Chapter 4

He heard the scrunch of pine needles under her boots long before she came into sight. He could also tell she was carrying a heavy load. He trotted out of the cabin and raced down the trail towards her. She had her head down, just watching one foot fall in front of the other, lost in her own mind. When he was just a few yards in front of her, she looked up to see this giant gray shape leaping through the air that was aimed right at her chest. She squealed, dropped the pack and hit the ground; expecting the massive hit that didn't come. She looked up from behind the backpack to see him imitating a sphinx, except this one didn't have a pharaoh's head, just a shit-eating grin. Just like earlier in the morning, his tongue whipped out faster than she could dodge and he got her right on the nose. This time leaving a little more slobber than the last.

"EWWW! Why do you feel the need to do that to me? Never mind, I know."

She smiled at him, but before she could pick up the pack again, he had it in his jaws and was carrying it like it didn't weigh anything at all. He started prancing back towards the cabin with her just behind him, wiping off the slobber from the end of her nose on her sleeve. He really was a magnificent example of what a wolf should look like. Sleek, yet packed with muscles on top of muscles, soft fur that shimmered in the sunlight, the long muzzle with an even longer tongue. She started blushing again, even though he couldn't see her looking at him. Those long legs that seemed to make him float above the ground, not across it, and then there was the package. Rather large, with shiny black skin and that very long sheath. Hiding the bright red shaft that seemed to grow in size the every time she looked at it or thought about it. Now the blush was really creeping up her neckline.

He could smell her fresh scent. She had cleaned up before changing clothes and returning to him. He didn't mind, not really, but the less adulterated her real scent, the happier he was. Just before reaching the door to the cabin, the breeze shifted and the smell of exited female wafted to his nostrils. They flared, and he dropped the pack to take in as much of that smell as he could. Then he slowly turned around and gave her that 'I'm hungry for you, too' look. She stopped dead in her tracks. How had he known she was thinking that?

"Are you reading my mind?"

He stopped and stared at her for a moment. Then he deliberately pointed his muzzle at her crotch and took in another deep breath through his nose. Then he looked up at her and grinned, then snapped his jaw a couple of times and let his tongue loll out of the side of his mouth. Then he quickly straightened, picked up the pack and continued on into the cabin as if nothing had happened. Leaving her frustrated that she hadn't been able to chastise him for his 'lewd' behavior, he pranced inside.

She knew it was her morals that were causing her unease with the fact that the new love of her life walked on all fours. Somehow, the fact that he didn't seem to be having trouble thinking about doing anything with her just because she walked on only two legs was really disconcerting. He appeared to have no trouble thinking about anything. Then she got a mental image of what they might look like together and thought, oh, it really doesn't matter how I walk around, I would still have to get down on all fours just to get things 'lined up'.

She heard him sniffing again and realized that she had gotten rather excited while running all that imagery through her mind as she stood in the doorway.

"Stop it."

She didn't even put any real heat behind her words. It was just a simple request. He stopped. While she slowly stepped into the cabin and sat at the table; he began rummaging in the backpack and pulling things out of it. He could smell the food in there, but he hadn't reached it yet. When he did get to it, he spun around and tried to hug her, but the lupine form prevented it. Instead, he jumped over to where she was sitting and nuzzled her neck. This sent her into shivering fits as his warm breath caressed her neck.

"My name is Casey."

He stopped nuzzling her neck and pulled his head back so that they were eye to eye.

"My name is Casey Brandt."

He leaned down to where her hand was resting on top of the chair arm and using just the tip of his tongue, kissed her hand. She smiled at him slowly, but he could tell there was something else bothering her.

"Do you have a name, my handsome brute?"

He stared at her for a few seconds then nodded his head. She smiled again. Those smiles warmed him inside, made him feel whole.

"How are you ever going to be able to tell me your name?"

