Chapter 9

The next few weeks before the start of school were a period of great adjustment at the Voss home. Julie and Glen were still struggling to adjust to their new reality, bumping into disappointments and new challenges almost daily.

They loved each other deeply, and were both doing their best to make their relationship work. Both recognized the missing passion and closeness. Each felt the fault was theirs, and neither would mention their feelings to the other.

Glen was working a full night shift at the grocery store while taking a course load his advisor considered ridiculous. That meant that during the scarce hours he had to spend with Julie, he was seldom at his brightest. In addition, he always worked the weekend nights to free up as much of the week as possible for classes and study. He was a fanatic about study. He told everyone that if all he could get was a degree from a third-rate school, he at least had to have perfect grades for any chance of a decent job. Even then it would be hard.

Exercise was such an integral part of his life that Glen got in a solid swimming workout at least three times a week. That irritated Julie at first, until Betty had a heart-to-heart with her.

"Julie, Honey, you know I try to stay out of things between you and Glen. Can I say something about his swimming?"

"Sure, Betty. I know you don't meddle, and I appreciate it."

"I know his time is scarce, and I can understand why you resent him spending it swimming. He always goes when you are working, but he could spend the time studying so he had more free for you. I know that."

"The thing is, without exercise, he wouldn't really be Glen. It has always been a part of him. I know, because I'm the same way. If he let himself go, I don't think you would like him very much."

"There's one other thing about swimming. You should be glad he will still do it. Remember at first, when he broke up at just the mention of it? I don't know if he still has a scrap of his dream tucked away somewhere, but I hope he does. That dream is part of what makes him Glen, too."

Julie had to fight with all her might to keep her composure when Betty talked about her son's dream, and keeping a scrap of it alive. That was the dream that she had stolen. That was what denied the closeness that she wanted Glen for in the first place. She did a rapid attitude change, and from then on honestly encouraged his swimming workouts. On a few weekends, she even suggested they go together.

She did extract a promise from Glen to take a lighter load the winter quarter when the baby was due. He agreed with surprising willingness. His drive to get his degree did not exceed his desire to experience fatherhood to the fullest.

The job at the furniture store turned out to be the best thing that could happen for Julie. Very quickly she was pressed into some emergency sales duties, and showed that she had inherited something positive from Vince. She was a natural, and before the summer was over, she was on the floor full time. This did not result in as much net income as she would have liked, however, since the wardrobe demands ate up a lot of her early commissions. All in all, though, she was optimistic that she would more than hold her own for getting them out of their financial hole.

Ellie had to fight to act normally. She was absolutely head over heels for Terry - the first love of her life. When Betty took her to the OB/Gyn for a pill subscription, it did nothing to dampen her ardor.

"Honey, this is just a good precaution for a girl your age. I'm not doing it because I expect you to sleep with Terry."

"But you didn't worry about it before," Ellie replied. Then, sobering, she lamented "But I don't even know if he likes me. He's so nice, and everything, but nothing, you know, romantic. You've talked to him, Mom. Does he like me?"

"I think you can tell he likes you, just because he's nice to you, Ellie."

"You know what I mean! Does he like me like a girlfriend?"

"If it was him asking about you, would you want me to tell him?"

"Sure! I'd want him to know. Maybe the wondering would at least be over."

Berating herself for the bad tactic, Betty told her "I'm sorry, Honey. I just can't betray his confidence."

"No, I guess you couldn't. Not even just once? Please?" But she was grinning as she begged, and gave her mother a hug.

Ellie thrilled at every moment she could be with Terry. He was as nice to her as could be: courteous, respectful, helpful, complimentary, fun. What he was not was romantic, and that frustrated her. It did not help her self-image situation, either. She worried that she was just not attractive enough to interest him THAT way. Ellie also worried about Terry's well-being a lot. Anyone could see that he was troubled.

Terry fought hard to hide his true feelings for Ellie and not do anything to lead her on. He was just a recreational swimmer, but he started going with her to the club for her workouts. It was torture watching her awesome body moving in the revealing tank suit, but he could see how much his presence pleased her, so he kept torturing himself.

Quite often, Betty and Glen went to the club at the same time. Having Betty there gave Terry a reason to tear his eyes off of Ellie. That really just made things worse, though. Every look at Betty just made him think more about how wonderful a life with Ellie would be. He knew it was silly for a high school senior to be thinking in those terms, but the idea of marriage and home had an exceptionally strong pull on him. It was his chance to make up for what he had been deprived of as he grew up.

Ellie took every opportunity to just sit and talk with Terry, and that was torture for him, too. She was so energetic and animated, and there was none of the inane teenaged prattle. They really talked, and he began to admire her mind as much as her body and her personality.

Nearly every night in bed, Terry decided to just let go and show his true feelings for Ellie. The decision was always rescinded quickly, though. His thoughts would turn to his parents, and the anger and hate would boil up. He had to protect Ellie from that.

