Chapter 5

A great personal tragedy, a looming serious threat, a mistake with terrible consequences: these are just a few of the things that can dominate a person's attention despite their best efforts to focus on work or other activities. That was the situation with Matt after returning from the honeymoon.

Try as he might, he could not keep his concern for Jessica and his marriage from engulfing him when he least expected it. It was like a dark cloud that filled his vision every time he looked up from his current task. Sometimes it was more like a coiled snake waiting to strike him when he least expected it.

Simple things like an ad showing a scantily clad woman in a sexy pose could set him off. Just an affectionate couple could bring a twinge of regret. The worst part was that every time he saw or talked to his family, he remembered their gentle but earnest warnings.

On the flight home from the Caribbean, Jessica had been bubbly and clinging, to all appearances the joyous new wife. Matt tried his best to reciprocate, but he could not beat back all of the frustration and the genuine concern for her. As she slept on his shoulder, he vowed to do everything he could to love her through the problems. After all, he was talking about the rest of his life. If it took a while to turn her into the sexual partner her yearned for, it would be worth it. Unfortunately, part of his mind always asked if could really change her. The answer was that he had to: there was no choice.

Back at home, Matt purposely avoided any move toward sex for several days. During that time, they made the rounds of relatives and friends. They also went to a Lexus dealer so she could pick out the coupe she wanted. They ate out three straight nights before she insisted on proving to him that she could cook. She certainly could - she had learned well as part of Marie's preparation.

Matt was a very open person and he was unable to hide his concern from anyone close to him. The family saw him before he went back to the office, and Mel made a point to warn Leslie that she was not to ask Matt what was wrong. She knew Leslie would see it instantly, as had the family. He was not continually distracted or moping or anything so obvious, but to anyone close, there was no mistaking that he was carrying a heavy load. At first, what people read was a grim determination, as if he faced a critical task and was resolutely working to solve it.

After almost a week, Matt did his best to lead Jessica into an ideal evening for making love. She, however, divined his intent, and he could see her becoming more tense as the evening progressed. When they got to bed, she was so bad that he could hardly make himself come. Only having abstained from any relief since the honeymoon made it urgent enough for him to succeed. But he could hardly think of it as success.

When she had fallen asleep, he got up and went to the family room. His departure woke her and she got up and followed him. When she saw him standing at the patio door, looking over the back yard and weeping, it was all she could do to retreat without letting him know of her presence. She remained awake, faking sleep, long after he returned to bed and drifted off.

"Crying? You must be mistaken," Marie told Jessica on the phone the next day. "Men don't have those kinds of feelings."

"Well, he was, and it made me feel terrible."

"He got what he wanted! Why should he cry?" Marie demanded.

"He... he knew how bad it was for me, I guess," Jessica admitted.

"Why? Was he brutal? Or clumsy?"

"Of course not. He's very gentle."

"Didn't you pretend to like it?"

"Pretend? How could I do that? I could barely keep from screaming and pushing him away."

"I don't understand. If he was that gentle, why would you want to run away?"

"It's just so disgusting and repulsive. I could never pretend."

That was Marie's first indication that she may have done something very wrong in Jessica's 'training'. In trying to make sure the girl never became fond of sex, she may have made it impossible for her to even tolerate it.

"Honey, it is disgusting and repulsive, but it shouldn't be so painful you have to run away."

"Oh, it wasn't pain. It was just knowing that I was doing such an awful thing that got to me."

"But, Sweety: it's a woman's duty. You're supposed to make him feel like a great lover. Build his ego."

"I... I just can't. I just feel so guilty and so... so defiled. Isn't that what you taught me?"

Marie saw her predicament very clearly after that statement, and it frightened her. Not that she cared a whit about Matt's pleasure, or her daughter's either, for that matter. The problem was that her whole plan to gain Jessica a lucrative divorce required there to be some kind of marriage beforehand. It was obvious that she had overdone the negative indoctrination about the sex act. Or at least Jessica had taken it far too seriously. From what Jessica was saying, she did not see how the couple could make it six months. That would nearly constitute an annulment, with a very minimal settlement.

