Chapter 82

"You talked to Daddy? I don't understand."

Mom got herself a glass, sat down and poured herself some punch. She leaned over the table and took Jill's hand.

"Your father called earlier today. He told me that he and Wanda were trying to figure out what to do. He said they both trust my opinion and wanted to talk to me."

"But... four hours?"

"They both had a lot to say. Your father is almost sick that he hurt you. So is Wanda."

I saw that flash come across Jill's face when Mom mentioned Wanda. She made an effort and pulled herself together.

"OK. What did they have to say?"

Mom looked at Mary and Sara. They both tried to make themselves invisible so that Mom wouldn't realize they were there. It didn't work.

"Do you want to go into this with these two here?"

"You might as well. They already know what's going on and they'll find out about it later, anyway."

"OK. Your father called me up this afternoon. He asked me to go over and talk to him. He said it was killing him that you were upset and that he wanted to talk things over.

"I got there and he let me in and I followed him out back. He'd been in the middle of feeding Bozo when I got there. He's been taking care of him since you left. He even made me wait while he cleaned up after him.

"We were just ready to start talking when he got an emergency call. I went with him to his office where he met one of his patients. Your father is really a dedicated doctor, you know."

"I know that. I want to know what you talked about."

Mom looked at Jill. "You need to show a little patience, my dear. With me and with your father."

"I'm sorry."

"We finally got back to your house and got to talk. He told me pretty much what he told you. How he thought there was a chance something would happen with me, how he realized he was hurting himself by not having anything to do with women since your mother left. He said when it finally hit him that he and I weren't going to be together, he felt lonely. He knew he had to have someone. He said it was like a big hole inside him.

"He also said he realized that you weren't going to be there to fill that hole for him anymore. Not that it's wrong, but you've been a big part of his life. And he didn't know if he could handle being alone. He said there are times that he feels he's already lost you. He wasn't ready for you to grow up yet."

"But I'm ready."

"I know that. And so does he. You've got to realize something, Jill. Parents always think of their children as their babies. When they start going to school, when they fall in love, when they start to drive, when they go away to school or get married; these things always catch parents by surprise. Of course they know these things are going to happen, but when they do, most parents aren't ready for it. And when you're the only parent and the main thing you live for is your child, it's even worse."

"Wanda came over and the three of us went out to eat. I got a chance to see the two of them together. She really cares about your father. No, I take that back. She really loves your father. It's interesting to watch her when they're together. This was one of the first times she could be with him and not pretend.

"She's felt close to your father for about a year. She always felt comfortable with him. He was one adult it was always easy for her to talk with. You know she had a bunch of guys take advantage of her at school. She started talking to your father because she felt safe. She also felt that you were a good friend. She felt very close to you."

"Well, I did with her, too."

"Yes, I'm sure you did. But then Jack came along. All of a sudden, you were spending all the time you normally spent with her with him. She could either just be by herself or she could spend time with your father. Which worked out, because you weren't there for him, either.

"Wanda realized she was starting to get feelings for your father that were more than feelings for the parent of a friend. And then I came along and ruined everything. From her viewpoint, I was the only thing your father was interested in. She still talked to him, but he either seemed distant or he would ask her for advice on how to get me to get closer or ask why she thought I acted the way I did or something of that nature. Of course, since she cared for him, she tried her best to give him honest answers, but it bugged the hell out of her that she was trying to make it easier for me to take him away from her.

"On the way over to Charlie's house that day, John told her that he realized he had no chance with me. He told her how lonely he was and that he was going to have to look for somebody else. She told herself she was going to let him know how she felt. You've got to realize something. Up till now, she had strong feelings for him but she held them inside. She was afraid of what he would say and she was afraid of upsetting you.

"So, she was in talking with Charlie's parents, ready to tell him how she felt as soon as they got back to your house and he and Charlie took off without her. She said she felt as if the world was conspiring against her. When John came back for her, she hugged him and took his hand and figured she could tell him on the way back to your house. And then she saw that I was in the car. Another thing keeping her from being with your father.

"She told you about the drive-in. She said she didn't want to go because she knew she would feel out of place being the only single person with three couples, figuring she'd give your father a call and talk to him while you were out. She was trying to figure out what to say over the phone when she saw you go by on the way to Charlie's house. She decided it was something she really needed to talk to him in person about and went over to your house, hoping your father hadn't gone out. She swears she just went over to your house to talk. And I believe her.

"She got there and they sat down on the couch. She told him how she felt and pretty much what I've just told you. Your father says he realized that Wanda was someone he cared for, someone he got along with and that she loved him. It was like a gift had been given to him. After trying everything he could think of to get close to me and being turned away all the time, it was a relief to have someone there he could be with who wanted to be with him.

"He initiated the first kiss. She didn't fight him, in fact she overcame his hesitance with her enthusiasm. She finally had what she was going for and she wasn't going to lose it. Over the course of their conversation, your father had told her you weren't going to be home before 11:00. When he suggested the two of them go up to his room, she went with him eagerly. There was no seduction, there was no taking advantage, this was something the two of them wanted.

"You never crossed their minds. Both of them said that they knew they were going to have to talk to you about them soon. But they knew they'd be alone and out of bed long before you got home. If they had any idea that you would discover them, they never would have gotten off that couch. Not that they felt what they were doing was wrong. But they knew, somewhere in the back of their minds, you would need to be brought up to the point where you could accept the two of them together.

"When Wanda saw the two of you at the door to the bedroom, she says she knew God was out to get her. She says she felt like her whole life was slipping away. She'd finally found somebody she sincerely loved, she felt like the princess in a fairy tale and it was all yanked away from her. And her Prince Charming ran from her as soon as you showed up. She felt like he was willing to throw it all away when you came home early. When she left that night, she knew she'd had love in the palm of her hand and lost it.

"Your father went from having something he'd been missing since your mother left to feeling guilty within a split second. And he told me when you wouldn't listen to him in the hallway, he knew he was never going to be happy and he blamed you for it. His instincts as a parent took over and he buried that blame, but it was real. He feels guilty for it and doesn't know if he'll ever forgive himself for feeling that way.

"He was devastated when you wouldn't let him talk that night. He tried to come out to the car but Jack made it evident he wasn't welcome. He said one good thing about it is he knew that Jack would watch after you so he didn't have to worry that you'd do something stupid."

"What do you mean, stupid?"

"Oh, go out and get drunk, try to kill yourself, have sex in retaliation. Something like that."

"Oh."

"He tried to pick up the pieces Monday. When you started making crude remarks about someone he loved, he lost it. That's when he got up and left. He told me what you said and it was pretty cruel, Jill."