He looked at her and almost shrugged, but decided not to, he could tell this was really important to her. He began to look around and suddenly had a flash of an idea. He opened his mouth and grabbed the tips of her fingers, pulling back. She understood what he wanted and got to her feet. He led her to a corner of the room; where years of dust had accumulated. He stared at it for a moment, then closed his eyes and concentrated.

He had to get this right. There wasn't enough dust in the corner to start over if he screwed it up. The big challenge was the fact that his given name was Roman Latin, not modern English. So he had to remember what each Latin symbol was and then convert it to the English equivalent. He opened his eyes and lowered his nose to the floor. D-a-g-o-m-a-r-u-s. Dagomarus, yes, that was right. He spelled it like it sounded in his head. Now for his family name, which wasn't Roman Latin, but it had originated in Germania. He closed his eyes again and concentrated. D-o-e-r-r. Doerr. Then he remembered something else; he put two little dots above the O. Yes, that was it. Again, he wrote the name like it sounded in the thick guttural accent he could still hear in his head.

He stepped back so she could see what he had put there in the dust. She slowly came forward and read it out loud. He stopped her a couple of times and tried getting her to change the pronunciation until she was so close it didn't matter. After all, unless you spoke both Roman Latin and the dialect of the ancient German barbarians, there was no way you were going to get it right.

She broke out in a huge smile, lighting up the room for him. She thought about it for a second and then understood what these two words in the dust meant. There really was a person inside that huge wolf's body.

"Dagomarus!! I am so glad to meet you!"

Then she gave him that bone-crushing hug she liked to give out so much.

"But how did... this... happen?"

He stared at her, trying to decide. This was going to be the moment of truth, did he let her in or would he have force it into her? If he let her in, there was no hiding, she would be able to see and feel everything he had felt. This could be very dangerous, he had done it once, and the poor girl had gone mad. If he pushed it into her mind, he could limit what she saw and felt, but he could damage her in the process. If he pushed too hard, forcing the sights and emotions into her too fast, it would overload her system; sending her into shock and possibly a coma. He had done this to several people in his past; some he had never wanted to harm, others, he had tried to kill without leaving a mark.

He had already accidentally let her into his mind once, just the jumbled surface, and she had seen a glimpse of HIM, not the body, but of his pure self. She had seen a little of what he truly was and it had nearly wrenched her from this world and sent her to the afterlife. It had been unintentional on his part; that meant she must have some minor ability at communicating on a level most humans think of as parlor magic tricks. With her sensitivity to emotions and surface thoughts, forcing anything into her psyche could do serious harm. He had to be very careful if he was going to do this.

She watched him go completely still, his eyes glazing over, staring into a distance that was far beyond the walls of the cabin. She had seen that look before, in her grandfather's eyes when she had asked him what it had been like during the war. And just like in that afternoon with her grandfather, she could feel a chill in the air. He had gone to a place in his mind that must have been very lonely and extremely disturbing. Her grandfather had come back to himself rather quickly and told her that no one should ever have to see or hear about those awful events.

Now, as she was standing a few feet away from Dagomarus, that cold, lonely feeling started to creep into her bones. She felt dread seeping into her thoughts, and underneath it, his concern for her. She realized that even though Dagomarus was somewhere else in his mind, he was thinking of her. She tried to concentrate on what she felt coming from Dagomarus. She started shivering; feeling a chill so deep that she thought her insides would freeze solid.

Dagomarus felt a caress in his mind and immediately knew that she was pushing at him, trying to get in without realizing what she was really doing. He pulled back from his ruminations and clamped down hard on his thoughts, shutting out everything. The effect was immediate, her head snapped back as if she had been slapped. She looked at him in shock and just a touch of fear.

"What was that?"

Her shock from getting mentally shoved wore off quickly, but the fear remained. He looked away from her for a moment and then slowly walked up to her and met her questioning gaze.