Over the next few weeks, Marie spent every possible minute trying to reverse some of the damage she had done, but with almost no success. Her earlier training had been too deeply imprinted, and reinforced by actual experience, it was seared into the young wife's psyche. Nothing Marie could say seemed to break through.

Matt tried twice more, a week apart each time. She allowed him to enter her, but her reactions were the same as before. In all that time, he never once got to see her naked, either.

The morning after the third time, he could not restrain himself any longer, and at breakfast he demanded "Jessica, you've got to tell me what's wrong."

"Wrong, what do you mean?"

Against every promise he had made to himself, Matt lost it. "Don't do that to me! You know very well what I mean. We have only had sex six times since we were married, and every time you make me feel like I am doing something terrible to you."

Shaken by his outburst, Jessica responded in a way she never intended to. "Well, you are. I mean... oh... that's not what I meant to say Matt... I..."

The damage was done and Matt stared at her in disbelief. When he could finally speak again, he asked "Then why did you marry me?"

"Matt! How can you ask that? I love you?"

"If you love me, how could you trick me into a marriage without sex?"

"But we have sex. Just last night..."

"And you hated every minute of it and you let me know it," he accused her, much more angrily than he intended.

She had hung in there for quite a while, but that was all she could take. Once again she fled in tears. This time, he did not let her go, but pursued her to the bedroom. When she threw herself onto the bed, he sat beside her and stroked her hair and her back, trying to undo the effects of his outburst.

"Jessica, will you please get help? Will you see someone?"

Through her sobbing, she was able to say "Why do I need help? There's nothing wrong with me."

"If you feel that sex is that awful, there is something wrong," he retorted. "How about if we go together to a marriage counselor."

"Why do we need that?" About to explode, this time is was Matt who just walked away.

"You do not need to see anyone! There is nothing wrong with you!" Marie shouted over the phone the next morning. If anything brought fear to Marie's heart, it was the idea of Jessica seeing a professional. How she had programmed her daughter would certainly be revealed. Who knew what would happen after that.

It was Monday and Marie was at work, but the situation was so serious that she proclaimed illness and spent several hours with Jessica. She walked a fine line between convincing the bride that she had no need for counseling and trying to get her to accept sex enough to keep the marriage alive. Only in the first part was she successful, and she left very fearful that her years of hard work would come to naught due to her own miscalculation.

Matt had been at work only thirty minutes when Mel hauled him into their conference room and locked the door. "I turned off the surveillance. Now tell me what's wrong."

"Mel, nothing's wrong, I..."

"Dammit, Matt! This is me! The woman who's loved you longer and harder than anyone but Mom. Don't give me that bullshit. Something is wrong. Big time wrong! It must be between you and Jessica."

"Mel, I appreciate your concern, but things between me and Jessica a private."

"Then there is something wrong," she pounced.

"I didn't say that," he objected.

"Matt, I want my brother back. Marriage is supposed to make a man happy and complete. You've been totally different since the wedding, and not at all happy. OK, don't talk to your sister. I've made an appointment for you at two o'clock today. Here's the card."

"Mel, I don't want to see anyone. I'll work it out."

"You won't go?"

"No, I'm sorry, Mel."

Mel let out a huge sigh and her eyes became liquid. "Then here's my resignation. I'm going back to New Jersey where I can't watch you fall apart." With that Mel walked unsteadily from the room.

Matt had less than two minutes to recover from that shock when it was compounded by Geri, who silently laid her own memo on top of Mel's. He was starting to get a little angry at their strong-arm tactics when Leslie walked in with a telltale sheet of paper.