Fortunately, Terry found a way to vent his frustration from the torture of being around Ellie but not being truly with her. Alan and Marty started working to finish the basement as soon as Terry arrived. Terry had never done any carpentry, but he asked if there was any way he could help.

From the first simple tasks he was given, Terry was fascinated. He found true satisfaction in watching the area take shape, and also discovered an unsuspected aptitude. He was a naturally methodical, organized person, and a perfectionist. He had good manual dexterity and spatial perception. With a speed that surprised Alan, he learned the necessary techniques, and Alan was able to leave the project to the boys.

After only two weeks, Marty and Terry went to Alan with a proposal. "Dad," Marty led off, "you know those two basement jobs you had to turn down? Well, how about Terry and I take them on and you just come by every day to supervise and inspect. I know we could still get them."

"How do you know that?"

"I've, uh, stopped and talked to both of them. They want us or nobody."

"But school's about to start."

"That's OK. Terry needs a job, and he never takes long for homework."

"But basketball..."

"Doesn't start for several weeks. By then, Terry can carry most of the load." Marty was selling hard, now. He had more of an entrepreneurial streak than his dad, and had dreamed of a real construction business of his own. He and Terry had bonded instantly, and were fast becoming a very proficient team. Terry seemed to know what he could not do well and didn't mind relying on Marty until he learned. The quality image that Alan had established was in no danger of eroding with the boys.

The boys' being diverted to outside jobs meant that the basement would not be finished as quickly for Julie and Glen to move down there. Julie, elated that Terry had found an interest and a source of cash, was the first to assure him that they were fine in Glen's room. Truthfully, she found the closeness to the others rather comforting, a feeling of family that she was just enjoying for the first time.

Besides his feelings for Ellie, Terry had another big problem in the early weeks. Theresa began calling the house at least daily, trying to talk to him. He quietly went to each family member and told them that he absolutely would not talk to her. He stopped answering the phone, and whoever picked up Theresa's calls relayed his refusal as gently as they could. It did not stop Theresa's increasingly frantic calls, and it all came to a head just a week before school started.

Knowing that the Vosses never locked their back door when they were home, Theresa parked a couple of houses away, and came at their lot from the back. She was so nervous she was shaking, but she was also so determined to talk to her son that nothing would stop her, even... well, she hoped it would not come to that.

She was glad she had worn sneakers, even if they were too hot on such a warm evening. They protected her feet as she walked through some wild brush. When she reached the back of the house, she was about to go right in, but instead, looked in through the kitchen window. She could see everyone seated at the dining room table. Terry's back was to her, but it still made her heart flutter just to see him from behind.

It looked like they were still busy eating, so she decided to wait until they were all done, or at least nearly so. It turned out to take only five or six minutes, but it seemed like hours before Betty got up and brought a platter into to the kitchen. 'Surely Betty would understand', Theresa reasoned, and she slipped quietly in through the door.

Just as Betty looked up and saw her, Theresa put her finger to her lips, pleading for silence. More than the gesture, the longing in Theresa's eyes convinced Betty not to give away the distraught mother's presence. When Theresa got completely inside, Betty held up her own hand, then one finger, signaling that Theresa should wait one minute. Betty then went back to her seat and casually re-entered the conversation. She did not like being involved in trickery, but she was firmly convinced that it was to everyone's benefit for mother and son to start talking.

Julie was sitting next to Terry, with Glen, so Theresa entered from behind both of them. Betty was sitting at the end of the table nearest the kitchen door, but since she knew what was about to happen, she pretended not to notice Theresa's presence. Ellie, Marty, and Alan, however, saw her immediately, and their expressions of surprise alerted Terry, Julie, and Glen.

As soon as he saw his mother, Terry began to get up, but Julie beat him to it and forcefully held him down. He clearly could have risen despite his sister's restraint, but he acceded to her wishes and sat back down. He did, however, pointedly look away from Theresa.

Theresa came around behind Betty so she was facing Terry. "T... Terry, p... please! Can I talk to you?" she stammered out. He said nothing and kept his face turned away. There was absolute silence for many seconds, then she spoke again in a pleading tone. "Isn't... isn't there anything I can d... do to get you to t... talk to me?"

Every since he arrived, Julie had been talking to Terry about their mother. She had described the unbelievable changes that had occurred. She had explained her own feelings: how there was still a good deal of hatred and distrust, but also a little pity. Over and over, but as gently as possible, she had told him he that needed to talk with her to get any victory over his own anger.

Terry had listened to his sister, usually without comment. He knew what she said was true, but he did not want to let go of the anger. When things at the Center were at their worst, it was the anger that helped him get through. It was almost like an old friend. He could not imagine his mother any way but the brawling, smothering person who had driven him to drugs. In truth, he did not want to think of her any other way because it might make the anger harder to summon up.

