Chapter 26

After everyone had been lying around for a while, John told me to start up the grill. He had thrown plenty of paper in while Mom was giving him the evil eye. I got the bag of charcoal and made a pile the way he showed me the last time, found the lighter and lit the newspaper. Soon the bottom of the charcoal was all lit.

I got the pitcher of lemonade and went around topping off everyone's glasses. I asked John if there was more inside; Jill informed me there was. By the time I got back with it, the lovebirds had made it out of the pool. They were sat on a bench at one of the tables. They looked like they were glued together. I handed them both glasses of lemonade and they both thanked me.

Yes, they were talking. And observing things other than each other's eyes. I heard Charlie tell Mary that he was on the track team.

After the charcoal had been going for about ten minutes, the old John came back.

"Jillian, get that flea bitten animal off your belly, take Wanda and Mary in with you and bring the food and plates out here."

"Yes, Daddy. And he's not flea bitten."

They were out shortly with a box that had four dozen frozen hamburger patties, a couple of family size bags of hamburger rolls, ketchup, relish, mustard, a plate with sliced tomatoes and onions, a jar of pickle slices, Mom's potato salad and a huge bowl of tossed green salad chock full of tomatoes. Plus a stack of heavy stock paper plates and bowls.

"What's that crap? I want china, not that paper garbage."

"They'll be fine for us, Daddy. You know where the kitchen is if you want something else."

"The stuff I have to put up with around here."

"Yes, Daddy."

She was testing the food on the puppy. He didn't seem to like pickles, onions, salad or tomatoes. She offered him a slice of potato from the salad and he licked it but didn't take the potato.

"Jill? Has he had any water to drink since he's been here?"

"Oh, God. I didn't even think about it."

We got paper. He got crystal. Swear to God, she went in the kitchen and filled a crystal bowl with water. I bet it held close to a gallon. And he drank almost half of it.

"You need to take him to wherever you want him to go to the bathroom. Get him used to it and praise him when he goes or you'll be cleaning shit off the carpet for the rest of your life."

"I thought I'd just let him go outside."

"Jill, you need to come up with a place. That way it will all be together and you won't have to search for it. And the mailman won't have to watch where he steps every time he comes to the door."

She took him over on the side of the house and came back a few minutes later, carrying him in her arms and telling him what a wonderful boy he was.

Wanda said, "Have you thought about a name for him or are you going to keep calling him Boy?"

"I wanted to call him Jackie, but that would be too confusing."

"Bozo."

"Excuse me?"

"If you want to name him after my brother, call him Bozo."

"Oh, that's perfect, Mary. Come here, Bozo. Bozo. Here, Boy. Oh, look. He knows his name."

Just what I needed. Well, if she was going to call the dog Bozo, she probably wouldn't use the same name on me. Although I had no doubt she could find a pet name just as charming for me if she tried.

Bozo got VERY interested when I started cooking the hamburgers. His nose was almost straight up in the air, sniffing in all directions.

"Charlie, do me a favor. I need to watch the grill."

"What do you need?"

"Get the keys from my mother and get the dog food and the other dog stuff out of the trunk. If you're real nice, I bet you can get Mary to help." She stuck her tongue out as they left, looking like an extra appendage on his arm,

They came back in a couple of minutes. Charlie was lugging a 40 pound bag of IAMS puppy food and Mary had two matching dog bowls and a small shovel.

"Thanks, guys. Jill? You might as well feed him now before he fills up on crap. You need to decide it you're going to allow him to eat people food or just dog food. There are people who lean both ways."

"How do you feel about it, Jack?"

"I think he should get a balanced diet of dog food and should get some people food once in a while. I see nothing wrong with giving him a taste of hamburger after it's cooked. But like I said, put some good stuff in him first. People food's fine for dogs as long as it's done in moderation. Some people would tell me I'm cruel by subjecting a dog to something natural instead of being processed by Purina. Let's look at the worst case. Assume it does shorten a dog's life. I'd rather have a dog live ten years and be happy than twelve years and not be."

Charlie said, "You're assuming he won't be happy eating just dog food."

"Charlie, I've had dogs of my own. I know they like dog food. They really like hamburgers. And I've never felt guilty about giving a dog half a hamburger or letting him lick gravy off a plate. And like I said, it's Jill's call."

"I think I'll let him eat both. But you're right, Jack. He needs dog food first."

I held out the shovel. "And you'll need this for later."

She batted her eyes at me. "But I thought you'd come over and clean that up."

"No way. Your dog, your mess. You could always train him to use the toilet."

"Really?"

"Yeah, but he probably wouldn't flush."

She looked puzzled, then turned red when Wanda cracked up. "Oh, you think you're so smart. I'll get you for that, Jackie."

By this time the burgers were ready. There was an empty platter on the table and I started putting burgers on it.

"OK, guys. It's ready. Get your burgers while they're hot."

Everyone got plates and started loading up and constructing the perfect hamburger. Wanda took off and came back a minute later with some plastic forks and some regular serving forks and a large spoon for the potato salad. We all moved to the table Mary and Charlie were sitting at. They were still glued together.