Chapter 6

A not very surprising thing happened for the next week. No one came knocking at my door. In a short time I had grown used to having a social life, and then, as suddenly as it had begun, it disappeared. My days were filled with work and commuting and my evenings were once again times for television and solitude. I wasn't sure how this had come about, but then I didn't really understand why all the social activity had begun for me in the first place. In a very real sense, my life had returned to normal.

It was the following Sunday before I once again heard from my neighbors in 3-B. I was wheeling my large trash container out for Monday pick up when I happened to glance up and see Donna walking out to her mom's carport. I stopped and waved to her but she either didn't see me or was ignoring me for some reason. I finished with my trash and went back to my place. Opening my door I was very surprised and startled to see Sandy standing in my entranceway.

I shut my front door and smiled a hello at her. For some unfathomable reason she decided to pick that exact instant to start wailing away, crying and carrying on as if someone had died or something. I tried to comfort her as best I could, offering her water and asking if she'd like a tissue or something. I even tried patting her shoulder but she angrily shrugged my hand away from her. For the next ten minutes she was inconsolable. I decided to walk past her into my living room and sit down on my sofa. Eventually, she decided to join me in the living room and limit herself to intermittent sniffling and a few low level sobs. When she felt that she had herself emotionally under control she began speaking to me.

"Jim, how could you?" she asked me, and then the tears started up again. "I thought I was special to you when you touched me and held me for such a long time in the water. Can you even imagine how I felt when I found out about you and Donna and about you and my mom?" My first reaction. of course, was to wonder how much of anything Sandy had learned about what Jill and I had done together.As far as Donna and I were concerned, I hadn't really done anything other than not turn away when she mooned me and showed me her titties. I could see though, for the first time, how it might appear to Sandy that I'd been somehow unfaithful to her if you looked at things from a certain perspective. Sandy must have believed that our ocean play represented some kind of a romantic relationship developing rather than two innocents exploring sexual awakening. I began to really feel guilty about my actions once again. I now knew that what I had done with her had resulted in present pain and possible farther reaching consequences in her future. I really felt bad. She was looking at me expectantly, obviously expecting me to make some response.

"First Sandy, you are very special to me. You are the first girl I've touched or held like that, ever. I think of your mom and Donna as being special also, but for different reasons. Whatever happens between your mom and I, or even between Donna and I really shouldn't have any bearing on our friendship, Sandy. The playing and touching we did in the ocean was an isolated incident. Until I saw how upset you were, I thought we'd both just enjoyed our experimenting and that no harm had come from it. Now, I feel really bad about it and I'm sorry if I took unfair advantage of you."

When I finally shut up she began crying once more. I knew that I'd hurt her again, but, for the life of me, I couldn't see how. In a few minutes she settled down and went into my bathroom to wash her face and get composed. When she came out she stopped for a second and seemed about to speak but then she turned away and abruptly left my house. I knew I'd never really be able to understand how other people thought, but it was disturbing to me that people I knew and liked should be hurt or angry over my failure to anticipate their reactions. I reluctantly resigned myself to resuming an isolated life. In some ways, my life had been better when I had no one else in it. OK, not better, but certainly simpler and not at all complicated.

I went to bed again a little early and fell into a very light sleep. I had dreams, but they were too vague to stick out clearly in my morning memory. I got the impression they might have been sad though, since my pillow was very damp when I awoke.

The next week went by quickly with me not seeking my neighbors out and them not coming over to see me. My life was back in that moderately tolerable rut that I'd once accepted as normal. I was prepared to settle for this life now, but I could no longer delude myself into believing that it was all I wanted. On Saturday morning I had just finished cleaning the upstairs and was working on my kitchen floor when I heard someone knocking on my door. I paused for a few seconds trying to decide whether opening the door was a good idea or not. I guess I decided not, since I resumed my mopping and ignored the three subsequent knocking attempts that followed. Whoever it was finally gave up and I spent the rest of Saturday and all of Sunday sitting on my sofa watching television with the sound turned low. On Monday morning I left my house an hour earlier than normal, hoping to avoid running into anyone that was familiar with my work schedule. On the way home I stopped at a movie theater and killed a couple hours watching a comedy. When I got home, I went straight to bed.