Chapter 7: Clearing The Air

Sunday morning I got out of bed and took a great, big shit. If I don't sound like a lady, too bad, but that's what it was and it felt good to get rid of it. No pain, no discomfort, just that pleasure you get when your body works the way it's supposed to.

I got in the shower and made sure to scrub my back well. This was another pleasure I was just getting to experience again. Of course, there were other parts of my body than my back that felt good to soap and rinse off. I found I was much more attuned to my body since my afternoon with Sam and Nancy. I could make myself feel good without having to go for the orgasm.

I got dressed in shorts and a halter and ran down the stairs, two at a time. I skipped into the kitchen and yelled "Yipee! with my arms in the air."

"Wow. Someone's in a good mood. What's up?"

"Oh, Mom. I took the stairs two at a time. I just had the best shower." I looked over at Jaz and lowered my voice. "And you wouldn't believe the good poop I just had."

Jaz giggled as Mom hugged me. "I'm so happy for you, Baby. Are you sure you're not rushing things too much?"

"I'm sure. And anyway, we've got a doctor practically living here."

She looked at me. "Are you OK with that, Honey? I know how you felt about Daddy..."

"I'm fine, Mom. I know how Daddy feels about living here. But you better get off the stick and make sure to tie that man down or I may take him away from you. You know what they say. Turnaround is fair play."

"Leslie! You wouldn't!"

She looked scared that I would. As if I could even get that man to notice me when she was in the room.

"No, Mom. I wouldn't. And you know damn well he wouldn't. Just do what you need to do so you don't lose him. That's all I'm trying to say. Everybody seems to think I'm the wicked witch of the north or something."

She reached out and pulled me to her. Her hug felt desperate.

"Oh, Leslie. You don't have any idea how much I need that man. How amazed I am that he loves me. And how afraid I am that he'll wake up one of these days and take a good look at me and decide he can do better. Or that someone else will come along before we get married. Oh God. I don't know what I'd do without him."

This was the most she'd said to me since before Wes got run over. Yeah, I'm able to say he got run over. Things change.

"Mom? Would you like to sit down and talk?"

"Oh, Honey. Could we?"

"Sure. OK if I eat breakfast first?"

"Of course, Baby. Let me fix you something."

She made eggs and bacon and a couple of pieces of toasted squaw bread she'd gotten from Dudley's Bakery in Julian. Actually Sam's parents had taken a drive up there and stocked up.

Dudley's is one of those places you go to if you go to Julian. It's a tradition. Julian is famous for its apples and Dudley's. I've heard there's a restaurant chain back east that has some real good snacks called Stuckey's. People talk about making sure to go to a Stuckey's on their vacation. Stuckey's back east is like Dudley's in Julian. Except there's only one Dudley's. Take the 67 out past Santee and Lakeside and go up into the mountains. Pass Ramona and you've only got 20 or so miles to go. Dudley's is off on the left. You can't miss it. It's the big, long building with all the cars in the parking lot.

It feels like you've driven to the end of the world but it's worth it. They make their own bread. There must be 20 different kinds. You park your car. You take a number. You wait 15 minutes to a half hour no matter what time or day of the week it is and then you have your own counter person to get whatever bread you want. And you can take as long as you want. There are guys behind the counter who have worked there for 20 years. And there are girls still in high school, making a few bucks after school and on weekends. But they all love to serve people. And they all love their bread. You ask any of them and they've got a favorite or two. What bread goes with turkey. Or mutton, roast beef, tacos. What does this one taste like. You can also try a sample piece if you're not sure. People buy boxes and boxes and stuff their freezers. My favorite is their raisin bread.

Their squaw bread is so bitchin. It's hearty. You can taste the soil when you eat it. I don't mean it's like eating dirt. You can taste all the good nutrients from rich, black soil. They don't refine the heck out of it. There's actually some texture to it. You look at the slices and there may be little holes or it may look like a bunch of tiny pebbles with all the bumps. It's not smooth and flat like Wonder Bread. And if you toast it right, it's nice and crispy on the outside and soft on the inside. Melt some real butter on it and you're in heaven.

I finished and asked Mom for some more. She toasted enough for both of us.

Jaz was long gone. Poor guy. He was left to fend for himself while I was in the hospital. He spent a day or two hanging on to Mom after she got back, following her everywhere. Then he remembered it was summer. He'd eat breakfast, go to one of his buddy's to play, maybe be home for lunch, maybe be home for dinner, maybe be home at night, then go to sleep. He always got permission to play with somebody else, eat a meal somewhere, go to the pool, beach, park with some kid and his parents, even stay over in the evening or maybe sleep over. He might call up 6 or 7 times in one day to change friends, ask if it's OK to eat lunch with Jack, can he bring Billy over for supper, whatever came up.

That kid had more friends and seemed to be able to find the best activities that were going on and get himself included. But when he was here, he was here. He was fiercely attached to Mom. I never found out what happened between them while I was recovering, but when I went under the knife they were kind of distant and when I woke up they were joined at the hip. When he was around.

Mom poured us both a cup of coffee and sat down with me at the kitchen table. She was going to have to get a larger percolator once Jeff moved in. I mean once she and Jeff got married. Jeff would never just move in.

"OK, Mom. I've eaten, I'm full, I'm at your disposal. What did you want to talk about?"

"Do you realize it's just two weeks ago that we went to Sea World? And you and your brother got together for the first time?"

"Yeah, I know. It's hard to believe. Sometimes it seems like just yesterday, others it seems like years ago."

"Well, we haven't had a chance to sit down and talk to each other since it started. A lot has happened in the last two weeks and we need to tell each other how we feel."

"Alright. Where do you want to start?"

"Well. You said something that bothered me earlier. You said 'turnabout is fair play.' Does it bother you that I was with Wes?"

"Truth?"

"Yes, Dear. Truth. No matter how much you think it will hurt."

"OK. It did and it didn't. I didn't have any hold on him. There were times you and he were in your room and I got jealous. I'm the one who seduced him, got his virginity, convinced him he could bed me. It was like I did all the work and then you'd pass him on the way to the bathroom and grab his cock and just kind of detour him into your room. We didn't promise to love each other till we died. I felt that way but I never said it. And I'd hear you screaming and go 'I want that.' I was never mad at Wes. I always knew you were the one who seduced him away from me."

"So then, you must feel it would be fair for you to steal Jeff from me. Or at least play around with him."

"No, Mom. I don't. First of all, Jeff knows exactly who and what I am. He figured that out the first time he saw me and let me know he knew. I'm not comfortable enough with myself to feel comfortable with someone who knows that much about me as a lover. It's going to be tough enough having him as a step-father. Do you realize how much I got away with with Daddy? Everything I wanted. I almost begged him to punish me and he always just patted me on the head like Daisy. Jeff read me the riot act yesterday when I made Nancy cry and he made me make it right. As a future father, that's OK. It's something I've been crying out for for years. I couldn't handle that right now in a lover. Maybe one day I'll be strong enough to love someone who knows me that well and I'll hopefully be able to know them that well, too. I can't think of a more perfect relationship. But not now, with this 14 year old girl and that 26 year old man."