Chapter 10

Mom was on the phone in the living room when I got home. I looked at the grandfather clock and saw that I was ten minutes late. She just smiled and held out her hand for her keys. I gave them to her and started to walk away. She put the keys on the table in front of her and snapped her fingers, then held her hand out again, making a "gimme" motion with her fingers. I couldn't figure it out, then it dawned on me and I got the twenty I took for ice cream and gave it to her.

"I haven't been out in the sun for quite a while. Are you sure you'll be able to stand the glare of my white body? -- OK. -- Alright then, I'll see you next Sunday. -- You, too. -- Goodbye."

She hung up the phone and smiled at me. "It sounds like you achieved your objective."

"Yeah. Sorry I'm late. The time just got away from us."

"It's OK. Just don't make a habit of it. Jill called to make sure you didn't get in trouble. She's a nice girl, Jack. Watch your step with her. It would be a shame to lose her."

"Did she have anything to say about me?"

"Let's see. You're a pompous ass who thinks way too much of himself. You have a lot of good qualities but you're afraid to let other people see them. You are a good kisser when you are not being an idiot about something minor. And you're the nicest, most caring, most frustrating guy she's ever met."

"Yeah, I love her too."

We both laughed.

"She also said I failed you as a mother."

"Now wait a minute. I never said that."

"No, she said you didn't. You took complete responsibility for not wanting to bother me. Jackie, do you think it bothers me to help out my child when he's in trouble or just needs a parent? Do you think that little of me as a mother?"

"Mom... I..."

"Jackie, I work as a nurse to pay for this house, buy food, pay for an old car, gas and insurance. But my job is being a mother to you and Mary. It hurts to have somebody who's only known you for 48 hours tell me that you've been hurting and were afraid to bother me by coming to me. I haven't been doing my job. How could you even think I didn't care for you?"

"Mom, I never thought you didn't care for us. That's why you work such long hours and are tired all the time. Part of my job is to make things as easy as I can and not bother you with a bunch of crap."

"It isn't crap when you're growing up and need help or guidance or even someone to talk to about what's been happening in your life. Jill told me you wouldn't discuss your school with her earlier today. That's where you spend almost a third of your life nine months a year. You talk about waiting till you know each other before you have sex and then you deliberately won't tell her about a major part of your life? Do you really think you're so worthless that people would think what you are, what you feel, what you fear, what you're confused about aren't important?"

"I don't know what to say, Mom. I guess I do. I almost feel it's an imposition to worry you or take up your time. And that other people wouldn't be interested in what I do."

"Oh, Jack. You're so wrong. You need to let other people into your life or you're going to be a miserable, lonely man. Jill got pushed into you and knocked you down. You got hurt as a result. She felt responsible and sorry for you. She told me that lasted about a minute and a half until she started to feel something else. She felt you. That goodness, that caring, that wonder you try so hard to hide from others. When you told her to go back to stroking your hair she got excited. Do you understand what I'm saying? Her nipples got hard and her vagina started lubricating. We're designed so those things happen just before sex. It usually takes petting or at least heavy kissing to make that happen in a woman. But every once in a while, a woman meets a man she is so attuned to that just holding him or even talking to him can make those things happen in her. When you acted like you were going to get rid of her because you thought she was 15, she panicked. She thought she had to seduce you to make you interested. She was ready to take you in the changing room this afternoon and let you do anything up to and including have sex with her. Not because she thought she had to hold on to you but because her body was demanding her to. And you tell her you're not interested until you both know each other and then clam up about yourself. It's not right, Jack. You either need to dump her or get to know her and let her know you. You're not being fair to her."