"This is the best job I could imagine," Leslie told him, "but it's all because of you. If you're not going to be Matt any more, I'd rather be somewhere else. I'll stay long enough to help you find a replacement."

The anger was quickly quenched, replaced by a sudden depression. Matt almost expected a resignation call from his father as he sat pondering his options. It really did not take long to decide that he had no options. Losing his sisters and Leslie was beyond comprehension. He would have to go and see... he looked quickly at the card... Dr. Julia Waxman. Hmmm. Dr. A full-fledged psychiatrist and a woman. Was she just going to take Jessica's side?

After another fifteen minutes sitting motionless, Matt began to be thankful for the care the women had shown. Once he knew he had to go, he was almost relieved. Keeping everything to himself had really taken a toll. He had never believed in counseling, considering it a crutch for the weak-minded, but at that point, he cynically classified himself as the weakest of mind. Mostly, he desperately needed someone to talk to. Not ready to confide in his family, Dr. Julia Waxman was probably the best solution available.

Getting up wearily from his chair, Matt left the conference room to find all three women hovering around Leslie's desk. He just softly said "I'll go," and the three descended on him with hugs and tears.

Jessica chose that exact moment to pop into the office to tell him about some furniture she wanted to buy. The group hug did not sit well with her at all, given her ever-worsening jealousy. After her first expression of surprise, the anger was apparent on her face. Matt quickly disentangled himself and spirited his wife back outside.

"What was going on there?" she demanded. "Is that what you do at the office all the time?"

"Don't be ridiculous!" he shot back with as much restraint as he could muster. "It was an emotional moment. They all... they took a big risk to get me to go and see someone."

"See someone?"

"A shrink. A psychiatrist."

"But... why would... is this about sex again?" she demanded, still angry.

"It's about what is supposed to be our marriage. I can't cope on my own any more." He knew exactly what would happen when he said it, and she did not disappoint, dashing tearfully to her car and locking herself in.

At dinner that night, he would never have known there had been any problem. She was as vivacious and chatty as could be. He was totally baffled by that behavior and more than a little concerned about his bride's mental condition.

It took a good part of the first session and some skillful humor on Julia's part before Matt started to relax at all. The fact that she was a drop dead gorgeous forty-something redhead with an hourglass figure made it harder for him to relax. She, of course, had faced that hurdle many times before. By the time he left, he had told her the gist of the problem and had managed to get nine more sessions scheduled over the next five weeks.

At the second session, just two days later, Julia went into great detail about Jessica's behavior in different circumstances. Toward the end, she mused out loud "I sure would love to hear a conversation between Jessica and her mother. I think perhaps Marie has a big role in all of this."

Matt actually slapped his forehead before responding. "You won't believe this, but you can hear some conversations. Everything in the main part of the house is monitored and recorded. I just haven't thought about it since..." he went on to explain how the house was used as a test site.

Julia scheduled a rare Saturday morning session for Matt so they could review some of the recordings. The first recorded visit by Jessica's mother was almost enough to make Matt sick, but in a strange way, it made him more sympathetic to his wife. The conversation was unbelievable! His mother-in-law's attitude toward him - toward all men - was downright scary. The best way he could describe it was domination in velvet gloves. Jessica had been trained from puberty to regard a husband as a means to an end.

Matt would never have suspected that of Marie. Though he would not have described himself as fond of his mother-in-law, there had never been any disagreement or tension between them. She was a very striking, polished woman, at her best in social situations. Matt had gone out of his way to be a gentleman to her, and she had responded graciously. As a picture of Jessica's mature beauty, he was very pleased with Marie. Now, she was exposed as a veritable monster.

As Matt listened to the mother/daughter conversation, he alternated between astonishment and anger. First, he was astonished at what Jessica was willing to tell Marie: it was everything! It appeared that his wife was nothing but an extension of her mother. Details of their personal life that should never leave the house were referred to as lightly as dinner choices or cosmetic options.

