Chapter 34

I must have fallen asleep without setting the alarm. Mom was leaning over me, shaking my shoulder.

I woke up immediately, sitting straight up, forcing her to step back. The last time she woke me like this was the night Mary had been raped.

"Sshhh. Sshhh. It's OK, Jackie."

My eyes came into focus and it hit me it was daytime. "Mom?"

"Honey, you overslept. You need to get up."

My eyes shot over at the alarm clock. Thank God, only 10 minutes late.

"I guess I forgot to set the alarm."

"I know, Baby. Mary told me about it."

"Mary? But how... ?"

"Sshhh. Use the bathroom and get dressed. We'll talk while you're eating breakfast."

"I don't think I'll have time. Maybe I can grab something to eat on the way."

"This is important, Jackie. I'll drive you to school."

Mom was just putting scrambled eggs on a plate on the table when I walked in. She added some bacon as I sat down.

"You eat and I'll get dressed real quick. We'll talk in the car."

We should do this more often. The eggs were a lot better than cereal.

A few minutes later we pulled out of the driveway.

"So, Mom. What did you want to talk to me about?"

"Mary heard you crying last night, Jackie. It really bothered her."

"Did she know she was the reason I was crying?"

"Of course she did, Jackie. Just settle down for a minute and listen."

I crossed my arms under my chest. I didn't really feel like whatever lecture I was going to get.

"She was waiting in the living room for me when I got home last night. Do you have any idea how hard that was for her to do?"

"I guess."

"Jackie, she hasn't come out of her room alone except to go to the bathroom. And she's really had to struggle just to do that. For her to leave the safety of her room to wait for me by herself took a lot of courage."

"OK."

"She hurts, Jackie. She was crying on my shoulder last night because she hurt you."

"Then why does she keep shoving me away?"

"It's not that simple. Her body actually hurts if you or any other male gets too close to her. Those few times when she started crying, she told me she was ready to throw up if you hadn't left. Not that she wanted to throw up but that her body would do it because you were so close to her.

"She doesn't like it, Jackie. She's not doing it because she wants to. It's a survival thing for her. She can see what she's doing and she hates to do it but she can't help it. She wants nothing more than to hug you and let you try to make it better. But right now, she can't."

"So what am I supposed to do?"

"Understand her. Don't feel sorry for her. Go ahead and be mad at the beasts who did this to her. Take care of her like you did last night with dinner. But don't take it out on her if she can't be there for you. She tries to be each day. She can't just yet. I'm not saying not to have feelings for her and not to be hurt. But try to keep from showing her how much it hurts. It is just going to make it that much tougher on Mary. And I think that's the last thing you want to do to her."

"It is, Mom. You know that."

"Yes, I do, Jackie. I love you. I know you love Mary. You've just got to give her some time and let her grow into this. And know that she loves you more than anything in this world."

I felt less sorry for myself than I had for weeks as I walked toward History.

"Hey, stranger."

Her voice caught me off guard. "Hi, Sara."

"How's Mary?"

"Not good. She's OK physically but she's still hurting inside. She can't let any men near her. It hurts that I can't hold her and make it better."

"Just give her time, Jack."

"That's what they all tell me. It's tough."

"I'm sure it is. You two were close."

"Yeah, we were. So, what's up with you? Not afraid of my big mean girlfriend anymore?"

"Nope. You're a good guy, Jack. If she has a problem with us being friends, she can come to me about it."

"Wow. That's quite a change. I appreciate it. I can use any friends I can get."

"Me too, Jack. Me too."

"So, how are things going with you and Chris?"

"Chris is a good friend, Jack."

"Really? I thought it was more than that."

"We thought it could be. We're too different. There are times I need my own space and Chris was a little too 'clingy' once we got to know each other."

"Sara, you're not coming on to me, are you?"

She laughed. "No, Jack, I'm not. But it's nice of you to ask." She leaned over and kissed me on the cheek, wrapping her arms around my arm just as Jill does.

"Mrs. Robinson, I think you're trying to seduce me."

She looked at me as if I was from another planet. She obviously didn't know what I was talking about.

"It's from a movie called 'The Graduate.' An older woman puts the moves on a young kid. He calls her on it and she denies it."

"Well, rest assured, I'm not trying to seduce you. But I do want to be your friend."

"I'd like that, Sara."

The bell rang and that was it. We went into History and got in our seats. Sara had a Mona Lisa smile on her lips. Like something was up.

One good thing about my encounter with Sara is that I felt more there. I realized I'd been stuck in the hospital waiting room for the last two and a half weeks.