Chapter 13

Ashley took several minutes to pull herself back together. The truth was out, though, and he knew that she didn't want to go back to Georgia. He had never seen her in such an emotionally driven state, or did he know what to do to calm her, so he took her in his arms and whispered, "I know that you don't want to go back there. I will release you from your commitment to move. No bad feelings."

She pushed away from him and raised her voice, "That doesn't solve a damn thing. I don't want out of my commitment. I can get out on my own if I want out. I don't want out!" She sobbed again. He drew him to his chest and let her breathe deeply to gain her composure back.

She breathed in and exhaled, "What's your idea of the worst case?"

"They hire one of the other candidates. That closes most of my reasonable options. I wouldn't know what to do then."

"You can't just retire and live here with me?" She was still sniffling.

Bill went to the bar and refreshed their drinks. He held hers out to her. "Sweetheart, I do what I do because I love every day. Almost every day. I'm addicted to trying to put the puzzle together through my research. To connect the dots as everyone is fond of saying now. I need a lab and people to use in my research."

"Couldn't you just write books or something?"

"I'm doing that now, in the summer and during the year when I schedule it. I like to have informed colleagues to work with in taking the next step. It's me. It's what I do. You used to find it attractive."

She inhaled deeply, "I don't know what to say. You're leaving me. I will be alone. It was bad enough waiting for you after the reunion, but now, there is no end to the waiting."

He leaned back on the couch and brought her closer in his arms so that their bodies were in contact. He stroked her hair and squeezed her skin against her back and made slow motions up and down. After a few minutes, he felt her muscles soften and she began to relax. He rubbed her neck and back and within minutes she slept.

Ten minutes later she opened her eyes, "What happened?"

"I think you were up to here in our problems and had to sleep a minute to relax." He continued rubbing.

She said, "Forgive me for being a bitch. I know that you're not in charge of whom they hire. I think you know that I don't want you to go."

"I know. I know. I don't want to go either."

She sat up and took her drink, "You said you were going to feed me. Did I behave so badly that you're sending me to bed without dinner?"

He welcomed the lightness of her remark. "I'll put the chickens on now. We can eat in thirty minutes."

"Didn't I say I'd make a salad?"

"You did."

"Let's go do it."

As Bill prepared and marinated the chicken breast quarters, he recognized that this was their worst encounter, ever. She had been annoyed before, but now, she was beginning to show real anger. He could, of course, point out that she was thrilled to get a permanent job doing something she thought would make a difference in the world. He had those same needs. Explaining these issues to her would not be a good choice right away.

When he served her, she ate a couple of bites and said, "This is quite good. I forget that you know how to cook yummy meals."

"Glad you like it. I had lots of practice. No gourmet stuff, just regular things that the kids liked to eat."

She took a sip of her wine, "I guess I kind of screwed up the evening. Sorry I'm so spoiled."

"Part of your charm, I suppose."

"I noticed that you didn't deny that I'm spoiled."

"By your own proud admission on several occasions. I didn't want to argue about it."

"This day is not going well. I don't want to be at odds with you and we seem to be able to get under each other's skin quite easily." She sighed deeply. "I hate it when I feel prickly like this. I said that I would never have PMS. Until I had it, I thought it was psychosomatic."

"When so many women have it regularly, it seems real enough to me. Hormones are powerful."

"I'm always shocked when I'm such a bitch. I'm looking forward to trying the new pill—Yaz—or something like that. It is supposed to relieve these symptoms and be an effective contraceptive, too."

"I would never accuse you of PMS, but some days you don't behave in your typical way. Sometimes when people spend a lot of time together and have difficult issues to resolve, conflict seems unavoidable. I'm not really sure what we're arguing about."

"I hate having my period the last week you're here. I can sometimes stretch it a day or two, but more than that gets me off the cycle."

"Well, do your best to enjoy the chicken and salad. Have a sip of wine. Maybe we can sit in the tub later."

"Let's do that. Hot water does make me feel better."

After they had put the dishes away, she went up to check her email while he watched the evening news. Two messages captured her attention. One was from Bill. "Dearest, I was sitting here thinking about you. Thinking how wonderful it is to be with you every day and to hold you at night. I always get anxious waiting for you to come home and it will be three more hours. Love you! B."

Her tears came again as she reread the simple love note he sent her in the middle of the day. She hadn't been able to read it until just now and it came after she had been so testy before dinner. He sent me a lovely thought and I screwed up the mood. Good, Ashley!

