Chapter 18

First thing in the morning the entire household was awakened to knocking on the front door. Harry rolled out of bed, threw on a pair of pants and answered the door. It turned out that he and Eddy were parked in the driveway and had to move so machinery could get into the back yard.

"Gawddamn motherfuckin' workmen couldn't wait till 10 o'clock like any normal slackin' off cocksuckers, no, their asses had to be here before 8 gawddamn AM in the fuckin' morning."

"Eddy, I guess I better fix you some coffee before you go eat some of the workmen and I have to pay you to put in the pool and renovate our bathroom," Harry said.

"Fuckin' A, buddy," Eddy said, heading for the guest bath. As he relieved himself, Theresa came in and began washing her face. "Theresa, start thinking where you want me to take you for breakfast."

"Yes, Edward." She turned and smiled at him, her face covered in soap suds. "And then you'll show me our new place?"

"Yes, precious one, and then I'll show you our new place."

In the kitchen Harry watched out the window as the crews and equipment began working. Both sides of the coffee-maker were going and the divine smell was already wafting through the house. He had to go in to the office, even though Mondays were one of his new days off on the reduced schedule. For the schedule to work, they needed an Executive Director and interviewing of applicants was beginning that day.

In the bedroom, Margo looked at her suits as she decided what to wear. Her day was going to be spent looking for a family practice clinic that would take her on, as well as a cosmetic surgery practice that would let her work out of their offices one day a week. She knew neither would be too hard to find; the number of doctors willing to go into family practice was dwindling and her reputation as a cosmetic surgeon would make her welcome almost anywhere.

"Will Madam require help in dressing?" Carol asked.

Margo turned and kissed her pet. "No, beautiful, no help dressing... but I am spending the day with my professional peers so I'm thinking that when I get home tonight I'll probably need a screaming orgasm or two and several stiff drinks. Think my wonderful husband could help me out with those?"

"Margo," Carol said, smiling, "if he's too tired to take care of you I certainly will... but I can't imagine him ever being too tired to make love to you."

Carol grabbed a t-shirt and shorts from her closet and dressed. She faced the day with something of a sense of dread. She was planning on examining her bequest from Tony and knew that bittersweet.memories would haunt her though the whole process. For him to leave her his music... it was a very special thing he'd done. By the end of the day she was pretty sure she'd need a few stiff drinks herself.

Upstairs Kelly woke up hearing the pounding on the door to find Jessica next to her. That was enough to make her rude awakening worth it.

"Hello, beautiful"

"Good morning, my sweet, sexy Jess. You look good enough to eat."

"Can it wait till I pee first?"

"Hmmm, maybe, if you hurry... otherwise you'll just to have to hold it."

"I'll hurry," Jess said, giggling as she scampered off to the bathroom.

Kelly thought about her day. She worked from 10 till 5. She'd probably have Jess come along when she went in and apply. She didn't think there'd be a problem, especially if she put in a good word with Mrs. Cao. She'd been driving for them for two years, the most senior driver in a stable whose members rarely lasted more than three months. She and the Cao's were, well, not friends, but they were certainly friendly.

By the time Jess got back, two things had distracted Kelly's desire... her need to hit the bathroom herself and the aroma of coffee coming up from downstairs. She was saved from having to admit the embarrassing truth by Jess.

"Kelly, it's not that I don't want your head between my legs, but that coffee just smells too good to wait for."

She smiled at Jess. "I was just thinking the same thing, lover. Let's talk more about sex after some caffeine."

In the kitchen Harry had been joined by Eddy and Tamara. She had barely started on her first cup while Eddy was already pouring his second.

A naked Kelly came barreling down the stairs. "Harry, unless you want me to turn my attack-trained girlfriend loose on your nuts there better be enough coffee there for me."

She spun into the kitchen, saw the second pot, untouched, as Harry started another brew cycle for the first pot.

"God love you, Harry, you are a wise, compassionate and very handsome man," she said, giving him a kiss on the cheek. "Good morning Sasquatch, Miss Tamara, how are you today?"

Tammy smiled, "Fine, thank you."

Eddy growled, "You come down here naked and bellowin' for coffee, talkin' to me like you're Karen Jr., callin' me 'Sasquatch'... why the hell don't I pick you up and throw you out back, let them workmen take care of you?"