Even more astonishing was the cold, emotionless way both women talked about him. It appeared that his supposedly loving but troubled wife had less real feeling for him than for her childhood pets. All along, Matt had felt that Jessica genuinely loved him, and it was just her sexual hangups that closed off the intimacy. Could she be that good an actress? Or maybe the question was when was she acting? Was it with him or with her mother?

It really did not matter which was the real Jessica and which was the actress. Either way, Matt was well and truly screwed. He could not suppress an ironic chuckle as the phrase went through his mind. Screwed was the one thing he definitely was not. Confused, angry, and depressed, though, he definitely was. And more than all of those, he felt trapped.

Here he was in a marriage he should never have been lured into; a marriage there was no graceful way out of; a marriage he was gently warned against by his family. Because he had blindly eschewed a pre-nup, she would nail him good in a divorce. He was particularly concerned about his ownership of the company. If it came before a judge in that state, he might almost have to start over, and the ruination of the company would hurt his family.

They ended up reviewing the recordings for most of that Saturday. Julia was free because her husband was on one of his constant business trips for the fashion company he headed. When they had heard them all, Matt pressed her for some opinions, but she said she needed to spend some time marshaling her thoughts.

After that long Saturday session, Matt had never been more grateful for Mel's love and care. The thing that helped Matt more than anything was Julia's willingness to become a buddy, joking at the otherwise stunning things she heard on the recordings, and even making ribald suggestions about possible paybacks Matt could engineer. It was only her buddy status that made Matt accept her analysis of why he had married Jessica.

The painful truth was that Matt was woefully naive about women. The reason was his upbringing: the women in his home had been too good, too perfect. When he emulated his father's treatment of his mother and his sisters, they reciprocated. The entire family was considerate of each other to a fault. Manipulative, conniving bitches were something he had never encountered, and was not prepared to deal with.

In Julia's opinion, Jessica did love Matt, but her concept of love had been skewed by her mother. She felt that the acting Jessica was more the one with Marie. The big problem was that she had been her mother's puppet for so long that there was little chance she could free herself.

"Actually," Julia explained, "I suspect Jessica is schizoid. I don't see any other way she could act so differently in different settings."

Even more painful was Julia's explanation of why Jessica had chosen Matt over Rod. Rod was dominant and pushed her sexual buttons. Because of her mother, she was afraid of the sexual effect Rod had on her, and chose Matt, who put no pressure on her at all.

"Think back, Matt, to the times Jessica said she loved you. Was it ever after you had sex."

The question startled him, and he had to think for a while. "No, I don't think so."

"How about after a petting session?"

"No, not then, either."

"Let me guess," Julia said, "When you were cuddling with no prospect of sex, or when you were treating her especially nicely, that's when she would say it."

"Ohhh, boy," Matt groaned, "you're right.

"So, she loves you because you are safe. When you're not safe, i.e. when sex is a possibility, she doesn't feel the same way."

"Do you think she means it, or is it all just part of a trap?" he asked, afraid to hear the answer.

"Hmmmm. Good question. The extreme jealousy you talked about indicates to me that she very much wants to have you for herself. Love means different things to different people, Matt. I think she loves you in the only way she knows. In fact, I think she feels guilty about her feelings for you."

"What?"

"I think she is afraid she is doing something wrong by feeling that way, because of what her mother has drummed into her. She fears her love for you is a rebellion of sorts. That is why she is another person when she is with Marie."

"God, how did I get into this mess?" he swore.

"That's simple. You loved her, and you still do. You've never had to worry about nuances of love. Your family just loves, period. Not to be critical, but you were too trusting to even think about anything being wrong. There were probably some things that you thought were strange, but you just let them go, right?" His answer was a low groan.

For another three sessions, they went over and over the situation, trying get the best possible handle on Jessica, what she was thinking, and what she was afraid of.

