Chapter 19

Dear Ravneet,

I don’t know if this letter will reach you in response to yours. I think that you were aware that if you couldn’t get out, only luck, Providence, or both would enable your admittedly heartbroken and apologetic “Dear John” epistle to reach my desk. Well, it obviously arrived, and if you’re reading this, so did my response by the oddest quirk of Fate or God or whatever.

I must confess that this hurts. It hurts a lot, in fact. But you know that. It clearly hurts you as well. I must admit that I deserve some of the pain, in spite of my rather noble work. I have betrayed our vows, our marriage, and I could make excuses, such as loneliness, but there is clearly no ‘loneliness’ clause in marriage vows, is there? Yes, I was ... and am ... unfaithful to you. With my boss, the chief surgeon.

I don’t know if you’ve been unfaithful, too, but I doubt it. You’re the sort that would confess almost right away if you lapsed as I did. I must confess to lacking your moral fiber in that respect. I had to work up the courage and get a swift kick in the ass to do the right thing, pardon my French, as the Americans say.

Well, neither of us meant to hurt the other, and yet in this case, causing each other pain is something sadly inescapable in this case. I will file if it helps, just because you know that way it will be filed. Since I was the cheater, obviously, the grounds will have to be something other than my own infidelity. I suppose that my adultery just proves your point. If I couldn’t handle this short of a separation, how are either of us supposed to endure a longer, undefined one, with no end in sight?

You’re right. This is no marriage. Not in this hopeless limbo like this, separated by so much geography. I owe to both of us to let you go. I also owe it to the other woman, since she’s here for me and has declared her willingness to make a go of it, to give her a chance. Yes, I’m speaking of my boss here.

Dr. Anne Thorpe. Despite her adulterous liaison with me, and despite not being a Sikh like us, she’s a caring, decent, wonderful human being. I can understand if you feel some skepticism, as she’s estranged from her own husband and has had an affair with a married man like me. She is more than her vices, trust me on that, as I am more than mine. We all are and I would maintain that, even if you had betrayed me in the same way that I did you.

I will always regret that I lacked the willpower to stick it out until now, but I won’t regret my love for her, nor my marriage to you. I regret that the context makes it wrong for me and painful for you. May God forgive me for my weakness of character, my admittedly very human weakness, yet one that caused you pain despite my desire to avoid that.

Whatever you did or didn’t do, I’m in no place to judge. Whatever you do from here on, do what you must to survive and don’t fret about me. I will be fine, guilty conscience aside. Do whatever you must to make your life bearable, as I will do henceforth as well. I’ve not hesitated to sin when it was necessary or difficult to escape, hoping that God will forgive and accept me in spite of my sins. I’ve eaten pork and that was wrong, but hardly my greatest offense to God. I have shaved my beard to make surgery more sanitary, though I kept my turban and haven’t cut my hair. I probably look more like a woman at a distance than a man.

Please see it in your own heart to forgiveness, as the Eagles used to sing, “even if you don’t love me anymore.” It will be a lead weight off both of us if you do. We need to live our lives for the present and future, not the past. Now, any more cliches that I need to trot out? Just kidding on that part. But I did start to sound like one of those fake Buddha quotes that one hears about now and then. Back before the internet became a spotty, convoluted, disoriented hot mess that has yet to be fully restored.

Anyway, I will keep you in my prayers as I hope and trust you keep me in yours. I have done what you asked of me. I have found a good woman. Now, you, my dear, find a good man. Do so for your sake, though, and not mine.

Love, Your wayward husband, Dr. Samuel Singh

P.S. is it true that Capetown has been occupied by a Nazi militia? God, I hope not! The Klan and Nation of Islam are bad enough as it is.