She couldn't move, her muscles locked. She felt light headed and her stomach felt like there were a thousand worms roiling in a massive ball. Her skin felt hot and itchy, but her blood cooled quickly. This contrasting and confusing set of sensations frightened her. Then she felt a caress in her mind, like a gentle breeze. She was falling into those deep pools of blue, the violet swirls caressing her as she sank deeper and deeper. Her vision narrowed to a pinpoint, going dark around the edges. Then there was a flash, an image. It lasted only a millisecond, but the after effect hung in front of her, like the blue spots that float in your eyes after a camera flash.

She saw a soldier standing on a hilltop. His dress was familiar; she had seen soldiers dressed like this in paintings and frescos. He was a Roman soldier, the oiled leather breastplate gleaming in the sunlight. His head held up proudly as he surveyed his surroundings. Another flash; thousands of Roman soldiers lined up in a valley, facing thousands of screaming barbarians. Flash: swords coated in blood swinging in the sunlight. Her breathing became labored; sweat broke out on her forehead. She could feel the sun on her neck and the weight of the sword in her hand as it hit flesh.

Flash: a barbarian running through the trees, screaming. Her heartbeat thundered in her chest, her breath coming in ragged gasps. Flash: the hacked and bloody body of the barbarian lying on the ground at her feet. She could smell the bitter iron of fresh blood in her nostrils; the swollen, dry taste of fear was in her mouth. The silence of the forest surrounded her, heavy and smothering. Flash: two red spots floating in the shadows underneath dense treetops, a ground shaking growl shattering the silence. Flash: black fur and teeth flashing in her face, searing pain crushing her chest, a ragged scream escaping her parched throat. Flash: the headless body of a giant black wolf lying on the ground next to the hacked body of the barbarian. She felt the torn flesh on her arms, the blood running down her chest as the wounds at her throat oozed.

Then she felt herself rising out of the blackness, her heartbeat slowing and her breath returning to normal. She could still feel the sweat on her body, turning clammy as her body temperature cooled. She saw now those deep blue pools of his eyes, feel the warming sensation of the love and concern for her filling her chest. Suddenly feeling her muscles all relax, she swayed, trying to stay on her feet. She reached out for something to help hold her up and felt his soft fur in her hands. She grabbed onto him, leaning over his shoulders, her knees weak and shaking. She let out a long shuddering breath.

"Wha—"

Her voiced cracked, her tongue felt dry and thick. She needed something to wash that horrible taste out. She slowly raised herself off of Dagomarus, holding onto him with one hand.

She turned, still slightly dizzy, and on wobbly legs walked over to a chair next to the table and flopped into it. She reached over to her backpack and pulled out her canteen. Her hands shaking, she slowly raised the canteen to her lips and filled her mouth with the tepid water. She swished it around for a few seconds and then swallowed. She leaned forward, lowering head between her knees. She felt sick as the water hit her roiling stomach. She fought the urge to throw up. She took several deep breaths, finally calming her insides down. She sat up slowly and took another small sip from the canteen. Feeling herself return to almost normal after a few minutes, she finally tried her voice again.

"What was that? I was looking through your eyes, wasn't I? You were a Roman soldier, weren't you? That giant black wolf attacked you and you killed it. It infected you with something that turned you into this, didn't it?"

Her voice was barely above a whisper; hoarse from her ragged breathing and the screams she hadn't heard ripping out of her throat.

Dagomarus nodded his head, not quite meeting her gaze. He took a deep breath and slowly let it out through his nose. He was relieved that his effort to keep the deeper emotions and the raw pain of his experiences from overwhelming her had succeeded. Still, he could tell she was drained from the experience. He needed to give her time to truly comprehend the full ramifications of what he had shown her. In the past, superstition and the belief in mythical creatures hadn't been that much of a stretch for people to accept, but modern civilization had weeded out that awe of the supernatural. She was going to have a hard time with what he had shown her.