Julia came up with a theory about the jealousy. She believed Jessica was terrified of losing Matt and the safety he represented. Without Matt, Rod or someone like him would be there. She was traumatized when Matt had sex with her, but he was gentle and did not demand it often. In every other respect he was considerate.

She knew she was not pleasing him in bed and understood that she was the strange one. Any other woman would make him happy, so naturally he would be attracted to some other woman. As the tension between them increased, so did her fear of losing him, and thus her jealousy of any contact he had with an attractive woman. It was jealousy based on fear of what she would face without him.

Julia encouraged Matt to try as hard as he could to reduce Jessica's antipathy toward sex. A romantic buildup had not worked, but he tried it again anyway. He tried getting her drunk, but she refused to drink more once she got a buzz on. Marie had pounded into her that she must never lose control of her senses. In all, Matt tried four times over a two week period, but gave up on two of the tries. The other two were the same as earlier sessions.

After the two weeks, Matt was completely fed up and pled with Julia for some help in resolving the standoff. Unfortunately, Julia's first solution was one Matt could never accept. He would have to become dominant and just take Jessica. Over time, she would respond more and more. She might even get to the point of initiating sex, but in either case, she would stop refusing him. In other words, he would have to become Rod, and that he could never do.

Julia, of course, knew her solution was not something Matt could handle, so she recommended an alternative with an admittedly low probability of success. It involved successive steps toward complete separation. First, he would move to another bedroom. After a while, he would stop being seen anywhere with her. Finally, he would move out of the house. The only chance of success was that the gradual loss of companionship would jar Jessica into changing her ways, or at least to seek help.

Matt spent another week just mulling over what he had learned. Then, he decided it was time to open up everything to his family. Cutting them out had gotten him into this mess, a mistake he would never repeat. Predictably, his sisters did not even question his request for a get-together.

After a meal where questions hung over everyone, Matt tried to lighten the mood before he dove in. "I almost feel like I should strip naked," he quipped, "I'm about to expose so much of myself." Almost simultaneously, the three women started a rhythmic clapping that brought tears to his eyes. Things quickly got a lot heavier.

Over the next three hours, Matt told his loved ones literally everything, answering questions with complete candor, and playing back the mother/daughter conversations. When he finished telling about the sessions with Julia, he was engulfed by a wave of love and concern. There followed another hour of planning what he could do to get out of the marriage.

Matt's major concern was hiding his assets, particularly the company stock. At his insistence, they each agreed to accept shares such that his portion would be evenly distributed among the five of them. They figured he would have to keep at least an equal share to avoid extra scrutiny by a divorce referee. Of course, the intention was to give it back to him when it was safe. There would be substantial lawyer fees to make sure it was all done legally.

More than the stock, Matt's real asset was the royalties from his patents. It took several days, but a scheme was worked out for transferring the patents rights, including all royalties, to a holding company in which Matt held no interest. Once again, it was with the understanding that ownership would later be transferred back to him.

The asset transfers would take many months to complete legally, and there was great concern that Marie might make a move before Matt was protected. On the other hand, the shorter the duration of the marriage, the less lucrative the settlement was likely to be.

Mel suggested that Matt needed to take extra precautions against attempts to prove him unfaithful. He and Mel very often traveled together. Liking their comforts on the road, they usually got a two bedroom suite together, generally with two baths, but not always. Mel thought they had better stop that practice, though both would miss the companionship.

They all had to assume it was Marie's intention to score a big divorce win for her daughter. It was hard for Matt to believe Jessica was involved in such a plot, but being around PIs had convinced him that his family's cautions should be taken seriously. There was no question that Jessica's insane jealousy could drive her to try and trap him.

The first step in the gradual separation was much harder than Matt thought it would be. When they finished supper one night, he quietly told Jessica he was moving to the guest suite. At first, she just looked at him in stunned silence, then "Is... is there another woman?" That was not at all what he expected, but he was never sure what to expect any more.

"No, there is no other woman. There never has been."

