Chapter 56

"How can you say that to me? That's cruel."

"I think it would be more cruel not to say anything to you."

"What do you mean?"

I moved over to give her room. "Sit down, Sara."

She made John and Mom move over so there was a table between us. She looked pissed off. John looked at me with a smile on his face as he made room for her.

"Sara, a big part of this is my fault because I didn't say something sooner. I was mad almost as soon as we got back from the hospital and have been holding it in as each thing piled on everything else."

"What happened when I you got back from the hospital?"

I looked over at Mom. "My mother gave my room away."

She leaned forward, obviously ready to object. John put his hand on her forearm and eased her back into the seat.

"But that was your mother. And you know you could always sleep in your bed with me if you wanted."

"You're right. Mom said you could sleep there until we made more permanent arrangements. And before I knew it, I was permanently on the couch, acting as a guest any time I needed things out of my own room. But before we go on, you said something else. You said I could have shared the bed with you. We need to get this out in the open once and for all. And if you don't finally get this, one of us will be moving out.

"There is no way we could have shared a bed. I am in love with Jill. I know it sounds square and old fashioned, but that means I'm not interested in anybody else. I have no doubt if I made my way into your bed that you'd do everything in your power to make me welcome. But I don't want to be in your bed or anybody else's but Jill's. I don't want you to tease me, make sexual comments to me or anything else designed to mess up my relationship with Jill or attract me to you or anybody else. I realize now that Jill was right to be concerned. Not jealous, but concerned. Because, even after you admitted you couldn't handle a relationship right now, you were still playing your little 'manipulate Jack' games. And don't tell me how innocent you were, having me strip you practically naked and kissing me before you went to bed. I should have let you have it right then instead of protesting and still letting you play me like a violin."

She had tears flowing down her cheeks. "I'm sorry. I just wanted some attention."

"I know that, Sara. I know how much you've been hurting, how desperate you are for any kind of affection. Why do you think I let you get away with it? But it's not fair for you to tempt me like that, Sara. I can only put up with so much. And I don't want to screw up the best thing that's ever happened in my life."

John was smiling at me and glanced up at the doorway. I heard a squeal and the next thing I knew I had a squirming Jill sitting in the space I'd vacated for Sara, her arms wrapped around mine and her cheek pressed up against it.

Sara looked at the two of us. "Jill, I'm sorry. I was just... I was just so starved for attention, I didn't even think."

"I'm not going to tell you it's OK. It's not. But I do forgive you. Jack has made it very clear to me that he's your friend and he's going to remain your friend as long as you'll let him. I'd like to become friends with you, too. I know we've gotten off to a bad start, but if you're willing to leave the loving to me, I'm willing to work at becoming friends."

"I'd like that. Jack, I'm sorry. I went overboard. You're the first person I've felt safe with in a long time. I mean, I'm fine with your mom and Mary, but you're the first guy I could be with and not wonder when he was going to blow up and hit me. I was like someone lost in the desert who comes up on a water fountain. I drank, and drank and drank, not thinking about anything but my thirst."

"I know. And I didn't say anything because I knew how thirsty you were. But dammit, Sara, you're too attractive to me to keep pulling that shit."

She reddened a bit and smiled. "So what about the bedroom?"

"Well, the first thing about the bedroom is that all my stuff is in there. And I don't like having to knock on my own bedroom door when I want to change clothes. I haven't been able to use my computer since you moved in because you're always in there."