Chapter 7

"Now that we it settled that Benny will stay here to protect me, I'm ready for the next chapter in your life." She sat up quickly and looked out across the road, "There's a whole herd of sea lions flaked out on the beach over there. We'll stop on the way back."

"Great! I love to watch them. So, back to Marti? She decided that my vasectomy reversal was her next crusade and began withholding sex again."

"What did you do?"

"I struggled with it, but decided that I would go outside the marriage to fulfill my sexual needs. That worked for a while until she became suspicious when I was no longer requesting sex or accepting her offers. In fact, I had my uhhh... hands full."

"Hands? Yeah, sure. How did she find out?"

"The old fashioned way. She snooped. She found an obscure note in my coat pocket. Nothing that would stand up in court, but she paid a lot more attention to my comings and goings."

"I can see how she'd be interested in your 'comings'."

"Yeah, well. She apparently came home late from campus one night just as I was leaving to go to my friend's house--uh, 'laboratory.' I didn't see her car. She followed me and learned the address of the 'laboratory.'"

"Did she come in?"

"No. The next day, while we were having our cocktails after work, she said, 'I followed you last night. You didn't go to campus. I know where you went and who lives there and now I know why you need to do so much lab work at night.'"

"Did you have a ready-made excuse?"

"No. I simply said, 'There's no lab here any more. Have to do my research somewhere.' Then, she threw her drink at me and called me a cheating son-of-a-bitch."

"If the shoe fits... Be glad it wasn't a butcher knife. Then what?"

"We went to a marriage counselor to talk about the problem, but it was unsuccessful in changing anything. By then, I simply wanted out. I saw no way to fix the problem. So, we asked the counselor to draw up our divorce settlement and how to handle the children."

"What happened to the children?"

"We had joint custody for a few years until they were 18. Then, they went off to school."

"We saw your son's children. What about your daughter?"

"She took after me and decided that she didn't want to be a mommy. So, I'll only get half the grandchildren I'm entitled to."

"Poor baby. You didn't want to remarry?"

"I figured that I flunked marriage the first time and didn't rush right off to the altar."

"My brother's wife made it clear to him that she wasn't having children. She was really a compulsive researcher. I don't think that broke his heart, but it disappointed my father. He really wanted a grandchild to carry his name."

"I can understand his feelings."

"I could, too. After he got the bad news about his daughter-in-law, he told me that it was up to me. He was almost in tears."

"What a heavy burden that must have been."

"Yes it is! His request continues to haunt me. I have trouble sorting out my feelings about it all the time. I loved him and would do anything for him. Some days, I really want to have a child for him. Other days, I think about one of my own. Then, I go to work and get all scared."

"I can understand how that might be traumatic. As long as you didn't promise him a child and he'll never get to hold it, maybe you can have a clearer conscience?"

She paused and then said softly, "Perhaps." Maybe I should be careful asking questions that might have wrong answers. "What about your 'lab partner'? What happened to her?"

"She's still at the university. We stopped seeing each other after a year or so."

"And then, there was Erika. May I know about her?"

After a lengthy pause, he said, "I guess. What would you like to know?"

"How did you get started?"

"She came to the university on a visiting professorship. I was unattached. We had coffee a few times and then I asked her for dinner. We had a nice time, so I asked her out again. She reciprocated by cooking me a delicious dinner. So, we saw more and more of each other."

"When did you become intimate?" Be careful, Ashley.

He paused again, struggling with his answer. "The first night she made dinner for me, I spent the night. That's when."

"I thought she lived with you."

"Her apartment was a temporary furnished arrangement with the university. She could stay there a month or so until she found a place of her own. We spent a lot of time together successfully, so after a month I invited her to live with me."

"Did you love her?"

"I think so. I was certainly enjoying a high degree of infatuation. Rather than a clash of cultures, we seemed to get along well from the beginning. I'd been alone for a good while, so I welcomed the chance to focus on someone I cared for."

"So, things were good. Then, what happened?"

"A colleague who knew her happened to mention that he visited with Erika and her husband in Stuttgart. They had meals together. I asked her about it and she confirmed that she still had a husband."

"What was her excuse?"

"She said that she was initiating a divorce and was using the visiting faculty job to figure out how to go about it."

Ashley felt the uneasiness in her stomach as she asked, "What did you do?"

"I was angry and felt deceived so I asked her to move out and I stopped seeing her."

"Why did you care so much if she was intending to get a divorce anyway?"

"She withheld information about her circumstance. Had she told me in the beginning, I doubt that it would have mattered."

"Do you think she assumed that you knew of her marriage and didn't think it important?"

"She hinted at that when I confronted her, but I was the last to be told."

Now for the big one, "Do you miss her?"

Ashley endured a seemingly endless period of silence, until he replied, "For months I did. As I said, it was intense. Then, I sought other company."

"If she'd told you in the beginning, you'd probably still be together?" She chilled as she asked the question. That was a close call!

