Chapter 46

With apologies to Erich Segal
Love means never having to say you're sorry
Love Story

Well, that was that. If only I could get Jill to listen to me. If only I could get her to believe me. If only. If only. If only.

I'd told her the previous day that I would never stop her if she chose to leave me. You don't keep a dove caged up. Somehow I didn't think I was going to have to make good on my promise so soon when I made it.

I was going to miss her. I knew that. Such a short time, but we felt so right for each other. I was alone when I found her, I could stand to be alone again. I wouldn't enjoy it now that I'd tasted the magic, but I could stand it. Hell, I had a girl sleeping in my own bed who made it pretty clear how she felt about me. Not that I was ready to jump into something right away. And Sara needed to go through some healing before she'd be ready for a committed relationship. Or it would end up just like the one with Chris.

Which reminded me. I needed to talk with Chris. He deserved to know that Sara didn't ditch him because of him. No. He deserved to know, but it wasn't my place to tell him. Maybe I could convince her to talk with him. He did deserve to know. And she could use all the support she could get.

I realized I hadn't talked to Jeff since he came out of the closet. He kind of disappeared when Jill and I started going together. We had some unfinished business. There was no reason we couldn't be friends. I knew he felt weird because he used to talk about fags to me and the rest all the time. You do what you've got to do to survive.

I looked down and saw Dino sitting next to me. Just sitting there, being there for me. I leaned down and scratched him behind the ears. The tail started thumping. Good old Dino.

I went in my room and lay down on the bed. A couple of minutes later there was a knock on the door.

"Come in."

It was Sara. "Oh, shit. I didn't even think. I'm so used to coming in here."

"Take it easy, Jack. It's OK." She came over and sat on the bed. What are you going to do about it?"

"About what?"

"Global warming, you jackass. What are you going to do about Jill?"

"Nothing."

"Good move, Einstein. Nothing. Did you come up with that strategy all by yourself?"

"No. I mean yes. I made a promise to her. I told her that if she ever felt she had to leave me I wouldn't come after her. I wasn't going to force her to love me."

She took two fingers and pretended to stick them down her throat. "Give me a break. I bet you think Love means never having to say you're sorry."

"Huh?"

"It's a line from some dorky book on our reading list in English. Why don't you just act like a man and fight for her?"

"I told you. I gave her my word."

"Well, I didn't."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I didn't promise Jill anything. You love her too much to let her disappear over something as stupid as her jealousy. If you were fucking me, I could see it. But you cringe when I go to kiss you goodnight. And she may be an ass, but she loves you too much to throw you away over a stupid misunderstanding. You may not want to rock the boat but I'm not going to sit here and watch the two of you destroy your happiness because of me.

"She said to go over and get your jacket, right?"

"Yeah."

"OK. She wants me to be your girl. Take me over there when your mom comes home with the car and you can wait for me while I go up to her door to get it."

"What are you going to do, Sara?"

"Show her how stupid she is. How childish. And I hope, convince her how much the two of you belong together."

"I thought you had a thing for me."

"A thing, huh? No, Jack. I don't have a thing for you. I like you a lot. You're a good friend. That's why I crawled over here when I was hurt. Because I can count on you. Shit, you sleep on a lumpy couch for me. When you could come in here and have my body. See? Right there? That look on your face when I said you could have my body? You are so much fun to tease, Jack. I know it's not nice, but I could do it forever. That's why I get that goofy smile, as you call it. I know just how to make you turn red. Whenever I want."

"OK. I'll borrow the car and take you over there."

"Good."

"There's something else I want to talk to you about."

"Shoot."

"Chris."

"What about Chris?"

"I think you should tell him what happened. Why you couldn't stay with him."

"I don't want Chris back, Jackie. I like him but I don't want anybody right now. I can handle you because you're safe. You're a good friend. But I can't get close to someone romantically. Maybe someday, but not now. My experience of marriage is what I see at my house."

"Sara, you can't believe that's the way marriage is. You know better than that. Your father is a bully, plain and simple. He's too weak to pick on someone his own size. And your mother has convinced herself that she'll be safe as long as she kisses up to him and doesn't rock the boat. And any time he loses it, she convinces herself it was her fault or whoever he bullied. That's not normal. That's not rational. That's not sane."