"First off, you hairy nightmare of the gene pool, because I'd fuck them all into submission. Second, I'd tell them there was a big ol' boy in here who said if he couldn't whup all their asses at once, he'd pay 'em each a thousand dollars."

"You are an evil, evil woman, Kelly, and if I weren't so fond of you, I might have to have you killed."

"You're too chickenshit to do it yourself, Eddy?"

"Hello Kelly, I sit in the 'crazy, not stupid' section."

The kitchen broke out in laughter. Harry said, "This round to Kelly."

Kelly sat down next to Tamara and kissed her on the cheek. "You are looking so much better than you did a couple of nights ago. It's hard for me to believe that a few regular meals could make this much difference."

Tamara cut her eyes up to Eddy. "Well, that's not all that made the difference."

Kelly winked at her. "I know, but don't tell him that or he'll be impossible to live with. He'll start thinking he's in charge and shit."

Carol came in. "Harry, please tell me you love me enough..."

He pointed to the second pot. She squealed and ran to give him a big hug and kiss.

"Anything you want, Harry, anything, you just name it," she said.

Harry gave her a long hug and a kiss in return. "I have everything I want, precious," he said.

Jess had been upstairs, worrying about to what to wear. Last night, tired and horny and stoned, a towel or naked had been okay, but things were different in the light of day. Finally she'd decided on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt and headed down, hoping against hope that there was coffee left.

She walked into the kitchen. "Harry, please tell me-"

Raising his voice Harry said, "Alright, time for an announcement!" Turning to face the assembled crowd, he continued. "I am in a house with six women, any one of whom could fuck and/or beat me to death, Tamara included. The only other male in the house is a great hulking bear of a man who would ass-rape the Pope while ripping the raw flesh off live children with his teeth if that's what it took to get coffee. I love you all, and I love me in one piece. Worry not, there will always be coffee and if you should, by some freak of timing, come in when there's not a pot ready, I know exactly how long the procedure takes. From start to finish, dry pot to full steaming pot, four minutes twenty-three seconds," he said, grinning at them.

Everyone looked at him, slightly stunned. Then Jess said, "Harry, have you considered switching to decaf? You seem a little testy."

In the bedroom Margo heard the laughter, loud and prolonged, from the kitchen and wondered what she was missing.

By the time she'd finished dressing and made it to the kitchen, the smell of breakfast tacos were filling the house. As she stepped through the door Eddy turned to her.

"Whatever the fuck you do, don't ask if there's any coffee... Harry's liable to go berserk and start humpin' the teakettle."

"Well, is there-"

"YES!" the room answered in unison.

She went to the coffee pot and poured herself a cup. "Well, since we're all together, I have a surprise I've been saving. I think Benjie tried to take a drive in his Diablo. I've got voice mail from him... haven't listened to it yet, figured it might be good for a laugh."

While Harry finished making breakfast for everyone, the story of the Diablo and the bed was relayed to those who didn't know it.

"Y'know Margo, you're just a gawddamn evil bitch... if I didn't have Tamara, I could fall in love with a woman like you."

As everyone gathered around the table and ate she played the message Benjamin had left.

"Very funny, Margo... the Diablo model kit was a particularly nice touch. I hope you're enjoying your new bed, you fucking bitch." The voice on the message was calm... hateful, but calm.

"That was most unusual," Margo said. "I expected incoherent screaming and death threats."

Eddy looked troubled. "Yeah, that's what I was expecting too. You say that's unusual for Benjamin?"

"Yeah, when he gets upset everybody knows about it. Small screaming man making everybody's, and I do mean everybody's life a living hell."

"Is Benjamin a violent man?" Eddy asked, as he stared off into space.

"No, he'd threaten and bully, but he was too scared to really do anything. Benjamin is a small and ineffectual man in a world of people who can kick the shit out of him. I've never worried about Benjamin doing anything physical."

"I'll be right back," Eddy said as he headed for the front door.

Harry walked to the bedroom to dress for work and Carol followed him in.

"Sir, from now on I'll make breakfast on work days."

"Why? I thought the breakfast tacos turned out well."

"Oh, they did, Harry, but as the lady of the house cooking is part of my job. You and Margo have work to worry about. If you want to get in there on days when you're not going in to the office I'll gladly let you, you're a damn fine cook. But please let me do it on days you have other things to worry about."