She watched him nod his head and the thoughts racing through her mind jumbled together suddenly, coming together like a car wreck at an intersection. Her body went still when it hit her, this creature had been a man, a Roman soldier almost two thousands years ago and now he was a giant wolf standing in front of her. Before she could think to calm herself, her body lurched forward and the contents of her stomach shot out of her mouth onto the wooden floor. She fell out of the chair onto her hands and knees and retched again. Her back arched as her stomach contracted and yellow bile flowed out of her mouth. She coughed and spit. Her whole body began shaking in effort, she dry heaved several times. Closing her eyes to the mess in front of her on the floor, she finally stopped retching and calmed down. Still shivering from the effort her body had just gone through, she sat back and reached for the canteen to wash the bitter aftertaste out.

She drank some of the water after rinsing out her mouth and resisted the urge to heave it back up. Finally her stomach settled down and she was able to push herself up into the chair. She wiped her mouth on her sleeve and looked at him. He hadn't moved, just watched and waited for her. He hated to see her in this much distress, but she had to get through it before he could finish his story. She finally got herself under control and stared back at him, just shy of making true eye contact. She wasn't sure if the connection would reassert itself if she did. She looked away finally and stared out the window, gathering her fleeting thoughts and trying to make sense of them.

"You really are almost two thousand years old, aren't you? You've seen it all; you've lived through what the rest of us only read in history books. On top of that crazy idea, you're a werewolf? What kind of insanity is that? How is that possible? Immortality? Shape changing? Shit!"

She sat there staring out the window; she never looked at him while speaking. He didn't make a move to answer her, he knew she comprehended the situation; now he had to wait for her to truly grasp it and accept it for what it was, the truth. Finally, once it had sunk in enough for her to think calmly about it, he saw that she had accepted it. She turned and looked at him, meeting his eyes with a level gaze.

"No wonder I could feel all that pain in you, you've lived a hundred, no, two hundred life times, watching everything you've ever cared about live and die, but you remained. Oh my god! How did you do it? Why haven't you gone off the deep end?"

He looked right into her eyes; I have, love. Several times I did, but I always came back. That is my curse and my gift; I always come back. The deep sadness came through as he looked into that beautiful face. Now I have you.

She sensed what he was trying to convey to her in those silent moments. Her tears began to fall, she understood. She knew that even as her own life would wax and wane, he would go on. Yet he was still willing to love her anyway, knowing the pain he would suffer when she finally passed away. Her tears filled her eyes, blocking her sight. She cried for several minutes, knowing that she would love him until she died, her soul mate, her friend, forever. She wiped the tears from her face and looked at him, seeing the same thoughts within those deep blue orbs.

"Why me? What made you choose me? I'm not even your species, at least, not anymore I'm not."

She found herself getting angry. Why did I have to fall in love with an immortal werewolf? It's just not FAIR!! Then she laughed, fair? When has life ever been fair? Shit. The Fates have really screwed me this time. Oh, a couple of boneheaded boyfriends, her parents getting killed in a car wreck, a so-so job in a small town, these things were enough to teach her about life and unfairness, but what did she ever do to deserve this? Her thoughts and questions finally played themselves out, and she brought herself back into the present and really looked at him.

He had watched her eyes glaze over while she asked her questions, so when she finally came back he stepped over to her and lowering his muzzle to her face, licked her on the end of her nose. He kept his head right in front of her face, looking into her eyes. Yes, love. I will care for you until you are old and gone. Forever. The Fates are fickle and cruel with me as well. I am not immune to their cruelty; in fact, I suffer more than you will ever know. He crooned at her,

"Aaaarrrrrroooooooooooahhhhrrraaahhhh! "

Professing his love to her. She smiled. That beautiful smile; it warmed his heart. The happiness lasted for a few minutes. He grew serious again, knowing that he needed her to see the rest. He sent out a gentle caress into her mind, sensing that she was once again calm.

She felt it, that feeling he was looking into her mind, her soul, right INTO her very being. She realized that there was more, and looking back into those deep blue pools, she nodded, and thought, 'Show me.'

