Chapter 14

My autopilot stopped when Warren and Sarah jumped out of the Porsche and joined the throng of students milling about at the edge of the drop-off area. I didn't have a job that I needed to be at, any appointments that I needed to get to, any interviews to prepare for, or any errands to run. I was free. I could go home, put my feet up on the coffee table, have a leisurely cup of coffee, and figure out what I wanted to do with the rest of the day. Or the week. Or the month. Or have Lisa run her fingers through my hair. Or... Lisa seemed to have adopted the djinni's mannerisms. She definitely had adopted the djinni giggle. I rubbed my chin. A short beard was as much work as shaving. A hot cup of coffee and Lisa? Or hot Lisa and a cold cup of coffee? Both alternatives seemed appealing. I had a destination. I put the Porsche back into gear.

I got home in time to capture the phone on the second ring. It was Audrey, the Human Resources Administrator for Susan's employer. We had chatted a few times when I had needed to straighten out Susan's health plan options. I didn't care what Susan did for herself, but I needed to ensure that the kids had coverage. This time it was about Susan.

"She hasn't called in for three days. Do you know where she is? Could you have her call us?"

I decided not to gloat. "I know where she was as of last Wednesday evening. I don't know where she is now. And there is no way that I can call her to have her call you. And based on where she was last Wednesday night, unless you're willing to take collect calls, there's no way that she can call you."

Audrey was confused. "Collect calls?"

"If she wants to call you, she'll have to make a collect call. It's the only way that she can call out."

"Uh, she's in jail?"

"You said it, I didn't want to."

"And she hasn't been bailed?"

"I'm not willing to sign for her. Beyond that, it's between her and the bondsmen."

"If you can get her a message, let her know that she has to call in by the end of business today, or we have to terminate her. Three days no call-in. Company policy."

"I'm not taking her collect calls, so I probably won't be able to get the message to her."

"I understand, given what you've been through. If we have to terminate, her medical will run through the end of the month. Make sure you get the kids taken care of. Have a nice day."

I found a pad and made some notes: there were a few details that needed to be handled. My kids needed to be moved from Susan's soon-to-be-terminated heath plan to mine, wherever that was. COBRA? The bank? I needed to find out who at the bank took care of such problems. The kids would also need to get their stuff out of Susan's house. Warren had mentioned some misplaced library books in his panic call a week ago, and there was probably other stuff that they should have, or that they wanted. I'd have to ask Karen how we got their stuff out of Susan's house. House hunting? We'd talked about it in passing over the weekend, and it was not an activity that I relished.

A djinni handed me a mug of hot coffee. The phone rang again. I guess it was going to be option one.

"Hello. Is Herb in?"

"Speaking."

"I'm sorry, I didn't recognize your voice. This is Gwen, 'Hair by Gwen.' We met at the show on Saturday, I think."

I remembered the scene with the hairdresser. "Yeah. You trimmed Sarah's hair, and then showed Lisa how fantastic she could look for the wedding."

Gwen tittered. "Doing the makeover was fun. I ended up booking more business and more weddings after that makeover than I normally do in four months. It was... weird."

"But you had fun."

"Oh, yes. I didn't have time for my normal terror of crowds. What was strange is what happened after I got home."

"Yes?"

"I told Jenny about doing the makeover, and was it like, 'Good for you, Mom.' Then I mentioned that I'd had a chance to trim Princess's dry ends. And Jenny just... exploded. I trim Hollywood celebrities all of the time. I've got three or four A-list folks down in LA who don't travel and they send their clients to me when they're stuck up here. Jenny listens to Britney stories and Hilary stories without batting an eyelash, but when I mentioned that I had trimmed Princess's dry ends, she just exploded. It was like the most awesome trim client that I'd ever had."

"It's not like Sarah is a rock star... it's just that the kids seem to suddenly adore her. I can't explain it."

"Look, it changed my daughter's attitude around. Completely. One hundred eighty degrees. Believe you me, I'm not complaining. Why I called is, I realized that the problem is that your fiancée looks like a second-year associate."

"Huh?" The remark had me seriously confused.