"Have I told you lately you're one of the two people I adore above all others?"

She hugged him again. "Not today, sir, and although I love hearing it, you don't have to. I know it. You demonstrate your love a thousand different ways, every day, without even thinking about it."

"Well, I'm going to keep telling you... mmm... and if you don't stop rubbing your delectable body against me, I'm going to be late to work for a very good reason." He smiled and patting her on the butt, shooed her out of the bedroom as he returned to dressing.

After he was ready for work he went in the kitchen to get a last cup of coffee.

Eddy came in from outside and found Margo and Harry still in the kitchen.

"Margo, Harry, I need you to trust me."

"Of course Eddy, what?"

"Margo, when someone who might be considered a threat starts acting in a way contrary to their usual behavior, security people get nervous. It's a sign that they're no longer predictable and we like predictability. We like it a lot. Ninety-nine times out of a hundred, if a subject is behaving in a way consistent with their normal behavior patterns, there's absolutely nothing to worry about. That one out of a hundred, well, those are the ones that give us a nightmares. Do you know what we consider the threat likelihood of a subject behaving in an atypical manner?"

"No clue, Eddy."

"Seventy-five percent... a three out of four probability that the subject's going to do something we really don't want him to. Your soon-to-be-ex-husband is acting in an atypical manner and that worries me."

"Eddy, are you aware that when you speak in a professional capacity the quality of your use of the language improves dramatically?"

"Yes, Harry, yes I am. I'm not a retarded Neanderthal; I just play one during most of my life."

"Alright, so you view Benjamin as a threat. What do you want me to do?" Margo asked.

He handed her a small black object with metal prongs at one end. "This is a stun gun. Any time you leave the house and aren't in the car or in a building, I want it in your right hand. Make sure that the strap is around your wrist whenever you're carrying it. This model has a pin arrangement. Someone rips it out of your hand, the strap pulls a pin out of the bottom of the unit that disables it so they can't use it on you. If someone behaves in a threatening manner towards you, you jam the prong side into them and press here. Keep it triggered till he goes down. If you have more than one assailant, use this." He handed her a can labeled 'Mace Brand Triple Action Pepper Spray'. "This stuff is a mixture of pepper spray, tear gas and a UV marking agent. There's enough for thirty-eight one-second bursts and it's got an 8 foot range. Whenever you're out in public, I want the stun gun in your right hand and your left hand in your pocket next to this can." He handed her a whistle on a chain. "Wear this around your neck at all times. When, and only when, you have your assailant or assailants down, put the whistle in your mouth and blow for all you're worth, while you're running away. Don't ever forget that last part. Find people, find a building, find a place to safely use your cell phone and call the police. Then call me. Then call Harry.

"Now Margo, honey, I want you to be very, very aware of your surrounding at all times. Don't be walking along, lost in thought. Don't get out your keys and prepare to get in your car until you're sure the area around you is secure. Tonight I'm going to have Perry and Bevy back over here for you to meet them. They'll be shadowing you until Harry and I feel that there's no longer a threat to you from Benjamin. Please try not to get too nervous and inadvertently mistake them for someone stalking you."

She laughed. "I'll try not to mace your boys, Eddy, but even with him acting, how did you put it, 'atypically', I don't think the little chickenshit will do anything. But I will certainly follow your instructions anyway... I'd hate to have to deal with you and my husband if I didn't and I was wrong."

"I'm going to be tailing you today. Sorry Theresa; we'll have to go by the new place tonight."

"That's fine, Edward. This is more important. I understand that completely and I agree with you. I'll stay here and catch up with Carol."

The week passed uneventfully for the household, in spite of Harry and Eddy's fears.

Eddy and Tamara were moved into their new apartment. True to her word, she had loved it and was happily making a home for her beloved owner. Their shopping trips had revealed that their tastes in furniture were remarkably similar: simple and functional.

Margo had found a family practice clinic that was more than happy to have her. Her Wednesdays were going to be spent at the third most prestigious cosmetic surgery practice in the state. Margo was going to hate Wednesdays, but the contacts she'd make would be worth it... she hoped.