Then, she opened the one from Courtney. "You're on my mind today, Ashley. Hope you had a good one. I should know something more tomorrow. I understand that they were trying to reach a decision this afternoon. As you know, it doesn't hinge on competence. Hell, they're both highly competent. They're looking to see how the new person would fit with what's going on now. I want to see you again. Courtney :-*"

Although she didn't often use the email Emoticons, she checked her list to find that Courtney sent her a kiss. Well, now! I have two sweet messages and didn't have time to read them today. Maybe I should look more often!

When she finished, she put on her robe and went down to find Bill. She snuggled in next to him and whispered, "You sent me a sweet note today and I didn't have time to see it until right now. To think I could have had that warm flutter feeling at work and not have to wait until getting home. I appreciate it."

"I was sitting with my feet on the desk thinking about a problem in that systems class you took. I'm upgrading it. I thought about how much I care for you and wanted to tell you."

She took his hand and placed it on her bare breast. "Here, let me sooth your hand."

"Oh, that does it every time. Soothing pleasure at its best. I can feel that you're dressed for the tub."

"When the news is over, I think it will feel good to sit in bubbles."

Sunset loomed only minutes away as they took their regular places in the tub. She sat on the bubble jet and let it pulse on her crotch until the warm glow permeated her. She said, "That feels good. I'm glad you thought of it."

"The jet feels good on my back. I sometimes get too tense when I'm thinking and writing and I build up a pain in the center of my shoulders."

"Turn around and I'll see if I can help."

She put her left arm around his neck to steady him and then made a fist with her right hand and pushed her knuckles into his back muscles.

"My God, you found it. That stings."

""I'm going to hold it there and you relax the muscle. Concentrate."

After a minute, she could feel the muscle give way as she pushed into it with the heel of her hand. "Now, relax it again."

After a couple of minutes, he said, "Mmmm, that feels much better."

"OK, your turn. My left breast must be heavier or something. My back hurts only on the left side."

He held her and pushed his thumbs into her back muscles from her butt to her shoulders several times. Then, he repeated her trick of using the knuckles to push harder.

She squealed, "Ouch! Yes, right there. Ouch! Ow! Keep it up."

He continued to press until she relaxed and then began squeezing and kneading her skin all over her back.

"OK. That's enough. Feels much better. I'll just lean against the jet and let it do the work."

"Should I be jealous of the jet getting you off?"

Her eyes were looking skyward and her mouth was open as she said, "Nooooo. Don't be jealous. Please share..." The she gasped as the waves from her movements sloshed water out of the tub. She rested her head on the pad and said, "I felt like I was going to burst after our unpleasant conversation. You rubbed my back and the tub helped a lot. As you could tell, that jet gave me a big one. I needed it."

"We'd better get out for a while before we boil our bones. Maybe I'll give you a shower?"

When they went into the shower, she pointed to the dripping showerhead and said, "Are you really able to fix it?"

He grabbed her from behind and took both breasts in his hands, "I'll know tomorrow when I install the new cartridge." He turned on the water and began the slow task of washing the hot tub residue off her body.

"I don't ever want to take a shower alone again. You make it incredibly special with your hands all over me. Sometimes, I just stand and tremble it feels so good."

He nuzzled her neck. "I feel so moral saving water by showering with you. The world's richest people can't feel much better doing this than we do. The water's warm, the soap is slippery, and your body thrills me every time."

She turned around, "I feel much better, although I still feel bloated. Maybe we could have a quick fuck. Tomorrow will probably not be appealing."

He massaged her soapy breasts, "Bloated? You're always appealing. That's what showers are for."

"I should feel more like it again by Monday. I know blood washes off, but some days, it just doesn't feel that good to fuck."

After they had a particularly satisfying sexual encounter and were cuddled in the afterglow, she said, "Every day, I appreciate the support you give me. I think if I said I was going to jump off the deck and fly around the valley, you'd encourage me."

"Some days, I think you could make it!" He laughed. "I would never encourage you to do anything I didn't think you could handle satisfactorily. I have a lot of respect for your ability to deal with people and I've always known how bright you are."

"You make that known to me every day. My father always pushed me to do more than I thought I could. He supported my whims and my good ideas as well."

"So, I'm a father figure?"

"Maybe you are. Maybe that's why I love you."

"If I'm your father, what we are doing is against the law."

"I'm not sure it is any more for mature consenting adults. I'd do it anyway even if you were my father."

"Fortunately, I think a DNA sample would clear us."

"When you sit in his office and in his chair, I feel comfortable and safe in my house. When you putter around and fix things, I get happy inside. When we make love, that thrill and comfort makes me cry sometimes."

"You fill a huge void in my life, too. You delight me when I am around you. You put your bare skin against me at night and give me precious well being."