Chapter 1

This was certainly not the way it went in all the stories. Well, actually he had only read a few of the 'geek wins the centerfold' genre, but not a one of them had anything like what he had just been through.

It was his wedding night, and instead of being one of the best nights of his life, it was arguably the worst. In fact, the whole wedding process: rehearsal, wedding, reception, and all had been a disaster as far as he was concerned.

According to all of the folklore he was aware of, the bride is supposed to be in her glory around the wedding, while the poor nervous groom tolerates it all for the reward in the bridal suite.

Well, he had been nervous all right, but the bride, his lovely Jessica, had acted like she was a virgin preparing to be sacrificed. In fact, she was a twenty-three-year-old virgin: still a virgin at 2:30 am on their wedding night. And he, poor, lovestruck geek that he was, never saw it coming, and got no reward.

To be fair, Jessica was not a centerfold bimbo. Oh, she had the beauty, only it was all natural, with no need for artificial enhancement. Probably more trim and less buxom than most men's ideals of a centerfold, she still had wonderful, wonderful curves.

And her face! Her face was the equal of any model or centerfold he had ever seen. Clear, almost luminous skin; perfectly symmetrical features; full, sensuous lips; a luxuriant mane of golden hair; blue eyes that shone with a combination of lust and innocence that could spring hardons in passersby.

Turns out that the lust part of her gaze was false advertising. The innocence was certainly the truth. That's what Matt could not understand. Jessica had insisted on being a virgin on her wedding night, and he had gone along with that. And she would not let him see her naked until the wedding night, either. Strange as that seemed for the twenty-first century, he had gone along with that, too. The future rewards were so awesome that he would have gone along with anything.

Jessica was very passionate as a girlfriend and fiance. Her hugs and her kisses were so full of desire and promise! When they were together, she seemed desperate to keep contact with him, close contact. She declared her love for him endlessly, and he believed her: believed her enough to wait the frustrating months until the wedding.

Jessica was bright, vivacious, and gregarious. Dean's list had seemed like a ho-hum accomplishment for her, and Matt had given up trying to remember the host of her friends he had been introduced to. Up until tonight, he had lived in wonder that he could capture the love of the most desirable woman on campus.

Now, in his anger and frustration, he wondered if the proper term was 'won' or 'got stuck with'. How could a woman who expressed her love for him so often and with so much feeling act like she feared rape when it came time for normal marital relations. That's what had made him so angry: she had literally acted like he was about to attack her.

When he picked up Jessica for the rehearsal, he had noticed the nervousness, and it had surprised him. She was always the polished social animal, at ease and in control in any situation involving people. But nervous at her own wedding rehearsal? At the groom's dinner put on by his parents, she was worse. Both parents and his two older sisters pulled him aside separately to ask him about it, but he had no answers.

During the wedding and reception, she seemed to dredge up the courage to do everything right and to smile properly for the pictures, but he could sense authentic fear in her eyes. Wasn't he supposed to be the one afraid of the commitment? What was going on?

In the elevator on the way to their hotel suite, she was almost hyper-ventilating. He had tried to comfort her, but she would not even cuddle, something she loved so much.

In their room, she would not even look at him. Her jaw was constantly quivering on the verge of full-scale sobbing. When he asked if she felt ill, she would shake her head. Asking if he had done something wrong got the same response.

In the stories, the geek somehow always knew just what had to be done to make everything perfect with his true love. Where had that geek inspiration been when he needed it? He had not had a clue about what to do. He loved Jessica deeply. She was to be his soul mate, his lover. But she had acted like he was a rapist about to attack her.

Love and concern had won out, and Matt had waited while she got ready for bed. She undressed in the bathroom and came out in an exquisite by not very revealing nightgown. After she had literally scurried into bed, he kissed her goodnight as he leaned over her. She had grabbed him frantically around the neck and finally spoke, begging him to come to bed with her. When he had asked again what was wrong, she still would not say anything.

It was probably the opportunity to salvage the evening, but Matt was not wired that way. If her face had softened and he had seen even a little desire there, he would have been under the covers in a flash: he certainly wanted it badly enough. But all he saw was fear and panic. He had no idea how to ease her anguish, but he was sure that imposing himself on her was not the way.