Jessica had indeed been hired on at Lotus Hunan. As a new driver she got the shit shifts and Kelly, already working days Monday thru Wednesday, went ahead and gave up her Friday and Saturday night shifts for Thursday and Friday days so they could work the same hours.

With help from Jess and Kelly when they were available, most of Carol had spent most of her week shifting their room into the old office, the old office into the downstairs guest room, and Tony's gift to her into Harry's old bedroom where Kelly and Jess had been. She'd been studiously ignoring his bequest otherwise, even the envelope with her name on it in his handwriting. She just wasn't ready to deal with it yet.

Harry and Karen's week had been one of frustration. It would require a special sort of person with a special sort of temperament to fit in at Grimes & Pinard. So far they were having absolutely no luck finding that person. Five days of interviews with some very qualified people had failed to find anyone who could handle the divine insanity that was G&P running at its best.

Friday night found everyone meeting at Micky & Miguel's, an Irish pub and Tex-Mex restaurant on Austin Blvd. Margo had done her best den mother impersonation and called ahead to reserve a room.

Margo felt sure she'd be first to arrive but when she was shown to the room she was greeted by Eddy and Tamara. The two of them were deep into some Micky's-style appetizers, soda bread and small bowls of lamb stew.

"Margo me darlin', come have a seat and start thinkin' about what you'll be wantin' to drink," Eddy said in a passable growl of an Irish accent.

"Sorry Eddy, I'm going south of the border tonight, not across the Atlantic," she replied, grabbing a seat.

Eddy looked sadly at Tamara. "What can I say? She's a heathen." He picked up his Guinness, Tamara picked up her Harp. "Fuck the English!" they said in unison and drank.

Margo marveled at the change in Tamara. Most people, presented with a photo of the woman taken one week before when she'd been almost carried into Chez Bubba's and one taken tonight wouldn't have believed they were the same person. The hollows in her face had filled out, her whole demeanor spoke of happiness and contentment, she moved with confidence. Her deference to Eddy and the leather collar and wrist cuffs she wore did nothing to diminish her air of self-assuredness. In fact, they seemed to be an integral part of her happiness with herself.

The waitress came in and Margo ordered an appetizer of quesadillas and two shots of Cuervo Especial and a Miguel's Martini as a chaser. The Miguel's Martini was a top shelf margarita of surpassing smoothness, worthy of its reputation as 'medicinal'.

"Eddy, is there any reason why Perry and Bevy can't join us for supper this evening?" Margo asked.

"I can certainly call and ask them." Eddy pulled out his cell and soon had Perry on the line.

After he hung up he said, "They'll be here in about a half hour. I had told them I was meeting you here, so they went off duty once you were safely inside. They were going to a showing of some film at the Alamo Drafthouse tonight, but the mention of me picking up the tab for supper changed their minds."

"That's lovely Eddy, but I'm picking up the tab and if you argue, I'm going to have Kelly do vile things to you."

"Okay, I'm not going to argue."

Harry arrived next, looking frazzled, with Carol in tow. He kissed his wife, very thoroughly.

"You look fried. What's wrong, my love?" Margo asked.

"This is nothing. I was much worse before I stopped by the house to grab our pet. The heavenly hand job our darling gave me while we were driving over has calmed me down considerably."

The waitress who had followed them in looked somewhat shocked at such conversation. Harry turned to her. "I need a plate of scones with butter, not clotted cream, a shot... no, make it two shots of Tullamore Dew with a Bass Ale, please."

Carol sat down next to Margo and scooted her chair close. "I'll have a platter of Miguel's Eggroll Burritos and a Miguel's Martini please." She hugged Margo and snuggled up close to her.

Harry sat down on Margo's other side. "This interviewing process is making us all crazier than shithouse rats at a broccoli festival. Everyone we've talked to has been more than qualified on the business end and nowhere near qualified on the personal end. The last person we interviewed today actually got offensive and belligerent about the way G&P operates. I thought Karen was going to deck her!"

"There, there, my darling. You and Sappho will work something out. I have faith in the two of you. Are she and Trish showing up this evening?"

"Oh yes, with bells on, according to what Trish told Karen. She evidently had such a wonderful time last weekend, she's been very anxious to get together with all of us again. I'm getting the feeling that in controlled circumstances Patricia is a bit of an exhibitionist. I was figuring on inviting everyone back to the house after supper."