The edges of her vision clouded over again, and she felt herself falling into that deep blue water, those icy cold depths. This time it was different, the deep blue wasn't quite so cold this time. All she could see was the color blue. Then that bright flash; she saw the full moon shining in the sky. The dreadful feeling that her skin was on fire and that the flesh and muscle was going to melt off her bones. Then horrendous cracking and popping noises surrounding her, realizing that those sounds were her own bones shifting and twisting, then nothingness. Flash: Waking up on the forest floor naked, covered in blood and feeling like she had just finished eating at a feast. Flash: A Centurion asking about the report of a missing villager that was found mauled to death. Flash: Throwing up in the bushes with a horrible realization that feeling of being full that morning was part of the mauled villager filling her stomach. Flash: Vague dreams of seeing a half-wolf standing upright on its hind legs reflected in the still waters of a pond. Flash: Horrible guilt over more missing and mauled villagers. Escaping the Legions and running into the forest; forsaking civilization. Flash: Running on all fours, leading a pack of wolves chasing down a buck.

She felt herself slowly coming back to the surface of the cold blue pool. Her vision cleared, and her breathing returned to normal. Finally, she found herself sitting in the chair again, looking into the face of her friend. Her skin still itched and her bones ached with residual feelings from the visions. Luckily, she didn't feel the urge to throw up again. She'd had enough of that for one day. She felt that there was still a trace of him inside of her, calming her, soothing her emotions. She was grateful for this, realizing that he was preventing her from going into shock over what he had shown her. She briefly wondered, why didn't you do this the last time?

I had forgotten how, love. But I remembered this time.

She jumped, hearing that deep masculine voice in her head. It frightened her, having never heard another's voice inside her head before. Then all traces disappeared, she was all alone inside herself once again. She shivered with the realization that he had spoken to her in her head. The combined shock of the visions, the feelings, and the voice drove her into a catatonic state. Her eyes remained open, but she no longer stared out from them.

He immediately regretted his decision to answer her in his own voice like that. He should have known it would do this to her. She sat staring at nothing, gone. He sighed deeply, saddened by her reaction. Gently closing his mouth over the arm of the chair, he dragged her across the room until they were next to the cot. Grabbing her belt and coat in his teeth, he pulled her limp body out of the chair and laid her on the cot. He gently arranged her legs and arms and then he grabbed the edge of the blanket and pulled it over her. She never made a sound or moved a muscle to indicate that she was aware of any of this. He paused to look down at her face, still expressionless and her eyes open, sightless. He put his nose to her eyelid and gently lowered it; seeing that it stayed closed, he did the same to the other. Leaving her asleep on the cot, he padded out the door and into the woods. He needed some time to think.

Running, twisting around trees, leaping over the forest floor; everything became a blur. He pushed himself harder, trying to rid himself of the guilt and anguish over what he had done. He knew he had been too impatient to have her understand what he was and to just accept it. She was so frightened of him, but he had also felt her attraction to him. He could sense that because of the species difference, him with four legs and fangs, her being human, the conflict inside her was immense. The cultural and religious teaching ingrained in her prevented her from wanting to get any closer to him. Two thousand years with this curse, and he had long since released any moral misgivings on his part. She experienced one day and it ate at her moral center to think of him like that. He so wanted her to see him as the man he used to be, not the monster he was now. Asinus Stultissimus! Why did I have to push? After two thousand years, I thought I had developed patience.

He had to figure out how to help her without doing any more damage to her mind. Her emotional state was extremely fragile right now. This is a woman who had known, up until today, for a fact that monsters don't exist. Now everything she thought she believed was proven wrong. Well, not completely, but who knows, maybe that Jew was right, all can be forgiven if you believe. It hadn't worked in his case, but maybe this was different. He had seen others like himself before, but they avoided each other. No one wanted to get any closer to another than they absolutely had to. He still wasn't entirely sure how his own curse had been passed to him. Luckily, none of his victims ever rose up to become like him, and as far as he could tell, he had never passed this curse onto any living person either.