He could have just cuddled with her, and that very well could have been what she wanted. After the months of anticipation, though, he could not see how he could be in contact with her and not make love. He had even abstained from jerking of for several days, wanting to be at his best for her.

As deeply as he loved her and as sorry as he had felt for her, his actions were also motivated by anger. Her behavior was unfair to him. He had done nothing to deserve what was happening, and she would not even do him the courtesy of telling him what was wrong.

Saying nothing when she would not tell him what was wrong, he had gone into the sitting room of the suite. That was where he sat now, bombarded by unanswerable questions and the intermittent sobs of his distraught bride.

In some ways, Matt was a simple, unsophisticated guy. The were very few nuances to his feelings about Jessica. He loved her. Completely. Period. Every indication from her was that she felt the same way. The virginity thing was bothersome, but not unheard of. Her unwillingness to let him see her breasts and pussy was the most puzzling. He had petted her breasts many times. She always made him stop when he felt her nipples harden, and that was frustrating, but... She had never allowed his hand in her crotch, but that was probably because of her high standards. Why the reluctance to show him? Still and all, he believed they were in a love like his parents'. Her declarations of love were at least as constant as his.

Good guy that he was and in love as he was, he could only assume that her wedding night breakdown was his fault. Problem was, he could think of nothing he had done wrong. In confusion and defeat, he tried to fall asleep on the couch in the sitting room. Every time he dozed off, he was tormented by a dream of Jessica walking naked toward him, the vision of that night that he had fantasized about for so long.

After an unknown number of dream cycles, he stripped off his underwear and wrapped it around his painfully hard cock. It took only a few strokes for all of the stored-up semen to soak the garment. Weary beyond description, the soiled shorts dropped to the floor and he fell asleep.

In the morning, he was awakened by Jessica kneeling beside him. When he reluctantly opened his eyes, she asked him "Why are you out here? You're supposed to be sleeping with me."

His massive disappointment combined with his meager, tortured sleep left him owly at best. "What?" he mouthed, only half awake. "You... you didn't want me there!"

"Of course I did. I want to sleep by my husband! That's where a wife is supposed to sleep.'

"But you were... you were... scared stiff... almost crying. Why?" She just stared at him, mouth half open, eyes frantic. He understood. "You were afraid of making love."

He could see from her eyes that his comment had hit home. She looked down and saw the underwear on the floor and her eyes widened slightly. Inexplicably, she lifted the spare blanket he had over himself to see his bare penis for the first time and gasped loudly.

"What?... why?..." She picked up the shorts and saw what stuck them together. "Is this?..."

Her discovery embarrassed him. On top of everything else, it made him angry enough to want to hurt her. "I haven't come for a week, saving up for last night. I couldn't sleep. What was I supposed to do?"

She jumped up and ran screaming and sobbing into the bedroom.

Sorrow for having hurt her quenched his anger immediately, but left deep sadness in its place. Whatever was wrong with her, she could not be purposely trying to hurt him. The sadness was because he had not a clue how to handle the mess.

As a reflection of his character and his love, concern for her took over his thinking. He had heard of women being very afraid of their first time. Maybe she was just more frightened than most.

After a stop in the bathroom, he went into the bedroom, got some clean shorts out of the suitcase, and got on the bed behind her. When he put his arm around her, she cringed. "Honey, Honey! I'm not going to hurt you. I love you."

"But... but I can't..."

"Shhhh. We don't have to make love until you're ready." It was his instinctive, loving response.

Not sure if she slept or not, he woke up an hour and a half later with both of them in the same position. In fact, she had both hands pulling his arm close under her breasts. When she felt him stir, she said "I love you." And he thought he was confused before!

Their honeymoon flight was a day away and they would be spending the next night at his - their - house. The only reason for staying the night in the hotel was because the reception was there. The drive home was painfully quiet.

Once in the house, Matt wracked his brain for some way to end the impasse they seemed to have reached. When he could not think of a way that would not hurt her, he gave up and went with his instinct.

"Jessica, I think I'd better cancel the honeymoon flight."

"Cancel!? Cancel!? Why would you?... Oh, no!... You wouldn't!... because of... Matt, no!... Please... I..." as she had the night before, she burst out sobbing and ran away.