"I suppose we would have. We did OK together, considering I had lived alone for so long." He paused, "After my wife's deception, I didn't have much tolerance. Maybe I was too impulsive, but I figured if she wasn't honest about that, she'd withhold other information."

"Her children?"

"No, she chose not to have children. I had finished my family obligations and she was tied to her career, so it wasn't an issue."

"You sound almost hostile when you say that."

"I'm sorry. I need to get over my anger at my former wife. I'm burdening you."

"You aren't burdening me at all, since I asked the questions. Yes, you have been carrying that emotional freight for years. How old is Erika?"

"About forty now, give or take, if my arithmetic is accurate."

"Is she coming back for sure to the university?"

"I don't know. She isn't in my program, but I'll find out next week."

"Will you tell me?"

He squeezed her hand and said, "Ashley, you have nothing to fear about Erika. I think you worry about her too much."

They drove up and down hills with a glorious view of the huge waves crashing on the rocks near the shore. Fog still obscured the view on the top of some of the hills, then they would burst into bright sunshine, once again speeding through the hairpin curves to the bottom. The Jag hugged the road on the tight turns, sometimes creating higher g-forces for Ashley and Benny. Bill noticed and said, "OK, sorry. I'll slow down. It's hard not to drive this car!"

She laughed and rolled her window down. "Well, I'm glad I don't get carsick. I like to push it, too when the road's clear. I don't think Benny enjoys the curves, though."

"This is a perfect road for a performance car. Not at all like Georgia, except in the mountains."

"Now look. Benny is struggling to get his head out the window. Why do dogs do that? They seem to love it."

"I have no idea. The vet says not to let him do it, but the vet doesn't have to put up with his whining. So, I give in. Let him enjoy himself."

"What happened to Erika when you asked her to leave?"

"She found a colleague in need of a roommate and moved in to her apartment."

"Did she apologize or anything?"

"Oh, yes. Many times. She argued that since she had already decided to get a divorce, she was a free woman and could live with me if she wanted to. When she saw how serious I took the deception, she apologized a lot and asked to stay."

"I hear you say that you probably loved her and that the only reason you aren't together now is that you believed that she deceived you. You didn't consider that it was her choice to live with you, given that she intended to divorce?" Lighten up! Are you trying to corner him?

He laughed, "I always questioned why she didn't just tell me. You sound like her advocate!"

"Not exactly! Just trying to understand the rules." She watched the road for a while and then said, "Just at the top of this hill, there is a turnout with one of the best views. I think Benny might like to walk."

The view stunned them. A thousand feet below, large waves coming all the way from Japan crashed into the varied rock formations thundering high into the air. Down the hill on the road, one of the large arch bridges that grace the coast highway every few miles stood out white against the green trees, just like they look in the television ads.

After another few miles of dramatic scenery, they rounded the final curve leading up into Big Sur. Ashley said, "In a few hundred yards, you will see a sign for the restaurant called Nepenthe. Try to get a parking place in the lower lot."

She walked Benny around the edge of the parking lot until he had performed and then they walked up the stairs to the open deck. They took a table and studied the menu. Benny slept on the floor under the table. When the server came to take their orders, she said, "In California, dogs are not allowed in restaurants." She then smiled, "If I don't see him and he doesn't make noise, I couldn't very well report him, now could I?"

The cliff on which the restaurant was located rose some 800 feet above the rocky beach, providing another spectacular view for several miles down the coast. The day could not have been nicer, with a slight cooling breeze to offset the brilliant sunshine. As they ate, they could hear the harmonic artistic wind chimes coming from the gift store below. Some chimes were light tinkly and cheery, while others were of a much lower and more profound pitch. The chimes offered an almost melodic background of random sounds. Bill had ordered the salmon cakes with a vegetable medley and Ashley had chosen a small steak salad.

While they were eating and enjoying glasses of the open house wine, Bill said, "I seem to be telling all the stories. I'm sure you've had some interesting relationships. Want to share any?"

Ashley felt herself blush as she reflected on his request. Because she wanted to know all the details of Bill's recent love life, she had directed the conversation only there. Being asked to reciprocate caught her completely off guard.

For God's sake, say something Ashley! "Well, I uh... yes, I have. Maybe some other time, OK?"

Having undergone the intense questioning on the trip up, he decided to press her for the pure hell of it. "Sure. Maybe on the drive home. I remember lots of places where the scenery isn't demanding!"

As they drove south on Highway One returning home, he enjoyed the unparalleled scenery out the right side of the car. They had driven several miles before he said, "I'm listening for the love escapades of Ashley Wilson."

I'll get him! "When I was in fifth grade, I had a terrible crush on a boy named Issac. We had been going to school--"

Bill interrupted, "No, Ashley. Start with the most recent and work backwards. That way, we will reach a stopping point. I don't want a hundred stories, just the five most significant."

"How about three? One at the university, one after graduation, and one after my father died."