"Th... then, why?"

"I can't take it any more."

"I suppose this is about sex again, isn't it?" Her face showed the first signs of fear.

"Yes, it is. That shouldn't surprise you."

"But I like sleeping beside you. Don't you like it, too?" Now she was pleading.

"Yes I like it, but it's not enough. If I keep on sleeping beside you, you will think it's enough. You need to know that it's not." It had taken days to work up the courage to do this, all the while vowing to keep his voice free of emotion. So far, he had managed.

"How long will you stay in the guest room?" Now, a little panic was creeping into her voice.

"Forever, I guess. At least as long as we are married." He barely avoided wincing when he let that slip out. The possibility of ending the marriage was something he had wanted to avoid mentioning for a while. Watching her reaction, though, he was glad he had said it. She stood motionless for many seconds, her face deathly pale. Then, she gasped, broke into tears, and fled to the bedroom.

Matt waited a very uncomfortable two hours before he rapped on the bedroom door and entered when he found it unlocked. Jessica was lying on her stomach and turned her head to look at him with red-rimmed eyes. He walked to the closet and grabbed as many hangers of his clothes as he could. Before he reached the door, she spoke up. "Matt, please! Don't do this! We're married. We're supposed to sleep together."

"You're right, Jessica. We're married. We're supposed to have sex together. I'm supposed to be able to enjoy looking at my naked wife. I don't get to do any of those things."

"But we have sex."

"How often would you say we have sex?" That stopped her.

"But why does it have to be so often?"

"Because we're both supposed to want to have it more than once every week or two. How long since I've seen you naked?"

"Why is that so important to you? Do you just want to embarrass me, or what?" With that question, Matt felt his anger start to rise. He was determined to keep his cool, so he walked out, hung up his load in the guest room, then waited several minutes before going back for another load. It took another half hour before he had transferred all of his possessions. He pointedly did not speak to Jessica or even look at her as he finished. She cried softy the whole time.

Matt made it a point to listen for Jessica getting ready for bed. When he thought she was in bed, he went in and kissed her goodnight. He did not say the customary 'I love you, ' and she was sniffling by the time he reached the door. Before leaving for work in the morning, he went through the customary goodbye routine. The objective of this phase was to make everything the same except where he slept.

As part of the sound recording, Matt had recently installed a device that recorded both ends of all phone conversations. The day after he moved out of the bedroom, he expected some interesting, if not necessarily pleasant, recordings. He was not disappointed. The garage door was hardly down when Jessica called her mother. In a shaky voice, she told Marie that Matt had moved out of the bedroom, and Marie said she would be right over.

"Why did you let him do that?" Marie demanded as soon as she was in the door.

"Let him? What do you mean? How could I stop him?"

"Jessica, you should have much more control over him by now. What do you think your pussy is for, anyway?"

"But... but if it's so dirty and disgusting... ?"

"Of course it is. But a wife has to use it to control her man. Looks like you're going to have to increase the frequency."

"How will I do that when he's not even in my bed any more?"

"Don't be ridiculous! Do you think he would turn you down if you offered yourself? He never has before, has he?"

"I... I've never..."

"Oh, my! You've carried things too far. You've really never initiated sex?"

"N... no."

"Well, now you're going to have to. Think you can stand to do it a little more often?"

"I think so. It's not so bad, really."

"What are you saying? Not so bad?"

"I mean, he's nice and gentle, and he does things to get me ready. It... it actually feels pretty nice."

"JESSICA! Pretty nice!? How can you say that? I did not bring you up that way. A woman who enjoys sex is a slut!" Jessica just sat looking at the floor, too cowed to say anything. "Now, do you think there's another woman?"

"He says not, and I don't really think there is. He always offers to take me along on his trips, so I doubt he is setting up any liaisons. I hope not."

"Hope note? Whyever would you say that? If we can catch him, you can divorce him for adultery and clean him out."