He had to think of her now, how to fix what he had done. He tried remembering what he had learned from those weird monks in those ragged peaks in the East. They had accepted him at face value, neither judging nor fearing him. They knew what he was and that was that. He had traveled to them seeking advice and they had given it freely, without any expectation of payment, nor wanting any either. He had lived with them for over a hundred years, and they never once revealed his secret to anyone. He missed them. The only reason he had left was because they didn't particularly care for his interest in female company. There wasn't any there in those mountains and he had to go elsewhere to find it.

He started glimpsing memories of those lessons. Yes, I remember now. I have to get back to her before the damage I have done becomes permanent. He turned his course and increased his speed back towards the cabin. He flashed past a doe eating some grass next to the creek. She didn't even have time to register that a threat was close before he was gone. He sped up to the porch of the cabin and stopped. He was breathing rapidly and his heart rate pounded at several hundred beats per minute. Using the teachings of the monks, he gathered his thoughts and calmed his speeding heart and breathing. He further calmed his mind, driving out the demons of his past and the impatience of the present. Within a few moments, one couldn't tell that he had just sped through the forest at twice the speed of the fastest racehorse and had traveled several miles at that speed. He looked and felt like he had just risen from a nap.

He slowly entered the cabin, pushing ahead with his senses; he felt her presence. It was a strange to feel her like this. The radiance and joy that normally preceded her was gone, in its place was an empty shell, nothing. He stepped over to the cot and looked at her face. Using the lessons he had learned from the monks, he went about fixing his mistakes.

She was inside her mind, unfeeling, just lying there. Then she felt a presence, warm, caring, and full of love. It almost felt like her father at first, but she knew that couldn't be, he was gone. Was she dead? Was this what heaven felt like? No, she couldn't be dead; she could hear her heartbeat. The presence got stronger, and somehow, she could tell that it was male. Comforting and soothing her; wanting to protect her from the dangers of the outside world. She thought she heard a whispered voice, gentle and deep in tone. She vaguely recognized it but wasn't sure it was real. There it was again. That deep baritone was gently calling her name.

Casey, my love, wake up. I am here for you. I will always be here for you. There is nothing to be frightened of out here. My love will always be here for you. Wake up, and join me. Come on, love, you must wake up now. Come to me, love, follow my voice.

She opened her eyes to see Dagomarus standing above her. He had a serene expression on his face as she looked back at him. He grinned, showing all those razor sharp teeth, but they didn't frighten her, they comforted her instead. She knew in her heart that he would never harm her; he would love her.

"What happened? Did I pass out?"

He nodded.

"How did I get onto this cot? Did you put me here?"

He nodded again. She carefully sat up and stretched.

"Wow! I feel like I slept twelve hours. How long was I out?"

He furrowed his eyebrows and shrugged his shoulders. She giggled when he did this. Seeing an oversized wolf shrug was an amusing experience.

"I dreamed that you were hugging me. Strange, huh? You don't have the arms to do that."

He stepped up to the edge of the cot, put his head over her shoulder and dropped his chin, pulling her against his chest. He squeezed her gently then released her, backing up. He grinned at her.

She laughed and smiled back at him.

"Yeah, I guess you can hug me. That was nice, I liked that."

She felt warm and secure sitting on the cot. She started to remember why she had passed out, but the fear and the pain weren't there anymore, just the images. She calmly reviewed everything he had shown her. Coming to the last of the flashes, she concentrated on the reflection in the pool. The upright werewolf with the hands and torso of a man, but the legs of a wolf. She frowned, and looked at him. Waved her hand over his body.

"So, if you were half man for a while, how'd this come about?"

He gently nudged her with his thoughts, slipping them in without pushing too hard in the wrong places. She couldn't really hear his voice in her head this time; he just used body language and facial expressions with some minor vocalizations to get his meaning across. She didn't realize that he was slipping the answers to her questions into her consciousness.

'Time; and guilt. I could never really surrender myself to the pure bloodlust of the wolf creature. When I finally did change into a full wolf, I ran and ran, deep into the dark forests of early Europe. I took up with a pack and decided roam free and live like a wolf. Only hunting animals and then only to eat, not just to kill.'