"Works for me... Eddy, did you have any luck with that purchase I asked you to make?"

"Yes Margo, I got y'all more pot."

"You are a gift from God, Eddy. Isn't that right, Tamara?"

"Yes ma'am. He is indeed." The small woman leaned over and buried her face in Eddy's chest, breathing in deeply. "You are, Edward. Whether you ever want to believe it or not, you are." The big man leaned down and kissed her.

Next to arrive were Jess and Kelly, fresh off their weekday shift, smelling of sweat and Chinese food. "Good God Almighty," Kelly exclaimed, "I'd have thought it was a Saturday night as busy as we were today."

"Thank God tips were good or I might've had to hurt you badly for getting me this job," Jess said, sinking into a chair. "I'm so tired I could go to sleep sitting here."

"Well, with Harry and Margo's permission, after we get home tonight I'll oil you both down and give you massages before I send you to bed," Carol said.

Harry and Margo were fine with that plan. Jess and Kelly placed their order for an appetizer of El Grande Nachos and frozen margaritas. The two of them leaned against each other as they slumped in their chairs.

Karen and Patricia came in. "Harry, one of two things needs to happen real soon," Patricia said. "Either summer needs to end or you need to have your pool magically finished. I have a desperate need to cool off and swimming naked sounds like a perfect way to do it."

"Well, I think the odds of either happening anytime soon are rather slim but I'll see what I can do," Harry replied.

"DYKE!" roared Eddy. "Do you know that your low opinion of, and disrespectful behavior towards me has rubbed off on Kelly, turning her from a polite and well-mannered young lady into crude and boisterous shrew where I'm concerned?"

Karen looked at Kelly, a serious look on her face. "Is this true?"

"I'm afraid so, Karen," Kelly replied, her face a mask of somber reflection.

Karen broke out in a wide grin. "Fantastic, glad to have been able to help make Eddy's life a little more interesting! Oh, Eddy, by the way, your mother called, said you need to come home and give her a hand. Your daddy was diggin' an escape tunnel and burrowed straight into the septic tank. It's made a terrible mess."

"Yeah, I imagine it would, 'specially after your family showed up thinking that smell meant there was a barbeque happening. Speaking of your family, when are you gonna treat your mama right and get her a set of dentures? Poor woman don't have a tooth in her head. I mean, I don't mind, makes them blow jobs she gives me real good but I can't hardly stand to listen to her talk."

"That's funny, I can understand her just fine, even when she's talkin' about the pitiful size of your dick and laughin' so hard she can barely breathe. I think she just talks that way to watch the stupid, uncomprehending look on your face... no, wait, that can't be it, that's there all the time."

"Nah, it's not there all the time, just when I'm around you and your family. I keep tryin' to figger out if y'all's intellectual development is stunted because of inbreeding or is your family tree just a whole passel of stupid people? Inquiring minds want to know."

"Well at least my family isn't full of Sasquatch like yours is!"

"This round definitely goes to Eddy," Harry said.

Eddy came around the table and he and Karen went into three point stances. As they crashed together Perry and Bevy were shown in.

"Well hell Eddy," Perry said, "if'n we'd know we was comin' to a wrasslin' match we'd'a brought my cousin, Boudreaux. He's a tiny feller, only about six foot three, but he's three hundred 'n' fifty pounds o' pure mean swamp-water swillin', cousin-lovin', gator-fuckin' muscle. We coulda had us some fightin' then."

"What, you don't think I can take this oversized red-assed baboon?" Karen grunted as she fought to move the big man.

"Oh no ma'am, that's not it at all!" Perry replied. "I figger you're gonna whup Eddy's flabby ass in about another minute or so and then what we gonna do for entertainment?"

Eddy and Karen both broke out laughing and decided to call their physical show down a draw.

Karen sat down with her love and they agreed to split an order of bangers and boxty cakes while Karen ordered a Guinness and Trish a Black & Tan.

Perry and Bevy were introduced to the few they hadn't met yet and settled in to look at a menu.

"It appears," Eddy said, "that we're all doing appetizers and drinking some before ponderin' supper too seriously."

"Works for me," Perry said, "what about you, Bevy?"

Bevy nodded.

"Ma'am," Perry said, "I'd like the Chorizo Quesadillas with jalapenos and a Dos Equis. What do you want, Bevy?"