After another long pause with no response from Terry and no sound from any of the others, Theresa gave a visible shudder and made her decision. For a moment, she waffled, once again wondering why her action would make any difference to Terry. But she had thrashed that all out in her mind beforehand, endlessly. If she didn't talk to him now, she would go crazy.

Steeling herself, Theresa abruptly pulled off the golf shirt she was wearing. Other than that one time horrible time with Glen, no male but Vince and her doctors had even seen her in her underwear - well, not since high school, anyway. Now, Alan and Marty sat staring at her in complete shock.

Her face and the skin on her upper chest were bright red with her embarrassment, but she did not stop. In mere seconds, she had pushed down and stepped out of the skirt she wore, leaving her standing in bra, panties, and sneakers.

Recovering from his shock, Alan looked over at Marty and motioned with his eyes that they should leave. Marty quickly stood, turned away from Theresa and left the room. Alan and Glen were right on his heels.

Betty stood, put her hand on Theresa's shoulder, and gave a light squeeze. She still held a lot of animosity toward the woman because of what she had done to Julie and Terry. But she could understand the desperation that could make a mother take such a step. As she left, she signaled to Ellie, who was able to recover enough to join her.

Racing to beat the loss of her nerve, Theresa almost threw off her bra, then quickly stripped off her panties. She was stepping out of her shoes when Terry looked over to see what was happening. He gasped and rose again to leave, pointedly turning away from his mother again.

Julie rose right with him and hugged him firmly. "Terry, it's time. Please. I think you know what it took for her to strip. Talk to her. For me. For all of us."

Terry sagged back into his chair, still not looking at his mother, who stood quivering in shame and fear as Julie left the room. She did not say anything, but waited him out. Finally, he turned and looked at her, his gaze fixed on her face.

"This is not for everyone to hear," Terry said in the first words to his mother in many months. "Let's go down to my room."

Obediently, glad of any action, Theresa stooped to pick up her clothes. "Leave them!" Terry's voice cracked out sternly. She jerked upright in surprise and confusion, then seemed to decide she had no choice. On her visit with Betty and Alan, they had shown her the basement where Terry would be staying, and she padded unsteadily toward the stairway.

Terry followed her down the stairs, noticing the gooseflesh on her back and shoulders as the temperature dropped while they descended. Theresa noticed the coolness as well, and her nipples would have stiffened, except that they were already hard as rocks since she first began undressing.

After seeing the effects of the cool air on his mother's skin, Terry's eyes naturally tracked to her ass. Despite his anger and confusion, he could not help noticing the attractive womanly flair of her hips from her admirably small waist. As his eyes lingered for a few steps, he could feel the undulation of her full, surprisingly smooth ass cheeks drawing him in. With a quick shake of his head, he forced his gaze downward to her legs. It startled him that they looked almost girlish, much tighter and smoother than he would have expected for her age.

In his bedroom, Terry turned a chair toward the bed and sat on it, motioning his mother to sit on the bed. When she was seated, arms almost painfully held at her sides to expose her breasts, he ran his eyes over her body for the first time that she could notice and asked "Why?"

After asking his question, he continued his perusal of her body, purposely making it obvious, trying to upset her. He had to admit to himself that she had a fine body, especially at forty-something. In his mind, she had always been a cranky old hag because of her actions toward him. Her treatment of him literally stifled the normal curiosity of a son about his mother's body. Instead of upsetting her, he was the one shaken by his examination.

"I've been dying to talk to you, you know that," she answered, jarring him from his brief reverie.

"No, I mean why naked?"

"A... after she found out she was p... pregnant, Julie wouldn't talk to us unless we were naked. She seemed to need that as a sign we were serious. I thought maybe you..."

"So you hoped I would get distracted by your body?" Terry knew very well she was incapable of that strategy. He also knew how modest she was. He was frankly awed by her action. Whatever impression she had made, though, he could not resist inflicting pain in any way he could. Thus, the crack about distracting him.

"No. You know I'm modest. I hope this shows how badly I want to talk to you. I had to convince you I wasn't hiding anything; I wasn't pretending. Would I do this if I was trying to fool you?"

Still in the mood to hurt her, he spat out "So what did you want to say?"

She had not known just what to expect, but the bitterness in his words stunned her for a moment. "I... I need to tell you that I know how wrong I have been all these years. I know how much I've hurt you, and..."

"No, you don't know!" he nearly shouted, something she had never heard him do. "You have no idea how much you hurt me," he continued in a much more controlled voice. "There is no way you can feel what I went through. You never even thought about whether I felt anything."

"You're right, I never thought about what you felt," she agreed, momentarily silencing him. "But I think I do know how much I hurt you."

"How could you?" he asked with a derisive snort.

