know that Anna never recovered from the loss of her family. I doubt that anyone could. She said to me that she knew that you would move on after the war; she was fully prepared for that," Richard said.

"Anna told you that?" Gerry said.

"She did," Richard said quickly noting a small change in Gerry.

Then he continued, "I want to tell you something personal; I want you to keep this to yourself. Katrine has slept with me the last two nights. She told me that she is suffering from loneliness, she wants someone to talk with, someone to share her intimate thoughts with. And this is the part that's worrying me; she told me she doesn't want a lover. She doesn't want any commitment from me; she just wants to share her life with me while I'm held up here in Switzerland. She knows that as soon as I'm able I'll be going home to Erika..."

"She asked me about Erika a few days ago. So I told her all about her, and you," Gerry said.

"I know. But Katrine wants sexual contact and I've put her off by telling her that I'm in too much pain right now. As soon as I make progress walking again her demands will increase and I'm worried that she will become too attached to me. She's a mature woman but I'm worried about what the consequences will be. She could go down the same path as Anna," Richard said exhaling loudly.

Gerry raised his feet and rested them on the bed. He stared down at his hands folded in his lap. He was silent and Richard could see that he was deep in thought.

Minutes passed until Gerry's mind seemed to return to the room.

"I'm not mature enough to offer you any advice, I wish I could," Gerry said.

"That's okay, just sharing my problem with you seems to ease my burden a little..." Richard said.

"On the other hand," Gerry interrupted, "I know someone who can help. Hilda. She's a professional. Would you allow me to talk with her?"

"Hilda? She's a bit too close isn't she?" Richard asked.

"She's a fully qualified professional, anything that you or I tell her would go no further," Gerry said.

"When is she coming out here again? I think that I would rather talk directly to her," Richard said.

"I'm going in to see her today. I'm so broken up I need to see her. I'll tell her you want to speak to her," Gerry said.

Manfred with young Richard in his arms walked with Cornelia leading Alex, Bernard and Erika down the path to the glade. The women had picked flowers and fashioned them into a tribute to Anna.

Bernard and Manfred had concealed Anna's grave behind the first row of trees. They walked to the grave where they stood quietly for several minutes. Turning away from the grave they wandered back to the small bridge where they congregated half way across. Previously, they had agreed not to leave flowers at the grave. Instead the women had fashioned a floral tribute with small personal notes pinned to it. They would release it into the river from the bridge. Behind their actions was Manfred and Bernard's concern about marking Anna's grave. Discovery by the authorities would place them in serious trouble.

Their grieving had turned to soft sobs as Manfred put his arms around Cornelia and Erika. It was awkward for Cornelia as she sat young Richard on her hip and leaned close to Manfred.

"I want to say that Anna was the bravest women that I ever met. She suffered and I know that God will welcome her into his kingdom..." Alex started sobbing loudly not able to continue as she released their floral tribute and watched it swept quickly away downstream.

Bernard held her close, moving he started walking her off the bridge and up the hill to the house. The others followed slowly; reaching the house they sat mournfully in the kitchen.

Manfred placed a second pot of coffee on the stove and returned to his seat. Wanting to engage them he asked Alex, "Did you find a note?"

"I did. They were under her pillow. They're on her dresser. I couldn't open mine," Alex said dabbing at her eyes with her small handkerchief.

"There's more than one?" Manfred asked.

"Yes there's more than one," Alex said.

Manfred knew that it would be painful for them to read Anna's last words but he thought that his family would heal faster once this episode was in their history. In Anna's bedroom Manfred could smell the antiseptic smell where the carpet had been cleaned. Blood still spattered the wall and the bed. He went straight to her dresser and collected the sealed envelopes.

Returning to the kitchen he placed Anna's notes in the middle of the table he took the envelope addressed to him and Cornelia. Opening it and before he started reading he looked around the table, "I don't want Richard's and Gerry's notes opened until I can get a message to Richard. I hope you don't mind Erika, her note is addressed to both you and Richard."

Erika nodded agreeing with Manfred. She felt relieved that she wouldn't have to read her note just now.

Cornelia moved closer to Manfred and together they started reading, he noticed Alex and Bernard were reading their note. He knew that Anna's words would send them further into sadness but he thought that now was the time and then he could help them to recover.

Anna wrote:

Dear Manfred, You don't need me to tell you that you have a fine family. I hope that you will survive the war and care for them. And I hope that you will forgive me, because life for me without my family is intolerable.

Dear Cornelia, Please forgive me. The darkness that settled on me when I lost my family was lightened when I came to the farm. Even before Gerry left to go to the Bodensee I started having nightmares again and the darkness filled my every waking minute. I'm sorry that I was short-tempered with young Richard. He's such a fine boy, he reminded me so much of my own son.

I cannot go on living a life that is filled with such ghastly memories.

I know you will both think kindly of me.

Anna.

Cornelia finished reading and thrust her head into the crook of Manfred's neck sobbing loudly.

Manfred leaned down and whispered, "Has young Richard been fed?"

Cornelia nodded yes against Manfred's chest. He pulled her to her feet and led her to their room.

Gerry stepped off the bus and walked half a kilometre to the hospital. As he walked into the entrance he saw Hilda returning to her office.

Franz had called Hilda to his office earlier where he had explained Anna's death and Richard and Gerry's roles in her life. He forewarned her that Gerry would be in to see her at lunchtime so Hilda immediately went to her manager's office and applied for several days leave, pleading illness.