Chapter 2

Of course they were both sexy girls but it was not just the sex. They were also fun to be with, Fran perhaps, being the more adventurous of the two, whilst Clare was the more caring and compassionate. It was no surprise that both Ray and I should fall in love with them, and no surprise that two years later we had a double wedding.

Within the year Fran was expecting. Clare and I were not quite ready for children and had decided to wait. However Clare shared in the preparation, going along with the parents-to-be, helping to choose the furniture for the nursery and generally being supportive.

We were simply devastated when we heard the news. Clare dropped the phone and screamed. I attempted to make sense of what a distraught Ray was trying to tell me. A hit and run driver had knocked Francesca down and she was in a coma. She had already lost the baby and the doctors had warned Ray that her condition was such that he should expect the worst. By the time Clare and I got to the hospital, she was already dead.

The next few months were utter hell with anger, misery and despair ever present in our lives. Ray remained inconsolable, but slowly, oh so slowly, Clare and I began to come to terms with our loss. Now only too aware of the ephemeral nature of our existence, we decided we would start a family.

We were both confident that she would fall pregnant quickly - her late twin sister had done just that - but it did not happen. Our hopes were dashed every month with the onset of her period. Eventually we went to a clinic and to my dismay, it was discovered that I had an abnormally low sperm count. The specialist assured me that it had no influence on my sexuality, that it was quite commonplace, and most importantly that I might still be able to father a child. It was just that I was firing blanks most of the time. He suggested that we limit our sex to those times when she was most fertile. I must say that consulting a chart and taking her internal temperature to determine the optimum moment, was hardly likely to make for mad passionate sex. We persevered nevertheless, but with no more success than before.

We were of course bitterly disappointed, but to put it in context, it was but a minor irritation compared to what Ray was going through. He was still missing Fran terribly and had lost his zest for life. Clare was becoming increasingly concerned about him. She was sure he was not eating enough so we often invited him round to eat with us and she would insist he take home what had not been eaten. I think she deliberately cooked more food than was necessary, just so that she could provide for him. She also felt he could do with some female company, so she tried fixing him up with a number of her single friends. A couple of them were really nice, but it was all to no avail. Ray was not really interested; he had lost his heart to Fran, and no one could replace her.

It was the weekend after the second anniversary of her death. We felt he would be especially low at this time, so we invited him to come out with us for a drink. On reflection, perhaps we should not have gone to the pub where we had all originally met, but it was just one of so many places where memories of happy times together served merely to underline our tragic loss.

I tried to lift the spirits of the others but it was a forlorn task and in the end we realised we were not in the right frame of mind and decided to go home. Twenty minutes later the taxi deposited us at our front door. Ray was thinking about going back to his own house, but seeing how sad he was, Clare and I insisted that he stay.

We were sitting in the lounge, drinking a nice red wine.

Ray raised his glass to us both. "To the two dearest people in my life. I don't know what I would have done without..." Suddenly his eyes filled with tears and he could not finish his words.

Clare took his glass from him and then cuddled him to her bosom. She too was crying as she sought to comfort him. Possibly embarrassed by giving vent to his emotions, he quickly composed himself. He looked sheepishly at us.

"Sorry about that, I suppose it was us being together in that pub again and it just brought it all back."

"You don't have to say sorry Ray." Clare spoke in a soft soothing manner whilst dabbing her eyes with a tissue.

I tried to lift the gloom. "I can still see your face that night, Ray. It was a picture!"

"I'm not surprised; I just had no idea there were two of them." A brief smile crossed his face. "Which brings me to what I was going to say to you. I really appreciate your trying to fix me up with other women, but I think it is a waste of time. I am never going to find another Fran. It is ironic really because I see her in you all the time Clare, not just in your looks but also in your manner. And it just underlines how wonderful she was; how much I miss her."

"Don't you think you are being a bit pessimistic Ray? About finding someone else I mean. It is only two years after all." I saw the hurt in his face and immediately regretted my words.