"For one thing, I have lost my children, who now hate me. What could be more painful for a mother? Besides that, your father is now treating me as we always treated you. I am getting a taste of what you lived through. It's terrible!"

His anger somewhat quenched by her sincerity, they talked calmly for a few minutes. At first, Theresa was so distracted by his scanning of her body that she found it difficult to talk. It felt like she could feel exactly where his eyes were tracking. Initially, it was all around her breasts, and her nipples reacted as if to a physical touch. She unconsciously squeezed her legs tighter together when she felt his gaze move toward her crotch.

After a minute or two, she was able to gain enough control to look at him in an appraising way. She almost swooned at the changes she saw. In the almost seven months since she had last seen him, all traces of boyishness had vanished. His body looked beefy and solid. His face was that of a man, but an old and sad man.

She was momentarily stunned by the realization that she had almost never looked her son straight in the eyes - he would always look away. Now, he stared into her eyes so steadfastly and intensely that she was the one who turned away. What she saw in his eyes made her tremble. She saw pain, anger, and sadness, and also a great deal of determination. But what she did not see hurt her the most: there was no trace of love, or even pity.

For some reason, Terry tired of the rather idle chatter and went into attack mode again. "I assume Dad has not changed at all," he stated as a fact.

"I'm afraid not," Theresa admitted with a shaky voice.

"And how do I know you have really changed?"

"Would I be here like this if I hadn't?" she asked with a touch of irritation.

"How would I know?" he responded. "With the way you two used to carry on, you couldn't have been all that modest." That remark from him stung, but he did not let up. "It was just an example of how little you cared about us: the way you would be fighting, then all of a sudden you would be upstairs fucking like crazy, moaning and screaming." She sucked in her breath when he said that, but he still did not stop. "It didn't matter a bit if we were embarrassed or upset. That wasn't modest. Maybe strutting around naked is really no big deal to you."

"But I... we... Ohhhh!" Tears were streaming down her cheeks now.

At that point, the blood lust overtook him. He was hurting her and it felt good. He could not stop himself. "Go ahead, show me what got Dad so worked up. Lay back and spread your legs. Do it! Now!"

She was stunned, both at his fury and at the humiliation of his request. Just as she was about to bolt from the room, she remembered the anguish of having no contact with him. She could not go back to that! It would kill her!

Hardly believing her own actions, she forced herself to flop backward, then with a supreme effort of will, she spread her legs as wide as they would go. Once spread and displayed, her own emotions took over. The familiar frenzy of the battle lust began to take over. She had vowed she would never go there again, but in her emotional state, she did not have that much control.

Surrendering to the frenzy, she screamed between sobs, "There! Does that make you believe me? Is this enough humiliation to get you to talk to me? What more can I do?" She paused for several wrenching sobs. Then she reached between her legs and spread her outer lips.

"Why don't you fuck me? Would that help you get even? I know you think I fucked you over hundreds of times! Go ahead! Put it in there and pound me!" There was another pause for sobs. "This is what upset you, isn't it? So, just do it! Hurt me! I deserve it!"

By this point, Terry was frozen in shock, but Theresa was not done. The frenzy had complete control of her, now. Just as in the familiar battles of old, she was conscious and aware, but something else was driving her words. This time, though, she was not trying to win a battle. This frenzy was driven by guilt. She was punishing herself, and she was merciless.

There was one more thing driving her frenzy, one she would never acknowledge, but a very strong one: her sexual attraction to her son. That attraction was no small factor in her desperation to see him and talk to him. She would never admit to it, and would never consciously act on it, but it was definitely there.

"Come on!" she shrieked. "What are you waiting for? You must want to fuck me! After hearing your Dad do it all those times, don't you want your chance?" She stuck two fingers into her vagina and began pumping them in and out vigorously.

Suddenly, she flipped over and crawled farther onto the bed. Then, on her knees, she spread her legs wide apart. She put her face down on the bed and reached back with both hands to spread her ass cheeks. "Would it help to fuck my ass? Go ahead, jam it in dry! Rip up my asshole! Make me bleed! Would you believe me then? Would you talk to me then?"

She then launched into a solid stream of crude and profane language that Terry had never heard from her, even during the most heated battles. Before long, she fell to her side, still talking, but lapsing into unintelligible babble once in a while. Her hands were jammed between her legs, and Terry saw her start to frig herself. He was amazed at the suddenness with which she exploded into an orgasm.

She did not stop, and about a minute later, when she shuddered through another one, Terry heard a gasp and snapped his head around to see Julie looking on in utter disbelief. The two siblings looked at each other and each saw the horror reflected in the other's eyes.

Too paralyzed to act, they both turned back and watched as their mother convulsed through two or three more orgasms, her words becoming less and less intelligible by the second. Finally, she flopped onto her back, legs and arms spread, head swinging from side to side, eyes closed, issuing pathetic moans punctuated by barely understandable words.