Dead tired, he sagged back into a chair and let himself go limp. He hated to keep making her cry, but he was not going to go on a platonic honeymoon. He was getting the idea that's just what she wanted. His heart was breaking but he was angry at the same time. After maybe twenty minutes, he went into the bedroom and sat beside her on the bed.

"Honey, I guess you just weren't ready to get married yet, were you?"

"Wh... what do you mean? I've been l... looking forward to this so much," she stammered.

"Why?"

"What do you mean why? So I could be with you?"

"But not so we could make love? Have I done something to frighten you? Am I so ugly you can't stand me? Are you afraid of the pain? What is it? Please tell me!" Again the crying and fleeing response. This time, she did not leave the room, just turned away from him and sobbed pathetically.

When he thought she could hear him, he said quietly "We can get an annulment. Maybe that would be the best thing." The way she started shaking at that actually frightened him. If there had been any suspicion that she was faking her tears, it was completely erased at that point.

He could not bring himself to comfort her this time, so he left the room. Instead of a couch, he went into another bedroom and collapsed into a fitful nap. Something woke him later, and he heard murmuring from the master bedroom. On his way to the bathroom, he stopped by the partially opened door and listened.

"... but it sounds like such a wonderful time. And it would be so humiliating to tell my friends we didn't go!... Then he started talking about annulment... can he do that?" From the conversation, he assumed she was talking to her mother.

"No he didn't try to make me. You know he wouldn't do that... Yes, I think he was pretty angry... I know, you did tell me... I thought I was ready, but I just couldn't, I... Yes, of course I want to be married!"

"... then this morning I found him sleeping on the couch... no, I told you he left me alone... anyway, I saw his underwear by the bed and I looked under the blanket and he was bare... well, that's not the worst thing. His underwear was all stuck together, and he told me he'd been saving up for a week and had to have relief and... Oh, Mom, do you think he does THAT every day?... Yes, you told me, I know..."

Mel, his older sister, had told Matt that women tell each other absolutely everything, especially about sex, so he was not surprised. But he was both angry and depressed. He could not stop listening, though.

"... I was really crying, then. I spent most of my wedding night crying... oh, its not Matt's fault... after a while he came and cuddled and told me I didn't have to make love until I was ready... no, he put some shorts on first."

"Now, he's talking about canceling the honeymoon and stopping the marriage. Maybe I'd be better off... OK, OK, Ok, I know you spent a lot, and... I... I'll try!... OK, I'll do it, I'll do it! Um, thanks for listening, Mom."

Matt was so stunned that he almost didn't think to leave the doorway. Instead of going to the bathroom, he went back to the bed he'd slept in and pretended to be asleep. The side of the conversation he had heard left him far too upset to actually sleep. He had a major decision to make. It sounded like Jessica was going to force herself to have sex. Should he do it, or refuse and just end the marriage?

One issue that did not even cross Matt's mind right then was the lack of a pre-nuptial agreement. Everyone had urged, almost demanded that he get one, but he had refused. Somehow, it seemed disrespectful to Jessica. After all, they were going to be married forever, just like his parents. Why introduce a note of distrust like that before the wedding.

It had cost him a lawyer who had resigned in protest, but even that did not sway Matt from his strong feelings. His family, of course, did not disown him or anything, but they had expressed their deep concern many times. It was one of the very few times he had gone against them.

The same kind of thinking that would not let him ask for a pre-nup dictated Matt's decision the day after the wedding. He had heard enough to know he faced a serious problem, but this was his lovely Jessica. She was to be his soul mate for life. It was up to him to get them past some temporary fears and build the kind of marriage he had envisioned - one just like his parents'. He was not ready to give up on that dream.

He sensed Jessica standing in the doorway of the room looking at him, but decided he would wait her out. Everything from there on had to be on her initiative or he would know there was no hope. After many minutes, Jessica came to the bed and stroked his hair gently. "Matt, Honey, I'm so sorry about last night. Come on into the bedroom. I'm ready now."

It was hard to suppress a little stab of anger that it took a pep talk from her mother to get her to consummate their marriage. Well, he should get past it and just be grateful that Marie had helped.