The young man pointed to two items on the menu.

"He'll have a rampaging yuppy wimp beer, I'm sorry; I mean a Corona, and an order of your Habanero Hell Nachos. Better bring two or three rampaging yuppy wimp beers."

The silent Bevy whapped him on the back of the head.

"so there were seven of us; me, Harry, Cathy Breeden, Margie Delgado, Tommy Sampson, Maggie Sampson and Tanya Svoboda, sprawled out in the back of Jeannie Sampson's truck in a big ol' pile, we're trippin' to the stars and back on peyote buttons, all of us naked as the day we were born because hey, it seemed the thing to do at the time. Jeannie was sitting on the side of the bed, playin' ground control when way down the road she sees a set of lights and it looks like a spotlight shining around. She figures it's Billy 'Beaner' Seidel, our county sheriff, patrolling the back roads on a Friday night as he was prone to do. Ol' Billy got his nickname by turnin' a blind eye to the illegals various businesses in the county had hired for a little contribution to the Billy Seidel retirement fund. Yeah, this was back in the days long before political correctness. Anyway, Jeannie starts to freak 'cause she knows there's no way she can talk her way out of a truck bed full of naked trippin' teen and tweenagers, 'specially seein' as she was thirty-eight at the time and two of 'em were her kids and I at least always strongly suspected one or two others of 'em were lovers of her's. Jeannie was a hippy that the sixties never quite ended for, ya see. So she tells us all to hold on, which sounded a lot more cosmic given the state we were in, and she jackrabbits off down the road.

"Now, it wasn't Billy behind us when she took off... but it sure as hell was Billy she went rip-assin' by doin' about fifty with me and Harry holdin' Tommy Sampson's hands as he stood in the back of the truck, pissin' over the tailgate. He'd said he had to go and nobody wanted him pissin' back there with us so we held on to him tight, he slowly got to his feet and just started sprayin' the road behind us. I think Jeannie was so intent on the road ahead she never even noticed.

"Billy did though.

"So now there's Billy, roarin' along behind us, playin' that gawddamn spot back and forth across the trees, the road, the truck, us... and in Jeannie's mirrors. Tommy decides to double flip ol' Billy off, so he jerks his hands out from ours and the only reason he didn't turn up a hood ornament for Billy was Margie. She'd gotten on her knees at the back to see what was going on and wrapped her big ol' arms around his fool ass and yanked him back down, both of 'em going backwards into the bed of the truck. Margie's head slams down on Cathy's belly and Cathy sprays out the piss we managed to avoid with Tommy."

"Let me get this straight, Eddy, 'cause this is one story Harry didn't tell me when I got back to school from Spring Break that year," Karen said. "You weren't sleeping with Jeannie, and I'll assume for the sake of argument it wasn't Tommy... you mention suspecting one or two others were lovers of hers... Harry?"

"Oh, no suspicion necessary," Harry replied. "If she hadn't moved to Oregon to join the Sheep's Ass Commune or whatever they called it, I'd still be happy to bed her... although I'd probably have to get the permission of my wife and my pet, if they hadn't crawled into bed with her while my back was turned. She had that whole 'Earth Mother' thing going and I've spent many happy hours 'becoming one' with her, as she put it. Plus she always had beaucoup mighty fine dope and was very generous with it... hell, we'd smoke during sex. I just wish my relationships with her, and with Cathy, hadn't waited until I was in college. I sure could've used the sex during high school"

"No shit," Eddy said, "who among us couldn't have?"

"So the other you suspect, Eddy, would be?" Karen asked.

"Tanya... she spent a lot of time out there, supposedly helping to finish out the upstairs of that A-frame, but I never saw much progress on that project. I just know that if I showed up while Tanya was out there I'd get the pleasure of watching Jeannie get dressed in a leisurely fashion and after some thumpin' and such, Tanya would appear, fully clothed, generally from the corner room where Jeannie slept."

"Harry, did you ever see evidence of Tanya having a relationship with Jeannie?" Eddy inquired.

"Well shit, it's all water under the bridge... hell yeah they were having a relationship. As much time as I spent out there, I never doubted it in the least... but Tanya wasn't into multiple partners... damn it... although Jeannie wouldn't have cared, and so if she showed up, I made myself scarce.