"After they get out of law school, usually by their second year, women finally get that they're lawyers and no longer law students, and get restyled, to look like, well, lawyers instead of law students. Then, when they make partner, they usually have their look restyled, again. Take a look at the pictures of Hillary when she was working for the Watergate Commission, and pictures of Hillary at Rose Law. Before she became First Lady and could get her hair redone every month. What they've got in common is the lady with the law degree in the picture. That's about it. That's what struck me odd about your fiancée. Her style doesn't go with who she is.

"So as a thank you for the show, I'd like to restyle her."

"Uh, I don't think she's up yet." A sleepy Lisa, silk robe unbelted, came wandering into the room, trailed by a cluster of sleepy naked djinni. I got a generalized good morning smooch.

I turned to her. "Honey, Gwen wants to come over to restyle your hair."

"Uh, tomorrow, before we go to the... whatever. Take care of the details, I'm going back to bed." The parade retreated. The invitation to join the parade was clear.

I returned to the phone. "Tomorrow? We have a citizenship ceremony we're going to downtown at ten-thirty. Come by, uh, does eight-thirty work? She'd still have to get dressed and everything after the cut, right?"

"Eight thirty would work. I'll see you folks tomorrow morning."

I gave her the address, and waved my mug around. One of the djinni refilled it. Another slug of coffee and I was going to join Lisa.

The phone rang again. At this rate, I might never get a chance for some morning madness. I picked it up.

"Herb, it's Karen. I just got out of court."

"And the verdict?"

"Fast and sweet. Margie got the cash in over the weekend, so she wasn't wearing orange. She announced that her client had terminated her representation over the weekend, so the impact of the sanctions on future conduct in this case would be moot. Judge Emerson then reviewed the sanctions anyway. I guess that Judge Emerson was not a happy camper and she let the sanctions stand.

"Margie took off for the County Clerk's office after it was over. I expect that she'll be filing a lien against Susan's house."

"Don't you normally need to first get a judgment before you file a lien?"

"Herb, the operative word in that sentence is normally. Ain't no normally involved when Margie's involved."

"Amen."

I had Karen on the phone, so I could deal with one of the items on my list.

"I've got a question."

"Shoot."

"The kids have stuff over at Susan's. Personal stuff. Clothes. School stuff. How do we go about getting it out?"

"To fit it all into your tiny broom closet? I suggest that you get a bigger house. As long as she's not home, I guess we'll need another order, and you'll have to schedule at least an impartial witness, and maybe a cop. It's not an emergency, so it will take a few days to arrange. Damn. After this morning's fizzle I thought I was done with your case."

"We're getting close."

"I hope. Now, assuming she's around, could I talk to that girlfriend of yours? I need to ask her a question."

"She's..." A still-sleepy Lisa, silk robe still unbelted, came wandering back into the room. Her escort seemed to be as asleep as before.

"Phone again? For me? Who?"

"Karen wants to pick your legal brain."

The effect on Lisa was immediate. The sleep left her face, her eyes brightened, and somehow her robe seemed to wrap around her and the belt got tied. I got a very awake and somewhat dismissive good morning kiss as she reached for the telephone. A waving hand seemed to signify her request for coffee to the cluster of djinni.

As a mug of coffee was placed in her hand, she turned to her attendants. "Take him away. Entertain him."

I suspected a replay of Friday morning was on the agenda. I hung onto my coffee. I was going to need the caffeine.

As I was being led off to my fate, I could hear Lisa's voice. "Karen, honey, unbreakable trusts are not a problem. What you want to do with the trust assets, that's the problem..."

A pile of naked giggling djinni crushed me to the cushions. My coffee was rescued, handed to me for a sip, then taken away again. Last time, I had been at the mercy of two members of my harem. This morning it appeared that there were at least six in the pile. Maybe all eight. My shoes and shirt and jeans and boxers were removed and disappeared in a moment. Many hands make... My hands made contact with firm backsides and hips, but, like on Friday, nothing was holdable.

"Ooooh. He needs his coffee."

A pause occurred in the giggling melee. My coffee mug was presented to my lips, and a few quick sips were allowed. A napkin appeared and wiped my lips, and then the entertainment resumed. My hands caressed backs and sides and flanks and hips, but never found anything stable to hold. Breasts swam in and out of focus. Nipples played just out of my tongue's reach. Soft kisses covered my face, my neck, my chest, my belly, my thighs, my feet. Ummm, kisses everywhere but there.