Chapter 15

Luke stared at the pictures for the rest of the day. They haunted him; pulling at him till his eyes blurred and his hands trembled. His jaw clenched, as he absent-mindedly rubbed at a hollow ache in his chest.

The man was cut from the Jake mold. He was every bit as handsome and dashing. Luke was looking at the cover of a romance novel. A Prince Charming holding the beautiful princess for happily ever after. He was the perfect man she should have been with all along. Her fairy tale had come to life. It was simple; she had finally come to her senses. Luke grimaced at the bitterness.

It was better now than after she and Luke had settled down. Better now than when he had grown use to reaching for her in the dark. Holding her against the night with a hand on her breast and a whisper of love in her ear. Better now than having to tell a little girl with azure eyes that her mommy still loved her but mommy needed more than daddy could give. Better now when the break could be clean and any mess or rubble he could accept. Accept and rebuild, till a fortress surrounded him, with walls of steel and locks of iron.

Luke wished her the best. He was walking away. It was like Ellen. Only worse. She was his Jessie. She, more than anyone else, deserved to be happy. Even if it meant someone else, someone better. He would endure being Rick watching Ilsa leave on a plane out of Casablanca. He would be Vedder mumbling that she would "be the sun in somebody else's sky." "Why not mine?" was the only thought that trailed off in his head.

The phone rang. It was Jim.

"I'm sorry man."

"Yeah. I'll chat with you later. I'm okay. I just want to go home. Yeah, I just need to go home."

He left the office in a daze. He got to his apartment and hated it. The scent of bath oil and candles still lingered in the bathroom. Her sweet fragrance was still on his pillow. She was everywhere in his apartment. He walked from room to room, wall to wall, looking for some solace, some escape. She was everywhere. He was going to move. He was going to drive off into the sunset on his motorcycle. Maybe there was a nice place in Siberia. Even better on a spaceship tumbling through the universe. For Luke, this was more than the end of brunettes.

He picked up his T-shirt. He pressed it to his cheek. It was gossamer soft like a spider web. Ensnaring him, holding him captive. It was the one she wore last. It held the perfume of her skin, the smell of her arousal. It was all in this one garment. He closed his eyes, needing a moment of peace. But thoughts of her flashed through his mind, their last night together. "What did I do wrong?" he wondered. She was so vivid living in his memories. Every pixel of her being scratched onto the surface of his brain. Then in a sudden, it struck him, bombarding him like a seizure. Crazed images of twirling axes. Twirling axes and spitting fire. Luke knew he had finally lost his grasp on reality.

His eyes popped open as if he was trying to shake off a punch, jolting with the pungency of smelling salts.

"Fuck this shit. Fuck her! Fuck him! Fuck everybody!"

He bellowed his anger. His head thrown back, blood rushing to his face, the veins in his neck pulsing.

He was a fighter goddamn it! Not some patsy that would lie down and die and let her go. He was an axe wielding fire breathing son of a bitch for Christ sakes. Walk away and let her go! Bullshit! He let Ellen go. It was easy to let Ellen go. She was never really his. But his Jessie. She belonged to him. Skulk away with his tail between his legs. No way.

Luke needed help. He called Ray.

"Luke, I am glad to hear from you. Jimmy called me. He filled me in. Are you okay? Do you want to meet and grab a drink? Get drunk," Ray offered.

"No way. Why would I do that?" Luke asked puzzled.

"Jessica is out west with some guy. She pulled an Ellen man. She has someone else."

"Ray, she isn't Ellen. And I am not the same Lucas that was twenty something and stupid. Jessie is worth fighting for and I am the man to do it."

"You are going to try to win her back?" Ray sounded surprised.

"She's worth it."

"I don't know what to say. I'm either impressed or worried that you are being foolish," Ray admitted.

"I am a fool, and maybe that's why I am not giving up. Ray, you of all people should know that when you have something special, you don't just let it go. You don't just say 'Cheerio, good fight chap' and move on. You scratch, kick and bite. You punch below the belt and knee in the groin. Whatever it takes man. I'm not going nuts, but it wouldn't be fair to what Jessie and I have, or what we could have, to walk away."

"Okay. Okay, tell me what you need," Ray asked after long silence.

"Well in all our time together I have never been to her apartment. I don't know where it is. I am going to her place. She and I are going to talk as soon as she gets home. I tried looking her up in the phone book but she's unlisted. So how do I find her?"

"Do you know anyone who could tell you?" Ray asked.

"I know her brother and sister. But would they tell me? What would they tell her? Plus they may be on the same flight."

"Well you have her telephone number don't you?"

"Yes."

"Well do a reverse search. Some websites do that."

"Reverse what?"

"Reverse search. You supply the telephone number and they supply the address."

