Chapter 9

"I've got to get home and get some sleep. I've gotta work tomorrow," Patti said.

"Call in sick."

"I can't do that! Those kids are depending on me! The place is shorthanded as it is! Staff members have to show up and do the job!"

"Then go to work sleepy," I said. "We're going hash this out, tonight. Right now."

We were both on the couch, but we weren't touching. I was way to the left, and Patti was way to the right. There was room for a whole 'nother couple between us -- if they were feeling a little more friendly than we were.

"Patti."

She had been crying -- a little -- but it looked as if she'd been crying for hours. She sniffed, twice, and then reached behind her for a Kleenex and blew her nose noisily.

"Patti!"

"Hmmmm?"

"What's going on?"

"I. I just... don't want to do anything else."

"That's crazy! When we hold each other -- when we kiss, I can tell that you're aroused by it. Do you deny it?"

"No." Her voice was small.

"Do you have some kind of religious hang-up about sex?"

"No." A little stronger, now.

"What, then?"

"I'm 20 years old," Patti said.

"OK. I knew that. So. You're 20 years old. Y'know, Patti, when my mother was 20 years old, she'd been married for a year and had already had a baby -- me!"

"I'm a virgin. I'm a 20-year-old virgin!"

I sighed with relief. Is that all that was going on here? "Patti, there's nothing wrong with that! Lots of girls your age are still virgins. Maybe they're in the minority, but it's not -- abnormal or anything!"

"Yeah, but. --I am abnormal!" she said, starting to cry all over again.

"Patti. C'mon, you know better than that! I'll bet you have girls in your dorm -- other girls on your softball team -- who are your age and who are still virgins! It's no biggie!"

"No, you don't understand, Bob. The reason I'm a virgin is because I'm not -- made right -- down there."

"There's something wrong with your -- your vagina?"

She didn't answer.

"What is it, Patti? For God's sake! We've gotta discuss this. If we're going to have a future together of any kind, we've got to talk about what's bothering you."

"I'm not made right -- down there."

"How?"

"I've got a -- a thing. I've got a big long thing. It's my clitoris, but it's not normal. It's really big!"

"Patti! Please! Lots of women have big clits. Hell, it's sexy! It's not abnormal at all!"

"It's ugly, and it's -- really big, almost like a -- a penis! And when you kiss me, when you get me excited, it gets... It gets hard -- like a penis -- and it gets even bigger!"

She was sobbing now, and it was getting difficult to understand what she was saying.

"Patti, Patti!" I moved across the couch and took her in my arms, holding her gently but making sure she couldn't escape my grasp. "It can't be that bad," I said.

"It is bad! It's awful!"

"Have you -- ever been examined, by a doctor?" I asked.

"Yes."

"What did the doctor say?"

"My mother took me to her gynecologist. This was when I was about 15."

"And what did he say?"

"It was a woman. She said it was 'unusually large, ' but that it wasn't anything to worry about."

"All right, then! So why do you worry about it?"

"It was easy for her to say! But it's really gross, Bobby! It's like I'm a... a hermaphrodite!"

"Well. Are you?"

"What?"

"Are you a hermaphrodite? I understand that real... ones are pretty rare."

"No, I'm not. Not -- you know -- genetically."

"Well then. --Did the doctor say you had a normal vagina, and ovaries, and all that other good stuff?"

"She said I was a 'normal girl'."

"And you can have babies, and all that other good stuff?"

"Well. She didn't say. I don't think she really knew; but she seemed to think everything was pretty much OK."