"Ummm. Need to use the bathroom first. Gotta shower and shave," he said in his best sleepy imitation. "Be just a few minutes."

As he showered, the anticipation built and he began to harden. All of the months of visions of that delicious body came back in force and he knew he would do anything to have her. By the time he walked into the bedroom with just a tented towel around his waist, the trauma of the last eighteen hours was pushed back in his mind. Until he dropped the towel.

The look of fear that flashed over Jessica's face when she saw him naked and erect was almost enough to drive him from the room. Never a quitter, though, and anticipating union with Jessica so much, he got under the covers and moved over to her. When he saw her face, he could see determination fighting to overcome the fear.

She was as stiff as a board and it took fifteen minutes just to get her to relax enough to kiss him. He took everything very slowly, caressing only 'safe' areas until he felt some evidence of passion in her kisses. She still had the nightgown on, and he knew it was far too soon to try taking it off.

When she was putting some heat into her kisses, something she had always done when they were dating, he began petting her breasts, over the nightie. Even after all the times he had done that, she still stiffened briefly. He could tell that everything frightened her, but that she was determined to go through with it.

Mel had talked to him many times when he was younger about what turned women on, and he had had a chance to practice on Chelsea during his high school years. 'All you guys have to do is see a nipple or some pussy hair and you're locked and loaded', she had once told him. 'Us gals have to feel things and hear things. It's how you touch and what you say. Give a blow by blow of what you are doing to her, and make it sound like the high point of your life. Touch her like you can't get enough'. He was probably fifteen when he got that little lesson, but in his rather limited experience, he had found his sister's advice to be golden.

Stroking tenderly and talking constantly, he did his best to get her ready. Every significant step, however, was a setback that required a long time to 'catch up' from. She trembled when he slid his had up under the nightie to caress the silky smoothness of her tummy. When he slowly moved up to cup a bare breast for the first time, she gasped and stiffened. It was several minutes before he dared touch a nipple, but his patience paid off when a few minutes of gently squeezing and rolling made her squirm in the first sign of true arousal.

When his hand worked down toward her crotch, he lost all the ground he had gained over many minutes. When she grabbed his hand to stop it, he kissed her and said "Honey, the panties have to come off, you know. And I want to make sure you get well lubricated before I try to put me in you."

Just mentioning penetration caused another trauma, but he gentled her through that and carefully worked her panties down her legs. It was mid afternoon, and while he was doing that, the covers pushed back and he got his first look at her unclad crotch. Just as he was almost swooning over the trimmed thatch of blonde hair that did not quite hide her cleft, she noticed her exposure and squeaked as she frantically pulled the covers back over herself.

That was one of several times in the drawn-out session that Matt almost gave up. But he kept telling himself that it was probably fear of the first time, and that once they were past it, things would get better.

The upside of all that was happening was that the feel of her body was even beyond his imaginings. It was a good thing he had jerked off the night before because several times the sensations from just touching her almost launched him.

She did not want his hand in her crotch, and it took a lot of gentle talking before she opened her legs to admit him. After many more minutes, he felt no lubrication at all, and he had to break the mood to fetch the KY. She panicked when he applied a little and he had to explain why he had done it.

It had been over forty-five minutes and he was dying for release. He decided things were as good as they were going to get. "Honey, I've heard it's easier for the woman the first time if she is on top."

"On top? What do you mean?"

"I would get on my back and you would squat over me and let yourself down. That way, you could control when we break your hymen."

"Oh, I could never do that! That's... that's... no! Just put it in."

"I am sorry that this may hurt," Matt told her. "You know I wouldn't hurt you on purpose, don't you." She nodded, eyes moist. Positioning himself between her legs and gently spreading them farther apart, he told her "Take your hand and guide me to the right place, Honey."

"You mean touch it? I... I can't... I... you do it." Her obvious fear and distaste for his cock almost caused him to go soft, but his arousal was too high for that. It probably backed him off enough so he had a little more staying power.

Ever so gently and pausing frequently for her fear to subside, he did get inserted and right up against her barrier. He gave her a heated kiss and pushed through. It must not have been very painful, for she gave just a little jerk and made no sound.