Ray gave him some sites to try out.

"Thanks man I really owe you one." Luke stated.

"I hope it works out for you. I think you're right about at least trying. It's great to see you do this. I just hope it's not Don Quixote and the windmill."

Trust Ray to make an obscure literary reference in a time of stress.

"I hope so too."

The free sites didn't work. There was a pay site that gladly took his credit card number and spit out the cherished address.

GH Mgmt Apartment 20-01

That couldn't be right, Lucas thought.

He paid again, and entered her telephone number.

GH Mgmt

What the hell is GH management?

He tried another website. Paid even more.

GH Mgmt Apartment 20-01

He logged into his email and printed out the news clip on his colour printer. He then got in his car and followed the MapQuest directions. He walked into the lobby of one of the most beautiful building he had ever seen in this part of the city. That was truly amazing because this was a very nice part of the city.

The doorman held the door for Luke and asked him who he was there to visit.

"Uh, Miss Hill is expecting me," Lucas stuttered out a lie.

"Very good sir," the man nodded to him.

Lucas almost tipped his imaginary hat to the man. As the elevator descended to the lobby, Luke took time to look around at the architecture of the room. The gilded arches and murals. This was certainly not a room at the YMCA.

For Jessie to afford something like this her apartment must be tiny. His apartment was probably the Taj Mahal compared to her shoebox.

He entered the elevator. It was gorgeous. The elevator was beautiful with plush carpeting and beveled mirrors. A soft satin bench. If it was his building this bench would already be in someone's apartment.

Her apartment was supposed to be on the 20th floor. 20-01. There were only buttons for 19 floors. There was a button with a P on it.

"Penthouse? Pool?" Luke said to himself.

He hit the button.

When the doors opened he faced one large door. The door was in creams and golds. It was subdued in colour but the elegance of the design was palpable. The doorknob alone probably cost more than his fictional motorcycle.

In very discreet small numbers he saw the apartment number and rang the equally discreet doorbell.

An older woman answered the door.

"Yes," she asked.

"I'm sorry; I must have the wrong place. You probably don't know, but is there a Jessica Hill in this building. Maybe an apartment downstairs? About 5'5". Very very pretty. Brunette."

"And you are?" her voice was cold.

"Luke, umm, Lucas Bennett. Has blue eyes. Real pretty smile. Great shape. Maybe an apartment downstairs?"

"Ahhh, Mr. Bennett. Nice to finally meet you. My name is Louise, I'm the housekeeper here."

"Housekeeper? Hi, I'm Luke Bennett. Wait I already said that. Nice to meet you Louise, please call me Luke. Do you know Jessica?"

"I'd say so," she said with a smile. Her tone was now as warm as a friend's mother to the three strays that her son brought home.

"Why don't you sit in the waiting area Luke?" She gestured with her hand to the formal sitting area.

He dumbly walked over and sat in a chair that was probably older than the Revolutionary War. And it was probably worth more than the Crown jewels.

"Thank you," he smiled.

"If you'll excuse me for a couple minutes. Jessica should be in shortly," Louise said heading into a side room.

What the Capital F-U-C-K is going on? It was like walking into the Ritz-Carlton. The art work on the walls, the interior decorations. All that was missing was a fountain with bathing nymphs. And he was scared to look too hard fearing he would find it.

Everyplace he looked more questions. What was this place? What's going on? Is her family rich? Rockefellers or something? Is this that other man's apartment? Is he the rich one? When she walked through the door, was she going to smell like him? Would his cologne be on her skin? Would she taste like him? Would her lips be swollen from his kisses, and her eyes tired from their last night together? Would he be with her? Should he punch the guy in the gut first or in the nose? Obvious choice would be the nose, maybe it would break and Prince Charming would end up disfigured, and not so damn good-looking. He probably had a small dick and that was the true fairy tale. And Luke wouldn't beg, wouldn't plead, or whimper. He would tell her that she was a fool for throwing him away.

That's right. Luke thought as the rolling monologue continued in his head. She'll see that she was momentarily crazy to want this other guy. We'll never speak about it again. She would never be allowed to travel without him again. She may have to quit her job and accept living with him always at her side. She'd see. Luke took a breath trying to rein an end to the irrational thoughts hurtling through his skull.

He could make it through Ellen. He would make it through Jessie. He may never ever feel whole again, but he would survive. He would take time off and he and his motorcycle would ride off. Try to make sense of the world, and ironies of fate, and the repetition of history. A job is a job. What did it matter?

Maybe she would fall to her knees and want to come back to him. That's right. It would be some colossal mistake. She was drunk and impressionable. The man held Melissa hostage and forced Jessica to do it, or he would have killed poor Mel.